"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm,
but to add color to my sunset sky."
Rabindranath Tagore

CHAPTER 11: DIFFICULTIES WORTH HAVING

I couldn't believe… Couldn't frame words for my embarrassment at catching Bella so unsuspecting. I felt truly terrible as I walked slowly down the stairs towards the front door. I shook my head disgustedly at myself. Catching her in such a vulnerable state was simply not gentlemanly. Not in any way, shape, or form. I stopped on the stairs, placing one hand on my hip and with other, grabbed tightly to the railing. Idiot! I chanted at myself.

Rose and Emmett had already arrived and I could do nothing to alleviate her discomfort now. I felt quite infuriated with myself. But... Had she actually looked uncomfortable with my sudden and unannounced presence in her room?

Then I started replaying the scene in my head.

She'd looked so… Gorgeous, alluring, tempting. I smiled sheepishly at myself.

Then I thought a little harder, picturing her face in detail, and remembered that she actually hadn't appeared to feel uncomfortable.

At all.

I felt my eyes widen in understanding.

She had been surprised to see me already in her room of course, but not distressed by my sudden, unexpected presence.

She wanted me as much as I wanted her. My smile morphed into something more primal. My steps quickened on the stairs.

I started trying to mentally find ways to get rid of Rose and Emmett without them becoming suspicious of anything untoward… Maybe I could tell them she was not feeling well… Perhaps I…

No.

It wasn't hers or my intention to practically assault each other. My steps slowed once again as I started moving through the foyer towards the library to greet Rose and Em.

What I'd told Bella was absolutely true; I wanted it to be romantic, passionate, special… And lovely.

I wanted her to never want anyone but me touching her ever again.

That train of thought brought me back to the conversation I'd had with my father in his study on the Saturday we'd arrived. I'd already made up my mind during our plane ride, somewhere over the Atlantic, that I wanted Bella to be my wife and I would ask her officially once we got to the estate.

My only issue was that I wanted to give her my paternal grandmother's ring, and I had no idea if my father would consent to my wish. The ring was a family heirloom. It was also extremely monetarily valuable. Would my father agree to a match with someone I'd only known for not quite two months? Could he possibly understand my need and my desperation for Bella to be with me, always?

Apparently, after watching us carefully for those few hours, how we interacted with each other, with them… He agreed with me. I had felt rather taken aback and shook my head again remembering.

"Dad, I want you to know that I'm deeply in love with Bella and that I've decided to ask her to marry me." I was standing in front of my father's large desk, stiffly looking at a spot over his left shoulder, as he walked around it to turn and stare at me. I hadn't even let him get completely into his office before I'd closed the door behind us and made this statement. I guess I was nervous…

"Son…" He smiled at me knowingly. "Your mother and I knew as soon as you stepped out of Jasper's car that something had drastically changed with you. However, it was watching Bella interact with you that convinced me that she belongs with you." He gave a short laugh as he shook his head lightly. "You belong together."

"Umm…" I hadn't been expecting that. "Well, the thing is, dad, I want to give her Grandmother Cullen's ring." I suddenly felt like I had started out on a much stronger note than what I'd just ended on.

He stared at me for what seemed like forever but I don't think even ten seconds had passed. He leaned forward, placing his hands on the surface of his desk, leaning into it. "Son, that would be… An honor. I believe she would have approved of your choice."

I grinned like a fool. "That's great, dad. Thank you."

He turned away from me and his desk, to walk over to the family safe. As he removed the ring that would soon be Bella's, he told me something that I hadn't even considered in my attempt to 'convince' him of Bella's and my inevitability.

"Edward, I'm very surprised that you've forgotten that your mother and I had only known each other for a few months before we got married." His eyebrows were raised at me in amazement as he handed me the most important of all black velvet boxes.

"Oh, right… I should have used that as part of my argument I suppose." I grinned at him.

"No, I don't think so." He chuckled. "I've never seen two people so in love. Well, other than when I was courting your mother, of course."

I was opening the door to head back out to the front living room, since Bella and I would be leaving soon, when I turned back to give my dad a tap on his arm. "When you were courting? You two are still like newlyweds." We laughed together as we headed to the front living room.

"You're right, of course." He was happy. For me, for himself. We were both very, very lucky and blessed indeed.

I suddenly grew concerned. "Dad, don't tell mom until after we've left and please don't tell anyone else. I'm still working out the details of our engagement and Bella's exceptionally sharp. I don't want her guessing what I'm planning." I gave my dad my most serious look.

