Shinigami-cat: Yay! Next chapter... I OWN NOTHING!

Project: kidnap

Roderich sighed. "We've been getting lots of offers to work at host clubs haven't we?"

Francis laughed and picked up a handful of cards from the host clubs. "Maybe I should give it a try." He said. "One place said they would pay me $6,000 a month."

"Ve? Really?" Asked Feliciano. "That's so cool."

"I don't think it's a good idea to start down that line of work." Said Roderich. "I mean we're still in high school."

Gilbert held up an empty bowel. "More food."

"That's your fourth bowel." Said Francis. "You're going to lose you figure."

"Shut up." Said Gilbert. "I hardly ate anything when I was sick."

Roderich face palmed. "He doesn't even know Matthew tried to kill him..." That's right people! While Gilbert was stuffing his face Matthew was in his room going crazy.

Matthew giggled while scribbling on a piece of paper. "How should I kill him? Stabbing? To boring. Some kind of wacky ACME thing? To complicated. Ha ha ha! Just you wait you creature of the light. Before I melt away into nothingness I'll turn you into... the world's most beautiful corps!"

He sighed contently at the thought. Gilbert wrapped in a blood red silk cloth, black roses surrounding his body. It was perfect... but the image of Gilbert naked suddenly flashed in his mind. As a result Matthew got a violent nose bleed. 'I'll freaking kill him...'

XoXoXo later in the morning oXoXoX

"Okay." Said Gilbert. "I'm heading off."

"I'll go to." Said Matthew.

"Holy crap! Where the hell did you come from?"

"I can't believe it!" Said Francis. "Matthew wants to go to school!"

'Of course I want to go to school.' Thought Matthew. 'Never know when I might get a chance to kill him. I have to stay near him at all times!'

"Ve he's scaring me again!" Cried Feliciano.

They got about halfway to school before someone approached them. "Hey your Gilbert Beilschmidt right?" They turned to see a man wearing a white mask and a suit. He seemed to be Turkish. "I've heard about you and want you to work at my club. I'm the manager. My name's Sadiq" He gave Gilbert a card.

"Club Oasis?" Asked Gilbert. "No freaking way."

"Just come by and have a look." Said Sadiq.

"I said no." Growled Gilbert. "I hate fake laughter and fake smiling and fake people. I hate them to death. Do you really think you should be asking a high school kid to do this?"

"But all you have to do is sit there!" Said Sadiq. "And I'll pay you $10,000 a month! Negotiable!"

"$10,000! That's heaps!" Said Feliciano.

"Listen here Phantom of the opera. I don't care." Said Gilbert. "You could pay me $100,000,000,000 and I would still say no. Find someone else."

Sadiq growled but walked away. "Ve that was so cool!" Said Feliciano.

'That man...' Thought Matthew. 'He's after Gilbert too! I have to hurry!'

XoXoXo later that night oXoXoX

"Ve... I've never heard of club Oasis before." Said Feliciano. "They must be pretty famous to offer to pay Gilbert $10,000 a month."

Roderich shrugged. "They probably just never asked us before."

"That guy was a total creeper." Said Gilbert. "What's with his mask?"

Francis suddenly ran into the room. "You guys will never guess what I just found out about club Oasis!" He cried. "Apparently it's really suspicious!"

"Who told you that?" Asked Feliciano.

"The wife of a business man I know."

"Cough his mistress cough." Said Gilbert. "Sorry I had something stuck in my throat."

"Shut up Gilbert." Said Francis. "Anyway... the membership fee is ridiculously high. It's a member only club and they do stuff there that's barely legal! I heard that members can buy drugs and under aged prostitutes there! They don't care whether the customers are male or female!"

"... Where did you meet that lady?" Asked Gilbert.

"Ve well it's a good thing you said no Gilbert." Said Feliciano.

"They might have forced you to do all kinds of stuff with an old man." Said Roderich. "They'll probably ask again..."

"Next time I'll break that guys nose." Said Gilbert. Matthew walked into the room carrying a tray of food.

"Dinner's ready." He said. As he turned to leave a note pad fell out of his pocket. Roderich noticed this and picked it up.

"Hey Matthew you dropped your... what?"

Matthew snatched it out of his hands and ran out of the room. Roderich on the other hand had turned as white as a ghost. "Are you okay Roderich?" Asked Francis.

"That... that note..." Said Roderich. "It said... How to kill Gilbert Beilschmidt..."

Gilbert burst out laughing. "I think I can handle him." He grabbed Francis and walked down the hall. "Come with me Francy-pants I need your help."

"NO!" Cried Francis. "I DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED!"

XoXoXo around midnight oXoXoX

Matthew pulled a thing cord out of his bag. "Roderich didn't see what I wrote right? Who cares... tonight is the night... Wish me luck Kumakach." He opened the door and slowly walked down the hall all the way to Gilbert's room.

