A/N: You MUST listen to Dave Mathew Band's "You & Me" while reading this Chap. On repeat. Seriously. :)

"Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate,
but through being the right mate."
Barnett R. Brickner

CHAPTER 14: SPIRITUALITY OF MARRIAGE

I awoke with my arms feeling strangely stiff. Which didn't make sense to me, since I was fairly certain I'd fallen asleep in Edward's arms last night.

Then I realized I must have moved a bit during the night.

As I confusedly moved my arms back down from their position above my head to rest them on my stomach, I noticed how his shirt was barely covering me. I frantically pulled at his shirt as I glanced over at him, only to find that his back was to me. I rolled my eyes at myself, realizing I had almost panicked about him seeing me nearly naked.

I felt my eyes scrunch with chagrin as I wrapped his shirt around me more tightly, remembering my rather extreme emotional display the night before for the opposite reason.

I stretched out my legs and yawned. I felt… Spent. Tired. Even a little sad. But then I caught a glint of light shinning off of his ring on my finger and I smiled widely, since we were at least engaged now.

At least?

That was ungrateful. He had made it very clear that he wanted me to be his wife for everyone to know and see that I was his soul mate. He wanted me to be his alone.

I was a sex-crazed maniac, that was the only explanation I could come up with for my behavior towards the him the night before.

As I thought over the events of the previous evening, I could now see all the little markers that were there, telling me what he'd been actually planning; to propose to me. I recognized now that I'd been too preoccupied with my own wants and urges to notice. However, I certainly wished that he'd been more candid about his plans for waiting until after marriage for us to take that next, most intimate of steps in our relationship.

Since he had told me how he felt about me on the plane, it sort-of felt inevitable that we would be taking that next step sooner rather than later. Honestly, it hadn't even entered into my head that he'd want to wait for the actual ceremony to tie us together physically.

But I knew now that all he was really asking of me was that we take our time, to make it so special that we'd always have that perfect union to work towards later, that we'd know that we had never settled for ordinary.

It sounded romantic to me now that I could think over everything he'd told me the night before with a clear head. It was actually extremely romantic. But… He definitely hadn't handled my reaction to his declaration well at all.

I would not make any excuses for him. I had felt utterly rejected by his reaction. We definitely needed to discuss what had transpired. I needed to apologize and so did he.

However, it meant so much to me that even under those circumstances and after explaining to me how he felt about sex, marriage and us, he had stayed with me all night anyway.

I rolled onto my side, propping myself up on my elbow and hesitatingly reached out to touch the back of his head, tenderly fingering his hair. He stirred and then rolled over towards me. "Bella…" He was still a bit sleepy but he automatically put his arms out as he rolled over, to wrap me in his embrace and hold me to his body tightly.

We laid like that for several minutes, with him rocking us gently back and forth. I was certain that neither one of us wanted to jump right in to discuss the events of the night before, but it had to be done.

I reached back from holding his head tightly to the crook of my neck, to run my fingers around his ears to place my hands on either side of his face. "Edward… My beloved." He immediately stopped moving us in tandem and his eyes were instantly wide and staring at my face. I'd forgotten I'd said that to him last night, right before our first official fight as a couple.

I put my fingers over his lips to stop whatever he'd been about to say because, honestly, I wanted to go first. "I'm sorry, I should have said 'sweetheart.' I wasn't trying to bring up last night… Well, I was, but not exactly like that." I smiled lovingly at him and moved my fingers from off of his face.

He reached out and stroked my jaw. "I've already figured out a way to make last night up to you, my love." His eyes held a compelling light within them as he'd spoken and I almost lost my train of thought.

But not quite.

I sighed and pulled away from him as I sat up carefully, crossing my arms in front of my chest as I did so.

"Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen, you have made enough plans already without consulting me first. You will not do that again. Ever."

He quickly sat up, putting his legs in a crossed position under him. "My darling fiancé, if I want to surprise you, I will." He now had his arms casually behind his body and was leaning against them.

He cocked his head to one side. "God, you are so cute when you're mad." He was grinning at me as he'd spoken.

I huffed in indignation. "Well, I'm glad you find me humorous, Edward." I drew my arms more tightly to my body and gave him my best stink-eye. I of course wasn't really mad. We seemed to both be trying to lighten the heavy mood that we had woken up to.

