It's early afternoon by the time they get back to the building Sanji woke up in, he refuses to call it home, and Zoro pretty much leaves him alone after that to do other things. He appears to be making calls on… well, on what seems to be a small snail phone without the snail part. It seems to work much the same way though, he can hear Zoro repeatedly briefly explaining his and Chopper's version of what's happened to various people.
He doesn't much care for Zoro's version of events, the more the day goes on the less convinced he is that Zoro's right. There's just no way he managed to somehow dream up his whole life, there's just too many memories going far too long back in time for that to be true. This means that his world is real and eating that lotus has really sent him somewhere else, somewhere where there apparently aren't pirates or devil's fruits or magic flowers. All he knows is that somehow he needs to get back to his own world, thoughts on how to do that though aren't especially forthcoming, he doesn't have the lotus any more and there's no obvious exit from this place. He supposes that his best bet is to try to stay here and await rescue until a better option comes along, no doubt his nakama will be searching for him and Luffy's not one to give up on a man or abandon a crew member as lost.
Still… that doesn't leave him with an awful lot of productive things to do right now so he spends his time subtly eavesdropping on Zoro's conversations and trying to surreptitiously see if there are any secret doors in the walls of this place. After a while he just tunes Zoro out, the man's pretty much repeating the same thing to each person he calls, and with only being able to hear one side of the conversation it's not too interesting. By now he's just lounging on the sofa wondering how the hell his life got so screwed up. Zoro's low voice is kind of soothing though when you tune out all the dumb stuff he's saying, he could almost drop off to sleep. He's jolted back into alertness as his ears perk up at the mention of a particularly lovely name.
"Robin? Hi, it's me." Zoro says with an edge of weariness to his voice. Sanji turns his body slightly and observes Zoro through the curtain of his hair. The man's leaning against the kitchen counter with his eyes shut and one hand scratching at his hair in what Sanji slowly realises is a stress tic of some kind.
"No, no I'm fine… there's no emergency at the museum. Yeah- I know you're flying back here soon but I thought you'd want to know about this as soon as possible. It's… it's Sanji." Zoro explains with pauses to let Robin speak. Zoro's fingers scratch at his hair again, definitely a sign of stress. He's never seen Zoro do anything like that before, Zoro doesn't tend to do stressed and worried.
"He's lost his memory, well kind of. It's sort of hard to explain. He remembers some stuff but other stuff it's like he dreamt it or something. I took him to Chopper, he looked him over and he's not… dying or anything." Zoro says tensely. Sanji watches his grip on the phone tighten noticeably before Zoro seems to catch himself and shake the tension loose before he breaks something.
It's almost interesting watching this version of Zoro, the more he watches him the more he realises that this man is completely different from the Zoro he knows. The Zoro he knows is very closed with careful body language and all the apparent emotional range of a rock, the Zoro he knows is snappish and irritating. But this Zoro… this Zoro is expressive in his movement, he's seen this Zoro worried, scared, angry, relieved and he's even seen snatches of brilliant happiness.
Zoro pauses and Sanji can hear a tiny tinny sound coming from the phone that he can recognise as speech but not make out any words. After a few moments a weak smile stretches Zoro's lips.
"Thanks, I'm… I'm doing okay. How's your trip be- is that your boarding call I can hear in the background? I- yeah. Yeah, no problem. I'll see you two when you get back, have a safe flight okay? And say hi to Luffy for us. Yeah… bye." Zoro almost sighs as he takes the phone from his ear and presses a button on it. He taps the phone thoughtfully on his lip for a few moments before standing up fully and putting the phone back in his pocket.
Sanji tries not to gawp. That was Zoro having a perfectly polite and genuine conversation with Robin if he's not much mistaken. This isn't to say that Zoro is ruder to Robin than he is to other people, although he's not exactly polite to her usually. But ever since he met her there's always been a wary air of suspicion in his conversations with her, though that diminished somewhat after Enis Lobby where the whole crew saw just how much she valued them. But still, he's never heard Zoro sound so… congenial to her.
"Come on you, you're gonna be late." Zoro states suddenly, startling Sanji into looking up at him.
"Late? For what?" He asks startled and puzzled by Zoro's words.
