Shinigami-cat: LOL bucket people! I have no idea why I said that... I OWN NOTHING!

Project: bribery

Gilbert, Roderich, Francis and Feliciano were sitting in the lounge room watching TV. "Hey guys..." Said Gilbert. "About this month's rent... Should we not pay again?"

"Well we have no money." Said Francis.

"I'm starting to feel guilty about it." Sighed Roderich.

"Don't worry." Said Gilbert. "The land lady won't find out."

"Who knows where she is." Said Feliciano. "For all we know she's in Japan."

"HI BOYS I'M HOME!" Yelled a voice and in walked the land lady. She was a tall woman with long wavy brown hair and her eyes were a dark green colour.

"IT'S THE LAND LADY!" They all screamed in shock.

The land lady laughed. "Please boys. How many times do I have to tell you, call me Shinigami-cat."

"What are you doing here?" Asked Feliciano.

"Well I came back to get ready for a party!" Said Shinigami-cat happily. "When I heard that my little Matthew was turning into a fine young man and I told all my friends about it they said I should throw a party to celebrate!"

Gilbert hit Francis in the back of the head. "Nice going idiot!" He hissed.

"Now don't screw anything up." Shinigami-cat snapped. "There's going to be British royalty, American actors, Arab oil Sheiks, ambassadors from several different countries, Japanese pop idols, and even some models attending. You boys can come too."

"How does she know so many people?" Asked Roderich.

"So where's Matthew?" Asked Shinigami-cat.

"... He went shopping." Said Francis.

"Too bad." Sighed Shinigami-cat. "I really wanted to see him... Oh well. The party is in one week from today. I'll be staying in a hotel if you need me! The party's going to be held in the ball room." Shinigami-cat waved goodbye and left the house.

"Thank the lord she isn't staying here." Said Gilbert. "But we only have one week!"

XoXoXo in the ball room oXoXoX

"NOOOOOOOO!" Screamed Matthew. "PUT ME DOWN YOU ALBINO PRICK!"

"Shut up." Said Gilbert. He had the task of carrying Matthew to the ball room... fun for the whole family... Gilbert just rolled his eyes and dragged Matthew to the top of the stairs in the ball room where Francis, Roderich and Feliciano were waiting.

"This is where the party is being held." Said Roderich. "Have we even been in this room yet?"

"We'll only be eating hors d'oeuvres Matthew." Said Francis. "So we don't have to worry about table manners. All you have to do is make your entrance down this flight of stairs."

Matthew looked at the flight of stairs and then back at the boys. "No freaking way." He turned and began to walk away.

"I thought you might say that." Said Roderich. "So I came prepared." He held up a DVD box set of horror movies. "A collection of eight ultra-violent slasher movies. They were so grotesque that they were banned from sale in seventeen different countries. That includes America, Germany and France." Matthew looked at the cover of the box and started to drool. "All you have to do is smile and walk. If you do that these are yours."

Matthew nodded. 'I have to get those DVDs... Even if it kills me... I will have them.'

"Okay then." Said Feliciano. "First lesson is on smiling. When you want to smile try moving your mouth like you're trying to say the word cheese. Give it a try."

Matthew smiled... Let's just say when that kid smiles... angels spontaneously combust... and Feliciano starts crying... Hell that smile would make Jason freak out. Freddy Krueger would shit himself if he saw Matthew smile.

"That's creepy." Said Gilbert.

Feliciano gulped. "We'll just skip to the walk..." Feliciano picked up a ruler.

Matthew shrugged and started to walk in a straight line. 'How hard is it to walk?'

Feliciano hit Matthew in the back with the ruler. "No you need to straighten your back."

"OUCH!"

Feliciano hit Matthew in the back of the knee caps. "Put some strength into your knees."

"OUCH!"

Feliciano hit Matthew in between the shoulder blades. "Stop slouching."

"OUCH!"

Feliciano hit Matthew again. "Stop making so much noise."

