Sanji wakes slowly and rolls to his side, he's abruptly startled into complete wakefulness however when he falls suddenly and lands painfully on the floor on his knees and his right elbow. He curses and rolls over onto his back.
It takes him a few moments of staring up blankly at the wooden beams of the ceiling before he realises where he is. The flat doesn't have a ceiling like that, but the Thousand Sunny does! With a gasp he sits upright and takes in the room around him, hammocks strung up together, locking cupboards against the walls and a low table with comfy cushions around it. Against the wall is a sofa with a sleeping reindeer curled up in it.
Sanji actually laughs out loud from the relief, he's home. He hadn't been going nuts, he knew that this world couldn't possibly have just been something he imagined, his life was real and his past was real. He'd got so used to the world that he'd been experiencing that he'd actually thought that he was sleeping in a bed rather than a hammock! Well, the bruises on his knees and elbows would keep reminding him. Gleefully he dashes over to the sofa and scoops the fuzzy little reindeer up in his arms, startling the doctor awake.
"Chopper! You're real, I knew it!" He exclaims gleefully spinning the fur ball around in his arms. Chopper awakes rather suddenly and squeals in alarm, his little hooves flailing and pounding at Sanji's shoulders.
"Aaah! Put me down you bastard!" Chopper wails. Agreeably Sanji puts the reindeer down with a grin and crouches down to eye level with the doctor. After Chopper's obvious dizziness abates the little doctor starts checking Sanji over. Does he have any bumps to his head? Do you feel nauseous? How many fingers am I holding up? (that one requires a change to a form that has fingers!)
After the little doctor has satisfied his medical obligations in ascertaining that Sanji isn't about to die horribly any time in the near future he sits back and stares wide eyed at Sanji.
"Where were you? We've been looking for you for four days, ever since you just vanished into nothingness in the galley when you ate that flower." Chopper asks in awe.
"I vanished? Just like… disappeared?" Sanji blinks in surprise. He remembers blackness and falling before waking up in… in what? Had that whole world been a dream or something? It felt almost as real as this world, if not as real. He doubts that he made the whole thing up himself. But still… it clearly wasn't the real world, this was the real world.
"Yeah, like mist." Chopper nods worriedly and gives him a concerned look, as if Sanji might evaporate again without warning. Sanji smiles back reassuringly, he has no intentions of vanishing again so the little doctor needn't worry.
The rest of the afternoon goes relatively predictably, everyone bar Zoro proceeds to tell him how much they missed him and how glad they are that he's back. Quickly they all fall back into a usual routine, the crew is used to dramatic events blowing their sense of normalcy apart and so they're used to picking right back up where they left quickly. If they didn't then they'd never experience any normal life. He feels a small pang at that, it's really not fair that they're always being attacked or put in danger, he wishes that they could have more time just being nakama. He ignores it though, he's used to ignoring that particular wishful thought, it's not as if it's going to happen is it?
Robin is sitting regarding him with a curious smile as he slices up fruit for a fruit salad for lunch. He's on the strawberries when Robin asks him the question, slicing off the leafy stems and neatly bisecting the juicy fruit.
"Tell me about the world that you were in, the one you dreamt of." She asks with a smile. So far he's fended off questions about where he was with statements like 'you wouldn't believe it' or by sacrificing concessionary details like Brook's living body or the other version of the Baratie. But Robin's face is earnest and curious and he really wants to sort out what happened to him, Robin has always been so clearheaded that he can't resist talking to her.
"It was odd, lots of things were the same, eerily similar. But… some things were completely different." He says with Zoro's face flashing through his mind. Robin remains silent but looks interested so he continues.
"It was just so real, I actually started doubting myself. But… neither this world nor that one seemed like something I could just imagine. But I guess I was wrong, I did dream that world." He says slicing through the red flesh of another strawberry. He remembers the horrible cloying paranoia, not knowing whether he was a madman or truly lost in another world. He feels glad to have his stability back even if he was puzzled by what the lapse in it meant.