"For work, and if you're late one of us is going to get their asses kicked and I'm not above tripping you up so it's you that gets it in the neck and not me. So come on." Zoro says shrugging on a long black trench coat that reaches almost to his knees. He stuffs his hands in the pockets and looks at Sanji expectantly but Sanji doesn't feel like moving without a better explanation than that, especially when the explanation he was given sounds vaguely like it could be a threat.
"No one kicks my ass." He asserts confidently and sets his jaw firmly. Zoro raises an eyebrow at that and a sharp grin appears on his tan face.
"Well, I'll tell Zeff that you said that when you saunter in late for work shall I?" Zoro grins teasingly. Sanji feels his eyes almost bug out of his head in surprise and his all but scrambles across the other end of the sofa towards Zoro.
"Zeff! Zeff is here? I work with Zeff?" He gasps excitedly. Zoro's face saddens a little at that but Sanji is so desperate to hear Zoro's answer that he doesn't flinch when Zoro touches the side of his face.
"Of course you do, you always have, don't you remember that? Please tell me you haven't forgotten the Baratie too." Zoro murmurs with a deep frown.
"I- of course I remember. I grew up on the Baratie with Zeff, I already told you that. But… but I left, to join up with you and Luffy. To find All-Blue." He breathes still able to recall the very moment his foot left the boards of his floating restaurant home to leave with Luffy.
"You left him? Why would- what's All-Blue?" Zoro asks sounding confused. Sanji frowns to himself, he's getting sick of having to explain such obvious things but clearly he's going to have to if this conversation is going to continue and if he's going to find anything out about this world's version of Zeff.
"It's a place in the sea, where creatures from all of the four oceans of the world all live, it's a magical place. People say that it can't exist, that's it's impossible, just the ramblings of sailors dreaming. But I know they're wrong and it's my dream to find it, and it was Zeff's too." He explains desperate for more information.
Zoro remains quiet for a few moments before sitting down on the arm of a chair nearby. He gives Sanji a small frown and a searching look.
"That doesn't sound like the Sanji I know, abandoning his family to chase after some impossible and probably imaginary thing. The Sanji I know wouldn't leave Zeff all alone for such a small thing." Zoro asserts bluntly and levels an unimpressed look at Sanji.
Sanji's jaw falls open at that, he's actually completely stunned for a moment or two before the rage kicks in. It boils through his veins and forces him from his seat in a fit of anger. How dare Zoro belittle his dream or his motives like that?
"FUCK YOU! Don't you dare say anything like that about my dream! I ought to kick your goddamn head off you bastard! And how dare you accuse me of abandoning Zeff? It's his dream too, I'm chasing it for him as well!" he snarls leaping forward and shoving Zoro in the chest angrily.
"Bullshit, if that was Zeff's dream he'd be chasing it himself. You're just doing that for yourself." Zoro snorts and bats Sanji's hand away.
"You don't know what you're talking about, so don't pretend you do! Zeff wants to find All-Blue as much as me, it's just when he saved my life and lost his leg he had to give up on it. We built the Baratie together and dreamt of All-Blue together without caring what everyone else thought! So when Luffy came along and offered to let me come with him Zeff said I could go, so I set off to find All-Blue for both of us." He retorts angrily.
Zoro looks at him carefully for a few moments before standing up and straightening out his coat.
"That definitely doesn't sound like my Sanji. That sounds to me like Zeff met you and realised that some things in life are more important than imaginary oceans. Sounds like he thought that you were more important, I guess you didn't think the same of him." Zoro says flatly and shoots a challenging look his way.
Sanji feels all the rage rush out of him like air from a balloon and a cold creeping sensation replace it.
"No, it's… it's not like that. He… he wanted me to go. I would never just abandon him for nothing, I know it's out there and I'm going to prove us both right." He says weakly.
"Whatever. Just don't tell the old man about that, you'll break his heart. Let's just go already." Zoro says dismissively and opens the front door. Still disorientated and numb Sanji finds himself ushered out of the door with a coat thrown at his arms and the door shut again behind him.
Once again with no other choice he follows Zoro into the lift and out onto the street, he's somewhat relieved to find that they're not riding on that green bike from hell again though. Instead he follows Zoro in silence through streets which by now are starting to get dark.
