CHAPTER 5
Emma
"Is this some kind of sick fucking joke?" the one with the glasses asked.
"No, but if you're looking for one you're in the wrong place," I said.
Everything was silent. The entire bar was staring and an odd feeling overtook me. It didn't feel like an average bar fight.
The guy with his back to me doubled over, clutching his stomach.
"If he's gonna be sick, get him out of here," I said.
Nobody moved. Jesse put his hand on my back.
"Jackie, go–"
"Emma? Is that you?" a dark haired girl asked.
No. I prayed this wasn't what I thought it was.
She was crying and as white as a ghost.
"I'm Jackie," I said, sure to put a hard edge to my voice. My hand reached up under my bangs automatically to touch my scar, a nervous habit.
"It's her," a curly haired girl whispered. "It's you."
"It's not her," glasses guy said, shaking his head. "There's no way. No way."
"I don't know who you think I am, but…I'm not, so please just–"
"Leave," Jesse finished.
They all just stared at me, some with tears in their eyes, all of them white as sheets.
Suddenly the guy with his back to me straightened up and turned around.
The air left my lungs.
He was handsome…and familiar, the face in my dreams.
His thick brown hair was longer than in the visions in my dreams. It was more disheveled, and he looked thinner, gaunt.
But his eyes.
Those intense blue eyes were the same eyes that haunted me in my sleep.
Out of nowhere, the big guy shoved Jesse.
"What the fuck is going on? What have you done?" he roared at him.
That was it.
Chaos broke out around me. My friends and family descended in on their table, there was shoving and yelling and I heard the girls screaming.
I heard Jesse's voice, yelling at me to go in the back, but I couldn't see him through the confusion.
The cluster of tangled people slowly moved to the door.
The whole time I felt those blue eyes on me.
Eventually, the crowd passed through the door, the yelling slightly muted.
I stood between the table and the door.
The girl with the curly hair was still sitting, frozen. Her feisty friend had gotten tangled in the shoving.
On the other side of me, he hadn't moved at all. I turned to escape to the back.
"Don't go," the girl said, quietly, coming out of her daze.
"Look, I'm sorry you guys seem…mistaken. I'm not whoever you guys are looking for. Jackie," I said, poking my chest. The girl threw a helpless glance to her stunning blue eyed friend.
"It's her…I'd know her from anywhere," he whispered, and the certainty in his voice made me sick.
I gulped.
Outside, the scuffle quieted.
"Baby?" he said softly and reached out a hand to me. I took a step back. He bit his lip and stared pensively at me. "What did they do to you?"
"Who? My family?" I asked, trying to wipe the fear from my throat.
"Those people aren't your family," curly girl said.
"You people are delusional. Go look for your dead friend somewhere else."
"You aren't southern," she said.
"What I am is none of your business."
"You don't recognize us?" she asked.
"You're only just now getting that?" I was being rude and callous to people who were clearly in pain. I hated doing it, but I was too scared of the alternative.
"Were you in that train wreck? Last year?" she asked.
I stopped breathing.
There it was.
The moment I have been dreading for the past year, my biggest fear.
This was my past coming back for me.
-:-
Sean
Her muscles tensed when Liberty asked about the train. Before she could answer, the door swung open and Jay, Manny, Toby and Jesse walked in. The rest of the mob wasn't with them. Without a word Manny flung herself at Emma, throwing her arms around her neck. Emma's arms hung at her sides, her face was blank.
"She doesn't know us, Manny," Liberty said.
"I know that. But she will," Manny said, releasing Emma.
She doesn't know us.
Emma doesn't know me.
Of the thousands of dreams and fantasies I had regarding this miracle, not once had I imagined this.
"We need to sit down and figure this out," Toby said warily, not convinced she was here.
"There's nothing to figure out. You people busted in here, accused me of being someone I'm not and now you can leave," she said.
Jay stared at her wide eyed.
"Even dead, you're stubborn."
"I'm not dead!" she yelled.
Jesse put his arm around her shoulders.
My stomach rolled.
Oh no.
No.
No. No. No.
"Who the hell are you?" I asked him.
"I'm her boyfriend," he said, pulling her closer, confirming my fears. "Who the hell are you?"
"I'm her husband."
In true Emma fashion, she fainted.
-:-
Emma
I knew I hadn't been out long this time. Maybe two, three minutes. I was in Jesse's arms.
"She's fine. It happens a lot," he said as my eyes fluttered open.
"I know," I heard blue eyes say.
-:-
"If you people care about me like you say you do, you will leave, let me be happy. Just please, leave me alone. I'm not the girl you all loved. She doesn't exist anymore. So, just…please."
Their faces were so contorted with pain; I wasn't sure what they were going to do. We'd been sitting at the table for over an hour, making no progress. I refused to answer their questions, to consider anything they said.
"She's tired…can't we just stop for now?" Jesse asked.
"There's something else," Toby said, looking at me.
"What?" I was drained from the last hour. I'd just begged them not to call the police, not to tell this Archie and Christine Simpson that I existed. They hadn't said they wouldn't.
"You're married…still," Toby said, looking at my supposed husband, who hardly said anything at all.
"No, no, according to, well, everything, I'm dead. Can't we just keep it that way?" I asked, goose bumps covering my arms.
"No," Jay said. "After the accident, we couldn't get a death certificate. If there is no body, you cannot be declared legally dead for seven years. You're married, sweetheart. Congratulations."
I stared across the table at Sean's wedding band. I couldn't see his face; it was buried in his shaking hands.
"I…I want a divorce," I said.
Liberty looked at me, her eyes red and swollen.
"Emma–"
"Jackie."