Suddenly, his entire body appeared to tense, and his eyes became very focused, with a mischievous glint showing in them too. He sensuously changed his position on the bed so that he was now on his hands and knees. He reminded me of a large jungle cat that was about to pounce. The look on his face changed too, and he was now looking at me almost as if I was something to eat. I felt my own eyes narrow back at him. "You wouldn't…"

Sure enough, he made a serious attempt to lunge for me, but I grabbed his arms and rolled so that he ended up on top of me. I giggled at his predicament. "Bella…" He sounded disapproving and then…

He placed his hands on either side of my shoulders, holding himself up so that he wouldn't put all of his weight on me, and bent down to kiss me rather passionately. After only a few moments, I felt his tongue run along my lower lip. "Um, Edward, I thought you said…" My voice sounded nervous.

He continued to stare into my eyes but dropped his arms down so he was using his elbows to hold himself up. He began moving his hands, very slowly, down my shoulders, to my sides, barely missing my breasts with his thumbs. He then repositioned himself so he could run his hands down to my waist, where he gripped me tightly and rolled onto his back, taking me with him.

"You seem to be the one being aggressive now, my love." As he chuckled at our playfulness, he had the most sinful look on his face.

I gave him a stern look while I tapped my finger on the end of his nose. "Edward, we do need to talk about what happened last night. I want to be the first to apologize for wanting to assault you. That wasn't very nice. I almost ruined the lovely evening you'd planned for us." I let out a huff of indignation for good measure.

He didn't look very happy and our playful banter seemed to suddenly be over.

"Bella, I… I denied you last night. Without any warning. I watched you throughout the day, I even realized what you thought I'd planned when we were walking down the hall to our room. I should have told you how I felt, long before we reached that point."

He reached up tentatively with one hand, still grasping my waist tightly with his other, and placed it soothingly against my cheek. "I'm so sorry, my love. I didn't mean to make you feel unwanted." He shook his head but now his eyes were boring into me. "You couldn't possibly have ruined anything. Please don't think that. You said, yes, remember? If you'd said no… THAT would have ruined everything."

I closed my eyes and I felt a few tears escape from under my lids. "I'm so sorry, too. I love you so much." I laid down on top of him, resting my head against his neck just under his jaw. He moved me so that I was laying next to him, moving his arms so that they were wrapped around my shoulders and my stomach.

I lifted my left hand up and wiggled my fingers at him. "Well, you definitely don't do anything marginally, do you?" I smirked at him.

"You like it, don't you?" He actually sounded worried.

I snorted. "You're kidding, right? What girl doesn't like diamonds, and a rare one at that?"

He sighed and squeezed me tightly. "O.k. I'm glad. It's actually a Cullen family heirloom. So it holds great value in our family."

I sat up next to him. "Edward, it's not its value monetarily or its age that matters to me, it's important because you gave it to me."

He looked at me with increased interest in his eyes. "Only you could come up with something so wonderful to describe that ring. Something that makes it ours."

He sat up next to me, moved closer to my body, and took my face in his hand to move me closer to him so he could kiss me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned into him. I gave a little moan when he touched my tongue with his. He didn't immediately let me go as he had the night before, if anything, he actually moved deeper into my mouth, slowly, fervently. He incrementally removed his tongue, finishing with a gentle kiss to my nose and each of my eye lids.

"Bella, I want to make up for the part last night where you felt… I'd forsaken you." I started to protest but he cut me off with a quick kiss. "No, don't. This is important to me. But, I will make a deal with you." He kissed me again, a little more slowly this time, before he spoke again. "I will abide by your demand that I do not make any major plans regarding us and our relationship without consulting you first. Is that agreeable?"

I leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the nose. "Yes, that's agreeable. So, what are you planning now Mr. Cullen?"

"To make you Mrs. Cullen today, so I can have you completely to myself this afternoon." He'd said this without skipping a beat.

I was so astonished that I started to sputter. "But you… Can't… What? HOW?" He laughed his glorious, musical laughter. And I blushed.

"My dearest soon-to-be wife, sometimes having a father that's Lord of a manor house can be quite useful."

I felt my eyes grow a little large. "You didn't tell him… About… What happ…"

He looked aghast. "Oh my God, no! Of course I didn't. That was between you and me alone. I would never do that Bella!" He roughly ran his hand through his disheveled hair. "I would never talk about our intimate and private state of affairs with anyone else. O.k.? "

He suddenly looked uneasy. He let go of my face and leaned back a little, letting his other arm drop from my side. "Um, Bella…"

I knew what he was going to tell me. But I couldn't break Rosalie's confidence. I didn't know what to do… But I thought I should be as encouraging as possible. "Yes?" I smiled reassuringly at him.

