A DATE TO THE PARTY.

"I came back for my robes for today," I snapped and Lupin opened his eyes. I walked quickly in our room and opened my dresser drawers loudly, pulling out new clothes. "Then I'm leaving again."

Lupin was lying on his side of the bed and my side looked untouched. "Where were you last night?" he asked. "I waited up for you."

"I was with Tonks," I grabbed my teaching robes and looked at him. "I'll tell Snape to make your potion this week because I certainly won't."

"Darcy, come on, just come back –"

"You told me to leave and so I did," I replied coldly.

"What about Slughorn's party?"

"Don't bother coming!" I slammed the door shut and heard him sigh before I left.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I headed down to the Quidditch pitch, a heavy coat over top of my robes and a scarf wrapped snugly around my neck. I pulled the flaps on my hat down further and it seemed that my hair was frozen. Winter that year was terrible.

Gryffindor was practicing and in Katie's place was Dean Thomas, who looked dreadful. I climbed up to the stands where I sat and watched as Harry became more and more frustrated with every second and dropped quaffle.

When the practice finally ended, everyone flew down to head back up to the castle, but Harry flew over to where I was sitting and he hovered right in front of me. "What's up?" he asked.

"Frustrating practice?"

"I don't really want to talk about it. I just wish I had Katie back."

I smiled. "Hopefully you'll have her back soon." There was a short silence and Harry rubbed his eyes, still holding onto his floating broomstick with one hand.

"Remus tracked me down during my free period today," Harry said. "Said you walked out last night. Stayed the night with Tonks."

"I did, actually."

"He's upset."

"I don't care."

Harry frowned. "What happened?"

"Do you really want to know or are you just being polite and a good brother?"

"A little bit of both."

"He thinks there's something going on between me and Snape."

"Oh my – that's disgusting!" Harry cackled. "What is wrong with him? Is Remus's self esteem that bad that he thinks Snape is better looking than him? Oh god that's wrong!"

"I know," I replied, not amused with Harry's laugh. "Are you done?"

He wiped his eye and nodded, calming himself down. "He's being ridiculous. You know he'll come chasing after you. Do you have the time?"

"No. Why?"

"I've got a lesson with Dumbledore tonight," he replied.

"Do you? They aren't very consistent, are they?" I asked and Harry shrugged. "I heard McGonagall telling Sprout that Dumbledore had gone for a few days. He's been doing it for a while, I think."

"Where's he going?" Harry asked me eagerly.

"I know just as much as you do."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Harry told me that Remus would chase after me," I said, skipping a rock on the surface of the Black Lake. "So far, that hasn't happened. It's been three days!"

"He'll come round," Tonks assured me. "He's waiting for you to run after him." She looked up. "Speak of the devil…"

I looked to my right and saw Lupin walking towards us confidently. He was looking right at Tonks and I blinked a few times, throwing the rock in my hand as hard as I could as the water. It splashed up and I sighed. Lupin walked up to the two of us. "Hello," he said.

Tonks didn't speak. I kept quiet.

"I er – I was speaking to Slughorn earlier today and he invited me to the Christmas party."

"Fascinating," I muttered.

"And I wanted to invite someone," Lupin stammered. "Well, er – Tonks. Would you want to – um – go to the party with me?"

My heart sank and I turned to face Tonks, who had an eyebrow raised. She obviously didn't expect that to be said. No one spoke for a moment and I turned my back on Lupin, mouthing the words, "Say yes."

Tonks looked at me like I had a third eye on my forehead. She looked a bit uncomfortable, but then she said, "Yeah, okay." Lupin smiled and looked at me, looking more than satisfied with her answer. "I'll see you later."

"Oh, yeah," he said awkwardly and he turned away, walking back up to the castle.

"The hell did you make me say 'yes' for?" she hissed and I looked at her, skipping another rock on the water.

"So he didn't think I was upset," I replied.

"It's been three days, Darcy," Tonks said. "You know he just asked me to the party to spite you?"

"I know, but I don't want him to know that I'm upset." I sighed. "Just go to the party with him and I'll go and pretend I don't even care."

Tonks was quiet. She tossed a stone into the water.

"That's a stupid idea, isn't it?" I asked quietly.

"Little bit."

"At least you're honest."

"Why don't you just make him jealous?" Tonks asked. "Bring someone else."

"Oh yes," I snapped. "Let me just ask the tons of guys who are lined up to date me. You know what?" I looked at her angrily. "Maybe I could just go ask Snape to go with me. I'm sure he is absolutely dying to attend a Christmas party with me." I kicked some pebbles. "Besides, Remus would hate me even more if I went anywhere or did anything with Snape."

"Look," Tonks explained calmly. She was used to my temper. "When I go, I'll just talk about how great you are. He misses you. It's obvious."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'll set something up and Snape won't even be involved."

I smiled. "Tonks, you're the best."

"I'm just trying to get you out of my quarters," she said with a laugh.

"I'm not in your way, am I?" I asked hesitantly. "I mean, you don't mind me staying? Because I can find another place to stay if I'm intruding –"

"You're not intruding," she said quickly. "Stay as long as you want. I've got nothing going on. It's nice not being alone."

"Yeah…" I sniffed and sat down on the ground, pulling my knees to my chest. Tonks did the same. "I'm scared, Tonks."

"About what?"

"Harry."

"What's wrong with Harry?"

"Dumbledore is giving him these private lessons," I told her quietly. "And I don't think anyone is supposed to know what goes on in there besides him, me, Hermione, and Ron. But I just have this feeling that Dumbledore is teaching him how to defeat Voldemort."

Tonks didn't say anything. She simply stared at me, looking a little worried.