He laughed at me, holding his hands up in front of him. "O.k.! I promise."

"Thanks, dad. My plan is to announce our engagement at the party next Saturday, so I'm hoping to ask her Friday night."

He now looked concerned. "That's cutting it a little close, isn't it?"

"I'm not concerned about her wanting to say yes, I'm worried about her doubt of the hold she has over me or that she'll hesitate…"

"Don't worry about it, son. She knows how much you love her." His eyes grew soft and I remembered again how truly brilliant my parents were.

I smiled as we reached the foyer and I immediately noticed that Bella looked a little lost. I secretly hoped it was because she had missed me while I'd been busy with my father.

I went up to her and automatically reached for her hand. She took it and seemed… Relieved. I felt my stomach give a little lurch and asked her if she was ready to go. Before she responded to me, she turned to my parents and told them how happy she had been to meet them and gave them, and me really, a very nice complement. So, she thinks you're charming… I had to grin at that.

~~:::~~

The exquisite feeling of relief and joy I felt as I saw her come into the library to meet my friends… Made me sigh in absolute pleasure. Apparently, I was forgiven for my lapse in good sense. I went to meet her as she got about halfway across the room.

The next fifteen or so minutes, watching her performance in challenging Rose… Was priceless. I knew that Bella was exceptionally bright and intelligent but she was also cunning. I added that little fact to my list of innumerable traits that she possessed.

I remembered again how she'd looked when I'd accidentally become a stalker earlier in the evening. A smile grew slowly across my face. I could sense Rose staring at me, trying to decipher my mood, trying to understand the changes she could visibly see in me.

I decided to call her after Bella had retired to her room for the evening, to make sure there were no misunderstandings about my feelings or intentions when it came to Bella.

"Hi Rose. I guess you've figured out that I'm planning an eternal love affair with Bella." I heard her laugh like I hadn't heard her do so in quite a while. She was happy, even content with Emmett but she really worried about me. Especially after the fiasco with Lauren. I had started to wonder if she wasn't taking some of the blame on herself, which was of course ridiculous.

"Yes, Edward. I kind-of figured that out." She sounded irritated. "I'm sorry I was so rude to her at first… She truly loves you." I could now hear in her voice that her irritation was with herself, not me or Bella. "And I'm pleased to see you so happy." She did sound pleased. I was glad. I hadn't exactly been looking for permission but Rose's support was important to me.

"Thank you, Rose. You know that means a lot to me, right?" I thought she should know that. "Um, I do have a favor to ask though…"

She didn't let me finish. "Edward, you've already asked me to help you dress her up for the party on Saturday at the estate." She sounded a little exasperated.

"Yeah, well, I need to find a way to get her to go with you…"

She cut me off again. "You're not saying that she wouldn't want to go with me, are you?"

"Rose, don't be daft. She's reluctant when it comes to spending my money and I really, really want you to take her to Emmett's family's store." Emmett's family owned several department stores in London that were equivalent to Neiman Marcus'. "I just can't come up with a valid reason."

"Oh, jeez Edward. That's easy. There aren't any stores in the countryside that carry cocktail dresses, now are there?" As usual, when she'd thought of something I hadn't, she sounded smug.

I sighed. "Yes, I think you're right and that would work. I'm planning on taking her on a tour of the estate grounds tomorrow morning, could you come by after lunch tomorrow?" She insisted that she'd need more time than that and told me to have her ready to go by 11:00 a.m. I agreed and we hung up.

I decided it was too late to discuss the party with Bella that evening and I suddenly felt rather tired myself.

At some point in the night, I woke up after having had a dream about Bella that was disturbing to me. She appeared to be walking towards me but she did not seem able to actually reach me. She had the engagement ring on, so she must have said yes to me but I didn't seem to care… I managed to get back to sleep after about a half an hour of tossing and turning.

When I woke at 5:30 a.m. that Thursday, I immediately went to Bella's room and tentatively knocked on her door. "Bella, are you up?…. Bella?…" She hadn't answered and I was a little nervous opening her door without her giving me official permission to do so. I felt sort-of silly just standing outside her door with my hand hovering above the doorknob.

I decided to take a chance and open the door but I closed my eyes just in case. "Bella, sweetheart, are you awake?" Still nothing. I slowly opened one eye and looked uneasily towards her bed. She wasn't in it. Where could she be? Then I remembered one morning in particular at my Gran's…

I headed straight for the kitchen.