He opened the door and stretched the cord in his hands. He slowly closed the door and walked over to Gilbert' bed and pulled off the cover. He almost screamed at what he saw. Gilbert was wearing a bath robe, holding a glass of wine and his bed was covering in red roses. May I present to you Gilbert Beilschmidt in The Worlds Cheapest Gigolo. Directed by Frances Bonnefoy.

"Well hi there sexy." Said Gilbert. "I've been waiting for you."

Matthew froze on the spot and his mind short circuited. He had no idea what the hell was going on. Gilbert stood up and walked over to Matthew. He took the rope out of Matthew's hands and grinned. "You even brought rope? How did you know that I was into S&M?"

He tied Matthew's hands together and pressed him against the wall. He grinned and pressed himself against Matthew's smaller frame. "So what can I do for you Birdie?" Matthew fainted. Gilbert laughed and dragged Matthew back to his room. "You don't have what it takes to kill me." When that was done with Gilbert decided to go to a convenient store to get some food. He was too afraid to eat dinner in case Matthew poisoned his dinner.

He hadn't even gotten halfway down the street when Sadiq approached him with two bouncers. "I really wish you would reconsider my offer." He said.

Gilbert rolled his eyes and beat the crap out of the bouncers and Sadiq. "No means no." He growled. "Get it through your think skull."

"Damn..." Said Sadiq. "I didn't want to do this but..." He snapped his fingers and two bouncers appeared behind Gilbert and chloroformed him.

XoXoXo back at the house oXoXoX

Matthew was sitting in his room crying. 'I... I failed... I was so ready to kill him... why? Why did he have to find out?'

The sound of a window braking caused Matthew to walk out into the hall to see what was going on. He found an arrow with a note tied to it. Suddenly Francis, Roderich and Feliciano ran into the hall. "WHAT HAPPENED?" Yelled Roderich.

"You didn't kill Gilbert did you?" Asked Francis.

"Please don't say you killed him." Cried Feliciano.

Matthew held up the arrow. "Someone threw this at the window."

Roderich grabbed the note. "It says 'I'm going to borrow Gilbert for a while. I will return him without a scratch. Don't call the police.' He's been kidnapped?"

"He's been kidnapped?" Asked Francis.

"The note stinks of perfume." Said Roderich.

"You don't think it was that host club?" Asked Feliciano.

"Who'd have thought they would try something like this?" Asked Francis.

"TELL ME WHERE THIS CLUB IS!" Cried Matthew. "WE HAVE TO FIND HIM!"

"Matthew's right." Said Feliciano. "We have to find him!"

"I never thought Matthew would be so concerned for Gilbert." Said Francis.

'Of course I'm concerned.' Though Matthew. 'There's no way I'd let someone get to Gilbert before me.'

"But how are we going to get him back?" Asked Feliciano.

Roderich frowned. "I have an idea... but you guys might not like it..."

XoXoXo five seconds later oXoXoX

"NOOOOOOO!" Screamed Matthew. "IT WAS BAD ENOUGH WHEN YOU TIRED TO GET ME READY FOR SCHOOL! I'M NOT PUTTING THAT CRAP ON MY FACE!"

"Calm down Matthew!" Said Roderich. "If we want to infiltrate the host club we have to dress in drag... and we all have to look like girls."

"... JUST HURRY UP!" Growled Matthew.

Roderich grabbed a pair of scissors. "Okay Matthew just hold still..." He trimmed and brushed Matthew's hair until it was neat and silky smooth.

"Ve here are your cloths." Said Feliciano. "I got you a purse as well. There are lots of cloths in the land ladies room."

Francis picked up a whole bunch of makeup. "We need to make him look as sexy as possible... I'm thinking four layers of mascara and lots of eyeliner."

"Don't scratch your head after I just finished brushing it!" Snapped Roderich.

"Don't rub your eyes Matthew!" Said Francis.

"Ve your necklace doesn't match your bracelet!" Said Feliciano.

XoXoXo at club Oasis oXoXoX

All four of them approached the club. The bouncer frowned. "Sorry but this is a members only... Go right in ladies."

As they walked in people began to whisper. "Look at that blond with the blue eyes! She must me a super model! She's so tall and pretty!"

"Look at that girl with the tanned skin and cute little hair curl. She's so cute! She must be a teen idol."

"Look at that girl wearing the glasses! She's so sophisticated! She must be an actress or a wealthy heiress!"

"I had to shave my legs..." Grumbled Francis.

"It was nearly impossible for me to fit into these stupid pants." Sighed Roderich. "I just couldn't wear a skirt... or a dress."

"Ve..." Sighed Feliciano. "This reminds me of when I was younger... and that girl down the road used to dress me up in girls cloths..."

"Quit complaining." Said Matthew. "Not only am I wearing drag but I'm showing people my face." It was true too. Matthew's hair had been brushed back to revel his face and make up was put on to make him look like a girl. He looked absolutely stunning and feminine.

