Chapter two:

A/N: OMG thankyou for all the great reviews!! You guys all get cookies!! throws cookies

Speckled Girl: My thoughts exactly! I really hope the show goes into his past and everything!! crosses fingers

Michallev: Oh…my…God…It's such an honor that you read one of my stories!! squee I 3 your works!! I was planning on making this story an Alex/Mer friendship fic…just have to wait and see what happens, eh? :P

Ella Shady: Aww, thanks. I'm trying to make my chapters longer, too! I'm really trying! Lol. I hope this one is long enough!! :) Thanks for the review!!

Anime Girl23: I LOVE YOUR STORIES TOO!! You rock!! I was hooked on reading your fics alllll weekend, and thanks to you, I got absolutely NO homework done!! :P And yes, I will marry you. Of course. As long as an angsty Alex can attend the wedding! Lol

DISCLAIMER: Do not own. Blah blah blah.

Chapter two: That's not the Alex we know, the Alex we know is not falling apart…is he?

It was during the past week that Alex had become a total wreck.

It was during the past week that Alex's body had forgotten how to sleep during the night.

It was during the past week that Alex had begun dozing off during the day, and for the first time ever, Alex regretted not having an all-night shift.

Mark had noticed; it was when Alex got him the totally wrong type of coffee that he had this revelation. It was not unusual for Alex to get him a straight black instead of a bone-dry cappuccino, but it was unusual for Alex to give it to him without any snide comments or sarcastic grins. If anything, when Alex realized his error, he looked upset, scared, even on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry! Please let me get you another one! You're not angry at me, are you?" He stammered, and Sloan merely shook his head and drank the coffee anyway, silently in shock about how much of a kid Alex suddenly sounded. A scared, cowering little kid who was scared of getting in trouble. And Mark didn't like it. He didn't like it because this wasn't the Alex Karev he knew. Not that he knew much about him anyway.

Izzie had noticed. Alex had stopped calling her 'Dr Model', Alex no longer gave her a flirty grin when she entered the locker room; if anything Alex had stopped looking at her all together. When she tried to talk to him, he merely averted his gaze and mumbled a crazy excuse to get away from her. He didn't want to talk. Not to her or Meredith or George or anyone. Not even Addison. And that was so un-Alex like.

Dr Miranda Bailey hadn't noticed until Alex's new self, and it's unusual sleeping habits, one day quite rudely presented itself to her. It was a Tuesday, and Miranda was having quite a nice Tuesday; that is, until Alex Karev ruined it. Not that it was entirely his fault, but that wasn't the point…

CRUNCH

Alex felt the jaw crack beneath his fist, and he smiled at the other man.

"Doesn't feel so fucking good, does it now?" He spat, punching him again.

Alex pinned the stranger down; after all, he was much, much stronger, and with all of his wrestling experience, well, he was fairly hard to shake off. With a look of pure hatred and fury on his face, Alex punched the guy so many times he lost count. Blood splattered everywhere, the crunch of a broken nose sounded and mingled with the cries of the man, and echoed in the air of the carpark.

"DR KAREV! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

As the shouts of Dr Bailey met his ears, Alex felt strong hands grip his shoulders and pull him to his feet. He hastily wiped his eyes (when had he started crying?) and looked into the furious eyes of Miranda Bailey.

"DR KAREV! What the HELL is going on?" She exclaimed, watching two interns assist the beaten man onto a stretcher. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Alex gritted his teeth, "He was attacking his kid - "

Dr Bailey interrupted him, "I don't CARE what he was doing! You have no right to treat a patient's father like that! No right!"

"He was hitting his kid! That's not right!" Alex shouted.

"Karev! You're going to come with me now to see the chief, you hear? You're lucky that the guy only needs a couple of stitches." Miranda pointed an angry finger at him.

Alex frowned, "No. No I'm not."

Miranda looked at him with disbelief. "Are you disobeying me, Ka-"

"Yeah, I believe I am. That guy fucking deserved what he got." Alex snapped.

"Dr. Kar-" Miranda began, before Alex turned on his heel and walked towards the hospital, and

"Fuck off" was all he said.