After about an hour of Feliciano hitting Matthew with a ruler trying to improve his posture he was pretty much dead. 'How freaking hard is it to walk?'

"Now try using what you just learnt on the stairs." Said Feliciano.

Matthew took one step before falling down them. He crashed into a bloody mess at the bottom of the steps. "MATTHEW!" Cried Roderich.

"HE'S BLEEDING!" Cried Francis. "FROM HIS HEAD THIS TIME!"

"I'M SORRY!" Cried Feliciano.

Gilbert laughed. "That... was awesome..."

XoXoXo several hours later in Matthew's room oXoXoX

Matthew was lying on the floor looking at Kumajiro. "I want those DVDs... But it's too hard." Said Matthew. "Let's just give up Kuma... I can steal them later anyway... There's no way I can be a gentleman... Let's just live in the darkness forever Kuma... just you and me..."

The door slowly creaked open. Gilbert poked his head inside. "You feeling any better Matthew?" Matthew growled and held up a butcher's knife in defence (He had a whole array of weapons hidden in his room).

"Leave now while you can still breathe you creature of the light." Hissed Matthew.

Gilbert rolled his eyes and grabbed Matthew. "Well since you're that energetic you must be feeling better."

"I'M NOT A BAG!" Screamed Matthew. "DON'T CARRY ME LIKE ONE!"

"Whatever. The others are busy so I'm taking over the rest of your training."

"NOOOOOOOO!" Screamed Matthew as he slammed his elbow into Gilbert side. Gilbert dropped Matthew and gasped in pain. "Oh... sorry about that... I'm just hopeless... disguise Elizaveta as me or something... I can't do it."

Gilbert growled and grabbed Matthew's arm. "All I care about I free rent." He said. "But Roderich, Feliciano and Francis are doing their best to help you. Do you want them to do all that for nothing?"

Matthew looked away. "A... a beautiful person like you could never understand! Nothing you do will ever work so just forget about it okay?"

Gilbert snorted in annoyance and let go of Matthew. "Fine. Just stay how you are for the rest of your life." He turned and began to walk away. "You know what they call people like you Matthew? UGLY!"

XoXoXo one day before the party oXoXoX

Roderich smiled happily as he looked over the scissors and brushed he had. "The lady at the celebrity hair styles gave me some really nice stuff."

"Same with that lady at the makeup place." Said Francis. "I have some really nice stuff that we can use on Matthew. Hopefully he won't break out in hives."

"Ve and I got our cloths for the party." Said Feliciano. "Now if only Matthew would open his door..."

"He won't open the door to anyone." Said Gilbert.

"I was wondering..." Said Feliciano. "What has Matthew been eating? He hasn't come out of his room in days."

"Roderich has been feeding him." Said Francis.

"I thought you were..." Said Roderich.

"Then Gilbert must have..." Said Feliciano. "No wait he wouldn't..."

Five seconds later Feliciano, Roderich and Francis were running to Matthew's room with food in hand. Francis knocked on the door. "Matthew open the door!"

"KICK IT IN!" Cried Feliciano. Francis kicked in the door and screamed. On the floor was a human skull.

Francis picked it up and began to cry. "Matthew... We didn't get to him in time!"

Roderich shook his head. "Matthew's over there... That's Sally." (Roderich was the only one who bothered to learn the names of Matthew's friends) Roderich pointed to a lifeless body on the other side of the room.

Francis ran over to Matthew and rolled him onto his back. Matthew had lost so much weight. His face looked like a skull that had skin stretched over the top. "Matthew? Are you alive? SAY SOMETHING?"

Matthew blinked. "Grandma...?" He whispered. "Is that you...? What a pretty bed of roses... I want my grave... to be in between Freddy's and Jason's..."

Feliciano began to cry. "THOSE AREN'T EVEN REAL PEOPLE! SNAP OUT OF IT!"