As he walks anxious thoughts keep nipping at him like a swarm of mosquitoes that won't go away. Zeff wanted him to go, he knows that, hell everyone at the Baratie went so far as to try to trick him into leaving didn't they? The whole crew wanted him to chase his dream. If Zeff had wanted him to stay he would have said something wouldn't he? …Wouldn't he? Then again it wasn't as if he and the old man were particularly communicative, if Zeff hadn't wanted him to go then the old man probably wouldn't have said anything either. But… shit. No, Zoro was wrong. He hadn't abandoned Zeff or his home, he'd set out to chase his dream for them, not at their expense.
Although stranded in the mire of his thoughts he has enough awareness to pay attention to where he's going. The route is simple enough, almost a straight line in fact and it's barely three minutes before Sanji spots the lit up sign hanging down the street. The word Baratie is scrawled across it in letters so familiar to him that Sanji almost wonders if they're carved into his very bones. He can't help but run towards the place as excitement hums through his blood.
The restaurant is big and, okay, land based, but it bears more than just a passing resemblance to the ship that he grew up in. The building is three stories high, just like the Baratie that he knows, and the outside is painted the same colour as he remembers. He glances curiously at the menu board on the wall outside and spies several dishes that were a speciality at the Baratie, things that he remembers cooking in a warm, bustling, busy kitchen.
"You just gonna stand outside gawping or are you coming in?" Zoro smirks as he swishes by Sanji in his long coat and through the double doors into the Baratie as if he owns the place. Feeling flustered Sanji catches up to Zoro and almost falls over himself when he sees the man standing at a podium by the door.
"Welcome honoured gue- Oh, it's just you. You're fucking late Sanji." Patty says with a sharp glare and in a loud enough voice that a few customers glance around at his coarse words. Sanji rolls his eyes, but something in his chest flutters at seeing Patty again. He and the man never saw eye to eye but the irritating man is still family, though Sanji wouldn't describe him as like a brother to him, perhaps more as that irritating cousin that's always too loud.
"Shut your ugly face Patty." Zoro snorts, breezing by Patty and smacking his hand into the man's forehead as he goes by. Sanji stifles a laugh and runs to catch up with Zoro. The marimo is winding his way through the tables as easily as Sanji could do at the Baratie that he remembers, not a single waiter is sparing either of them a glance as if this is all perfectly normal.
Zoro shoulders his way through the 'in' doors to the kitchen and Sanji finds himself a little impressed that Zoro has the sense to do that rather than just barge through the 'out' doors and knock someone over.
The kitchen is chaos as always but Sanji feels at home here. The kitchen is almost exactly the same as it was at the Baratie that he remembers, in fact he can almost feel the swell of the ocean under the floorboard beneath his feet. The kitchen is warm and packed with familiar faces and voices cursing one another loudly. If his life had a sound then this would be it, the sound of chefs bickering and laughing, the sound of food sizzling, the smell of a hundred dishes filling his nose and the heat of oven burners warming his cheeks. He's actually breathless for a few seconds and he realises that he's lost Zoro in the haze of the kitchen and the mass of people.
A few moments scanning the room and he spots the ridiculously tall chef's hat towering above everyone and his heart leaps into his throat. Zeff. Uncaring of the chaos that he might be causing he dashes through the kitchen, ducking under arms and sliding past people until he comes to a halt by the Chef that raised him. He never referred to Zeff as his father, to himself or to anyone else, and certainly not to Zeff's face, but that's what this feels like, seeing a father again after such a long time.
Zeff looks exactly as he remembers him, his stupid plaited moustache and square jaw with his grizzled features pulled into an expression of displeasure. Standing next to Zeff is Zoro, he's explaining something in a low voice but falls silent as he catches sight of Sanji. Zeff looks over and frowns a little at him.
"Zeff! I-" Sanji stammers as he feels a lump forming in his throat. The last time he saw this man he was sobbing openly like a child. He had been overwhelmed with emotion for the man that adopted him, who saved his life and lost a leg in the bargain, who taught him to fight and to cook. He can feel all those feelings welling up again, he wants to tell him all that's he's done, all that he's seen and of all the people he's met.
"It's good to see you, I- I missed you." He manages as he blinks his eyes dry and swallows the lump building threateningly in his throat.
"I saw you just last night, eggplant." Zeff says flatly, his eyes narrowing.