"That seer gave you that dream for a reason. It's clearly to do with whatever it was you wished for. Do you know what that was yet?" Robin asks with an interested little look.
Sanji considers this, he'd given a little thought whilst he was in the other world, or dreaming that he was there at least. But he'd not worked it out then, and it didn't seem anymore enlightening now either.
"I've no idea what my wish was." He states shaking his head.
"You should pay attention to what was different, or what stood out the most. That's what you're supposed to do on a dream walk." Robin states knowledgeably and passes him a pitcher of fruit juice for his fruit salad with a disembodied arm.
"What's a dream walk?" Sanji blinks in confusion, Robin with her brilliant intellect has lost him once again.
"A dream walk," Robin begins to explain, "is a method used by some cultures to aid enlightenment or understanding. It's a spiritual ritual, deeply connected with the soul. Usually it's brought on by hallucinogenic substances and a meditative trance-like state. Although I suppose a magic flower from an island that ate a devil's fruit is similar enough."
Sanji considers this carefully. The experience certainly was enlightening, but it wasn't some kind of trippy dream that made no sense, it was just… some other world, with ordinary days and routines like any other. Still, perhaps Robin had a point and the differences could be put down to the devil's fruit being more "magical" than meditation and hallucination.
What were the differences between the two worlds? Zoro was the most obvious difference, the attitude of the man was entirely different. That Zoro was gentle and more even tempered, but it seemed that in the past he had been like the Zoro that Sanji knows now, perhaps he was supposed to infer that he could have the Zoro that he dreamt of if he gave this Zoro a chance.
"There was one thing that stood out, but if that was the whole point then I don't understand why there were so many other differences. I mean, Zeff was there, there was another version of the Baratie. I can't see what that had to do with that… difference." He muses in a deliberately vague way. If the whole thing was just some metaphor for him reconsidering his relationship with Zoro then it was a rather overcomplicated one.
"Well, did Zeff give you advice? If so perhaps he was some sort of spirit guide. Something that appears in the form of something you trust to guide you to the message." Robin suggests with an air of intrigue.
He supposes that it is a plausible idea, Zeff certainly did seem to be guiding him towards Zoro and it is true that he certainly would be more receptive to advice from the man who is the closest thing to a father that he has than anyone else. Maybe Robin is onto something here.
"Perhaps it would be wise to act on that dream then. I'll tell Zoro that it's his turn to wash up after lunch then, hm?" She says standing up.
Sanji jolts at that, how did she know about Zoro? He'd certainly not said anything, he'd not even indicated that the big difference in his dream world was a person, especially not Zoro. He realises too late at Robin's catlike smile that she didn't know at all, but she did now. If he didn't think so highly of Robin he might agree with Zoro's frequent accusations of her being underhanded and devious. Things certainly were bad if he was agreeing with the moss-head about women.
"Ah, sure. If it's his turn of course, I've lost track with being away." Sanji lies smoothly, he doesn't usually approve of lying to ladies but- his mind is suddenly called back to Zoro calling him out about lying to the receptionist at the hospital. He remembers even then finding Zoro's proximity a little… unsettling but… pleasant in an odd way.
"I always thought that the two of you had a surprising amount of friction between you." Robin says over her shoulder at the door, a smirk playing on her lips.
"Or perhaps I was wrong, perhaps you two needed more friction." She grins slyly and disappears.
A few moments later Sanji manages to shut his open mouth. Robin did not just leave him with an innuendo about Zoro and friction and he was a terrible person for interpreting her innocent words so filthily. His delightful Robin would never be so… obvious. As a punishment for thinking such things he decides that he'll make meringues the hard way, by whisking with a fork instead of a proper whisk.
Lunch is filled with more probing questions about the world that he dreamt of. Instead of answering specific questions he shares Robin's dream walk theory which thankfully steers the crew into musings about whether he actually went to some dream world or just went elsewhere and slept for days before being dumped on the beach where Zoro found him. Sanji is happy with this conversation; it saves him from accidentally saying too much. Robin of course asks no more questions, she already knows more than he meant her to. And Zoro asks nothing either, he either doesn't care or doesn't have anything to say.
