Title: Between Dreams and Reality

Disclaimer: Artwork is Forgive Me Sirius by Satine Black ( satine- black. deviantart )

Rating: M

Chapter Seven: Linked

Dark…too dark to see, but he knows where he is. He knows. He knows he's on the brink of death.

'You were lucky to have gotten to him early on, Mr. Potter. The damages aren't anything serious, but I suggest you keep an eye on your friend. I can refer Healer Bradford to you; he's the best we have and perhaps a few sessions can stabilise Mr. Black's mental state…'

He feels stone underneath his hands but it is the bars that keep him in. Only the bars sometimes disappear and it's only opaque darkness that falls under his touch.

'I wasn't lucky. Lily, it wasn't luck that got me to Sirius's apartment back then.'

'James…'

'I-I heard something but I didn't hear it. Almost as if it was in my head but then it was also a feeling…like instinct…but not. Lily, I think it was Remus Lupin.'

'Lupin? But he's-'

'Dead. I know.'

'Then how-'

There is a distinct smell that always tickles his nose in the mornings. He knows this smell but can't quite place it. It's almost like grass, but isn't. It reminds him of Hogwarts and the days he spent in Green House Five and the terrors it had caused.

'Why Sirius? Lupin had never met Sirius his entire life, so why go to him alone? Why not someone from the Order?'

'He was in love with him.'

They can't touch him anymore. Can't hurt him. Can't get close to him. Something always happens. Something bad.

'Oh, Jamie, he looks so pale. What do we do now? We can't possibly leave him alone. They're scared he might try again – relapse.'

There are charred remains of a body that he's pushed to the corner. They won't move it and the smell brings bile to his mouth. He's terrified of it. Terrified of the way the eye balls have popped out and the mouth hangs open in a show of teeth and blackened tongue. Terrified of the sharp nails that are coated with his blood and bits of his flesh. Terrified that he's done this.

'Is he having a nightmare? Shh, Sirius, it's okay. James, call the Mediwitch again – he's convulsing! Fuck! Sirius, wake up! Sirius, wake-'

The moon's only a shy away from full. He can't see it; there are no windows. He can feel it and he knows from practiced knowledge how many days he has left. If he's successful then he will be dead. If not, then he will be worse than. Tick tock, he taps against the stone wall. Tick tock tick tock tick tock-

Sirius's whole body seized before he jerked awake, his eyes flying open in fear. In a matter of blind panic, he struggled against the arms holding him down, pushing him back into the bed: back into the dark confines where he would die. He didn't want to die this way – not alone in the dark or in fear. He wouldn't go back. He couldn't go back. All he could see was a flurry of white and a flash of black that pushed into his face, enclosing him further into darkness. He needed to see. He needed to see. He needed to get out before they killed him.

'Sirius, calm down.' It was James's voice that brought him crashing back to reality. 'It's okay. You're safe now. You're just in the hospital, so calm down.' Hazel eyes stared back at him, reassuring and concerned. 'It's okay.' When Sirius nodded, forcing his body to relax against his screaming instinct, James let go. The Medi-witches moved away as well and Sirius could see Lily standing in the corner, near tears. 'It was just a nightmare,' James said gently, probably afraid that Sirius was going to break. Sirius felt as if he was. 'Nothing more…just a nightmare.'

'It won't stop,' Sirius whispered clutching his head and curling up once again. 'I'm awake, but it won't stop.'

No one dares say the name, but they all know he is coming. Cold fear can be seen in some of their slitted eyes but theylaugh regardless. Theyalways laugh. Not long now, they say, not long before everyone burns to the ground.

Sirius rubbed his eyes roughly, trying to wipe the images flashing in front of him. They were in his head, he knew, but he could see them. Bits and pieces, snatches of fear and resignation; they felt real. Sirius shook his head, trying focus on the gentle hand that was running through his hair.

'Do you remember what happened?' Lily asked softly, her hand now resting on his cheek.

Sirius wasn't sure what she wanted him to say. He remembered a lot of things, but the problem was that most of it had never happened to him. He remembered feelings that he'd never felt, some that were so strong that it hammered against the back of his head and pulled at his heart painfully.

Sirius, I love you. I love you. Please be alive. I love you.

Feelings of regret crowded inside of him. Regrets over being alive. Regrets over nearly killing himself. They were his regrets; he was feeling them, but they conflicted and warred against each other in his mind like they belonged to two different people. They were his but they didn't agree with him. Were they Remus's?

This seemed different from every other time – he couldn't see a face. He couldn't see anything, but it played out in his mind in bursts of memory. Memories that felt like his own, yet Sirius had never been through any of it.

They were his in his mind, but not his in reality.