She said nothing else.
They had all been crying, yelling, except for the dark haired girl, Manny. She just stared at me and smiled sympathetically, like we shared a secret or something. It was unnerving.
"Anyway," I said, breaking the silence. "We don't even…you don't know me, Sean. So…I do…want a divorce, I mean."
"Fine," he said.
He stood up; the chair he was sitting on fell back. He didn't bother to pick it up as he walked past it, out the door.
They all followed him and I was relieved.
-:-
Sean
I threw up as soon as I was in the parking lot.
How?
HOW?
How is this possible? She's alive? She doesn't know me? How?
After all this time, she was right there! This whole year, my life was nothing and here she was. I could reach out and touch her, a concept that only a few hours ago was beyond insane.
And yet, I felt worse.
This was hell.
She wasn't in heaven, waiting to be with me again. I was no longer just biding time until we were together again. She was here, yet not.
So, if her body was here, so clearly NOT dead, but occupied by a different mind, where was my Emma?
Lost forever.
No hope remained for me at all. Not even after my own death would I be with her, as I'd been secretly hoping for, waiting for.
"Get back in there!" Jay yelled, grabbing my arm.
"For what? That's not her."
"Yes, it is," Liberty said.
"My Emma is not in there," I said, my hands pulling on my hair, my chest heaving. "This is worse…knowing she…it was better when she was dead."
Manny was in my face in a flash.
She wound her arm back and slapped me with all the strength in her little body, which was more than I would've imagined.
"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled, and caught her wrist.
"Don't you ever say that, Sean Cameron! She is in there! Somewhere…she's in there, I know it! You cannot shut down now, Sean; you cannot afford to be a coward right now! She needs you. She doesn't know it, but she does, so don't you dare walk away. Don't give up on her!" Manny yelled, tears streaming down her face.
And I knew she was right.
I had to fight for her.
I had to get her back.
My life depended on it.
Without a word I walked back toward the bar and swung the door open. My mind whooshed when I saw her face again and I tried not to flinch when I saw Jesse's hand over hers. She looked up at me nervous, uncomfortable, but not surprised.
I could still read her like a book.
-:-
Emma
He was suddenly back in the bar, standing over us. His blue eyes were blazing and his strong jaw was set like stone.
"I said enough for today," Jesse said, standing up.
"What are you going to do, Jesse? Hit me? You can't hurt me, I'm already dead," he said not taking his eyes from me. "I died with you…and if you're in there somewhere, I have to get you back, because it's the only way I can come back to life, too."
"Sean…you don't even know me," I said weakly, shocked by his words.
Then he did something completely unexpected.
He laughed.
"I don't know you? That's rich."
"Look, I'm not that person anym–,"
"Retrograde amnesia. That is what is going on. You have retrograde amnesia. You cannot recall events or people, but in usual cases, the general foundation of personality remains in tact. Likes, dislikes, preferences–,"
"What are you, a doctor?" Jesse asked sarcastically.
"Yes," Sean said.
I married a doctor?
"We don't even know who you are! You could be some kind of freak–" Jesse got cut off. Sean was staring at me.
"You're allergic to green pepper. Your favorite flowers are tulips, but you prefer the scent of freesia. You don't file your nails, you bite them. You have a completely unfounded and ridiculous fear of tidal waves. You will watch any reality television, even if its crap. You hate jazz, you brush your teeth in the shower, there is a mole under your left breast, you can't fall asleep if you don't have your socks on, if you watch a horror movie you have to sleep with the light on for the next three nights, you fall down at least once a day and there is a scar on you abdomen. Wanna know why? You had your appendix out when you were twenty years old, I know because I didn't leave your side the entire time. So, Jackie, don't tell me I don't know you. I know everything about you."
I sat there, my mouth hanging open.
He'd been right. About all of it.
Even the tidal waves…Jesse didn't even know that.
And my scar! I had my appendix out. Finally, one mystery solved.
Yet, all of this didn't change the fact that I didn't know him at all.
It was disorienting, scary even, that this man knew me, all of these private things about me.
I was disturbed.
"Get out," Jesse said.
"One more thing," Sean said, smirking. This guy was confident. "No divorce."
"What?" I gasped, glancing at Jess for help.
"You can't stop her from divorcing you," Jesse said.
"No…but I can make it a very difficult and long process."
"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked, my voice cracking.
"I have to," he shrugged. "For my own survival…I have to." He sounded sorry. "I don't want to hurt you. Ever. Just trust–"
"Trust you? I don't even know you! All I know is you came in here and started ripping my life apart!"
"That's funny," he said. "I could say the same thing about you."
"You won't ruin our lives," Jesse said.
"Look, Jesse, I have nothing to lose. Nothing. Yet, I have everything to gain, so I'm going to fight hard for it, because I know how amazing it is."
Jesse glared at him, I saw his fists clench.
"You should be pissed," Sean said, noticing Jesse's fists. "You have everything to lose. Believe me, I know first hand."
"Stop," I said. "It's too much."
"Too much? Baby, your boyfriend over there is a kidnapper! He shouldn't have ever let this get so far. He should've–"
"No! I begged him not to," I said, trying to protect Jesse. "I want to stay with him! He tried to–"
"He didn't try hard enough," Sean said. "And he knows it."
"Please…just go now," I said, knowing I couldn't hear anymore.
He grabbed a piece of chalk from the dart score board and scrawled something on the blackboard.
"This is our address and my phone number. Call me when you want some answers about yourself, I'm the only one whose got 'em," he said, tapping his temple. He slid his ring off of his finger and tossed it on the table. It made a plinking sound.
"Hold on to that for me," he said and walked out the door.