Sanji considers that, usually he'd think that Zoro just doesn't give a damn and was just being an antisocial bastard but… now he didn't know what to think. Perhaps Zoro was actually just slightly shy, perhaps he was worried about saying the wrong thing. The man didn't look worried though, maybe he just didn't care where Sanji had been as long as he was back now. According to Luffy Zoro had been looking for him every day along with most of the rest of the crew, and it was Zoro who found him so he knows that the man had looked. He did wonder how long it had taken him to get them to the safety of the ship when he was out cold on Zoro's shoulder, goodness knows that the man probably got lost three times on the way there.
In some sort of twisted way Zoro and he are perfect for each other, he doesn't have to worry about breaking the other man and he has to admit that he does enjoy fighting with Zoro. In fact he finds a somewhat disturbing amount of glee in winding the man up and infuriating him. He wonders that if like Zoro he was just "pulling pigtails" to get some kind of reaction out other the other. Were they both just complete idiots? Well, there wouldn't be any more of that going on!
With lunch finished Zoro helps him clear the table, apparently Robin had given him her message earlier and convinced him that it was somehow his turn to help clear up. Sanji knew that it wasn't, It was Usopp's turn, he'd worked it out in his head. But he wasn't going to turn down an opportunity like this.
He lets the sink fill with warm water and soapy bubbles as he tries to consider his next move. In the dream he got the memory that Zoro was the one who started this process, but now it would have to be him. If Zoro was going to make a move on him like he had in his dream/memory/thing then he would have done it by now, so the responsibility is on Sanji to start things rolling. Zoro leans past him to place dirty dishes on the counter top by Sanji's right hand for washing and breaking his train of thought as he does so.
"Thanks." Sanji offers with a smile. Zoro looks at him blankly as if Sanji might have forgotten who he's talking to, Sanji suspects that if there was someone else in the room but the two of them that Zoro might have looked over his shoulder to see who he was talking to. After shooting him a perplexed look Zoro walks off again to get more dishes.
Sanji glowers at the soapy water and starts washing. That didn't go well. Does he really say pleasant things to Zoro so rarely that the marimo has to look at him like he's hit his head or something? Zoro returns with the almost empty fruit salad bowl. There's still some juice in the bottom and a few stray blueberries that Luffy didn't manage to cram into his gaping maw. Zoro seems to consider it for a second before just tilting the whole bowl back and swallowing its contents. His adams apple bobs appealingly and a droplet of red juice races down his throat, Sanji viciously stamps down on the temptation to lick it off of Zoro. He'll have that privilege later but not until he mans up and gets this out with Zoro.
"So," he says with a cough, looking away so Zoro doesn't catch him staring when he puts the bowl down. "about my dream."
"Don't care." Zoro remarks roughly and dumps the bowl into the sink, sloshing warm water on Sanji's shirt. The cook bats away his rage and tries for reason instead.
"What do you mean you don't care?" He asks in as close to a neutral tone as he can manage, instead of kicking Zoro in the head for getting his shirt wet.
"I mean I don't care, genius. If it was a dream then it was a dream, it doesn't mean squat. And even if it did it's not like it concerns me is it? So, I don't care." Zoro explains as if he was talking to a dumb animal or an especially dense child… or Luffy.
"Well, that's where you're wrong asshole. It does concern you, so start caring." Sanji snipes back. He perhaps should be nicer about this but Zoro is seven kinds of irritating and he's never had an especially long fuse even with people who weren't actively trying to aggravate him.
Zoro gives him a quizzical look at that which makes Sanji feel triumphant, the bastard isn't so clever now is he?
"How, exactly, does it concern me?" Zoro asks challengingly.
Sanji pauses for a few seconds trying to think how best to phrase this, he really should have put more thought into this earlier but he didn't. How can he explain such a complex thing without Zoro just flat out denying it before he gets more than seconds into his tale? Hell, words could go screw themselves, actions spoke louder!
