Hello, ya'll! Just watching a little Conan while writing this new chapter. I hope you all enjoy it! School starts for me next Monday and I'm not looking forward to it… but in other news, I got my license and I've just been driving my dad's car aimlessly around because I don't even have to pay for gas. Well, hope you enjoy!

A LOST CHILDHOOD.

Tonks sat down on her couch with me, handing me a warm mug of hot chocolate. She smiled and then sighed contently. I looked up at her, not touching my hot chocolate. "Darcy, I don't blame you," she said quietly. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"For what?"

"For going to Snape," she continued. "I know why you go and it's a completely legitimate reason. Forgive me if I'm entirely wrong, but this is what I think…" She paused and then I nodded for her to continue. "You've grown up essentially raising Harry. You've taught him that he can tell you everything, but you need someone to talk to, too. Harry's just a kid – you talk to Snape because he doesn't treat you as a sister, like Harry does; he doesn't treat you like a friend, like I do; he doesn't treat you as a girlfriend, like Remus does. You tell him anything you want and he'll give you an unbiased answer. He will always tell you what the right thing to do is."

I stared at her, partially amazed at what had just left her mouth. "Did you practice that?" I asked her in disbelief.

Tonks shrugged. "I've definitely been working on it." She grinned real big and laughed.

"Well, I think you're right," I chuckled. "That's the most intelligent thing you've ever said."

"Hey now," she teased.

"It's just – why doesn't Remus care that I'm friends with Fred and George or any of these other guys?"

"He only cares because you're telling Snape things that Remus wants to hear from you." She thought for a moment, and then continued. "And I think he's genuinely jealous because I'm like, ninety-nine percent sure Snape cares about you and he rarely cares about anyone."

"I'm a likeable person," I muttered and Tonks smiled at me again.

"Exactly!" Tonks replied loudly. "You're outgoing and likeable and Remus is shy and it takes people a while to like him because of his problem. You two are complete opposites – I think you are what Remus wants to be, but isn't, and I think he's a bit intimidated by that."

"And that's why he's changed, right?" I sighed. "Because he doesn't like the way he is?"

"I think so."

"But I tell him all the bloody time that I love him for who he is! I'm not lying about it, but for some reason he wants to believe it!" I shouted, growing quite frustrated. "He's perfect, Tonks, and I'm sorry you have to hear me complain about him all the time, but he's quite annoying!"

Tonks frowned. "It's all right, Darcy. Really."

"I fell for him during my seventh year and he was shy and he read all the time and he was insecure and it really felt like he depended on me and I really liked that. But now it's like he wants to be independent and he doesn't let me – or want me – to take care of him, but he is allowed to take care of me!" I sighed angrily. "I'm rambling."

Nodding slightly, Tonks pursed her lips. "A little bit." She shifted awkwardly. "He talks to me."

"He does?"

She nodded again.

"What does he say?"

"He's worried about someone stealing you away from him," she admitted. "He didn't say who, but I'd place a thousand Galleons on Snape. He's a bit worried about the age difference. He told me he didn't want you to be stuck with someone as old as him. He's convinced that you should be with someone your own age."

"Yes, because like I said before, I've got plenty of men lined up to date me."

"And there's the fact that he's a werewolf."

I scoffed. "That's not even that big of a deal! He takes his potion and he's not even dangerous! He doesn't even want to be around me when he transforms. He goes out to the shrieking shack."

"To be fair," Tonks interrupted. "He forgot his potion the last time and it was a good thing he was out there or else you'd have matching scars on your other shoulder."

"I – wait," I looked suspiciously at him. "He told you that?"

Tonks nodded, her cheeks turning a light pink. "Yeah," she said quietly. "He really feels guilty about them."

"It happened years ago!" I rolled my eyes. "They're barely visible anymore."

Tonks frowned. "Darcy, I don't think you understand what it does –"

"You don't think I understand?" I snapped. "Me? I'm his girlfriend – er – was – I think I understand Remus a little better than you do. We were together longer… I know everything about him!"

She bit her lip and looked away from me, down at the floor, closely examining her shoes.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Darcy!"

I was in the middle of talking with Hermione when someone called my name from behind. I turned around and saw Lupin running towards me. "Oh, hello," I sneered and turned back to Hermione. We were on our way to the Quidditch match. "So anyway, I was thinking –"

"Darcy!" Lupin called again and both Hermione and I stopped. I turned around again and crossed my arms.

"What?" I snapped.

"Er – can I walk with you guys? Down to the match?" he asked nervously.

Hermione and I spoke at the same time.

"Sure," said Hermione.

"Absolutely not," I said. I glared at Hermione and she shrugged awkwardly. "You can walk down with Tonks. She's currently talking with Professor Dumbledore."

"I don't want to go with Tonks, Darcy."

"You wanted to go to the Christmas Party with her," I spat. I grabbed Hermione's arm and pulled her gently away from Lupin. "Come on, Hermione, let's go."

"Can we talk tonight?" he called after us.

"No!" I shouted. "I'm going to be writing my lesson plans!"

When we were outside, Hermione sighed. "You should really talk to him, you know. He loves you. He wants you back. He asked me how he could win you back the other day."

"Did you tell him there was no way he could win me back?"

"I just told him to be honest with you and trust you," Hermione replied tiredly. "If he's open with you, you can be open with him, right?"

