"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility,
like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron
before it can give forth its spark."
Henri-Frédéric Amiel

CHAPTER 19: PASSION

It was a little after 6:00 p.m. when Edward got back home. I'd left him a note on our bathroom mirror that I wanted to show him something in the guest room, now my office, at about 7:00 p.m.

I knew from Thomas that they'd had lunch really late out in the fields. It had been at least 4:30 p.m. when they'd finally gotten around to eating something. So it wasn't a big deal that we were skipping our normal dinner time. We'd gotten in the habit of eating dinner around five.

I had everything already set. Lots of candles, some flowers and, of course, a large crystal bowl of strawberries. They were cleaned and already ice cold, with the stems and tiny leaves already removed. I even had a small bowl of fresh cream. I had several warm blankets already spread out in front of the now roaring fireplace of my new 'office,' with some pillows from the bed.

I was wearing only the nightie I'd acquired earlier in the day on a quick trip over to Chichester with Mrs. Bailes… Luckily for me, she'd needed to pick up something from the dry cleaner's there and I'd told her I needed something from one of the shops nearby. If she'd recognized the 'Victoria's Secret' store packaging, she didn't comment.

I heard him knock at the door and I smiled deviously. He had no idea.

~~:::~~

I'd been surprised by Bella's request. I knew she wouldn't be able to show me much about the room since it would already be completely dark by seven that evening. Being as it was already winter-time, it would actually start getting dark before five. But I did as she asked. I would do anything she asked of me.

I sighed. She was so amazing and lovely. I sighed more deeply.

As I knocked and murmured her name through what was now her office door, I could just barely hear her answer coming from the other side. "Are you alone, Edward?"

What an odd question… "Yes… Why do you ask?" I felt my eyebrows come together as I leaned my head towards the door, as if that would help me decipher the strange workings of her mind. She was so fascinating to me, so different than anyone I'd ever known before. I smiled involuntarily.

"O.k., I just wanted to make sure it was just you. No other visitors allowed, or else!"

Strange but enchanting girl. "Nope. Just me, in my jeans and a white oxford shirt. Um, are you going to let me in?" I could hear the laughter in my own voice and I heard her giggle as she opened the door to me.

She wasn't standing at the doorway… At least, I didn't see her at first. The room had a wonderful glow from the fireplace and… Candles? I'd stepped into the room about two feet when the door closed quietly behind me. I turned slowly, to see her leaning against the door, with her hands behind her back and a gloriously vivacious look in her eyes. I then took in what she was wearing.

My eyes grow wide since, she was actually not wearing much.

It looked like she'd gone shopping without telling me… I'd watched her unpack several days earlier and this had not come out of her suitcase. I would have most definitely remembered this little number.

It was a dark, charcoal gray nightie; very lacy and very pretty. Stunningly exquisite against her almost luminous, pale skin. It flowed over her body like water, hugging her curves in all the right places and swishing around her thighs most deliciously. "You're so…" I sucked my breath in. "Spectacularly beautiful, my Bella."

I went to her as she brought her hands out from behind her body and held them out to me. As I reached her and our hands clasped, she turned me and walked carefully and slowly backwards towards the fireplace. "Um, I wanted to surprise you…" She was so radiant and bashful, while somehow managing to be strong-minded at the same time.

"You know that I can deny you nothing…" I told her very lowly.

She gave a little giggle. "I feel bad that I denied you this morning. So, I decided to make it up to you." She gently closed her eyes to me for a few seconds before opening them again. She had stopped in front of the fireplace, standing on some rather comfortable and plush looking blankets. "And I never did get the chance to fulfill my little fantasy of hand feeding you strawberries."

She moved me around and started dropping to the floor in front of me. As smoothly as I could, I followed her down to the floor. I reached back and took my shoes and socks off, turning back around to reach for her. She stopped me.

"Um, no. I was serious Edward. I'm going to feed you strawberries, one at time, until you beg for mercy." She giggled and then carefully reached out to my chest as I was standing on my knees in front of her, and began to slowly undo the buttons of my shirt. "Let's just get you a little more comfortable first." I'd never seen such a devious look in her eyes before, and the shock of it stopped me from simply grabbing her and ravishing her right then.

She gently pushed my shirt off of my shoulders, both of us letting it drop to the floor behind me. She sat back down on the blankets and patted her lap with her hands. "Come here, Edward. I want you to lie down and place your head right here in my lap."

I couldn't even say anything I was so captivated by her beauty. I simply moved towards her, turning around and doing as she had asked of me. As I dropped my head into her lap, closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I took note of just how luscious she smelled.

"Keep your eyes closed, my love." I felt her reach across me and pick up what I assumed was a bowl of strawberries. She reached back to the same spot once more and I wondered what she was doing. Is she going to feed me two entire bowls of strawberries?