"Oh come on Mattie! You look sexy!" Said Francis.

Matthew rolled his eyes and found a table for them to sit at. 'Where the hell is Gilbert?'

Feliciano, Francis and Roderich sat next to Matthew. "Hey guys..." Said Roderich. "Don't you think Matthew's a little too bundled up? I mean we had to wear extra layers because to hide the fact we are guys but that's just ridiculous."

It was true too. Matthew was wearing a really bulgy dress and was carrying a huge purse.

"He wouldn't wear the cloths I chose for him." Said Feliciano.

Suddenly the lights went dim. "Ladies and Gentlemen It' time for the auction!" The spotlights shone on the stage revelling Gilbert. Bound, gagged and tied to a chair. "He's a real life High school student! We'll start the bidding for a three hour rental at $10,000!"

"So that's what Sadiq meant when he said all you had to do was sit there..." Said Roderich.

"This is terrible!" Said Feliciano. "We can't even get near him unless we win the auction!"

"There has to be another way." Said Francis.

"I have $20,000,000 going once... Going twice... Sold for $20,000,000!"

Suddenly Matthew jumped up and ripped of his dress to revel he was wearing a policeman's uniform and carrying a chainsaw. "Oh you have got to be kidding me..." Said Francis.

Matthew started up the chainsaw and began to tear the place apart as he made his way to the stage. Once he got there he grabbed Gilbert and hoisted him over his shoulder. "Where the hell is the exit?"

"Over here Matthew!" Called Feliciano. He Francis and Roderich were waiting by the exit. Matthew quickly ran over to them and dropped Gilbert.

Three bouncers walked over to them. "You went a little too far there." Said one of them. "Hand over Gilbert."

"Why should I?" Growled Matthew. "This creature of the light is one of Gods grates creations. I'm not going to let you bastard's lay one finger on him." Matthew started up his chainsaw again and lunged at them.

"Don't kill anyone!" Cried Feliciano.

Roderich sighed and got the restraints of Gilbert. Gilbert hugged Roderich. "Thank God you guys came! But... You all look weird in drag..."

Roderich rolled his eyes. "Whatever... Let's get out of here."

"Wait... I need to do something first..." Said Gilbert. He quickly made his way through the crowed towards Sadiq who was trying to get everything under control. "Oi Sadiq I need a word with you!" Five seconds later Sadiq was beaten to a pulp.

Suddenly the drone of police sirens could be heard. "Who called the police?" Asked Francis. "We need to go now! Come on Gilbert! Matthew!"

Matthew giggled and pulled a bomb out of his bag. "I'll end this with a bang."

Gilbert grabbed Matthew and ran out of the building. "Are you crazy? Let's get out of here!" The boys ran for their lives and eventually stopped in a park to catch their breath.

"We... we should be safe now..." Panted Roderich.

Matthew began to giggle. 'Now I can kill him myself... Kill him with poison or a knife... the possibilities are endless... Tee he he.'

"Matthew looked so cool back there..." Said Feliciano.

"We must have been dreaming." Said Roderich.

"He's not as bad as he used to be." Said Francis. "Look at how cute he looks."

Gilbert shrugged. "It doesn't matter." He hugged Matthew and kissed his head. "Thanks Birdie."

"What? Gilbert never says thank you to anyone!" Gasped Francis.

Suddenly Matthew fainted. "MATTHEW!" Cried Feliciano.

"What did you do to him?" Asked Roderich.

"Nothing!" Growled Gilbert.

XoXoXo the next day oXoXoX

Roderich flipped through the newspaper and sighed. "The manager and several employees were arrested and the club was closed down... It doesn't mention anything about us. All it says is the club was destroyed for unknown reasons."

"Ve... that's good..." Yawned Feliciano.

"I'm too sleepy to care..." Mumbled Gilbert. "Let's skip school today..."

"Good morning everyone." Said Francis cheerfully. He had a bouquet of flowers in his hands. "Since Matthew is starting to become a fine young man I decided to get him a present."

"Stop hitting on the lad ladies nephew." Said Roderich.

"It's just a little gift." Said Francis. "And if he wishes to take it as something more I'm in no position to refuse him Oh honhonhonhon!"

Matthew walked into the room... he looked twice as scary as he did before. Feliciano began to cry. "Why is he so scary? He looks just as bad as he did before!"

'Damn...' Thought Matthew. 'I was so ready to kill him... but now... It seems like a waste... What's wrong with me?'

"Um... Matthew..." Said Francis. "These are for you..." He held out the roses.

Matthew tilted his head in confusion but took them. "What... pretty roses..."

"He said pretty!" Gasped Feliciano.

"Maybe he's suddenly become aware of beauty!" Said Roderich.

"Doubtful." Said Gilbert.

As Matthew held the roses they began to dry out and crumble. He was a million miles away from becoming a gentleman.

To be continued maybe

Shinigami-cat: Another chapter all done and dusted. YAY!