Roderich frowned. "What did you say to him Gilbert?"

Gilbert gulped. He had been standing outside Matthew's room. "Well... you see..."

XoXoXo one quick explanation later oXoXoX

"YOU IDIOT!" Yelled Roderich.

"You know we can't call Matthew that!" Snapped Francis.

"Couldn't you think of a better word?" Asked Feliciano.

'Shut up already. Just forget it.' Thought Matthew. 'A boy like me is best left to rot in the darkness... I'm happy that way.'

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "I didn't say anything wrong! All I said was that his negativity was making him ugly! How long is he going to be weighed down by what one guy said? It's pathetic!"

Matthew rolled his eyes. 'Of course it's pathetic to you. A creature of the light would never understand how I feel.'

"Well this is all your fault." Said Roderich. "Take care of him and let him eat anything we have around the house." Roderich, Feliciano and Francis walked out of Matthew's room leaving Gilbert behind to take care of Matthew.

'Creature of the light... Can't ever understand how I feel... Stupid idiot.' Thought Matthew. Suddenly Two fingers were shoved into his mouth. He looked wide eyed at Gilbert who had a bread roll in his other hand. Gilbert pried Matthew's mouth open with his fingers.

"Eat this now." He hissed.

Matthew pulled Gilbert's fingers out of his mouth. "No freaking way."

Gilbert grabbed Kumajiro. "Eat now or you'll never see your bear again."

Matthew gulped and started to eat. He didn't want Kuma to disappear. As he ate Gilbert picked up Sally. He held her and frowned. Matthew sighed and cleared this throat. "Look... sorry for hitting you before..."

"I threw up after that you know." Said Gilbert. "You're way too strong for your own good."

"Sorry."

Gilbert sighed. "Okay Matthew, listen up. I have no idea who this guy was or why he was so great... but you can't let what he said ruin your life forever. He's not the only guy out there." Matthew looked into Gilbert's eyes and got a violent nose bled. "JUST GET SOME SLEEP DAMN IT!" Yelled Gilbert as he walked out of the room.

'He's not the only gut out there...' Thought Matthew. 'He's not the only guy out there...' Matthew bit his lip. It was going to be a challenge...

XoXoXo at the party oXoXoX

Shinigami-cat happily walked around the ball room. It was filled with people from high society and such. "What a lovely house you have Miss Shinigami-cat." Said a woman.

"Thank you."

"Hey land lady." Said Gilbert. "You seen the others?"

Shinigami-cat shook her head. "Nope sorry... Who might this young lady be?"

"I'm Elizaveta." Said Elizaveta. "It's so nice to meet you."

"And it's wonderful to meet you too."

"Where's Roderich?"

"She isn't subtle is she?" Asked Shinigami-cat.

"Nope." Said Gilbert.

"Land lady!" Said Feliciano. He hugged the land lady who hugged back.

"Sorry we're late." Said Francis.

"Matthew kept us busy." Said Roderich.

"Those boys look so handsome!" Said a woman.

"Roderich looks so hot." Said Elizaveta.

Suddenly people started to chatter as someone appeared at the top of the stairs. "Who's that young man?" Whispered a woman.

"He looks so handsome!" Said another woman.

"He must be Miss Shinigami-cat's nephew."

Gilbert's jaw dropped. "Holy crap on a cracker... That is Matthew..." Matthew was standing at the top of the steps in very sophisticated cloths that complimented his pail skin and lavender blue eyes. With one hand just touching the banister Matthew descended the stair case.

"He's so sophisticated!" Said a man.

"He looks like such a gentleman!" Said a woman.

A young German model approached Matthew. She was very pretty. "Kann ich dir einen Drink?"She asked

"Crap!" Said Francis. "Matthew can't speak German!"

