don't hold something in your arms
that you could never hold in your heart.
ix. adorable
A contented rise to Fleur's lips was upon her face while she sat in the Slytherin Common Room; a rare event, both the former and the latter, especially the former considering that Hermione wasn't anywhere near her. While she was busy sitting on one of the emerald couches, listening to the crackling of the fire reverberate off of the dungeon walls and ceiling, she just so happened to be surrounded by most, if not all of the students in her House.
Many had been casting her questioning glances, clearly wondering about the reason as to why she was hanging with such a shifty crowd for the past two weeks. Her posse in particular was sitting on the couch directly across from her while everyone else crowded the Common Room. Her old chums were looking rather sour, except for Blaise who was rather indifferent as per usual. Everyone else appeared to be deeply interested in what she had to say, considering how Draco rallied everyone to have this informal meeting the evening before the last day of term.
"So what the hell, Fleur?" Draco finally asked. Fleur's smile didn't falter at all and the boy soured even more. "I'm sick of being quiet about this and we all deserve answers! What makes you think you can defile us like this? Potty, Weasels, and Mudblood over us? Over me? Potter still trips over his feet whenever you're around, Weasley can't even afford a thread of your clothes, and Granger's got fucking self-esteem issues! Haven't you noticed?"
"If this is about you then why did you make everyone come down here?" Fleur asked casually, letting his other accusations and questions simply roll off of her.
"This is about me but it's about this bleeding House too! You never gave any of them the time of day but now that Granger's your new… best friend… you choose to dilly dally with them? I can't believe you!"
"So you're just bitter," Fleur concluded calmly. Draco tensed considerably and stood up, confirming Fleur's suspicions. She merely continued to sit and smile placidly while he nearly exploded in rage.
"This isn't funny, you traitor! How dare you keep smiling at me like that! So I am bitter, all right? I just thought you'd have more sense than this! Why Granger, even? Why? Why did you let her… why'd you let yourself… why… this is about that, isn't it..? I can't believe her… That… that filthy bitch is messing with your mind—"
Collective gasps were heard when Fleur swiftly stood, swaggering slowly over to Draco to tower over him while everyone looked on. Even the grossed out looks on her old friends' faces switched to ones of complete horror. Draco tried to keep his ground, seeing that Fleur was still smiling. He turned that on her, assuming that he still knew his friend while he continued to gloat with a proud grin upon his face.
"Yeah, that's right! I called her a filthy bitch. What're you gonna do, Veela girl? Hit me? Yell at me? Kill me, even, since she means so bloody much to you? There's nothing you can do or say that'll make me see you the same way ever again, I hope you know that.
"So I don't give a damn what you do to me – I'm going to do whatever the hell I want from now on. You've changed. She changed you for the worse. You chose her over me? Me? I was your only friend for five fucking years, Fleur! FIVE! And I was your best friend for seven years after that! Nearly twelve years! TWELVE! And you pick that Mudblood whore over me? How DARE you!"
"You hate her because of her blood and the House she's in and her friends; really all of which she had absolutely no control over. That simply disgusts me, Draco. And yet for years you promised me that you wouldn't walk out on me over anything because of all we've been through. Don't try and accuse me of being the O Unholy One. You've changed, I've changed, she's changed – I don't have to answer to anyone."
"B-but you'll answer to her!"
"Yes, I will. She's the only one. And do you know why, Draco?"
"…you love her," Draco whispered, only audible to Fleur. His grin fell into a fear-filled frown and Fleur's smile dissolved into a very deep scowl.
"You're exactly right." Fleur bored her eyes into Draco's, burning away any defiance in his gaze. He flinched at the sheer determination in her voice, finally faltering to her command.
"I can't believe this…"
"I love her," Fleur murmured to him for emphasis, her scowl never leaving and the fear ever growing in Draco's face. "I love her," she repeated, "and nothing you can or cannot say or do or believe will ever change that."
"She's trapped you, Fleur… How could you…? How could you let her do this to you? You… You don't need her… You don't need anyone but me… But us… I grew up with you… You're like an older sister to me… I've always looked up to you and now you throw this in my face…?"
"It just happened, Draco. And I'm sorry that you can't accept it but your friendship is no longer something that I need or want if you refuse to support me."
"Why her… Why Granger…?" Draco looked absolutely defeated and slouched his shoulders, looking down. Fleur felt no sympathy for the boy while she spoke at large to everyone in the room.
"Hermione," Fleur said sternly, "is my best friend. I haven't felt love for anyone in nearly twelve years. She doesn't hide behind me and use my presence to try and intimidate other people. She doesn't insult people because of qualities that they had absolutely no control over like blood or wealth. She's the kindest, most self-sacrificing person I've ever been blessed to meet. I'm sure that even if I did something she couldn't believe that she'd stand by me. Hermione actually keeps her promises, Draco. You didn't and now I'm walking out of your life."
"How the fuck do you know she's going to keep her word?" Draco snapped, but immediately flinching again when he noticed the disgust and fury simmering in Fleur's eyes. She'd gotten so close to him that he could see every tiny detail of the rage in the blue of her eyes and hear every bit of the malice in her voice.
"She doesn't do things to other people every day that makes me question her word. You're putting Slytherin pride and honour above me."
"Those sodding Gryffindor idiots don't have any pride or honour! WE do! And… And…"
"Slytherin pride and honour is based on an old, prejudiced tradition that needs to be thrown away. Purebloods don't run anything anymore and Voldemort," everyone flinched at the name, even years later, "is dead, need I remind you. I never had it, not that you were even attentive enough to notice. Hermione used to hate me but now that's changed. I'm completely fine with that. You can take her place now if you'd like."