"It shouldn't matter to him who I confide in! He wouldn't care if it was a guy my age – he only cares that it's Snape." Hermione paused and stepped in front of me, walking backwards and putting on her serious face. "He's jealous, Darcy. You'd be jealous if he confided in Tonks and not you."

"No, I wouldn't." I looked away, knowing I wasn't just lying to Hermione, but to myself. The fact that Lupin had told her about my scars and his attack bothered me to no end. She had no right being told that.

Hermione sighed. "Just give him a chance," she pleaded. "When you two are together, both you and him seem like the happiest people in the world. Remember when we went to Hogsmeade? He's changed you, Darcy, and in a good way. It's like, when you're with him, it seems like you realize that you're not alone."

"I don't want to talk about this right now," I told her quietly, my eyes filling with tears.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I breathed out loudly and ran my fingers through my hair, reading over my lesson plans for the umpteenth time. Snape was sitting at his desk, also silent, flipping through pages of a book quickly until finally settling on one and writing his own lesson plans. I watched him, quite bored, from the front desk.

"I like that you don't talk," I said, resting my forehead against the desktop. "I get massive headaches from listening to Remus talk sometimes."

"I can talk if you want me to," he said, sounding more bored that I was.

"Oh, ha, you're a riot," I replied bitterly. I closed my eyes. "All he does it worry and tell me I'm always wrong and argue and accuse me of sleeping with you –" My eyes shot open and I sat up, staring at Snape with a worried look. I had said too much.

"I'm sorry?" he spat and our eyes met. I smiled weakly. "He accuses you of what?"

"I didn't mean to say that – it just slipped out," I said, blushing madly. I mentally kicked myself.

"I'm a bit more professional than Lupin," Snape snapped. "Sleeping around with a student… and where exactly did that get him? Fired."

My cheeks turned even redder. "He didn't get fired because of that," I protested. A few minutes of silence passed between us and I could hear him scoff a few times. I licked my lips. "Do you think sleeping draughts are okay for first years to brew?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Good –"

At that moment, the door burst open and both Snape and I looked up. Lupin had entered the room, panting and looking at me with a blank expression. I was furious.

"Come to spy on me, have you?" I hissed in a deadly tone. Snape glanced at me and then cast a nasty look at Lupin. "In case you're wondering, these are just lesson plans." I held up my papers and Lupin frowned. I shut my books and gathered up my parchment. "I don't know what you expected to see when you came in here, but as you can see, I'm just here for a little peace and quiet."

I scooped up my things. "Don't forget your quill, Miss Potter." Snape flicked his wand at the quill I had dropped and it landed on top of my parchment. I had a feeling that he had done it just to spite Lupin.

"I could have gotten it for her!" Lupin protested.

Snape smiled a cruel smile. "It's a quill, Lupin. Nothing to get jealous about."

Lupin glared at me angrily. "You told him?" he asked me quietly. "Oh, that's right, you tell him everything."

"I didn't mean to – I mean –" I stammered. "It was a stupid thing to assume…" I looked at Snape, who was still looking down at his desk with a twisted smile. "I have to go –"

Lupin wouldn't let me out the door. He grabbed my arm and I looked up at him with wide eyes. "Stop running away from me," he said seriously. I stared at him. "We need to talk. And if I have to say this all in front of Severus, then so be it."

I stood up straight, but was at a loss for words.

"Quit acting like a child," he finally spat. "You're holding a grudge that you shouldn't be. I haven't done anything to hurt you and I haven't done anything to you. I don't deserve what you're doing to me. Now, I've tried over and over again to get you back, but you won't take me. And if you won't take me back after this, then I give up.

"You're childish, Darcy. You won't let go of the last moments you had as a child. It's why you call Severus 'Professor Snape', even though he's not your professor anymore. It's why you hate being a professor. It's why you do all this reckless, dangerous, and frankly quite stupid stuff. And it's why you won't accept me for who I am now.

"Everyone changes. Harry's changed, Hermione's changed, Ron has changed, Tonks has, and so have I. I think I've changed for the better – people have told me so, but you won't accept me because I'm not the same Remus Lupin from your childhood. You don't want to grow up so you try to hold onto everything that you had, but you just come off looking like someone who is immature and rude and childish."

I couldn't look at him. "I – I'm not –"

"I know you don't want to grow up. You've been dreading it all your life. You've had to grow up faster than most people in the world and I can see why you're afraid, but I'm trying to tell you that it's not a bad thing. You may not want to grow up, but you can't stop other people from doing it. When you grow up, people change, and you have to accept that."

I bit down hard on my lip and looked from Lupin to Snape. Snape looked up at me and I looked at Lupin again. "Why are you still trying to get me back if that's what you think of me?" I whispered.

"That's simple." He smiled slightly. "It's because I love you."

Snape was beginning to look annoyed. My head was swimming with different thoughts. I felt humiliated and embarrassed and I looked Lupin directly in the eyes, breathed in and said, "I have to go."

Lupin stared at me in disbelief and I exited Snape's classroom. Lupin didn't follow me right away, but as I stood outside the barely open door, I heard Snape tell Lupin bitterly, "She's stubborn, that one." I knew he was doing it to anger Lupin, but I couldn't help feel that Snape meant it.

I was running away from Lupin, not knowing why. I was being stubborn for no reason at all. I was playing hard to get because I was bitter at Lupin because of him not trusting me. I thought my argument was merited, but I was finally beginning to question it.