"What? I've not seen you in six months I've been at sea I…" He trails off. But of course his memories aren't matching up to this world are they? In his world, the real world, he's been away from the old man for half a year, but here he's never left the man just as Zoro said.
"You see what I mean? Some stuff he remembers but most of it is… well." Zoro shrugs and gestures to Sanji as if that explains things.
"He was fine when he left here last night, he didn't hit his head or anything." Zeff says thoughtfully, and gives Sanji a searching look.
"Well, keep an eye on him I guess. You can do that." Zeff says gruffly and leans back on his chair and crosses one leg over the other.
Sanji's eyes almost fall out of his head in shock and he can't believe that he didn't spot it earlier! Zeff has two legs! Not a peg leg in sight! Without thinking he grabs the hem of the trouser leg that should be a peg leg and yanks it up. There's no peg leg there but equally there's no flesh and blood leg either.
What's there instead is a thing of plastic and metal. He can see the complicated mechanics as the false leg merges with Zeff's real calf and at the ankle there are complex ball bearings and wires. Along the edge of the plastic Sanji spots some letters and numbers. 'BF-103'.
It hits him, Franky made this. Franky is around and knows Zeff, he made him a new leg. Sanji spots the irritated twitch of Zeff's fake foot that signals that he's not willing to put up with such silliness much longer and he can't believe that this leg isn't real, it moves so perfectly. Sanji finds himself struck with awe at what Zeff must be like in a fight with this thing, he always felt bad that he crippled the man so that he couldn't fight like he used to, but surely with this Zeff must be a dream in battle. He glances up to see Zeff looking down at him levelly.
"You remember how I lost it?" Zeff questions him with a voice filled with seriousness.
"Of course I do." He replies but finds himself hesitating, his other memories haven't matched up with this world and regardless of whether this world is real or just a dream he doesn't want to belittle that memory. But he can't deny Zeff an answer.
"There was a storm on the ship, I got washed overboard, probably would have drowned. But you leapt in and saved me and lost your leg in a chain in the process. We both nearly died. We set up the Baratie together, I owed… owe you so much." He says quietly. Zeff looks at him for a few long moments and Sanji can tell from Zoro's expression that his answer wasn't quite right. But Zeff's hand lands on his head and runs briefly through his hair.
"You remember the important things." Zeff states simply and stands up, letting the leg of his trousers fall back down leaving everyone else none the wiser that's not a real leg.
"Anyway, your stupid friends ought to be here soon. They usually turn up without a reservation and clean out our fridges, especially if you've called them to let them know that he's not right." Zeff states to Zoro.
"Actually, Luffy and Robin are out of the country and Franky and Ace are away, so you might be okay." Zoro responds casually as if he's known Zeff all his life or something.
Distantly Sanji hears his name and listens harder, he can hear Usopp's voice muffled through the kitchen wall and Patty yelling at him for disturbing that atmosphere of their classy restaurant. Sanji rolls his eyes and makes his way out of the kitchen and spies his nakama at the door.
Usopp is arguing with Patty, he looks a little different here than in Sanji's world. He's a little taller perhaps but most noticeable is that his nose isn't so ridiculously long, it's still long but not so much that he's in danger of blinding people now. His hair is longer too and held back with his trademark bandana, although the sharpshooter's precious goggles are nowhere to be seen. To his right is a very exasperated looking Nami who seems to have given up interfering with the argument between Usopp and Patty. Her hair is a little longer and cut a little more stylishly, she's dressed smartly in a stunning dress that still has some suggestions of how seriously she takes things. To her side is the kid that seems to be Chopper, he's dressed more informally now and is wearing his pink hat which he's pulling low over his eyes in embarrassment over the scene that Usopp's causing. At the back is a man that Sanji doesn't recognise for a long moment, he's tall and skinny with dark shades over his eyes. It's only the ever familiar afro and the distinctive clothes that make Sanji realise that he's looking at a living version of Brook.
Nami spots him suddenly and dashes past Patty and across the restaurant towards him. He catches the low growl next to him and glances over at Zoro. The man's face is tense and when Nami throws her arms around his neck he sees a muscle in Zoro's jaw dance with tension. Ignoring the marimo he pays attention to the wonderful woman pressed up against him.
