Hey guys. It's me Jesspikapal, but you probably already knew that#!

So here I am with chapter 5 of "100 ways to worship Channy!" and I hope you enjoy it! I'd like tot hank you for all of the lovelky reviews that I have received and I'm going to do the same as all my other chapters and try my absoulute best! :) This chappie may be alittle OOC, but I wanted to give it a shot. Please just bear with me and I will try my best to keep IN character! :) Here I go! :D

Review please? :3

Thanks!

~Jess~

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Chapter five: Seeking Solace - "Sometimes you find the best comfort when you're not looking for it..."

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An envelope was a strange thing to receive under the gap of your door, don't you think? Especially when it contained the contents of your dead baby sister...

"Chad, come on! Open the door!" He heard a familiar femenine voice beg and that made him plug his ears. He didn't want to even hear a females voice for a long time. It was simply too much to remember, even when he faintly remembered her gentle coo in the middle of the night when she cried for attention. He would always run to her, despite all the times he had said "Shut up!" or "Stop crying! God, I'm coming!", and to think that he said all of those things made him feel terrible, even though he had bid her goodnight and God bless over the phone. That had been the last thing that he'd said to her, and it still didn't feel enough; his words, to him, felt hollow and useless. She deserved so much more than that, and it was all what he couldn't give to her.

"No!" He yelled, kicking the door angrily. Why her? Why his beautiful two year old sister. She still had her whole life ahead of her and yet she had been taken away too soon. He couldn't even remember the last time that he had seen her, though he still made the effort to ring home every night.

"Chad please!" He knew it was Sonny. He knew that she would be there the second he had ran off of his set to grieve in peace. Of course, she hadn't known the truth for his sudden disappearence, but she knew that he was not in the slightest bit happy, whatever it was.

Despite what he had said, he felt himself walking over to the door, but he stopped himself before he pulled the handle down and allowed her to come in.

"Are you alone?" He asked, trying his best to keep his voice strong and unphased and he managed. He distinctly heard: "Guys, give me a minute." and then the scatter of footsteps as they departed swiftly from the scene.

He edged the door open and peeked out, not out of fear, but because he didn't know if he should let her in or not. Did he really want her to see him at his weakest? Was it too risky? Would it cause a strength to come onto her side if she saw him this vulnerable and this much of a mess?

Doesn't matter anymore...

"Sonny." He nodded meekly in recognistion.

"Chad..." She mumbled, trying her best to catch his eye. He refused to give her eye contact as he turned his back on her and did his best to blink back the tears. He caught sight of the envelope on his desk and saw the chain of a locket peeking out, as well as a small section of her favourite dress. She had always worn that damn dress...

"What do you want Munroe?" He snapped vicously, though he didn't mean to be so harsh. It just slipped out because he was so angry; so angry that his dear little sister had been taken so early and there was nothing he could have possibly done to stop it. He should have been there. He should have tried his best to ease her into a quiet, peaceful death. Instead, she had been screaming for her big brother as she writhed around her small bed in pain, feeling the disease eat away at her.

"To see what you're so upset about. Why'd you run out earlier?" Sonny questioned gently, trying her best to be compassionate. Right now, their relationship as "frenemies" didn't matter. She knew that he was hiding something from her; she'd never seen that pain about him before.

"I-I don't want to talk about it." Chad choked out, cursing inwardly at his weakness. He shouldn't eb making such a big fuss... What was he saying? She was his sister. His own flesh and blood. The next in line who would be destined for greatness, just like he himself was with his career. But now, well, that wouldn't - couldn't - be.

"Chad? Are you... Crying?" Sonny stated in disbelief, trying to place a hand on her shoulder, but he shrugged her of, enraged.

"No!" He shouted and Sonny flinched; she'd never seen him this wound up before, and it was both new and frightening.

"Chad." She said firmly, grasping his shoulders tightly so that he couldn't walk away from her anymore. He slowly turned to face her, doing his absolute best to hide the pain and compose himself. He couldn't lose himself in front of his enemy... Was she even his enemy? Enemies didn't look out for each other, did they? Nevermind...

"What?" He said, his voice betraying him as it quivered slightly.

"Chad, we all know something's wrong. Everyone," Sonny began, her voice tender and smooth, like his had once been before the devestating news. "And we all know that it must eb something big for you to lose your cool like that. So please, stop being Mr. Tough Guy for a second and let it out. Remembert hat you don't have to stay strong all the time; it's ok to cry sometimes." She urged softly and Chad could feel himself slipping.

Unable to hold it back anymore, he collapsed to his knees and sobbed. Sonny, shocked, simply stared, wide eyed for a few seconds, before she regained her awareness and sat beside him, pulling him into a meaningful hug. He tried his best to wriggle away from her grip, but she was too strong and he was too weak to enforce his strength at all and so he lay, crying, screaming, sobbing to his hearts "content".

"Chad..." She breathed, feeling his pained heartbeat through the sleeve of her shirt. It instantly broke her heart in two to see him so upset. She held him tightly, letting him know that she wasn't prepared to let go anytime soon. Whenever he was ready to, then she would eagerly comply and leave him to deal with his own heartbreak, but not until he could prove it to her.