Sirius clutched his hair tightly.

My fault. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. My fault. I love you.

'I'm…' Sirius swallowed, staring at the white sheets covering him, '…alone.'

The sound of Lily's hand meeting his cheek in a stinging slap resounded across the small hospital room. 'Don't you dare!' She fumed, her legendary temper starting to flare as red as her hair. 'Don't you dare say that again! Do you know how worried we were? Do you-'

He vomits on purpose. He doesn't need to. His emotions are already in turmoil – swirling into the gutter much like water that slips through the drain. It isn't happy. He can feel it clawing under his skin. Let me out, it says, it's your blood I want.

Sirius threw up on the side of the bed and Lily was cut short of her rant, flying to his side along with James and holding his hair back. The patting on his back only made things worse and the bile burned his throat, gushing through his nose and making him gag. It hurt. It hurt so much. He didn't know where it hurt, but it hurt.

He didn't want to die. He didn't want to die but what choice did he have? He wanted to cry for help, just this once, he wanted to quit being strong. He didn't want to die.

Tears streamed down Sirius's face as violent sobs wracked his body. 'Dumbledore,' he managed to choke out, gripping the edge of the bed tightly as he cried. 'Please, I need to see Dumbledore...'

Fenrir Greyback was dead.

Remus tried not to look at the body lying in the corner, several hours rotten and though there wasn't much he could see, he felt as if he could almost hear the maggots crawling over Greyback's skin. The stench was unimaginable and it no longer mattered that Remus sat as far from it as possible. Yet, despite everything, there was a sick sort of satisfaction over Greyback's death. A part of him rejoiced the end of the creature that had condemned him to this cursed life of solitude and pain. It was disgusting but Remus no longer cared. He no longer wanted to be the kind, gentle soul that people had come to know him as. He did not have anyone to be kind to. No one was gentle with him here. He was going to die regardless...

Sirius.

Remus shut his eyes tightly and tried not to think about him. No more, he told himself. It was his fault that Sirius had gone to the lengths he had last night. Not once had he thought that Sirius might fall in love with him. When all this started, Remus had only wanted to be with him. Remus hadn't wanted to be alone or with regrets. It was foolish. He had nearly brought down the man he loved with him.

Sirius...

NO!

Remus distracted himself by casting his eyes towards the back wall. There wasn't much he could see in the darkness but he knew that often times, when they needed to get in, bars appeared. He could hear them prowling behind the wall, restless and a few scared. They were scared to come near him now because something always happened when they did. There had been incidents, starting from the day that Greyback had pinned Remus to the cell with every intention to kill him despite Voldemort's orders. People had lost hands, parts of their faces, and in Greyback's case – their lives. Remus had been trying to ignore the smell of charred flesh but his senses were heightened so close to the full moon, and the overpowering stench made him retch violently on to the floor.

They burned.

Anyone who touched him; anything that touched him burned till they were nothing but dust.

It wasn't like his meetings with Sirius – there was no magic. At least, none that Remus was doing. It was like the Midas touch except gold wasn't quite the compensation he was offering. They had meant to turn him today – his body infused with Voldemort's soul - the leech that would consume him whole. Remus's curse had saved him only for a few more days. A few more days and the full moon would come – he would be too weak to fight back and they would use this opportunity to complete the final Horcrux. He only knew of these details because the other werewolves boasted about it; tittered as they discussed Voldemort's arrival to their dirty hell hole. Remus didn't know how they were going to do it; had no knowledge of the ritual but by the satisfied cackling of some of the elder werewolves, he knew that perhaps Voldemort would be impervious to his Midas touch. Or perhaps they had found a way to bypass it. Only, Remus had no intention to make it through the full moon. He was jarring the wolf's emotions on purpose; rattling its hinges and forcing it out of dormancy. He denied it food by purposefully throwing up everything that was given to him. Come full moon, Remus would be nothing but marred flesh and a dead body.

Sirius stumbled into the back alley of Hogshead inn, only saved from falling over by James's quick reflexes.

'All right there, mate?' He asked, his grip on Sirius not leaving even when Sirius nodded reassuringly. 'I wish you'd rested up a bit more, Sirius. I know the Healer said you were okay to go back home, but this is pushing it a bit. Lily was having a fit when we left.'

The tremors won't stop. They come in sharp jerks, his breath catching in a harsh gasp before pulling back to normal.

'Did he say he would be waiting in the inn?' Sirius ignored James's words of concern, straightening his wobbly knees and steeling his resolve. How long had it been since he'd met the old Professor? How long had Sirius waited to finally meet the man that had took from him the two people he'd loved the most and played them like pawns in a dirty game of chess?