Resolved he steps closer to Zoro, the other man doesn't step back, he's used enough to Sanji invading his personal space as a challenge to not back down. But instead of lashing out like Zoro might have expected he leans in and kisses Zoro instead.
His lips are soft and warm, just like Sanji remembers – just like he dreamt. Zoro gasps against him and Sanji takes the opportunity to press further, running his tongue against Zoro's lip. However Zoro doesn't kiss him back, Zoro shoves him away, hard.
Sanji stumbles back and catches himself on the side of the sink. Zoro's wiping his mouth with the back of his arm and looking horrified and disgusted, as if Sanji had puked on him instead of kissing him.
"What the fuck Zoro?" Sanji snaps angrily, that wasn't how that was supposed to go!
"You don't get to say that! That's my line!" Zoro shouts back and then because he feels he has to, adds: "What the FUCK Sanji?"
Sanji winces, okay, perhaps the direct approach wasn't a good idea. He probably would have reacted the same way in his dream if that Zoro had tried that on him, so he could hardly expect more from Zoro. He calms himself and tries to be understanding.
"Look, I'm sorry if that was a bit… forward. But it's the best way I could make you understand." He insists, standing up properly and wiping dish suds onto his apron.
"Understand what?" Zoro demands angrily, his fists are clenching by his sides and although he's not going for his swords yet Sanji remembers that he felt a little safer around the unarmed Zoro in his dream.
"That I-" Sanji tries. He shakes his head and tries to think of a better way to explain things.
"Look, I know that this must be hard for you to deal with." He starts sympathetically.
"Hah, I really don't think you do." Zoro laughs bitterly and wipes at his mouth again as if Sanji might have given him something contagious.
"I do! Look, I know you've never felt anything for anyone before, sexually I mean." Sanji specifies, because he doesn't want to imply that Zoro's some sort of sociopath. Zoro's body jerks taut at that and he stares wide eyed at Sanji. Sanji thinks that he can see all of the blood drain out of Zoro's face leaving him visibly pale. He mouths around words helplessly for a few moments before managing speech.
"Wh-what? How do you know that?" Zoro asks in a fearful voice.
"I know it from my dream, I know okay? And I know that despite all reason I'm that exception, the one person that you're attracted to. I get that it must be a little disconcerting, really I do but-" He says gently, approaching Zoro slowly. Zoro however steps back, his face a picture of fury.
"What? So you're mocking me now? Just because I'm not like you? You bastard!" Zoro snarls inexplicably angrily, Sanji halts at that, he's no idea why Zoro is so angry.
"You arrogant bastard! You think that just because you find this so easy that you get to mock the one person who doesn't, who can't, feel like that for anyone? You think this is funny?" the swordsman yells furiously.
"I- what? No! Zoro, listen to me!" Sanji gasps desperately, he grabs Zoro's arm and looks at him earnestly.
"I'm not mocking you, I'm genuine. This was what I dreamed about, I dreamt about us. It made me realise what I'd been missing all this time, about all that I could have. I'm not just going to ignore that message." He insists.
The rage fades from Zoro's eyes and relief washes over Sanji, the man understands that he's not being cruel. Perhaps now he'll start feeling again, it'll probably be a slow process bringing Zoro out of his shell but it'll be worth it, he knows it. Zoro's face doesn't turn to an expression of adoration though, it turns more to… pity.
"I'm sorry, your dream was… just a dream." Zoro says carefully, taking Sanji's hand off of him.
"What?" Sanji asks numbly.
"I don't know why you dreamt what you did, but it's not real. I don't feel that way about you, about anyone. It's not personal Sanji." Zoro says quietly. He looks away and bites his lip guiltily.
"For what it's worth, despite how annoying you are you'd probably be a good person to feel… something for. But I don't, I can't. I'm just not made that way Sanji." Zoro adds gently.