Fleur made an effort to scowl deeper for effect, and Draco winced while she looked around at everyone else's still shocked faces. "If any of you give her a hard time then you will answer to me and you will not enjoy it. That goes for Ron, Harry and Ginny too. Just leave everyone alone for that matter. If they do something to you, fine, get in their face about it. But if it's just because their existence makes you want to scream and vomit then you need to do something about yourself. If I hated you all because I thought you were underneath me I bet you'd be upset. So don't do it to anyone else, especially not Hermione. Am I clear?"
No one hesitated to nod to her in acknowledgement. Even Pansy and the others did; they'd never seen Fleur actually use her authority in such a way. Her radical words burned everyone but they knew better to oblige than to face the part-Veela's wrath. Draco seemed to be on the verge of furious tears but Fleur was clearly unaffected by it; her comment about taking Hermione's place stung him more than anything and she knew it.
Fleur looked down at Draco's blond head once more before snorting and attempting to leave, but he mumbled some indiscriminate disagreement. She folded her arms and bent one knee while she continued to stare at him, not at all liking his shame and defeat.
"So does this mean we're through?" he mumbled sadly.
"You won't accept Hermione. So, yes, we're done. Get back to me if you change your mind."
"I won't."
"I didn't think so."
"She's a disgusting little wench."
Draco looked up triumphantly upon hearing nothing but silence traipse through the room. But the smouldering look in Fleur's eyes melted his glee away and made it harden into a very cold, if not freezing disappointment that was determined to forever stay plastered on his face. Fleur still felt nothing for him anymore, and he was baffled as to why she wasn't defending Hermione. Absolute grief that he'd lost his only real friend in the world to one of his worst enemies was crippling him but Fleur did not care.
She really didn't care…
"She doesn't deserve you. You can do so much better than her…"
"Hermione is, and forever will be better than me, Draco. I thought… Oh, I'm sorry – you wouldn't know that."
"Goddamnit, Fleur! What the fucking fuck? She's disgusting! And she's GIRL if you haven't noticed!"
"Jealous now, are we?" Fleur smirked playfully for a moment and burned him nicely, making him blush furiously before she went right back to scowling at him. The realisation finally hit everyone else in the room that Fleur really did love Hermione like that. Fleur was well aware of the confirmation but didn't care at all.
"…she's filth."
"She's quite adorable, actually." Fleur's eyes flashed dangerously at Draco and he faltered. He received the final blow and hung his head again, barely able to look her in the eye anymore.
"So, what Fleur?" Draco asked hollowly. "You gonna hit me now? Hit me for betraying you and insulting your little bitch?"
"Mmm… And wouldn't it hurt more if I didn't…?"
Draco could only gape at Fleur's retreating figure while she left to her quarters. The fear on everyone else's faces had turned into a modest admiration for her; they all surmised that it did hurt him more that she hadn't overreacted or gotten violent with him even though she had every right. Even if she was a lesbian, in love with Hermione of all people, it was because she was Fleur that she was able to get away with it.
Fleur held the command that she did for damn good reason, and people would follow her orders to the end of the planet. Even if her beliefs were outrageous to them and influenced by her love for one of the biggest enemies to their House, they knew better than to defile her. Their respect for her far outweighed whatever they believed, even if it was extremely hard for all of them to swallow. They'd get over themselves in time. This was exactly why Dumbledore chose her as Head Girl and Draco knew it.
Needless to say, Hermione had garnered a sizable portion of respect and command herself that night that would soon spread to the rest of the castle in the morning.
Hermione and Fleur conveniently had an entire compartment to themselves for the entire train ride; they'd entered the one that they were currently in and Harry, Ron and Ginny seemingly ignored that they'd done so and merely continued on after Ginny shut their door. Nine hours was indeed a long time, but neither of them could complain.
After a while of talking about classes, Hermione telling stories about the Weasleys while Fleur secretly tried to commit all of their names to memory, and a change of clothes, Hermione had reclined in her seat with her back against the compartment wall, facing the window, and Fleur didn't hesitate to take the opportunity to lie on top of her. Crookshanks had immediately jumped to curl up on Fleur's waist, and Hermione had laughed at this when she wrapped her arms around Fleur's body.
Fleur's head was situated in such a way that she had fairly comfortable pillows and could easily hear an insane tempo of heartbeats while the two continued to talk quietly as night finally came. She was thoroughly enjoying Hermione's absent tracing of light patterns across her white cashmere jumper and seeing their jean-covered legs entwined; Fleur's were black and half covered with a pair of white leather thigh-high boots and Hermione's jeans were a safe blue to match her plain jumper, and black trainers. Crookshanks had fallen asleep, and Fleur was very near the same point from listening to Hermione's shallow breaths while she tried to keep talking. Her voice wasn't helping at all to mask what Fleur could hear so easily, but Fleur chose to be polite and not point anything out quite yet.
"Fleur…?"
"Hm?"
"You never did tell me if Malfoy or any of the other Slytherins have been pressuring you about…"
"About you."
"Well, yes… Me, Harry, Ron, Ginny… I'm sure they're all rather upset and you do have to see them every day…"
"Hermione, I need you to understand something that I don't think I've ever made clear before.. You are very dear to me. You're the only person I've ever really cared about in a very long time. And…thank you for helping me. With my vertigo. I never did thank you."