James sighed heavily. 'Yes; booth in the left hand corner. It will be warded off so no one can eavesdrop into your conversation. Do you want me to come along?'

'No.' Sirius brushed off James's concerned hand. He clenched his fists and looked back at his best friend. 'But,' he hesitated, before closing his eyes and admitting to the fear of losing his temper in front of the man he'd convinced himself to loathe all these years, 'maybe you could wait for a bit?'

James grinned, clapping Sirius on the back. 'Course I will.'

It's cold. So very, very cold even though only moments back he remembers being warm. Each breath stings the inside of his nostrils and he struggles to breathe. His chest hurts.

Remus, Sirius tried to call out in his head despite feeling utterly stupid. Remus can you hear me, he tried again feeling dejected when he sensed no response. He clenched his eyes tightly but no matter how hard he tried, Remus would not come and the scenes in his mind would not disappear.

'Are you sure you're all right? You're looking a bit pale.'

Sirius shook his head. 'I'm fine.'

The moment the door had swung open, Sirius spotted the old professor ordering a pint at the bar. He looked exactly how he had back in Sirius's school days – silver beard that hung just below his chest, flamboyantly orange robes, and blue eyes that twinkled with far too much knowledge. Sirius's fists clenched as their eyes met and Dumbledore waved cheerfully. Sirius nodded in acknowledgement, barely feeling James's reassuring squeeze on his shoulder as he followed Dumbledore to the aforementioned booth. Residual magic licked the sides his body as he entered and he knew that Dumbledore had kept true to his promise of secrecy.

'How are you, Sirius?' Dumbledore smiled, sliding a drink towards him along with a bowl of sweets. Lemon drops – the Headmaster's favourite. 'James mentioned that you had a bit of an accident last night. I hope you weren't hurt too badly.' He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and looked at him sympathetically; almost as if he knew. As if he knew every single emotion that had passed through Sirius over the course of the night – the anguish, the pain, the longing. Had Sirius not known better, he would have been accusing James of treachery.

Nothing had changed, even after all these years. Except now Sirius was breaking a promise he'd made himself the day the news of Regulus's death had reached him. 'Remus Lupin is alive,' he said, cutting to the chase.

Dumbledore's eyebrows arched slightly. 'We have a body.'

'It's not his.' Sirius took a deep breath and looked the Professor in the eye as he started, 'I've been having these dreams…'

There is someone approaching. No, not someone – something. He knows it isn't one of his kind; there is no scrape of claws against stone nor the aggressive thumping of feet that sound animalistic even though they are human. No, this is a slither; like someone sliding its body across in smooth fluid motions.

It feels as if the temperature drops further and even though he cannot see much, he knows that his fingers are quickly turning blue.

His heart beat quickens.

It's coming closer…

Cold rattling breath fanned against his cheek and Remus shivered, though not out of cold. Fear gripped his heart like a vice and no matter how much he told himself to calm down, his insides were quaking violently. Even through the darkness he could perfectly make out the stark blood red eyes staring at him, surveying him closely. Since leaving school, Remus had joined the Order to fight for the cause and for the first time, Remus was face to face with that very cause: the beast that had cost him his family and so many of his comrades. He should have felt hatred and resentment. He did, but they were overshadowed by the terror that kept him glued to his spot in the corner of his cell.

'Dumbledore's pet werewolf,' Voldemort sneered, his head tilting eerily. 'You've been causing quite a stir in here, haven't you?' He cast his eyes towards the dead remains of Greyback's body and yet again, Remus could hear the maggots crawling – louder this time as if every chunk of flesh they devoured was thundering in his ears.

Shut your mind, a part of him screamed; and he struggled despite having perfected the spell eons ago. His limbs were trembling. The wolf inside him clawed for escape.

'Things would have been so much easier for you if you had chosen to be by my side,' Voldemort sauntered around Remus who pressed his back further against the wall.

There was something crawling (slithering) around him, building a cocoon that was only inches from his skin. A hungry hiss sounded in the air and suddenly Remus could see; even in the darkness where everything was in shadows, he could see it. With perfect clarity, he could make out the definition of each scale and the blood red markings that ran across the large snake's skin, so similar to Voldemort's eyes. It was watching him hungrily, its head swaying side to side in a hypnotic dance - ready to strike on command.

'Calm down, Nagini. We won't feast on this one.'

The snake uncurled, its body sliding fluidly from around Remus and straightening. It held its vicious stare, showing a glimmer of venomous fangs before moving to join its master, coiling around Voldemort's feet lazily.

'Remus Lupin…' Voldemort drawled.

Remus cast his eyes to the wall to distract himself; to look anywhere but his captors. Shut your mind!