"And I'm scared because I know Harry. He's going to set out to find Voldemort – he's not going wait for Voldemort to come to him, you know?" I could see Tonks flinch at the sound of the name, but I pretended I didn't notice it. "I'm going to have to protect him. And Ron. And Hermione."

Tonks frowned.

"But I'm more scared of going off with Harry and leaving Remus."

"You've got another option, you know," Tonks added and I looked at her, a bit confused. "You could stay here with Remus and let Harry take care of You-Know-Who."

"But he's my only family, Tonks. Do you know how much I care – how much I love Harry?" I asked her angrily. "I would do anything to protect him and keep him safe. Anything."

Tonks bit the inside of her cheek and looked away, tossing some rocks into the water again. "With Ron and Hermione – Darcy, I honestly think they could make it alone. Harry is stronger than you think."

"I know what Harry is like," I said quickly, biting back a harsh insult. "I've lived with him for twenty years. And I know he's strong, but it's scary. I've watched him grow up – I've been his sister and his mother figure all his life and –"

"And he has grown into a strong, powerful wizard," Tonks finished for me. "You've done an excellent job, too. But think about it – you'd be sacrificing your happiness to go on a journey to confront You-Know-Who, the second most powerful wizard in the world! Think about it!"

"I am thinking about it." I sighed and closed my eyes. "I love them both."

"You put everyone before yourself," she said softly. "It's okay to think about yourself sometimes. Think about what you want."

"Remus would be safe here."

"Yes."

"Three teenagers can't find Voldemort on their own."

"Darcy, you don't know for sure if that's really what's going to happen," Tonks tried to reason with me, but I wasn't really listening. "Just wait it out. Dumbledore could be telling Harry something extremely different. You don't know."

"I need to go – go –" I stood up and stumbled a bit. I held my head in my hands. "I need to be alone."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I covered my face with my hands, hiding my tears from view. "Tell me I'm not a bad person." My voice was muffled by my hands.

Snape didn't say anything. I was sitting in the back instead of the front by his desk. He was busy reading another book. I didn't tell him anything I told Tonks and I wasn't planning on it. That was the first thing I had said to Snape and I had been sitting there for fifteen minutes.

"Please tell me."

"Are you going to sit there and talk or can I read in peace?"

I sighed. "Can't you just look at me for one second and tell me that I'm not a bad person?"

Snape hesitated. "No."

I uncovered my face and looked at Snape. He was reading, looking very interested in the book that he was halfway through. He flipped a page. I stood up and moved quickly to the front of the room. I sat down at the front desk and wiped my eyes. "Do you think I'm a bad person?" I repeated.

Snape hit his palms against his desk and looked up at me. His eyes met mine and he didn't talk for a second. Then he said, "No. In fact, I think you're the best. You're quite the opposite of a bad person. Really."

I sneered. "You're not funny." I wiped my eyes again.

"Stop crying."

"I can't help it."

"You're a grown woman. I think you can."

I scrunched my nose, but Snape wasn't looking. He was already reading again. "Why do you have to be so mean?"

"Why must you be so childish?"

"I'm being childish?"

He didn't answer. I knew it was stupid of me to be asking Snape that and expecting an answer. I knew it was ridiculous. I leaned back in my seat and wiped my eyes. I stopped crying and stood up, more relaxed than I had been before, and I headed out the door to pick up my clothes from my quarters.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As I entered my quarters, something dropped and I heard Lupin swear loudly. I looked towards him. He had dropped a teacup. I breathed in deeply. "Are you alright?" I called.

Lupin jumped and looked up at me. "Bloody perfect," he hissed. His finger was bleeding, but he waved his wand and the cut sealed itself. "Having a real good time." I scrunched my nose. Something didn't sound right about his voice and for a moment, I thought he was crying.

I frowned and continued to the bedroom. I decided to pack all my things and take them to Tonks's room; I wasn't sure how long I would be staying with her. As I was bending down to pick up my trunk, Lupin ran straight into me and I fell forward onto the ground. "The hell is your problem?" I yelled. And then I narrowed my eyes, seeing that his were bloodshot and he looked absolutely ridiculous. "Remus Lupin, are you drunk?"

He didn't speak. I stood up and got close to him. His mouth was open and I could smell the firewhisky on his breath. "Where were you?" he slurred.

"With my boyfriend," I spat, throwing my clothes in my old and fading trunk.

"Where are you – stop!" Lupin smacked my hand and I pulled it back in surprise, gasping. I looked up at him.

"Don't you dare hit me!" I shouted. "Don't you dare!"

"Don't leave me, Darcy," he pleaded, tears in his eyes. "Please – I – I haven't done anything –"

"What's wrong with you?" I breathed deeply, my voice higher than normal. "When I fell in love with you, you were shy and modest and you were so perfect just the way you were and you've changed, Remus. I don't know if it's because of me or – or Tonks or something or somebody else, but…" I shook my head and continued packing. "You're drunk. I don't know why I'm telling you this. You won't even remember."

"Tell me why you love him and not me."

"I don't love him," I sighed. "But do you want to know why I go to him and not anyone else? Snape keeps me grounded. He keeps me calm. When I tell him I'm scared, he makes me believe there's nothing to be scared of. He treats me like an adult. He can be mean, but I can be honest with him."

"Sounds to me like you love him," Lupin said quietly.

"I don't," I whispered. "I wish it was you I could talk to, but I don't feel like I can be honest with you anymore. I feel like you don't believe me when I say I love you and only you. I feel like you don't really think I'm as scared as I am. You don't understand what I feel."

Lupin stared at me.

"Let me love you – I wish you would let me take care of you. I wish you could trust me enough. I think even Snape realizes that I only love you. And if Snape realizes it, why can't you?"