Fleur couldn't see the expression on Hermione's face, but still took the opportunity to explain what had happened in the Slytherin Common Room the night before, careful to leave out the part about love and everyone knowing how she felt about her best friend. Fleur knew it was foolish that the entire castle was bound to have found out by now, except for Hermione, but she had the whole holiday to sort things out. She didn't know what the deal was with Ginny, Harry and Ron but she was hardly bothered to care. She was even less bothered by everyone else knowing of her feelings, even weakness, for Hermione.
When she was finished, they continued to sit in a comfortable silence. Fleur took her turn to begin tracing patterns at random with her nails across Hermione's hands when the younger girl had stopped. Fleur watched Crookshanks hover up and down with the rise and fall of her waist from breathing, smiling at the recollection of their conversation about him; apparently she'd bought the part-kneazle because no one wanted him. Hermione had lit up considerably when her pet quickly took a liking to her friend. And her tales about S.P.E.W. were even admirable. It was all such wonderful validation to her; Fleur felt absolutely no qualms with Hermione knowing that she'd defended her to her entire House, and to Draco's face no less.
"You really are adorable, you know," Fleur admitted softly. "You really, really are… I care about you deeply…in a way that I've never cared for anyone before. Not Draco, not Pansy, Blaise – none of them can ever compare to you. They've all loosened up for the most part except for Draco, but even if they didn't I wouldn't care."
Fleur kept quiet, not wanting to say any more lest she suffocated the poor girl. She was probably still in shock from her story even though there was still so much more to say. Fleur instead inched her head in such a way that she could look up at Hermione's face, even if it was upside-down. Despite the orientation and the new pressure she knew she was placing on the swell of Hermione's chest, her face flashed to a concerned look when she noticed how pained Hermione's appeared to be. Fleur rose her eyebrows just enough and in such a way that only seemed to make things worse.
"Hermione…?"
"I'm sorry… I r-really do appreciate what you did for me, Fleur.. I do… I'm… I… Thank you.."
"You're welcome. But I don't quite understand why you're so…upset. Does this have to do with what you need to tell me?"
"Y-you still remember?"
"Yes." Fleur looked completely serious and Hermione relaxed somewhat. "I remember everything you say. And I believe in all the things you say as well. I promise I won't get upset no matter what it's about. Now what do you need to tell me?"
"I… Fleur, I just… It's.. difficult to say… it hurts to even think about it.. I'm… I want to tell you but it's just so hard…"
"You told me to not bottle things up. But I won't pressure you." Fleur was actually rather oblivious to any possibilities of the topic that Hermione so desperately needed to speak of. "You worry me, though. I hope you know that."
"I'm sorry.."
"It's fine," Fleur said truthfully, "just don't worry yourself sick. You're always so quick to help everyone else but you're a bit of a masochist sometimes… I don't understand it…"
With that, Fleur gave Hermione a small smile before turning her head to one side and dozing off for the remainder of the ride. The gentle rocking of the train and even Hermione's unsteady breathing helped her with ease, however unaware she was that Hermione was breathing that way because she was crying. Crying and nearly cradling Fleur, as it was.
Oh Hermione…ever the masochist…
Fleur was unaware of how it felt to leave the Hogwarts Express and to return to King's Cross; she'd always Side-Along Apparated with Professor Snape back to London to do her shopping for the new term. Once she'd gotten her license she was able to Apparate on her own, of course.
It most certainly felt different to walk alongside Hermione on the Platform, narrowing her eyes slightly from the steam and ignoring the stares they both received while the clicking of Fleur's boots rung nicely in their ears. Fleur wasn't holding Hermione's hand because Hermione was busy carrying Crookshanks in his cage, seemingly unaware of nearly everyone staring at her. She was worried about Hermione still, especially since she was being unusually quiet now. Even when she'd graciously shrunk their luggage and pocketed it all, Hermione merely thanked her without her usual smile. Fleur sighed quietly, and Harry, Ron and Ginny eventually found them and they continued on their way. They were saying something but she couldn't really hear over all of the chatter on the Platform.
Fleur merely kept her head held high, barely having brushed her hair running sideways over her eye before she was pulled in by some strange force and smothered by a pair of arms belonging to someone of much shorter stature than she. Fleur was about to react violently, but she soon heard a round of laughter and she noticed multiple heads of red hair and smiling faces surrounding her when the person nearly breaking her bones finally let her go. Fleur looked down at her with a slightly bemused expression quickly realising that this was Ron and Ginny's mother that Hermione had told her so much about. After a few more seconds of taking in the woman's warm, motherly smile and feeling a very distinct pang, Fleur remembered that this was practically Hermione's surrogate mother, so she needed to behave appropriately.
"You must be Fleur!" Mrs. Weasley beamed, "it's so wonderful to finally meet you! Oh we've heard so much about you!"
"Have you really?" Fleur was extremely confused, but showed no sign of it while she gave the Weasley matriarch her trademark charming smile. Mrs. Weasley smiled even more, if possible, and moved on to embrace Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione each while her husband spoke.
"But of course!" Mr. Weasley said brightly while he looked up at her, shaking her hand fiercely as he did. Fleur chuckled when he finally let go after an unusual amount of time. "And we've only heard the nicest things! We're so glad to have you staying with us."
"Right we are," Fred and George said in unison, grinning from ear to ear while they surveyed Fleur unabashedly. Mrs. Weasley cut them a stern look when Fleur merely glanced at them, still smiling and rolled her eyes, unaware of the way Hermione's eyes had started observing her face and manners as she did.