November and December in the countryside tends to be a little cold first thing in the morning, so this time I wasn't in a t-shirt and boxers—I actually had a long-sleeved pajama shirt, sleep pants, and even leather slippers on. As I came towards the kitchen I could see that the lights were on. I went in cautiously, whistling in case it was Mrs. Bailes and not Bella.

Bella was standing in front of the large gas stove, stirring something in a large frying pan. There were remnants of several different vegetables strewn over the butcher block countertop of the island, with the egg container sitting precariously next to a large glass of milk.

She turned to the sound of my whistling and the look that lit up her face… I thought my heart would explode in my chest. She was so happy to see me it was tangible. "Hi, honey! Would you like some breakfast?" She cooks too? I was astounded. It smelled really good…

"Um, sure. Did you make enough to share?" I asked her teasingly. I looked her over appraisingly, since she was in a sweet little white cotton nightgown. It had some pretty lace trim around the neckline, accentuating her long neck and collarbones, just above her hinted at cleavage… It had cute little sleeves that ended just before her elbows and the hem fell just barely below her knees. She also had tiny but fuzzy, white slippers on her dainty feet.

She turned to me with a most mischievous look in her eyes. "Well, these aren't strawberries but we can't have everything, can we?" She actually batted her eyelashes at me.

I barked off a laugh. "YOU are an amazing creature." I came up behind her, placing my hands on her hips and bent down to put my chin lightly on her shoulder. "Omelets?" I guessed. It really did look quite scrumptious.

She laughed. God, I love her laugh… "Yes. Could you get two plates out? This is ready."

I did as I had been instructed and she dished out what she called a Denver Omelet. We sat at the kitchen island, not talking, just enjoying the meal she had fixed for us both. It was fantastic. I shook my head, astounded.

"What? Don't you like it?" She sounded serious.

I snorted. "Are you kidding me? This is the best omelet I've ever had." I looked at her through my eyelashes. "You have everything going for you already, and yet… You can cook too?" I shook my head in mock astonishment.

"What, you didn't think I'd be able to cook?" She sounded slightly pouty.

I laughed at her. "You are absurd." She sighed and got up to clean her plate off in the sink.

I helped her clean up the kitchen in silence. After we'd gotten everything put away, I felt… Strange. Almost as if there was an electrical current humming between us. It was similar to how I'd felt on the plane for a few moments… I'd thought at the time that it had been my imagination but apparently it hadn't. The feeling was quite real, very unique and erotically enjoyable.

She was leaning against the island, with her hands on the surface and her elbows bent back behind her. She was standing with her legs slightly stretched out in front of her, with one ankle crossed over the other. She was so… Cute. Beautiful. Sexy…

I suddenly walked over to stand in front of her. She looked up into my face and smiled radiantly. I couldn't help myself… I put my hands on her waist and she moved her hands from the countertop to the tops of my forearms. I carefully lifted her up and sat her on the counter. Her nightgown rose up to the top of her thighs… We stared at each other for an intermittent period of time and I felt the electricity alter and intensify.

I leaned into her and placed my lips at the base of her neck, running them up and down, while giving her small kisses. I heard her sigh softly. I lightly traced the area right above her collarbone with the tip of my tongue. I now heard a tiny moan escape from her parted lips. She moved her hands from my arms to my hair, gently running her fingers through it. "I love your hair…" She whispered.

I immediately groaned, lifting my head to her face and lips and began kissing her in earnest. She gave me her tongue and we both moaned at the same time. My hands went around her as her legs wrapped around my waist. "Bella…" I murmured against her lips. I thought my skin was going to catch on fire with the intensity of our kissing.

I was starting to get short of breath when she broke the kiss. "Edward, we shouldn't be doing this… Here… It's your kitchen." She unwrapped her legs from around me and she was almost as breathless as I was. She also had that delicious blush across her cheeks that I loved so much.

"I. Don't. Care." I told her throatily. She rested her forehead against mine and we both tried to catch our breath. "I guess I do care… Sort-of." She laughed and I had to smile.

I carefully lifted her off of the counter and watched as her nightgown slid back down into place. I looked down into her beautiful face. "I love you, Bella. I want you to be mine. Forever." She placed part of her bottom lip behind her teeth and I thought I was going to melt.

She gazed into my eyes for a few seconds and then removed her lip from her teeth. "That sounds so wonderful, Edward." She had whispered my name.