"Oh Sanji, we're all so worried. How do you feel? Do you remember me?" Nami gushes as she pulls back and regards him with worried violet eyes.
"Of course I remember you, my beautiful flower! How could I forget a name as glorious as yours Nami-swan?" He flutters happily. He's so pleased to see her and grateful that Zoro isn't the only person that he's stuck with, perhaps with Nami here he can stay with her until the world goes back to normal instead of spending time with dumb marimo-brains.
Nami coughs awkwardly and pulls back from him, shooting a glance at Zoro. Sanji looks at the swordsman to find him giving Nami a look that could kill. He's distracted though when Usopp and Chopper fling themselves at him and almost knock him over. When Sanji looks up again Zoro is in conversation with the living version of Brook who has his fleshy fingers on Zoro's shoulder comfortingly.
He faces a barrage of questions from everyone and confirms that yes, he does remember all of them, although he keeps getting creeped out by looking at Brook. It's a little odd to look at a man and not recognise him with his skin on. Before long though Patty has kicked the lot of them to a table and sat them all down so that they don't crowd out the restaurant.
There's a mixture of chatter across the table, a lot of it speculating about what's wrong with him. He rejects Chopper's explanation that his memories are a dream that he's convinced himself is real. But by the time food arrives they've all fallen back into normal rowdy Straw-hat dinner conversation with Usopp apparently having been inspired by Sanji's brief explanation of his life to start telling sea-faring lies to Chopper who gullibly believes him.
He glances over at Zoro during the meal and is surprised. Zoro's not eating like it's a race, he's actually got some table manners. And the pleasant conversation of their nakama seems to have lightened his mood from the death glare that he was giving Nami earlier, if it weren't for the fact that Zoro's barely spoken to the woman then he'd almost suspect that he imagined that look.
Suddenly Zoro's phone rings and he quickly snags it out of his pocket, his expression turning worried.
"Smoker?" He asks with a frown. Sanji's mind scrambles, that name's familiar. Wait… Smoker as in Captain Smoker of the MARINES? What the hell is Zoro doing answering calls from that guy? Confounded he listens in with hope of figuring out what Zoro's doing talking to Smoker of all people.
"You found him? So he's- …yes. I understand. I'll be by tomorrow, his mother will want to know. I just- yeah, I've got a bit of a problem though. It's Sanji, he's… well, it's complicated but I can't leave him alone. I'll have to find someone, I'll let you know when I'll be by." Zoro sighs and rubs his forehead before scratching at his hairline from stress again.
"Shit." Zoro mutters to himself and puts the phone back in his pocket.
"Usopp, I've got some work I need to do tomorrow for a while. Could you watch Sanji for me? Chopper said not to leave him alone." Zoro asks with a sigh.
"Who, me?" Usopp asks wide eyed around a mouthful of burger. Sanji feels himself wince at Usopp's horrible manners and is surprised to see Zoro actually do the same.
"I can't watch him, I'm shooting tomorrow. You know that." Usopp answers after swallowing his burger hastily.
"Oh crap, I forgot, the thing with Franky and Ace. Ah, Brook, how about you?" Zoro asks hopefully as he looks up at the musician.
"I'm afraid not Zoro. I'm working tomorrow during the day and you know how strict they are about letting non members of staff in the restricted areas, I nearly lost my job when I gave all of you the tour before." Brook apologises and slides his sunglasses back up his nose.
"And I'm working as well Zoro, you need to find someone to watch Sanji, he can't be left alone." Chopper pipes up. Sanji feels himself bristle at his assumed enfeebled state and the lack of consideration everyone's giving to his opinion.
"Hey! I'm not some kid that needs watching you know, and you can't just pass me around everyone like that!" He protests loudly and kicks Zoro in the shin for good measure.
"You heard Chopper, you can't be left alone. What if you had some kind of relapse and I came home to find you with your brains dribbling out of your ears or something? You're being watched and that's the end of it!" Zoro snaps back and jabs his fork in Sanji's direction to emphasise his point.
"Well, can't you just get Zeff to watch him? I'm sure the old man wouldn't mind." Usopp says thoughtfully and picks idly at his salad.
"Chopper said he's not allowed to work either." Zoro says dismissively, his brow furrowed with thought.