He looked into my face, searching for… Something. Then he let out a long breath. "I… I accidentally told Rose something before you went shopping with her." He ran his hand through his hair again and I reached up to gently touch his face, to let him know I was listening and wouldn't shut him down.

He looked at me nervously and then finished his confession. "She was… Taunting me about you. I got, well, I got very angry and told her that… That I wasn't rushing you in regards to us being together… Physically." He looked at me sheepishly and then he realized that I wasn't freaked out about it. He looked at me with wonderment in his eyes but with determination too. "I'm… I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have let her get to me like that, let myself get… So angry."

"Edward," I leaned towards him, placing my hands on his shoulders. "As long as you were defending my honor, how can that be a bad thing?" I tilted my head at him knowingly.

"Ah… I hadn't thought of it like that." He leaned in the few inches that we were apart and gave me a big kiss. "Thank you, sweetheart. I love you."

"And I love you." After staring into his eyes for a few seconds, I leaned away from him and fell backwards on the bed. "So, when are we doing it?"

He almost choked. "Bella… !"

"Oh good grief! And I thought I had a dirty mind. I meant the Lord of the Manor-sponsored wedding today, goofball."

He laughed harder than I'd seen him laugh in days. He had tears in his eyes. "Oh, Bella. You're incredible." He managed to stop laughing uncontrollably to tell me what the plan was.

It sounded like a really good idea. We wouldn't have to wait to 'be together' but we could still have a 'normal' wedding at a later date. That way, his whole family, his friends and mine could come and share it with us.

As we laid in his bed and discussed our plans for the day, I still felt that the previous night had some unresolved issues associated with it. I wanted to get them completely cleared out of my head so I wouldn't wonder about it at some distant point in the future.

He was lying next to me while lazily rubbing circles into my shoulder. I very carefully sat up next to him, making sure his shirt was around me properly. I pulled my legs up to my chest with my arms around them, moving my hand off my leg and touched his arm gently. "Edward, there's a few questions I have for you regarding last night. I just don't want them to come up later, seeming more important than they really are. Is that o.k.?"

The arm that wasn't touching me he had behind his head, and he turned a little to see me better. "Yes. If you have questions, about anything, ever, just ask me. I don't want there to ever be any barriers between us. Ever."

I gave him a tight smile and he grinned in response, encouraging me with a nod of his head to continue. "Well, my first question is why did you tell me to buy a nightie if you didn't have plans to seduce me?"

He turned his head back a little, staring up on the canopy as he answered thoughtfully. "Well, I meant for that to be something… For later. But your instincts are correct. I shouldn't have asked that of you unless I planned on following through." He smiled at me apologetically and I tapped my index finger against his arm.

"See, that right there…" I shook my head at him, "You don't need to apologize. I think I understand how much you want me, I just wondered if you understood the significance of a request like that."

He had a slight frown but only for a few seconds. "No, I didn't think of it that way, as if it were an invitation." He looked over at me mischievously. "I guess it'll be o.k. for me to ask for those kinds of things in the future, though, right?" He had a huge grin on his face now.

I rolled my eyes at him dramatically. "You're being goofy. Cute but goofy... And, yes, it will be o.k." I let my breath out loudly and gave him my best stern-looking face. He just chuckled.

O.k. So far, so good. Now for the really hard one, mainly because it was more about my fears than anything he'd done or said. I hesitated and he picked up on it.

He rolled over on his side to face me and moved his hand from my shoulder to my hip. "Sweetheart, what's wrong? You can ask me anything, I promise." He said this in a very solemn tone.

"O.k., well… One of the main things that was driving me all day yesterday and into the evening, the reason it didn't register like it should have that you were proposing to me…" I stretched my legs out in front of me with my hands trapped under my legs, and his hand never moved from off of my leg. I didn't think I could look at him. I wanted to, so badly, but this was so… Deeply personal. I felt tears begin to pool up in my eyes and I tried not to shed them… To no avail.

"Bella, what is it?" He was concerned now.

I laid down, stretching myself out next to him on the bed, putting one hand at the back of his head to play with his hair and the other lightly resting on his chest. I leaned into his face but didn't make eye contact. I kept my eyes focused on his lips instead. "I'm concerned about being able to… To please you… Because I haven't been with…" He kissed me intensely to interrupt me, abruptly bringing me tightly to his chest.