"My baby sister..." He whimpered, burying his head into the floor, even making the effort to bang it restlessly againstt he carpet a couple of times as he felt the pain engulf him cruelly.

"What happened Chad?" Sonny whispered soothingly in his ear. He tried to answer her, but unable to speak, he simply hyperventilated helplessly. She softly helped him into a sitting position and dared a shy shuffle closer to him. He let her, though he was cautious about it as he eyed her with teary eyes. In that second that she saw the pain, she felt her own eyes fill with liquid. Chad must have been suffering so bad that it ached inside. The heartbreak, the pain, the tears, all were so un-Chad-like and yet, so expected. She knew that he would lose himself one day; he just didn't know that that day would be today and as she sat there with him, listening to his pityful sobbing, she felt so empathetic. So sympathetic, and so understanding. She was determined to make him feel better, if only a little. Whatever he would allow, she would give to him, all just to make him go back to his usual, arrogant, big-headed, jerk-face self.

"She-She went." He managed to stutter out, coughing and spluttering over several tears and Sonny felt her emotions snap suddenly. He'd lost a sister...?

"Chad, I'm so sorry." She stated, unable to say anything else. She couldn't even think of anything else to say.

"I-I need - Tissue." He tried to ask politely, but couldn't bring himself to and instead ordered for one. However, Sonny understood completely and grabbed one from his nearby desk, the tissue box all too bright to miss.

He cried himself hoarse and when he could no longer even breathe straight, and there were no more tears left to cry, he stopped, his breath shakey and lonely.

"S-Sonny." He stumbled, standing up, though his footing was unsteady and Sonny urged him to sit down again. He did so with little complaint. "I-I'm sorry you had t-to see that." He apoligised feebly. He was indeed, apoligetic about his display. Not exactly what anyone wanted to see, afterall.

"D-Do you maybe wanna talk about it?" Sonny asked carefully. She didn't want him to think that she was gaining any sort of pleasure from his messed up state. That would just be extremely low of anyone to do. Not even Chad would stoop that low. Ever!

"Not really." He answered, hiccuping briefly. There were still tears in his eyes, but they wouldn't fall. He had already cried more than his fill and he couldn't urge them away no matter what he did.

"Come on Chad. A problem shared is a problem halved." Sonny smiled slightly. trying her best to coax him out of his depressed state of mind, though it was completely expected an understandable. But the fact was that he would never feel better, if he didn't get anything off of his chest and she couldn't bear to see him feel so lost all the time. He peered up at her, eyes distrusting. "It'll make you feel alot better to share it with someone." Sonny persuaded and she watched Chad. He only gave a single nod of approval, before he organised himself into a decent sitting position, his legs crossed and his arms folded neatly in his lap. He shoved the tissue into his blazer pocket and started to speak.

"We always knew as a family, that there was something wrong with Ruby, but we didn't think it would kill her. The doctors said at her birth that it would just blow over within a coulple of weeks, so we just went by what they said. If we'd have known then... We could've saved her before it was just too late." Chad explained, his voice still shakey though it was the first real sentence in which he had'nt stuttered upon in a good twenty minutes.

"Do they know what's wrong with her now? Like when they investigate what went wrong so that they can address her death properly?" Sonny quizzed, being extremely careful not to set him off again. She couldn't bear to see him hurt. To see him cry was like crying herself; she suffered in silence, simply too proud to cry with him. Or was she...?

Meanwhile, Chad shook his head slowly. "No, mom wouldn't let them look at her because they were the ones who said that she was going to live. Mom feels she was lied to on purpose and she said that she wouldn't trust yet another doctor with her daughter, so we still don't know what went wrong." He answered, his voice wavering slightly. Sonny patted his arm encouragingly and he smiled a small, heartbroken smile.

"Oh that's awful. Chad, it's a wonder you haven't lost yourself completely." Sonny sympathised and he shook his head again.

"I wasn't lost just then?" He asked.

"No, no, that's not what I meant!" Sonny immediately enforced, waving her hands in front of her face in a defensive gesture. Chad took note and nodded once, weak and half-heartedly.

"I know. Look at these." Chad offered, standing up with much more relaxed legs this time, and reached over to his desk, picking up the small envelope.

"What's this?" Sonny asked quizzically, slowly accepting the pale blue envelope from Chad's hand. She looked at him, as if she needed permission and he gestured for Sonny to open it. She did so with quaking fingers and pulled out a piece of cloth and a small locket. Upon further inspection, she could see a tiny picture of a little girl. Her happy smile, her expressive face and hands, her dress blowing in what seemed like a breeze so alive she could feel it moving across the picture. This was her. All the same, in order to open up another series of questions, she asked:

"Is this Ruby?" She needed to hear him say it.

"Yes. It's Ruby. It was Ruby." Chad muttered sadly, a tear dripping from the safety of his eyelid.

"It is Ruby. She'll always be with you Chad. There's no way you can forget her." Sonny murmured, watching him closely. She watched a streak of pain flicker across his eyes, but it disappeared momentairaly, leaving Sonny to question it's existense.