"He doesn't have to work, he can be here and not… work. Okay, yeah never mind, that was dumb. Sanji can't be in a kitchen without helping out. Well what're you going to do?" Usopp sighs frustratedly.
With a small cough Nami finishes dabbing gently at her mouth with a napkin before looking up at them all. It occurs to Sanji that she's not spoken in this whole time and Zoro's not talked to her at all either.
"I'm free tomorrow." She states airily.
Sanji watches with interest as everyone around the table freezes and tense eyes lock onto Zoro and Nami who seem to have taken up a staring contest. Zoro's face is taking on a dark expression and his glare at Nami is fierce.
"There's nothing I'd rather do less than that." Zoro growls, his fist tightening on the table cloth.
"Hm, yes. But you have no other options do you? Not with everyone else otherwise engaged or out of the country. Unless you'd rather leave Sanji on his own." Nami sates in a tone that is both silky smooth and dangerous. Zoro breaks eye contact at that and Nami smiles triumphantly. Zoro gives him a pained look tinged with worry and Sanji finds himself suddenly disarmed at Zoro's expression.
"It seems that there is something you'd rather do less than leave him with me. I'd be happy to watch him Zoro, he is my friend after all. But with that attitude I'm not sure I'm so inclined to watch him." Nami says airily and casually inspects her nails.
"Bitch." Zoro growls quietly through gritted teeth, his knuckles turning white from his tightly clenched fists.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" Nami asks innocently, cupping a hand to her ear as if she hadn't heard Zoro.
"Please. Watch him for me. I'd be… grateful." Zoro grits out, as if the words had to be forcibly dragged out from within him.
"Well of course Zoro. I'll be there tomorrow." Nami purrs and raises her wine glass to her lips. Zoro mutters something about needing a drink and abruptly gets up from the table, his face like a storm cloud.
Bewildered Sanji looks from worried face to worried face and finds himself puzzled by Nami's self satisfied look and at Zoro's apparently baseless anger. It's almost a shock, Zoro's been so nice to everyone else, especially to Robin over the phone, but even the Zoro he knows is never that unpleasant to Nami. The swordsman and the navigator don't get on at the best of times, mainly due to their conflicting and loud personalities but Sanji's not oblivious to Nami's extortion trying Zoro's temper. Even so Zoro's never looked at Nami like he wanted her dead before, it's so out of character for him, and Nami didn't seem surprised by Zoro's outrageous behaviour towards her either.
"What the hell was that all about?" He mutters to himself in confusion.
"You don't remember I suppose. I wouldn't worry about it, it's an old fight and there's nothing that you can do about it now. You'd make it worse by interfering actually." Usopp answers him, apparently having caught his words. Sanji considers the fact that Usopp didn't answer him at all really when the sharpshooter speaks again.
"I suppose this must be very strange for you, it must seem like you've woken up in a whole new world." Usopp muses.
"I have. This isn't my world, you just all seem to think it is." Sanji corrects him irritably. He's not going to be convinced that his life wasn't real, no matter what anyone else says.
"But… it is a little disorientating being here. Some things are so similar and others are so… different." Sanji concedes as he glances over his shoulder to see Zoro leaning broodingly against the bar with several tellingly empty glasses next to him already.
"I just don't understand how I ended up with that. I get that you wake up in a whole new world and things are different but the two of us suddenly being gay isn't exactly a change I would have expected." He snorts gesturing to the disreputable green haired man who is apparently his… his what? Significant other? Boyfriend? Lover? Partner? He's brought back to reality though when Usopp snorts with laughter into his own wine glass.
"Hahah, that'd be funny if either of you was gay." Usopp chuckles to himself.
Sanji feels a sense of horror creep down his neck. Did Usopp not know? Did their nakama not know about them? Has he somehow accidentally just outed both himself and Zoro?
"We're… we're living together Usopp and there's, well, there's only one bed." He says trying to break the news gently. He's not sure that he wants to ruin Usopp's image of him, but the sharpshooter's going to find out sooner or later.
"Hah! I know that dummy! But neither of you is gay." Usopp giggles to himself.
Sanji blinks in puzzlement. Well now he's just plain confused. Usopp looks over to him and in seeing Sanji's confused expression he seems to become confused himself.