"I- but… no. That's not right, that's not how this was supposed to go. I'm different." Sanji pleads quietly. Zoro just shakes his head no. Sanji distantly feels himself panicking, this has to be wrong, Zoro has to be mistaken somehow. He just needs to show him that he's wrong, he needs to prove it to him. His mind races back to the night in the shop, when he tested Zoro to get him to prove that he really was the only exception. Yes! That was what he needed to do! Except this time it was he who was proving something to Zoro, not the other way around!
Desperately he pulls off his apron and starts quickly unbuttoning his shirt, cursing the amount of buttons. Zoro catches his hands halfway down though.
"Sanji, stop. Please." Zoro insists. The unspoken 'you're embarrassing yourself' hangs loudly but unsaid in the air. Sanji freezes, the confusion and hurt thrumming in his veins. Zoro's eyes aren't dark with lust, his cheeks aren't red and he doesn't look in any way interested. Instead he looks… concerned.
"I don't understand." He says in a small voice, feeling vulnerable and cold. Zoro lets go of his wrists leaving him feeling small and alone.
"I- sorry." Zoro mutters and slides past Sanji and out the galley door.
Sanji slides down the kitchen counter and stares unseeingly at the floor. Why… why would this happen? If Zoro had continued being angry then Sanji could have put the man's denial of feelings down to panic or fear. But this… this was different. Zoro had been calm, genuine. He'd sounded almost… sorry for him. Zoro hadn't been lying, he'd not been deceiving Sanji or himself with his words. His dream had just been that, a pointless heartbreaking dream. What was the point of that stupid dream if it didn't mean anything? Why would that woman show him such a thing only to yank it away and leave him in a world where it wasn't possible? How could someone be so cruel?
He dries his eyes, not that he remembers tears falling, and angrily stands up, he buttons his shirt furiously and storms out of the kitchen. Zoro is sitting at the other end of the ship and his eyes widen in panic a little when he sees Sanji storming out of the kitchen, but the marimo need not worry he's not his target right now. He stomps off of the boat ignoring shouted questions from his nakama as he heads to the middle of the island.
He strides angrily through the temple archway, no longer having time to admire the flowers or the beautiful architecture; even the pretty temple women don't distract him. He arrives at the fountain in the courtyard. The Oracle girl is sitting there with her legs folded on the edge of the fountain, looking down distantly into the water. In her hair is a golden lotus with several missing petals.
"Hm, Sanji." She says dreamily as she looks up at him, once again she looks half awake. With a small smile she tilts her head at him.
"I suppose I should be glad that you don't hurt women, hm?" She says with a small laugh.
"You think this is funny? Why would you do this to me?" He asks sitting down by her. All his anger has washed out of him now, leaving him feeling just hurt and deflated. He wanted to scream at her, to call her a heartless bitch but now… now he just feels like crying.
"You did this to yourself. It worries me that your own soul is so alien to you that you can't even read yourself." She says disdainfully and looks back into the water with a sad expression, her eyes becoming distant again.
"I don't understand." Sanji whines unhappily. The Oracle tuts and rolls her eyes at him, reminding Sanji once again that despite her otherworldly nature and wise statements she's still young.
"Why," she prompts, "did I grant your wish?"
Again with people talking to him like he's an idiot? Still, she looks at him intently and Sanji obligingly searches his memory before venturing forth with an answer.
"Because… because it was the only one that wouldn't end terribly, and it was selfless." He answers carefully.
"Bingo. Now, is wanting to bone your nakama a selfless wish?" She asks looking back down into the waters, her eyes un-focusing again.
"I- that's not what I wished for." Sanji protests feeling offended.
"No it's not." She agrees without looking up at him.
"I… I must have wished for love. Zoro loved me there, and I-" He starts but is cut off by an irritated sigh from her.
"Love, whilst it is a common thing to wish for is neither selfless nor what you wished for. Your wish was special, noble. Zoro's behaviour there was… a side effect of that. Not unintended, but not the main aim." She explains in an exasperated voice.
"So… this Zoro, the one in this world, doesn't-" Sanji trails off already sensing the answer.