"You're right Sonny." He whispered. "I'm so selfish. I should have been there for her." He mumbled, choking on his words again. Sonny tugged cautiously on his pant leg and he gave her a curious look that she see distinctively through the horror of losing his own baby sister, no less. She hoped that she was doing a good job of comforting him, less she look like a little kid.

"You couldn't have known, Chad. You can't blame yourself for what happened." She urged, tugging him again as he pulled himself into a sitting position, much like before.

"No, but I can blame myself for not being there for her!" He snapped, begining to feel slightly aggressive. He couldn't deny the anger, the torment, but that had been overruled by tears and pain, until now. Hes stood up again, shivering with hate and resent. "Of all the people they could have taken away, they chose Ruby. My Ruby." He shouted, pacing the room angrily, annoyance written all over his face.

"But there has to be a reason for it!" Sonny tried to make him see reason and he turned to face her, an irritated scowl on his face.

"Reason? Reason? Are you kidding me?" He yelled, his fists clenched tightly beside him. "Oh yeah, let's go make Chad's and all of his family's lives miserable in turn for one little girl!" He added. Sonny stood up quickly, gripping him tightly by the lapels of his jacket-like blazer, shaking him briefly.

"Chad! You've got to calm down! Remember that we've done nothing wrong! I've done nothing wrong!" Sonny shouted over his inseasant rantings and enraged outbursts. His face eventually softened, gradually falling back into it's depressed state.

"I know. I know. I-I'm so sorry Sonny..." Chad whispered, looking down at the floor. "I'm just nothing without her." He explained tiredly, trembling with unspoken cries and weakness.

"No Chad." She spoke sincerely, which caused him to look at her with eyes filled with question and vulnerability. "You're still the same Chad Dylan Cooper. It's going to be hard; getting over her I mean, but remember, she'll always be there for you... The same as I will. I won't leave your side unless you ask me too, Chad." Sonny addressed calmly, still gripping the warm material of his suit between clenched fingers.

"Sonny-" He began, shaking his head, but Sonny wasn't finished.

"Remember that what bad happens to you, will be replaced with the good. There's no way you can turn your back on that." She explained and she watched his eyes. They hardened slightly in determination.

"You're right. Besides, she wouldn't want me to be so upset." Chad muttered, wiping his eyes dry.

"And you're right too Chad. You're allowed to be upset. She's your sister." Sonny said truthfully, but she said it a way to encourage him that being upset at times was ok; just don't let it get in the way of your life and then everything will seem brighter. If he didn't let this, (no matter how devestating) ruin his life, then everyone would deal with it quicker and be much happier, including him, because he wouldn't keep reminding them, and himself, of what happened. He still had a life to live and Mackenzie Falls to worry about, so he had to make sure to try extra hard now; harder than usual, so that he could fufill Ruby's work too and make her proud. Not that she wasn't already.

"Sonny, can I just-?" But he stopped short, thinkng that what he was about to ask would be innappropriate for the situation at hand.

"Go on." She smiled, gently bringing him back, bit by bit. True, it would take a very long time to fix him back together; it would require alot of patience and understanding, but Sonny was willing to stay until he was ok, and far beyond that. She would stay as long as she was wanted, and she could tell that right now, he wanted her. He needed her, to make it through everything: the pain, the memories, everything, and he wouldn't be able to do it alone. So she would make sure that he didn't have to try and do it that way. Together was the way to go.

"Can I just, hold you... For a moment?" He questioned uncharacteristically, out-stretching his arms expectantly and beckoning her with his fingers.

She happily complied. "As long as you need Chad."

He cautiously took her into his arms and felt her arms wrap around his neck, a movement that, if he had known it felt this good, he would have encouraged a long time ago. So warm...

"Thank you Sonny." He trailed, crying the last of his tears away whilst she combed through his long, windswept hair, a movement that he strangely allowed amongst his hate for an untidy hair-style. Now words were exchanged between them during the whole time that they held each other close, Chad realising that there wasn't as much hate there as he initially thought there was, whilst Sonny was perfectly happy with holding him close. She noticed that holding this close to her had awakened some almost-forgotton desires; she wanted to kiss him, but didn't dare, as she felt it would be like taking advantage of his state and so buried her face in his neck instead, thanking God that he was slightly taller than her. (She couldn't do with guys shorter than her!)

"You're welcome." She replied as they pulled away from each other and smiled. Sonny returned his smile for one reason, and one reason alone:

Because in that smile, she saw the one and only, Chad Dylan Cooper that she knew and loved...

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Finished chappie five!

So, I did warn you at the start that it would be a little OOC, but I hope it's not too horrifyingly OOC that it burns! Personally, I think I handled it pretty well, but still, it's not about me, it's about you and what your thoughts are, so please review! I'd love to know!

And I apoligize now for any mistakes; this keyboard on this other laptop has keys missing and I didn't have access to another one so... Yeah, P.S: My I button and my U button are missing, so please... Yeah, y'know! Just ct me a little slack if those letters are the ones that are missing! That, and I haven't had time to check it over, but I was so deperate to update that I just HAD to update now. And I have a banging headache so I doubt I'd have checked it over very well anyways... :/

Review? :)

Thanks!

~Jess~