I still had my hands on her waist from when I'd removed her from the countertop. She moved her hands slowly up my chest, to wrap them around my neck.

She had tears in her eyes and my breath caught in my throat. "I love you, Edward. Forever." She went up on her tiptoes to kiss me lightly on my lips. I wanted so badly to sweep her up and take her to my room… But something stopped me. I knew that she would go with me and I could even sense that she wouldn't regret it.

But I wanted to at least propose to her before we were together completely, physically. I realized that the kissing had fogged my brain a bit.

If I was going to be completely honest with myself, however, I knew that wasn't true. I wanted to wait beyond just the proposal. Or I would regret it. Waiting for her to be ready had placed a seed of an idea in my mind, and it was becoming clearer and clearer to me all the time.

I nodded my head as I held my lips to her forehead. "I'm glad. Because I honestly don't know what I would do if you decided you didn't want me." I looked down into the glorious chocolate brown pools of love that were her eyes and we stared at each for a few more moments. I let her go, except for one of her hands.

As we walked together to the staircase and our respective rooms, I filled her in on a few details about the upcoming day's events. "My love, we're going to be having a small dinner party at the house on Saturday evening. And I'm fairly certain you didn't pack any cocktail dresses."

She looked up at me expectantly, waiting for additional information, I guessed. I'm not sure she looked exactly thrilled, so I explained it all a little bit more. "It'll be my family, Rose, Emmett, some of the staff, and a few of our neighbors. Just a light buffet, some wine, and some music. Not a big deal."

She seemed satisfied with that description, so I told her that Rose would be taking her to look for dresses. "Listen to me very carefully." I got very stern. She giggled at me and I sighed. "I want you to buy whatever you want—I mean it. Don't give me that look."

She'd tried to roll her eyes at me. "Bella…" I spoke more quietly to her. "Please, do this for me. Let me spoil you a little bit. You've told me that you want to love me forever. You can't honestly expect me to not buy you anything for forever? That's just silly." At the end of my little speech, I was holding both of her hands in mine between us.

She grew subdued and I got a little anxious. I rubbed my thumbs gently into the backs of her hands. "Edward, I…" She changed whatever she had been planning on saying mid-sentence. "You know what, in this one instance you're right. I would never have planned on any kind of fancy parties, so I will let you buy me some things."

I grew suspicious and narrowed my eyes at her. "Are you just saying that?"

She shook her head slightly. "No, actually, I'm not. I just don't want you to send Alice to take me shopping, which is what you would do if I didn't take you up on this now. I'll take the trip with Rose. I know she'll be sensible." She gave me my favorite glowing smile.

Apparently, after only a few phone calls and one dinner with my sister, Bella and Alice had become fast friends. And, Bella already had Alice's measure regarding her shopping customs.

As we reached her room, I fought the urge to kiss her again like I had in the kitchen and bent down and gave her a wet little kiss on her cheek. "Love you." I murmured against it.

She closed her eyes and sighed. "Love you."

She reopened her eyes and turned away from me, to get ready for the day… Alone. I'll never leave you alone again as soon as you say yes to my marriage proposal… I thought to myself as I headed for my own, lonely room.

~~:::~~

As I reentered the guest bedroom, I held my hand up to my cheek, to feel the slight wetness that was still there from Edward's kiss. I was mesmerized… Obsessed… I never in my life would have suspected that someone like Edward existed.

Jacob and I had been best friends, we'd been in love, even soul mates. But this intense, almost otherworldly love… Edward was dazzling me, there was no other way to put it. His love for me felt surreal but ironclad.

I gathered up my toiletries and a change of clothes and headed for the bathroom to get ready for the day with Edward… And apparently Rose.

I wore jeans and a charcoal colored v-neck sweater, since it had finally gotten really cold—it was actually starting to feel like winter to me. I was very much enjoying it in the English countryside, even though it was the winter, and I wondered what his family's estate would look like in the Spring. Probably stunning. I smiled contentedly to myself as I walked down the staircase and back to the kitchen.

He met me at the backdoor and we headed hand in hand over to an older, slightly beat-up Land Rover 'Defender.' He opened my door for me and helped me in, since it was a slight climb up for me to get into it. After he'd gone around and gotten into the driver's seat, I asked him why it was so… Tall.

"Well, this is our main vehicle for getting around to the more remote parts of the estate and we don't want to get stuck, now do we?" He grinned at me as we drove away from the garage located at the back of the house, heading past the stables and out towards the fields in the distance.