'I can save you from this pain, these pointless rituals. I can give you the freedom you so desire; the respect; the integrity; anything you want, even…' Voldemort's thin lips spread into a wicked smile, '…love.'

The door to his mind that had been held open by fear slammed shut, as Remus spat into Voldemort's face. 'Fuck you!' He screamed before there were fingers on his throat and then a sudden sharp stench of burning flesh.

Remus laughed as Voldemort pulled back in shock, cradling his now charred hand to his chest. The werewolves scrambled to move farther away from him, breaking out in murmurs of incredulity. Remus's laughter turned hysterical, tears of disbelief and grief streaming down his eyes. It bounced back against the walls, echoing loudly as mockery to the Dark Lord. He watched as the snake hissed in anger and would itself tight. Voldemort's face was curling with fury. Remus's laughter died down abruptly as he saw the pull of wand and he clenched his fists tightly, determined to stay silent for as long as possible. He would not give the satisfaction of pain.

'Crucio!'

'I smelled Deull. At least, it felt like a smell but perhaps it was just a thought. I don't really know,' Sirius whispered softly. Dumbledore had listened to him throughout their conversation without any question or comment. In fact, the Professor had said nothing at all. He had silently listened to everything Sirius had to say with a gentle nod of the head that urged him to go on. 'Deull – the Hanging Trees. There aren't many left, are there, Professor? I could search the country for them, but something tells me that Remus isn't very far from where you'd sent him for the mission.'

Dumbledore sighed. 'Sirius…'

Blood red eyes poised in an endless line. They're watching him. Watching like an animal watches its prey.

'I don't have time, Professor,' Sirius stressed, cutting in. 'A day and a half – that's all I have before the full moon rises. After that…I can tell…Iknow something bad is going to happen. My brother died because of you; because you sent him to a mission that was bound to fail,' He tried to keep the anger out of his voice but his hands were trembling. He glanced to his right and saw James hovering at the bar almost as if he was keeping an eye on Sirius. Sirius turned his eyes back to Dumbledore, shooting him a hard look. 'Are you going to do the same with Remus? Are you really expecting to win a war through nothing but sacrifices?'

'Sirius, I would like nothing more than to help Remus, should he be alive. But from what you have said so far, there is not much to go by apart from-'

'They're real,' Sirius interrupted yet again.

'I never said they weren't, Mr. Black,' Dumbledore replied gently. 'But spirits are often unable to move on after death. In Remus's case, he is simply trying to conquer his loneliness that had plagued him during his life as the living.'

He can't move. He can't take his gaze away from those slitted eyes. Can't stop the ringing in his ears as He mocks him and offers empty promises. He-

Sirius blinked rapidly. 'It stopped,' he exclaimed to himself suddenly.

Panic started to settle into Sirius as he went through the possibilities of what could have happened. It shouldn't have stopped; Sirius had been able to feel Remus since he'd woken up in the hospital. It had been agony, but he'd been able to feel the staccato heartbeat as his own and the deep breaths that had told him Remus was alive. Why? Why, why, why?

'Horcrux,' Sirius cried out desperately, looking at Dumbledore with pleading eyes, 'Horcrux – that's what they want. I don't know what it is or what the fuck they're going to do with it, but I remember hearing it. I remember it.'

'Are you sure?' By the look on Dumbledore's face, Sirius knew he had hit the mark. Dumbledore's blue eyes had gone hard, his mouth set in a tight line. Suddenly, he looked a lot more intimidating than Sirius remembered. He seemed bigger, stronger – his very skin thrumming with powerful magic. 'Mr. Black, are you completely sure of this?'

'I'm begging you, Dumbledore,' Sirius pleaded, taking both the Professor's hands in his. He searched his mind again, feeling tears prickle in his eyes when he still couldn't feel Remus within him. His hands tightened. He didn't care anymore; not for his pride or his past resentments. He didn't care if it meant bringing Remus back. 'Please,' he implored, resting his forehead against their clasped hands in a partial bow. 'Please help me save him…'

Wow, I'm finally done with this chapter. It's the longest one yet and perhaps the most fiddly ones because the change in tenses and sort of present, happening and a lot of oddities going on. So I really hoped you guys liked it and you can feel free to put in anything you want to see in the finale! Do take the time to drop in a review. Cheers!

The Reviewer With No Name: Thank you so much! Hope you liked this chapter and were able to enjoy it with a good dose of music. ;)Moonlight:The switching unfortunately is unavoidable and in cases like this chapter, it is meant to be a bit choppy because it's kind of changing here and there, mood creation and all. But I'll definitely try to make it an easier read, so here's hoping you liked this chapter! Moko: Nope, you're not asking for much at all. We're halfway there already, don't you think? Just one more chapter to go!