Shaking uncontrollably, Alex roughly opened the door of his locker. Sighing inwardly, he searched frantically for a razor, a pair of scissors, anything sharp. He ran a quivering hand through his hair as he shut his eyes.

"What the hell was that about, Alex?"

He cursed as he heard Meredith's voice, and opened his eyes as he turned around to face the glaring woman.

"What was what about?" Alex tried to pretend he didn't know what Meredith was talking about. But, of course, inside he knew; he had yelled at his chief resident, for fuck's sake! He had sworn at Bailey!

"That stint out there with Bailey. You know, Alex, you can't become so worked up that you take it out on a patient's father! And then you somehow gather up the…the nerve to disrespect your boss? I just don't understand you, Alex."

Alex turned back around, slammed his locker shut and took a step towards Meredith.

"That's exactly the fucking point! No-one understands anything about me! That fuckwit out there," he spat, pointing outside the locker room, "he deserved everything he fucking got! I mean, he was beating into, and trying to fucking have his way with his five year old son, for Christ's sake! Can you fucking imagine how that kid feels?"

Meredith shook her head, "I can't imagine how that kid feels, Alex, because I know absolutely nothing about the situation that he's in. And guess what? Neither do you! Just because you think you're such a good doctor doesn't give you-"

Alex lost it. "I am the only fucking doctor in this shit-hole of a hospital that knows what is going through that kid's head because the same shit is still running through mine! You know what, Meredith? My dad was a crystal-meth addicted alcoholic, used to come home high and totally wasted, and beat the shit outta me. When he was finished with me, he moved on to my mother. Dragged her to the floor and raped her, right in front of me! The first time he did it was when I was six fucking years old!" He spat, holding up six fingers to Meredith, "So don't fucking tell me that I have no fucking idea about what that kid's going through, because I've already been to that fucking hellhole." By then, Alex had tears running down his face. Breathing heavily, he pushed past Meredith and stormed out of the locker room, leaving Meredith standing there in shock.

'I can't believe I just told her, I can't believe I just told her, I can't believe I just told her,' Alex repeated over and over again in his mind. What was he thinking, telling Meredith his whole past like that? The mask that he had tried so hard to create for himself over the last two years had been ripped in half, just like that. He grabbed his hair with both hands as he walked, trying desperately to calm down, but realized it was no use.

'I need a release.' He thought. Looking around, he saw a patient's bathroom.

'Perfect,' Alex roughly pushed open the door and, still angry about his encounter with Meredith, punched the mirror, watching as it cracked and watching as pieces of shattered glass fell into the sink. His shaking hands could hardly pick up the biggest piece, and Alex was surprised that he was able to cut such a perfect line into his wrist. But it wasn't enough; he cut again and again, but he still couldn't feel anything, he still didn't feel relieved. He couldn't even see his skin; it was too bloody to tell where he had sliced his flesh, and Alex liked to see his work. He liked to be in control. Spinning around, he noticed the shower, and, after turning the cold water on full blast, sat inside once again, just like he had done so many times at Meredith's house.

Ah, that was better. As the blood washed off his arms and down the sink, his mutilated skin became visible. He had cut so much more than he thought; if anything, there was no unmarred skin left.

Alex looked down at the drain, watching his blood swirl around in the water before it disappeared into the black hole. Was this what his life was coming to? Was he, like the blood, just swirling around in the lives of those around him, ruining them, making them sad or angry, to only be destined for the black hole that was the drain? Alex sighed. It would be all too easy; three, maybe four really deep cuts on the wrists and all he would have to do was lie back, shut his eyes, and wait for the drain to swallow him…

Yes…all too easy.

He positioned the glass once again above his wrist; wincing, he dug the sharp edge as deeply as he could into his wrist, feeling his veins tear, feeling the flood of warm liquid erupt from the gash, feeling…free. One, two, three more cuts were made, each one deeper than the last, and smiling, Alex leant his head against the shower wall behind him.

"I'm coming, mum, I'm coming." He whispered, before the dizziness consumed him and he shut his eyes.

A/N: CLIFFHANGER!! WOO!!

R&R please!!