Matthew smiled at her. "Nein bitte erlauben Sie mir, dir einen Drink. Was würden Sie gerne? Es gibt eine feine Auswahl an Weinen aus ganz Europa." (Matthew enjoys watching horror movies from all over the world but he hates subtitles. He especially loves German horror movies because of the gore factor so he learnt German without even trying)

The woman blushed. "Sie haben sehr gute Verkündigung."

Matthew smiled and gave her a glass of red wine. "Danke."

Gilbert could feel tears of joy spring from his eyes. "You did it Matthew." He said. "That's the rent taken care of!"

Matthew giggled. "Am I pretty now?" He asked in a sing song voice. "Am I pretty now? Tee he he."

Gilbert sighed. Matthew seemed a little warped. "You know that guy was ugly right?" He asked. "You know... The ugly one?"

Matthew stopped giggling and sighed. "I know he's ugly. I just can't believe it took me this long to see it."

XoXoXo across the room oXoXoX

"Wow." Said Francis. "Those two make a cute couple."

"It's amazing how good they look together." Said Feliciano.

Roderich sighed. "If only they could stop trying to kill each other long enough to see it."

"Leave me alone you pervert!" Snapped Elizaveta. She was walking away from an older man who was talking to her but let's just say he wasn't talking to her face.

Francis suddenly paled. "... Do you guys have the feeling we forgot to tell Matthew something really important?"

The pervy old man just grinned at Elizaveta. "You're really cute. I could make you a star. I'm a director."

"I don't care." Snapped Elizaveta.

"I could introduce you to Johnny Depp..." Said the pervy man. Then he did something unthinkable. He touched Elizaveta's boob!

"Let me go you pervert!" Cried Elizaveta.

"LIZ!" Cried Roderich as he rushed to her side.

"MATTHEW! DON'T GET VIOLENT!" Cried Feliciano. But it was too late Matthew delivered a flying kick to the perverts face. Then he continued to beat the crap out of him.

"I wanna beat him up to!" Said Elizaveta.

Roderich held her hand. "Just stay with me Liz... I don't want you to get hurt." Elizaveta blushed and leaned close to Roderich.

"Punch this guy too!" Yelled a woman. "He touched my butt!"

"And this guy!" Said someone.

"This guy too!"

"And him!"

"This guy too!"

"And him!"

"Don't worry!" Said Matthew. "I'll get them all!"

While that was happening Shinigami-cat was freaking out. "WHAT IS HE DOING? Francis! Feliciano! Stop him!" Francis and Feliciano shook their heads. There was no way in hell they were going to try to stop Matthew. "Gilbert! Stop him!"

Gilbert smirked. "No way."

XoXoXo after the party oXoXoX

"WHAT THE HELL?" Screamed Shinigami-cat. "YOU AREN'T GOING TO GET ANY FREE RENT FOR A WHILE!"

"Sorry..."

Shinigami-cat sighed. "But... I'll award your efforts so far... Half off the rent."

"Thank you Miss land lady." Said Feliciano.

Shinigami-cat rolled her eyes. "Anyway he better be a proper gentleman next time I see him." She picked up her hand bag and waved goodbye. "I'll be living in Lithuania from now on. See you boys soon."

When Shinigami-cat was gone Gilbert began to cry. "Half off... half off... thank God."

"If only she knew..." Said Francis. "That Matthew's gone right back to where he started."

Roderich nodded. "He's a million miles away from becoming a gentleman..."

Matthew was happily sitting in his room watching the eight DVDs Roderich had promised to give him. Well he did do everything Roderich said he had. He smiled and walked.

To be continued maybe

Shinigami-cat: And that's that. Please review!

Translations:

Kann ich dir einen Drink?: Can I get you a drink?

Nein bitte erlauben Sie mir, dir einen Drink. Was würden Sie gerne? Es gibt eine feine Auswahl an Weinen aus ganz Europa.: No please allow me to get you a drink. What would you like? There is a fine selection of wines from all over Europe.

Sie haben sehr gute Verkündigung.: you have very good annunciation

Danke: Thank you.