"Nope. That would kind-of suck… Except… Then I wouldn't have to go shopping!" I sounded hopeful, even to me.

He laughed at me. Loudly. "There's no way that's happening." He shook his head with mock disappointment. "You promised, Bella, remember?" He looked at me like a disapproving father.

"Fine. But… What am I supposed to be getting, exactly? Just so I know what to look for." He'd laughed again but I'd been serious. He realized this quickly and gave me some additional information. However, when he got to the end of his 'list,' he accidentally let something very interesting slip, which I filed away for a more in-depth study of later.

"Well, you'll need a cocktail dress, preferably in black. You'll also need to get a second dress, something more neutral, lighter… Silk. Definitely silk. Oh! I'd like you to pick out some jewelry, too, especially some earrings. I've never seen you wear earrings… Do you have them pierced? Maybe you could get a bracelet, too. You have very nice wrists and hands, you should accentuate them. And perhaps you could also get some nice, silky, royal blue nightwear…" He tried to catch himself, but he didn't stop his ramble in time.

I let out a muted gasp.

"Edward… You've thought about this… A lot. Haven't you?" I turned in my seat to stare at him.

He looked really embarrassed. I mean, really, really embarrassed. "Yes?..." He answered me with a questioning tone, as if he was a small boy that had gotten caught pulling a little girls pigtails.

I sighed exasperatedly at him. "I will complete your list, oh Lord of the Manor." I giggled, and I could feel his relief radiating off of him. I'd let the very last part of his request go un-commented on, and he was oh-so grateful.

But I'd only done so because I was going to mull it over, trying to figure out what exactly his plans for me were.

He obviously had something planned other than the party on Saturday night. He hadn't said anything about Friday, except that his parents might come down in the afternoon. I paid extra attention to the little things he said throughout our tour of the grounds, to see if I could pick up any additional clues.

As we drove around the estate, stopping and talking with some of the estate workers, seeing some of the animals, and looking at some of the woodland, he would tell me details about each person, the animals and even some of the trees. There was one in particular that he got somewhat emotional about since it was an English Oak that his father had planted for his mother in commemoration of their wedding.

We were walking around the tree in circles, with our hands lightly trailing along the bark, following each other. "You love your parents very much, don't you?" It wasn't really a question.

"Yes. They've always been two of the best people I've ever known." He stated very quietly.

I stopped walking and so did he. I brushed my hands across my jeans to remove any debris that I might have picked up from the tree trunk, turned and stepped up to him. Reaching my arms up and running my hands through the hair at the back of his neck, I told him quietly, "You're very lucky…"

He looked at me with shining eyes and gave me a lovely hug. "No, I'm very blessed." I didn't know how to respond to that, so I simply kept playing with his hair.

It was quiet between us on the drive back for awhile after that. Not as if we were uncomfortable or didn't have anything to say to each other, we were just reveling in each others company. It was nice to not have to fill the silence, that we could just be together. He would occasionally glance over at me and smile crookedly, would reach over and run his fingers down my arm, to braid our fingers together. I was so happy I was having difficulty containing it. He chuckled and shook his head, as if I'd told him a silly joke.

He sped up a little bit heading back to the house, since he'd apparently promised Rose that he would have me ready to go with her by 11:00 a.m. and it was already quarter 'til.

I got somewhat pouty. "I don't want to go…" Before he could object again, I told him that it wasn't the shopping that I didn't want to do exactly, I just didn't want to be away from him.

We were walking back into the kitchen at this point, when he turned me around suddenly, wrapped his arms around me and kissed me noisily on the forehead. "I don't want to be away from you, either." He tilted his head so that it was resting on top of mine and sighed.

He held me tightly for a few minutes and then reluctantly let me go. "But, I really, really want to see you in something other than a t-shirt and jeans, my love." He held me out from him at arm's length as he said this, smiling brightly at me.

"Fine. I'll go and get something fancy for this silly ball… Party… Shindig-thing that you're throwing." I tried to scowl up at him but I just couldn't disappoint that face. I gave a small huff and turned to head for the front door.

He caught my hand as I turned and while laughing, spun me around him, like we were dancing instead of walking through the house. "See, you can be reasonable when you put your mind to it."

He really was lovely and I wasn't about to dampen the look of happiness currently shining in his eyes. "Love you."

He grinned at me. "Love you."

I sighed as I headed out to Rose's car, to see what she would think of his 'laundry list' of purchases… And steeled myself for an interesting afternoon.

~~:::~~