"It's nice to see you again Fred, George," Fleur said curtly, nodding to them both.
"You remember us?" George exclaimed.
"But of course. You were always trying to give me a hard time when I was a Prefect."
"Hah, would'ya look at that!" said Fred. "I didn't think you would remember."
"Well, I do."
"We'll keep that in mind," George winked at her. Fleur rolled her eyes again, her smile still upon her visage while she lazily still commanded the attention of the entire group surrounding her, still not noticing Hermione floating awkwardly at her side.
"Dear, what are you doing?" Mrs. Weasley asked her eldest son who was rudely standing in the background. She pulled him forward immediately.
"Bill, is it?" Fleur asked before Mrs. Weasley could say anything. Both of the Weasleys looked slightly surprised, Bill only managing a nod. Hermione smiled ever so slightly from Fleur's efforts.
"Hullo," said Bill with a broad smile, clearly noticing that Fleur was as tall as she was charming; she nearly reached his own stature and matched Ron's who was just behind her.
"Pleased to meet you." Fleur regarded him warmly, wondering why on Earth he was acting so strangely without the faintest idea as to why.
"Now, we'd best get a move on," said Mrs. Weasley, "Fleur, dear, aren't you cold with just one jumper?"
"I'll be fine, Mrs. Weasley. It's cashmere," Fleur commented. Mr. Weasley observed Fleur's jumper with fascination while Mrs. Weasley smiled and nodded in understanding, the twins sniggering at the Frenchwoman's nearly outlandish fashion sense. She appeared not to have heard them.
"Kashmeer, really?" Mr. Weasley asked while they began to leave the Platform to Apparate near the Burrow. "Do Muggles wear it?"
"Yes, they do," Fleur replied coolly, while she walked at the fore of the group in between him and Hermione.
"My, my, how simply fascinating!"
"I remember Hermione telling me you have an interest in Muggle things," Fleur remarked conversationally.
"Yes, yes, I do!" Mr. Weasley looked beyond flattered that Fleur had retained information about him, and Hermione allowed herself a very small smile. "Interesting they are, Muggles. I'm afraid I'm not terribly skilled in their ways but I try!"
Thus the rest of the trek to a safe area to Apparate and the brief walk to the Burrow was spent with Fleur being bombarded by Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and the twins with topics of conversation, Mrs. Weasley of course making sure that Fleur had eaten and that she really wasn't hungry. They seemed to regard her slight accent, the way she walked, and even her casual gestures with interest; she was clearly French to them. Fleur held the conversations with ease, never forgetting to smile and never forgetting to make sure that Hermione was right next to her to see her smile.
There was just something rather alluring to Fleur about knowing that Hermione was pleased and above all impressed with how she held herself, especially with the Weasleys. She knew that if Hermione was going to be in her life that the redhead clan would have to be as well. And Fleur wasn't faking anything in the least; she was genuinely glad to be around a real family for once and away from the stifling castle walls of Hogwarts for the first winter in nearly seven years.
Once they walked in the kitchen, Fleur lit up from finally seeing the interior of the house she'd heard so much about. It was extremely homey in the way that she'd imagined it considering her impression of the Weasleys and what Hermione and the others had told her. Mrs. Weasley instructed Ron to show Fleur to her room, Charlie's room, as Charlie agreed to room with Bill once he arrived for Christmas.
Fleur was deeply intrigued by the magical wooden home, noticing the mix of Muggle and Wizarding knick-knacks about the house. The grandfather clock in particular was of great interest to Fleur while she took a moment longer to glance at it while Ron explained the mechanism in a bit more detail while the twins, Hermione, Harry and Ginny followed them.
She noticed that, even at this late hour, the hand for who must have been Percy still said 'work'. Ron mumbled when they were out of earshot to not mention Percy around Mrs. Weasley, and Fleur nodded while she noted that all except for what was probably Charlie's hand said 'home'.
"She bursts into tears every bloody time," Ron remarked dryly while they walked upstairs, Ginny having to practically force Hermione to follow her into her room while the boys and Fleur continued on their way. "He's always at work. Been this way for nearly three years now."
"Mmm… I see," Fleur said, already remembering that Hermione had told her why.
"Did you see the way ol' Bill was givin' you the eye?" said George.
"I noticed how you were giving me the eye too," Fleur added coolly.
"Well he was," George continued, unfazed, "but I think you're a little young for him."
"Oh? You didn't know?" Fleur asked briskly when they arrived at Charlie's room and entered.
"No…what?" Fred asked with interest.
"I'm not seventeen." Fleur didn't see the point in keeping it from them while she removed her shrunken luggage from her pockets and surveyed the room. It was quite suitable. Filled with dragons this and dragons that, but she rather liked it.
"Then how…old…are…you…?" George winced; at least he had the sense to not ask a woman how old she was, no matter what. Fleur finally found Hermione's luggage in her pockets and held them in her hand, turning to face the boys with an even face.
"Twenty."
"What?" The twins looked completely shocked, and Fleur raised her eyebrows at Harry and Ron's neutral expressions.
"Hermione told you, hm?" Fleur asked them, not annoyed in the least.
"Yeah," Harry shrugged, "I guess she didn't tell you."
"It's fine." Fleur waved her free hand in front of her face.
"That explains a few things," Fred said with a bedazzled expression. Fleur smiled wistfully.
"Certainly. Now," Fleur retrieved her wand and flicked the rosewood, making her trunks unpack themselves and their contents fit neatly in the drawers and closet. The boys all stared at her, "I need to give these to Hermione. She's probably wondering where her luggage is. If you'll excuse me."