"I fell for someone that wasn't even real." Sanji whines to himself pitifully. As much as it pained him to admit it he had fallen for Zoro, or the imaginary Zoro anyway. A Zoro that could love him back, a Zoro that loved him despite his faults, despite his mistakes. He'd vowed to himself that he'd never make those mistakes with the real Zoro and now he wouldn't even get a chance to try because that Zoro wasn't real and the real one felt nothing for him but pity.
"What do you mean 'not real'?" The Oracle asks looking at him in wide eyed confusion.
"You made it all up, he's not real. You created him." Sanji says accusatorially.
"I made him yes, I made that whole world. But that doesn't make it not real. You make food from ingredients, your meals exist where before they didn't, are they 'not real'?" She snorts derisively.
"I don't make food from nothing! And this world was here first, this world is the real one. Even if you made that one from something, from the devil's fruit power or whatever it's still not the real world!" he insists desperately.
"Real is a matter of perspective. How do you know that this world isn't someone's dream or someone else's creation? How do you know that the people of the world that you were in aren't real and you're not just having some psychosis induced dream?" she says distantly with a sad look into the fountain.
"I refuse to believe that!" He states stubbornly standing up. He wasn't going to have any more of this self-doubt, he was leaving!
"That world didn't just stop existing because you popped out of it you know, no more so than this one did. The things Zoro feels, they're as real as your emotions." She says halting him in his tracks.
"It pains me to see him like this." She comments sadly looking into the fountain.
Against his better judgement Sanji halts at her words. He glances at the fountain but it's empty, or rather, all it contains is water.
"What are you talking about?" He questions, moving closer. She huffs irritatedly and breaks eye contact with the fountain to look up at him. She plucks the golden lotus from her hair which Sanji now realises is the one that he bit the petals off of.
"Look and, for once in your life, see." She says mysteriously before blowing a puff of lotus pollen into his eyes. Before he can touch his eyes she pulls him closer to the fountain by the back of his neck until his head is almost in the water. Before his eyes the water seems to still and slow in its movements and he can see… colours, shapes. He can see… Zoro.
Zoro dashes along the pavement, nearly knocking an old woman over in his haste. He doesn't notice though and instead bursts into a bar, he glances around the room and, in the desperate panic that seems to consume him, runs out again. He skids to a halt another ten meters down the road as a ringing sound fills his ears and shoves a hand into his pocket. He pulls out a phone and taps the screen, bringing it to his ear.
"Usopp! Tell me you've found him! Tell me he's alive!" Zoro shouts desperately into the phone.
Sanji can hear his voice as clear as day, as if he were right next to him.
"No…" Zoro whines crestfallen, his hand tangling in his hair in stress.
"Sorry doesn't-" Zoro starts to snap but the voice on the other end of the phone stops him.
"Right, I'll take SoHo next then, the two of you can take Westminster and we'll meet in Southwark. Find him!" Zoro orders and hangs up. He takes a shuddering breath and dashes back down the street the way he was running earlier.
Sanji gasps and shakes his head as the vision fades from his view and the water becomes water again. He's never seen Zoro look so utterly terrified before, so panicked and worried. Even in the hospital Zoro was calmer than that. He struggles with a shaky breath and tries to get his head back into the right place.
When he looks back up at the Oracle the golden lotus is between her fingers, spinning slowly as she rubs the stem between her index finger and thumb.
"The wish isn't done yet you know. You can still go back, find out your wish and take it if you want." She offers holding out the golden flower to him.
"Or, you could reject your wish and never return. Never knowing what it was. Whatever you do, do it soon. I can't stand to keep watching him like that, he's been in that state since he woke up without you there." She says distantly glancing down into the water again.
The idea hits Sanji fully then. When he awoke in this world Zoro must have awoken in his with a suddenly empty bed, and given last night's events what must he have thought? He must be terrified, thinking that Doflamingo had stolen him away in the night to murder him or torture him as punishment for Zoro. Almost unthinkingly he snatches the lotus from the Oracle and bites a large chunk of petals from it. Almost immediately blackness surrounds his vision and the falling sensation returns, he falls into nothingness and, he hopes, towards Zoro. His Zoro.