"Bella, don't. It's not about pleasing me. It's about us being together uninhibited, completing each other." He pointed at himself and then at me and back again. "You and me together, that's all that matters and that alone will make it wonderful."

I snuggled in closer to him. "O.k. Thank you, Edward." I reached up with my lips and placed kisses all along his jaw. "Alright. One more. And this isn't a question as much as I just want to point out the most amazing thing you said to me last night, the one thing that I will never forget you telling me." I blushed deeply at him. "Well, the second most amazing thing. The first was when you asked me to be your wife and you gave me this ring."

He dazzled me with his radiant smile. It never failed to amaze me that when he smiled like that, his whole face lit up, as if there would be no way he could possibly get any happier. "Yes, my love?" His smile changed into something more somber. I leaned forward placing my head next to his shoulder, so that I was nestled into his neck and could whisper into his ear more easily.

"When you told me… When you said you wanted to make love to me, in… In a way that I'll never want anyone but you touching me… Ever again. That's the most romantic thing anyone has ever told me."

The room suddenly felt electric, almost as strong as it had right before he'd brought me into his room the night before. I gave a gasp in surprise realizing he was already moving, rolling over carefully on top of me. He was holding himself above with me with his elbows again and he placed his hands on either side of my face and my own hands, of their own accord, went high to his ribcage, by his heart. It was beating so hard…

"Bella…" His voice was deep and rich. "I never, in my entire life, have ever meant something so absolutely, so solidly, as when I asked you to marry me. I want you to know, that I want you so badly that it physically hurts." His eyes became compelling and I felt myself getting lost in his intense gaze.

He bent his face down and ever, ever so delicately, brushed his lips across mine. He moved back less than an inch from my face and ran his tongue quickly around his own lips, with his liquid verdant eyes roaming over my face. I also felt other parts of him pressing into me. I started to see his resolve that he'd shown me the night before begin to waiver. I realized that he was becoming conflicted in his mind about waiting.

This I could not allow. I knew how much it meant to him. And it had begun to mean so much to me that I was surprised at myself. Before he could go any further, before he broke his promise to himself and me, I had to stop him from possibly going to far. He'd made waiting until after we were married seem like the most glorious thing we could do, that it would only be more intense, more extraordinary than I ever could have possibly imagined.

I reached up and placed my fingers over his mouth and cheek. "No. Stop, Edward. I want to wait. I want you to make it as exquisite as you've made it sound. I want to go through with the ceremony today but we're going to wait until after the party. That way…" I felt my face grow hot and noticed his eyebrows knit ever so slightly. My voice became lower than a whisper. "That way, we'll have all night and the next morning for you to show me exactly what you've asked me to wait for."

A strangled groan left his lips and he dipped his head down so it was in the pillow next to my head. "Bella, I love you so much. But if we stay in our room like this for even a moment longer, I am not going to be able to stop myself." His words were a little muffled but I got the gist of it.

I giggled at him. "O.k., lover boy. We should probably get up and get ready for the day anyway, don't you think? I'd hate for your mom and dad to find us like this." Luckily my words had their desired affect, and the mood was lightened between us significantly with my words.

I exhaled loudly as he rolled off of me and went to a sitting position next to me on the bed. He stared longingly at me but sighed and nodded his head. "You're right." I thought I heard an expletive leave his lips under his breath but I couldn't be sure.

As he started to get off the bed, part of what he'd just said clicked in my head. "Edward…"

He stopped and turned back around from heading to his closet. "Ummm?"

"You just said 'our' room?" His eyes grew innocent. However, he knew me well enough to know that what I was really asking for was an explanation of that comment.

"Yes. This is our room now. I want you to move all your things from the guest room to this one as soon as possible. Today, actually. And, you need to tell me what you'd like changed to make this room as much yours as it is mine." It was apparent he'd been thinking about this for awhile already.

He crossed his arms over his chest. "And we'll have to work out the details of moving your belongings from California to here. Do you want to make it a vacation? We could stay in San Francisco for a few weeks and you could play the tourist guide… Wait! We haven't even discussed where you'd like to take our honeymoon! Where's somewhere you've never been, that would be romantic enough for…" I raised both my arms in front of me, as if trying to protect myself from his barrage of words.