They all stepped out of the room and parted the way for Fleur to walk back downstairs, watching her as she went. The twins gaped at Harry and Ron once she was out of sight, and the younger boys merely shrugged and shook their heads.
"Hermione thinks she has a chance with her?" George asked, completely befuddled. "That woman's completely outta this world! And she's bleeding twenty years old! How? You didn't mention that in the letter!"
"It's a long story that Hermione hasn't really told us in detail. We didn't think she'd actually tell you… Don't worry about it," Harry explained. "But we think she might have a chance…you never know."
"'Least that's what Ginny says," Ron shrugged while they walked to his and Harry's room, "Personally I've been really worried 'bout Hermione. She's not been 'erself for months on account 'a Fleur. I just hope Bill runs for the hills if 'e knows what's worth."
"Our brother doesn't have a lick of a chance. Poor bloke wouldn't know Fleur's not interested even if she threatened him with those nails of 'ers," George said, "she's bloody gorgeous. Always was 'n still is, I mean. But blimey! She's older 'n me 'n Fred!"
"Don't worry about it," Harry repeated, "just let her handle Hermione. Hermione's promised us that she'll tell Fleur before we leave to return to Hogwarts. Keep your promise to not meddle, won't you?"
"Yeah yeah, Harry," said Fred dismissively, "keep yer hair on. We're just supposed to let them alone at every possible chance."
"Right," said Harry.
"But Ron, mate, ain'tcha jealous?" George asked when they reached his brother's room.
"Nah… I'm over it," Ron said truthfully, "no point broodin'. I'll find someone else."
"Good man!" Fred clapped him on the back while he and George stood in the doorway. "Well boys, we'll be seein' ya at breakfast in the mornin'. Should we pass on the word to Mum 'n Dad 'bout Fleur's, ah, maturity?"
"If you want," said Ron, "just make sure they keep it under their belts. Fleur's a calm lady but I don't want 'er possibly gettin' pissy on the first day 'ere."
"'Course," Fred and George said in unison before they nodded to the boys and went on their way.
Both Fleur and Hermione preoccupied themselves with homework and extra reading up until Christmas Eve. Fred and George did indeed divulge Fleur's age to their parents, whereupon they both merely asked if Fleur really told them or not. The twins were absolutely baffled by their responses and their parents made no effort to rectify this. Fred and George asked if Hermione had told them but they said no, but promptly shooed them away at which point the twins bolted to Harry and Ron's room to share this information.
Homework and extra reading only could take up so much of Fleur's time until the eve of Christmas Eve. Everyone had been pleading with her to retreat from her room a little more aside from meals, which were strange to Fleur. But she did appreciate Mrs. Weasley's meals more than the Hogwarts food, as Mrs. Weasley was considerate enough to prepare a French dish specifically for her each mealtime. It reminded her of home and she was entirely too grateful. She would have been downstairs helping but Mrs. Weasley insisted that she not, especially as they were to have their supper in the garden that evening, out of the way of any snow. Charlie was finally home, and he and Fleur embarked on a rather lengthy discussion about dragons as Fleur herself was rather fond of the creatures and did a fair bit of extra reading on them in years past.
But while the Weasleys were literally a bundle of joy, Fleur noticed that Hermione was acting rather strangely. Fleur tried speaking with her, but whenever Hermione realised that they were even in the same room together she'd promptly run away as discreetly as possible. Sitting next to her at mealtimes was clearly awkward for Hermione as well. Fleur didn't understand quite why. While homework was a wonderful distraction, now that it was out of the way and she was lying down in Charlie's dark room, she finally let herself think.
Fleur was surprisingly patient about Hermione's not so tiny problem. Any other person would be annoyed, but Fleur really didn't see the point in being angry. She wasn't very keen on making assumptions about Hermione's situation, but she herself was feeling rather…different about her own. Oftentimes during the day or at night and especially when she bathed, alone, she would simply wrap her arms about herself and sigh deeply. Her eyes would droop closed and anything and everything she was doing at the time would be stopped immediately to let herself bask in the sensations from the mere thought of Hermione. Now was definitely not an exception.
Her fingertips and nails glossed across her waist underneath her satin purple blouse. Her legs neatly folded on top of the other and she glanced down at her black fitting pants one last time before letting her eyes close. Her head was tilted to the same side as it was when she laid on Hermione last; it seemed like ages ago. And it truly was ages ago that sitting in a room and doing nothing would have driven her mad. But this was all she could do for now, even if she was involuntarily arching her back every five seconds…
Telling Hermione now may have complicated whatever it was she was struggling with. For now, Fleur was content to hold on to her feelings as best as she could and stare off at the image of Hermione drawn so beautifully in her thoughts. Every day and every night that she did this, Fleur would feel herself let go just a little more and a little more each time, and she needn't think over exactly how and where she wanted to tell Hermione for the best effect. It all felt so natural and first nature to her, what she had in mind. Hermione herself was as well. She most certainly was…
"Fleur…?"
Fleur opened her eyes lazily, peacefully, and lit up more and more while she watched Hermione shuffling in her room, lit nicely by the moonlight peeking in the window. Her view was not obscured by any fringes; she chose to put her hair in a ponytail for once in her life.
Hermione caught her mid-arch, and could only stare while Fleur gazed right back at her with a very complacent expression. A while went by during which they went about their usual staring match, Fleur feeling her eyes undergoing another one of Hermione's over analytical scrutinies. Fleur steadily eased her torso up, letting her head hang back while she brought her thighs up slightly to move into a sitting position.