"You don't remember that either? You're not gay, you're… well, you're attracted to men, women… especially attractive trees, anything really. And Zoro, well. There's not a word for what Zoro is." Usopp says slowly.
"What do you mean?" Sanji frowns, waving aside Usopp's barely concealed insult about him and his inclinations.
"Well he is, was… or still is, I don't know. Anyway, he was asexual. Which means he's not attracted to anyone. When I met him and Luffy explained to me that Zoro wasn't interested in anyone ever I didn't buy it either. But it's true, the most attractive people in the world could just walk by him unnoticed, it's like he just doesn't get it." Usopp continues.
"But…" Sanji starts to protest. It can't be that Zoro's not attracted to anyone, the two of them share a bed and he's caught Zoro looking at him with something that might almost be described as tenderness so surely Zoro's attracted to him.
"Yeah, I know. I'd finally got used to the idea that Zoro just wasn't interested in anyone or anything like that when you showed up. I actually saw his face when he saw you for the first time. It was just like, BAM." Usopp laughs smacking his fist against his palm.
"It was kind of funny watching a grown man get dragged through all those agonising years of being a teenager and figuring out that other people are hot and actually sex is pretty awesome in like, three seconds. Apparently you're the only person in the world so far that does it for him." Usopp explains with a nostalgic grin.
"No way Usopp, that's not funny." Sanji glowers. He can't believe that Usopp would lie to him at a time like this when he doesn't understand anything about this world, what if he'd actually believed Usopp then?
"It's true Sanji, it's pretty unbelievable but it's true. It's very interesting actually, I've asked Zoro if he'll let me look at his brain in the scanner to find out why he's the way he is but he won't let me." Chopper pouts unhappily. Next to him Brook makes a noise of agreement around his glass of wine.
Sanji realises distantly that his jaw is hanging open. It… it can't be true, surely? He's not an especially modest man but there's no way that he's the most attractive guy on the planet and Zoro just has impossibly high standards. And there's no way that a person can just be attracted to one other person in the whole world, it's just not right.
"Mm, come on. We have to go." Zoro murmurs, suddenly at his shoulder with warm rum-hued breath at his ear. Sanji jumps, he didn't even see Zoro walk over to him. Zoro doesn't look drunk but he does look a little more relaxed than before, softer around the edges perhaps. He bids their friends goodnight, they clearly intend to stay for a while, Brook's already made his way over to the piano and Nami is ordering a fresh bottle of wine.
He follows Zoro out onto the cold street with Usopp's words rolling around in his brain. He and Zoro were never a possibility before because the man was so irritating to him, but it seemed that here in this world Zoro was different. Zoro didn't seem to feel the need to fight him at every turn for no reason, he didn't seem to try and keep himself separate from everyone or keep such a tight check on his body language, this Zoro was… nice. Not just nice in the sense of being pleasant to people, although with the exception of Nami he was that too, but he was nice to be around. He could tell that Zoro was still Zoro in a very real sense, he'd bet that if you were to test this Zoro's loyalty or his bravery you wouldn't find him wanting in comparison to the Zoro that Sanji knew. But some intangible thing was different, and that seemed to affect all the things that usually irritated the hell out of Sanji. He wishes like hell that he knew what that thing is because it's causing some real problems. Because before he'd written Zoro off completely, but now… well, now Sanji was able to look at Zoro without that red haze of annoyance surrounding him. And he didn't look half bad.
But Usopp's words were weighing in his mind like the lead shot that the sharpshooter was so fond of. The part about Zoro being disinterested in sex with anyone made sense, and in fact with a little thought he'd say it matched with the Zoro that he knew. But the other part? The part about Zoro only being interested in him? He didn't know what to make of it other than to think that it couldn't be right.
"Hey, Usopp was telling me about you." He says suddenly, his hand grabbing a fistful of the back of Zoro's coat. The other man turns and regards him quizzically.
"About you and me, I mean." He adds and Zoro's expression changes to a careful wariness that Sanji's more used to seeing on the Zoro he knows than this one.
"Yes?" Zoro prompts carefully.
"He said that… that you were only attracted to me. That can't be right, right?" He asks worried that Usopp really was lying to him and got everyone else to play along as well. Zoro suddenly bursting into laughter doesn't help his suspicions. Zoro's full rich laughter is going on to the point of causing a heat of embarrassment to flare on Sanji's cheeks, as if the idea was that ridiculous.