"Edward," I sounded exasperated. "Take a breath. Let's get married first? Remember that you told me this was a functionary ceremony, we won't legally be husband and wife, and I'm not going on a honeymoon with you until we are, o.k.? What would all our friends and family say?" I sounded like I'd just scolded him.

He looked crestfallen. "O.k."

I couldn't help myself, I laughed at him. "Good grief, you look like I just killed your favorite pet." I shook my head at him. "You know I'm right." It was his turn to look exasperated.

"Of course you're right." He ran his hands through his hair. "O.k. We'll get through today and worry about those things tomorrow. But I still want you to move in here with me today, Mrs. Almost-Cullen." He looked a little fierce as he said this.

"Yes sir." I looked down at the bed and it was his turn to laugh at me.

"Silly girl." He was shaking his head at me as he walked away.

As he entered his closet, I raised my voice so he would be sure to hear me. "Edward, what should I wear for the ceremony today? I don't have a wedding dress and it sounds like that wouldn't really be appropriate anyway…"

He spoke from out of his closet and I could just barely hear him. "Wear the dress from last night, please." Oh, that makes sense. After all, I wouldn't be wearing white anyway since I'd been married before and it was a very feminine, very pretty dress.

I was thinking about the dress, and the day, and Edward… And wasn't paying attention to myself as I got up from the bed. I slowly walked over to the window to look out over the front garden. I stared out across his estate with one leg crossed in front of the other, one hand tentatively on the curtain, and I became vaguely aware that it had gotten very quiet behind me. I turned around, automatically pulling his shirt around myself and took in Edward standing by the end of the bed, casually leaning against the bedpost closest to me with his arms casually crossed over his no longer bare chest.

"Um, love, just so you know, most people that work on the estate have already been up and about for several hours… And you're practically naked, standing in front of a large window at the front of the house." He raised one eyebrow at me and I groaned. "Not that I mind, since I'm sure no one saw you. But just so you're aware…" His eyes crinkled up a little bit and he gave me his sexiest crooked smile and winked at me. "Oh, and by the way, you really look incredibly sexy in my shirt."

"Oh!" I ran back to him and he opened his arms wide to catch me, with a huge grin spread across his face laughing cheerfully at me. He buried his face in my hair, finding my neck and nuzzled it. "I love you, my Bella."

"I'm sorry Edward, I'm just so… At ease and happy." I stood on my toes quickly and kissed him softly. "Love you." We wrapped our arms around each other and stared into each other's eyes for several minutes. We both sighed at the same time and laughed at ourselves.

"This is crazy, we've got to get ready!" As I made this statement, I let go of him and walked away to get my dress and shoes from off of the floor, when it dawned on me that I didn't know where to go. Back to my room to change, stay here with Edward…? Didn't he have an in-suite bathroom?

He must have read the confusion on my face because he started heading towards the door. "Bella, I'm going to go get some breakfast going for us, why don't you get ready in your former room this morning?" I took note of his emphasis on the word 'former' and smirked. But I was curious…

"Um, Edward, if this is the master bedroom, why don't you have your own bathroom?"

His forehead wrinkled a little bit between his eyebrows. "I do. But I know all your things are back in your old room."

"O.k., I hate to seem imperceptive but where is your bathroom?"

He tried not to laugh. He pointed towards the wall to the left side of the bed where there was another small door identical to the one on the right side, which was his walk-in closet.

I felt rather sheepish. "I didn't notice that."

I placed my hands on my hips, giving him my best disgruntled face. "You distracted me with all the candles, and your gorgeousness, and the marriage proposal stuff."

He stifled a chuckle and headed out his door. As he got halfway through it he looked at me over his shoulder, giving me a look that almost made me melt. "My darling soon-to-be wife, please, please move your things to our bedroom, after you've gotten ready this morning? I can't stand the thought of us ever having to sleep apart again."

He then slowly turned completely around from the door to face me, and his eyes changed—he looked at me with a contemplative glint. "Actually, I'd like to make a decision between us, if that's alright." He waited for me to nod in acquiescence. "That we will never sleep apart, for any reason, for the rest of our lives. Do you agree, my love?"

I smiled hugely at him. "Yes! Definitely."

He grinned at me. "Good. Now go get ready before my father gets here, please." He tried to sound indignant. I felt my eyes narrow at him and I went to throw my shoe but he ducked out quickly. I could hear him laughing all the way down the hall.

~~:::~~