"You look nice," Fleur said softly; Hermione was once again wearing nearly all blue.
"Th-thank you… You do as well… N-not that you don't always look.. nice…"
"Mmm… I should say the same about you then. I take it she sent you around to gather everyone up?" Fleur made a wise decision to not stay on the topic of Hermione's appearance; she knew better by now. Hermione was clearly too modest for her own good.
"Yes… She did."
Fleur gave Hermione an impish smile while she swished her legs over to the side of the bed to put on her black heeled boots. She knew Hermione was watching her but rather liked the attention. Even when she inched her body up to stand, she still held Hermione's gaze just as playfully despite whatever other thoughts were going through her mind. Willing her body to walk over to Hermione with the demeanour of a friend but the aura of a bit of foreshadowing for things to come was easy. Hermione was all too willing to take note of this, perhaps.
And before they left, Fleur was sure to offer Hermione her arm. Hermione took it, looking up at Fleur with that distinct tinge of uncertainty and flattery in her eyes as she did so. Fleur may have seen a bit of pleading in her eyes. She didn't seem to grasp it fully. But Hermione grasped her arm as gently and securely as she possibly could, and Fleur didn't bother to conceal her sigh. All she could do was keep her head held high as always and walk Hermione downstairs.
Fleur was feeling rather proud of herself still, even well into the meal, from having pulled Hermione's chair out for her to sit earlier. They were sitting next to each other, Bill not surprisingly next to Fleur and Ginny next to Hermione. Bill was an extremely intelligent man, also very apt at Charms. The two struck up conversation when Fleur noticed that Hermione needed her space in between her hissing randomly at Ginny every five seconds.
"Err, Fleur, d'you mind me askin' somethin' a little personal?" Bill asked quietly while everyone else was chatting loudly, Hermione and Ginny still exchanging hisses that Fleur could not decipher.
"You may," Fleur said curtly, really not wanting any opportunity to risk digging in Hermione's business lest she weren't distracted by someone else.
"Are you really twenty? Dad told me and I wasn't sure if 'e was off his rocker or not."
"I am." Fleur didn't seem surprised that Mr. Weasley knew.
"Oh…" Bill lit up somewhat and smiled. "I'm just curious as to how you're still at Hogwarts if that's the case…"
"I wouldn't worry yourself about it." Fleur waved a hand in dismissal and took a sip of the champagne Mr. Weasley was insistent on offering her. "A lot's happened. To me. And in general, I suppose."
"I understand… I just swear I remember someone mentionin' your name 'bout three years ago."
"Who, exactly?'
"Mad-Eye Moody ring a bell?"
"He was my… Professor. For a time. An impostor, I'm aware."
"You mean you never—"
"Fleur, dear?" Mrs. Weasley interrupted, just having come from the other side of the garden. "There's…someone here to see you."
Fleur quickly excused herself from her conversation and squeezed Hermione's knee affectionately before standing. She didn't even think to ask who was possibly visiting her, especially if Mrs. Weasley couldn't bring herself to say who it was in front of everyone else. She followed her over to a far off area where Mr. Weasley was standing, glaring slightly at a man in all black robes.
"Have you got your wand?" Mrs. Weasley asked stiffly as they approached the men.
"Yes," Fleur replied, confused.
"All I ask is that you brace yourself, dear…"
"Brace myself for what…?"
"Arthur, Lucius," Mrs. Weasley said curtly as they reached them. Fleur immediately stopped in her tracks and gaped at the other man who finally turned to face her, indeed revealing himself to be Lucius Malfoy.
"My, my… Fleur Delacour.. It's a pleasure to see you again," Lucius said, clearly straining himself to be polite, clearly noting the pained shock in Fleur's eyes and probably hearing her heart ripped out of her chest; she was torn in between pure surprise and pure hatred upon seeing him.
"We won't be far," Mrs. Weasley muttered to Fleur before she and Mr. Weasley walked off, just barely out of earshot while Fleur composed herself. She had a strong inkling as to why Lucius was here and folded her arms while they regarded each other sternly.
Fleur had lost the carnal rage over time whenever she thought about Lucius, but seeing him right in front of her brought it all out from underneath her mental blocks. Seeing him stand before her with his mild pompous sneer was hardly any better than encountering a Dementor; for all that he made her do she should have made him pay right then and there. But, perhaps she'd been spending far too much time with Hermione; the only thing that kept her hand from reaching for her wand was an ounce of thankfulness she had for the man.
Without his humble decision to keep Fleur alive, she wouldn't be, well, alive… That was the only thing that kept her nerves calm and her nails from ripping his eyes out while they continued to stare at each other, Lucius finally taking the moment to break the silence while he spoke with his usual twang.
"I see you've been well."
"Never better," Fleur replied evenly. Lucius's eyebrows raised just a tic and Fleur's suspicions were confirmed.
"So Draco tells me."
"He told you."
"He did. Oh yes… he most certainly did. I was most surprised to find that my pupil had gone and fallen in love. With a… Muggle-born, no less. And a girl! Most interesting."
"Just what are you doing here, exactly? Certainly you didn't merely come to deliver news that Draco's still bitter."
"Oh he is. That he is. But you see…he has every right to be. It's downright disrespectful to betray the ones that saved your life, Fleur."
"Betray…?" Fleur repeated dully, "I. Betrayed you. I betrayed you? You? You nearly killed a part of me with what you made me do…and you try to use that same word with me…?"