"Oh god, we're going to have to have this stupid conversation again aren't we? I hated it enough the first time!" Zoro laughs, slumping against the wall next to him.
"That's not an answer moss-head." Sanji growls irritably. He doesn't like being made to feel like a fool, especially not by Zoro of all people.
"Yes, Usopp was telling the truth, for once. It's just you, and no I don't know why. And if this is like last time this is the bit where you don't believe me." Zoro says with a wry smile.
"Good call, because I don't." Sanji responds and folds his arms defiantly. There's just no way that he could be the only person in the world to get Zoro going, not that he can even imagine Zoro looking turned on at all.
"Well I don't know how to convince you, so you're just gonna have to take my word for it." Zoro shrugs.
Sanji is about to give up as well when he spots a glowing sign about ten meters away, it's a shop. And where there's a shop… He dashes forward and grabs Zoro's arm as he runs past, dragging him towards and into the building. Zoro's startled yelps ring in his ears as he darts into the shop startling the cashier as he runs past with Zoro stumbling after him. He runs past food, frozen goods, booze and- BINGO! He skids to a halt in front of a rack of magazines and ignores Zoro's protests about being dragged around as he scans the covers of the magazines. Finding a suitable one he plucks it from the shelf, opens it at an appropriate page and turns to Zoro.
Zoro's eyes fix on the magazine pages for a moment with confusion. After a few seconds and a glance back up at Sanji's expectant face his expression turns to irritation.
"Really? This is your solution? Showing me semi-pornographic magazines?" Zoro drawls looking clearly unimpressed.
"Shut up and look at the magazine marimo." Sanji orders, tapping a finger on the open page. Zoro rolls his eyes and huffs in irritation but obligingly returns his eyes to the magazine. He looks bored and entirely disinterested.
Hm, no luck. Sanji turns the magazine back around and flicks through a few pages to a woman in an impossibly tiny bikini sprawled in the sand. Ignoring the watering of his own mouth he turns it around and shows it to Zoro, Zoro's face continues to show only apathy without even the slightest spark of attraction. With an irritated growl Sanji tries a few more pages with no reaction from Zoro.
Defeated he replaces the magazine on the shelf and having accepted losing the battle but not the war he grabs another magazine with a half naked man on the front. He flicks to a promising looking page and holds the page up and watches Zoro's reaction. The man is completely blank aside from the hint that his patience is wearing thin. Irritably he flicks a few more pages unseeingly until a large expanse of skin tone makes him turn the page around to Zoro.
This time he spots something. Zoro's eyes sharpen and his expression brightens with interest, his head tilts slightly as if contemplating what he sees.
"Ah-hah! I knew Usopp was wrong!" Sanji crows and turns the magazine back to himself to look at the picture. Looking back up at him is an attractively built guy with dark hair in his eyes lying suggestively across a… motorbike. Warily he looks back up at Zoro and traces the man's eye line.
"You're just ogling the bike aren't you?" He asks irritatedly.
"It's a really nice bike, really rare actually, especially with the original fairings. That must cost a fortune." Zoro chirps happily.
With a frustrated growl Sanji whacks Zoro over the head with the magazine and stuffs it back in the shelf. He can't believe that a number of gorgeous models who, Sanji isn't ashamed to admit, are more attractive than he is, were unable to provoke so much as a flutter of interest in the marimo.
Still… that doesn't quite prove Usopp's words.
With his eyes carefully locked on Zoro's face he pulls his top off in one smooth movement and takes one large step into Zoro's personal space. Zoro's pupils suddenly blow massively wide and though his face is showing surprise he can't miss the flush that's sprung up on the man's cheeks. He hears the hitch in Zoro's breath and he'd bet his best kitchen knives that Zoro's heart rate just leapt massively. Now that was the reaction that he was looking for. And yet… it was only from him.
"For the love of- put that back on! Stop fucking stripping in the corner shop!" Zoro hisses, his face going redder as he tries to force Sanji back into his clothes.
Sanji obliges but can't help himself from laughing. This whole situation is beyond ridiculous, and Zoro's blatant embarrassment as they leave the shop under the suspicious eyes of the cashier is only making it worse. Still giggling he follows Zoro out into the night and back home.