"I simply expected better from you. Draco is very hurt and upset. I remember you two being quite close until that unfortunate flower incident. You do remember I told you not to go outside, but no. You just had to see the flowers. Muggles took you away from me, Fleur. You could have been so much…greater right now had they not. I assure you."
"I don't care about power, Lucius, unlike you. You only took me in because you were greedy. You know Voldemort feared me because of my blood. My blood. And you despise Hermione because of her blood. Don't. Start."
"I question whether you can use that word in the past tense… feared…fear.. I really do question that right now. Which is another reason why I came to see you."
"Oh really?"
"The Marks have been burning for weeks."
"I don't have one so I'm sorry I wasn't aware of this. And it has nothing to do with me so kindly get out of my business and leave."
"You're a fool for loving her. You're a fool for loving anyone. What did I teach you? I know you remember—"
"Leave."
"I'm most certainly not aiming to stay, Fleur, believe me – you can also do better than this humble abode. You're practically royalty and yet you taint yourself so. Purple…the colour of royalty, too… How fitting. I suggest you heed my warning and leave Granger alone."
"I suggest you leave and remind Draco that he can't hide behind me anymore from him failing to master your little tests like he used to. He was a coward and he always will be."
"You lose control too easily—"
"I said LEAVE."
Lucius frowned and didn't even take the time to try and scrutinise her; he winced soon afterward and gripped his arm before disappearing with a pop. Fleur was mildly surprised that he left without trying to have the final word and sighed. Lucius was wrong. Fleur was still the master of her own emotions. All Hermione was doing was opening up a new range of feelings for her. Feelings that right now, especially right now, she wished Hermione could reciprocate.
Still, something kept telling her to wait until Hermione explained herself somehow. Until that time came, she was perfectly fine with waiting. Hermione will tell her; Fleur didn't have any doubts about this or the way she felt.
Just wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Patience and understanding, and remember to smile…
Sleeping was difficult for Fleur that night. A long time passed and she felt that she was wasting her time even trying; it was nearly dawn and she still couldn't sleep. There were the occasional times when she would toss and turn in a fitful attempt at sleeping, but that was simply because she couldn't get Hermione out of her mind. Thinking about Hermione kept her from her nightmares, which also kept her from her needed sleep.
She was glad that no one except Mr. and Mrs. Weasley knew that Lucius had come to see her as she didn't want to be bothered with needless questions. But she also felt guilty that she hadn't told Hermione, mainly because Hermione had went back inside without waiting to tell Fleur personally that she was leaving.
Fleur continued to toss and turn, feeling a coat of sweat upon her forehead even though all she could think about was Hermione. Thinking of Hermione was her coat of sugar from thinking of anything else any more sinister. But being all-consumed by Hermione, Hermione who was too shy to tell her whatever was on her mind, was a cause for concern. Hermione's faults and assets and memories they shared and entire conversations they'd had; even the feel of her arms wrapped about her waist felt all too real.
A sinister smile snaked its way on her face while she wrapped her own arms around herself. It was nothing like Hermione but it was good enough.. She wanted the chance for this to happen without Hermione's rather…adorable shyness, really. Tonight was the night that she will conquer and take what was rightfully hers; Hermione's full and unconditional…love…and support…and.. help… Help? Help…?
"I need.. help… Help.. Help me… please… please…"
Fleur immediately fell asleep soon after getting that off of her chest. Accepting her feelings was what helped to end the tantrums, and occasionally voicing inner demons tended to keep her stable for a time. She needed Hermione that very instant but she trusted that she'd have her soon…if not just see her in a few hours… Her eyes felt heavy in her heart even when she finally drifted off, but it felt like minutes later, though it was actually quite a few hours, that she shot up from bed after being awoken abruptly by various people making noise in her room. Or really only two people.
"Wake up Fleur!" the twins sang over and over again while they jumped on her bed on their knees. "Wake up, wake up, WAKE UP! You've presents at the foot of your bed and you've been sleepin' too long!"
"She's gonna murder you lot, she is," Ginny grumbled, pinching the brim of her nose. Harry and Ron exchanged uneasy looks while Fleur merely stared at the twins blankly, almost as if she were dreaming.
"What day is it…?" Fleur asked vacantly. Fred and George stopped and stared at her.
"It's Christmas," Fred stated.
"Happy Christmas!" George grinned.
"Yeah, Happy Christmas Fleur," said Ron, though his smile was rather sad, "you've been asleep for a long time.. we were worried."
"Oh.." Fleur ignored the rather large pile of presents at the foot of her bed and looked around the room some more, feeling her insides plummet more and more as she did. "Where is she...?"
"She ahh…promised her Mum and Dad she'd go see them and her family today," Harry told her, "she wanted to take you but she was afraid to wake you."
"Oh…" Fleur frowned and buried her face in her hands; she missed making a good impression with the parents even if she wasn't prepared. Great… "Did she say when she'd be back?"
"Late," Ginny said quickly.
"Oh," Fleur repeated yet again, "all right.."
"She said to thank you for the gift you gave her," said Harry, "and thanks for the one you gave us too."
Fleur barely heard their gratitude and could only wonder and wonder about the look on Hermione's face when she did open her gift. Maybe she would have seen it had she been awake…
"D'you want us to leave?" Fred asked.
"That would be…nice," Fleur mumbled, not caring about pleasantries or politeness at the moment and for good reason.
"Okay.. sorry 'bout wakin' you…" said George while they all began to file out. Fleur merely waved a hand and kept her face buried in the other, only collapsing back in bed when she heard the sound of the door click shut.
A strange sting bit at her eyes while she stared at the ceiling. Judging on the light coming from the window, it was late in the afternoon. Fleur knew she wouldn't have been able to function properly without sleep, especially not in front of Hermione's family.. and she would have been much grumpier had anyone woken her earlier, Christmas or not.
After a supposedly calming breath, Fleur sat up and crawled to the edge of the bed. She usually received quite a few presents, most of which were from her odd fan club. She was ever so thankful she thought to sneak in Ginny and Hermione's room and place both of their presents by their beds before she tried to sleep last night, but also read the horrible flutter of nerves she received as a sign to open Hermione's present last.. She set the moderately-sized box right next to her while she sorted through the rest of her gifts.
The one from Mr. and Mrs. Weasley was extremely thoughtful – an emerald cashmere jumper that Mr. Weasley bought from a designer store, but had a platinum F right in the centre that Mrs. Weasley had carefully knitted in for her. Fleur felt her eyes water briefly from being a bit overwhelmed by the thought and gift. She quickly pulled it over her head while she remembered Hermione telling her about the knitted jumpers Mrs. Weasley always made for her children while she automatically wrapped her arms around herself. The odd smile that had crept up on her vanished while she let go of herself; she immediately started wondering about Hermione. Fleur swallowed and moved on to unwrap the rest of her gifts.
The gift she received from Harry, Ron, Bill, Ginny, Charlie and the twins collectively surprised her greatly. It seemed that they all pitched in to buy her this one gift for some reason with a large hint behind it that she wasn't quite getting – they'd purchased a brand new racing broom for her. It was black and platinum just like Draco's outdated Nimbus 2001, except this one was a completely different model. A Platinum Arrow, a notch above the Silver Arrow that Gladys Boothby produced nearly eighty years ago, according to the note Ginny had written her.
Fleur took a long time to wonder why they all paid such good money for such an up-to-date broom for her. She only expressed very little if not zero interest to play Quidditch with them. An extra incentive that probably cost them a fortune didn't seem right…
After laughing at the rest of her gifts (someone tried to fool her with a love potion, just like every year) and putting everything else away, she took a deep breath and held it in while she sat upon her bed and stared at her last gift. Fleur wasn't nervous about Hermione not liking her gift; it was practical. It was extremely practical, in fact. Any hopes of using it that night were gone since Hermione wasn't going to be back, but they still had time.
And Fleur took her sweet time while she unwrapped the box that was in the shape of a rectangle. Emerald gift wrap, too. Fleur vowed to keep it, and the box, and especially the gift, somewhere. The box could have fit in her lap, but certainly wasn't that wide. Not too narrow, either. Fleur wished that Hermione could watch for her reaction, but at the same time that seemed to make her even more nervous. She couldn't remember a time when something so simple as opening a present made her nervous.
But when she finally did open it.. she was extremely thankful that Hermione wasn't in the room and that the door was shut; she nearly wanted to…squeal. It was that wonderful. A foreign grin found its way to Fleur's now very awake face while she carefully picked up her present from the box.
It was an otter. A white, stuffed toy otter with innocent black beads for eyes that was honestly the most adorable thing Fleur had ever seen apart from Hermione herself. Fleur actually laughed and hugged the toy close to her face like a child; the fur was warm and soft just like her jumper. Her grin widened even more while she set the otter down in her lap, remembering that Hermione had told her that her Patronus was an otter. Fleur felt her eyes watering again and she could not stop grinning. Especially not when she noticed a note from Hermione in the box that she promptly took out and read over nearly twenty times before setting it down.
Happy Christmas, sleepyhead. I'm so sorry I've been avoiding you as of late but I've just been so.. nervous about things. I'm honestly mortified that things won't pan out the way I keep praying they will and it's really taking a toll on me. I just need a little more time… two days. I promise I'll tell you the day after tomorrow… I won't take that back because I remember how moved I was when you told Draco that I keep my promises…and I do. I really do.
I know I'm not there with you now.. and I wish I could be… but I want you to know that I am so blessed to have you in my life, Fleur. I really mean it. You're the only one I trust with so much more of myself than I've ever given to anyone.. I know I was a prude at first and you've opened my eyes to so many things, even if it's only between us. I'm positive that by trusting me and loving me that you've helped me to trust and love myself a little more, even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes.. and, again, I'm sorry… I'm watching you sleep right now as I'm writing this and you just look so serene.. you've shown me such a wonderful side of yourself. Even now…watching you sleep is so peaceful. I wish I didn't have to leave, but I do.. But if you're awake the day before we go back to Hogwarts, you can come with me to meet my parents. I promised I'd go see them that day for a while.
As for the present, I'm sure you're probably wondering why on Earth I gave you a toy for Christmas. Well.. it's not just any toy. His name is Noel, like Noëlle which I'm pretty sure is French for Christmas. My Mum gave him to me when I was very little a few days after I came home from my first day of school, crying that I didn't have any friends. And…I suppose you could say he was my only friend for seven years until Harry and Ron.. So, in a way, I'm passing this on to you because it's been seven more years and I've finally gotten to know who you really are. I'm so, so glad that I have.. Truly, I am. I do pray for you every night, you know. I know it seems silly but I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you… I really, really love you, Fleur… So much more than I can ever tell you and far more than you can ever know. Thank you so much. For... everything...
Always yours,
Hermione