I felt something rest against my lips and I could smell the sweetness of the strawberry and… Something else. She caressed my face with one of her hands and I obediently opened my mouth to her. She carefully placed the strawberry with… Ahh. It had cream on it.

I rolled my tongue around it. "Ummm, that's really good, sweetheart."

I could feel her bend down and brush her lips across mine. Very silkily, she spoke against my lips. "Don't talk with your mouth full." She giggled again as she sat back up.

I sighed peacefully, grateful for her attention and love. I told her as much. She didn't say anything. She kept feeding me the strawberries with cream but I did hear her sigh a few times.

After she'd given me what I assumed was the last strawberry since I heard the bowl clink against the table by us, I decided to not reopen my eyes. I just reached up with both my arms and rubbed her arms lovingly. "I love you, Bella."

She bent down again and kissed me serenely. "I love you more and more every day, Edward. There couldn't possibly be a better husband in the whole world for me." I couldn't stop myself after that statement. I sat up and turned to face her, running my hands up and down her sides. "You're sooo sexy, my darling wife." I leaned forward and kissed her. The electricity was tangible again, practically driving us into each other's arms. I didn't think I would ever get over how passionate we were with each other.

But this electricity was different. I could sense that somehow there had been some sort of shift in our relationship. I stopped kissing her and leaned back from her slightly. I thought my heart would break when I noticed the look of sadness on her face but I pressed on. I wanted to know what had changed.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong? Something's… Different. I can feel it." I caressed her cheek with as much love as I could and she stared at me for a few seconds in awed silence.

"How do you DO that?" She actually gave a little huff and sat back with her arms crossed over her lovely chest. "How can you know so much… It scares me sometimes. But… I also love it." She smiled up at me and then her face looked sad again.

"I… I decided to stop taking the pill this morning. I was hoping… I was hoping we could start our family… Right away." I felt my face drop in amazement. That had not been where my mind was at all. I watched her arms fall and then very gingerly reach back up to my face with her fingertips. I moved my hands to her upper arms and held her.

"Does that make you… Angry?" She asked me in the most somber tone I'd ever heard her use.

"Isabella! No. Absolutely not. But… I do wish you'd discussed it with me first."

She started to blush. Heavily. "Um, we haven't actually been together since… Since I stopped." She looked up into my eyes. "That's what tonight was going to be about, so we could discuss it. I wouldn't have seduced you without telling you, Edward. I wouldn't do that to you." She sounded a little offended.

I quickly brought her to my bare chest. "I didn't think that you were trying to trick me! I was just a little stunned by you wanting to start a family right away, that's all. I'm not opposed to it in any way, believe me." I kissed the top of her head. "But just so we're clear, if you just stopped taking it this morning, it's extremely unlikely you could get pregnant right away. I believe it takes time for the hormones to work their way out of your system, love."

She leaned into me. "Oh! O.k. … I'm pretty sure I knew that, but I was just so nervous about all of this..." She leaned back slightly from me, cupping her hands around my jaw. "And I still should have talked to you before I stopped, though. I'm sorry. I…" She hesitated and I kissed her nose to reassure her, smiling at her to continue. She blushed a little more. "I'm just not… I don't know if… I was married before and never got pregnant… I'm…" She started to tear-up.

I kissed her forehead as I spoke against it. "Sweetheart, what is it?"

She moved her hands to my arms and placed her face against my chest, kissing me tenderly there. "I don't know if I can get pregnant..." She whispered haltingly and I wrapped my arms around her in response.

"Bella! It doesn't matter to me how we end up with children! If you're right, and even after all my gallant and valiant attempts to impregnate you…" She giggled at me. "Even if you don't get pregnant, my love, we can always adopt… Don't worry. I love you and we're in this together. Always. O.k.?" I gave her my best crooked smile.

She looked up into my eyes then, with the most tender and amazed look on her face. "Oh, Edward. That's so… You're… The most kindhearted and loving man in the whole world." She reached up to my face again and pulled me down to her mouth hungrily. "I love you, my beloved." She sighed into my mouth as our tongues touched. That was it. I was done for.

I carefully laid her back down on the blankets, and, without taking my eyes off hers, removed her nightie from her glorious body. As I was doing so she reached down and undid my jeans, sliding them off of me with her feet. I hadn't bothered to put my boxers on that evening since I figured they'd just come right back off rather quickly once I was alone with her again. I'd been right.

We shared ourselves completely, enjoyed each other immensely, and made love together gloriously. Christening her new office, as I'd told her the next morning. She giggled brightly.

God, I love her so much… I thought as we drifted off back to sleep in each other's arms back in our own bed, early the next day.

~~:::~~

Well, the previous evening had, sort-of, gone as I'd planned… I just hadn't planned on getting so upset about telling him what I wanted. I hadn't been worried about being able to have his children until I'd actually voiced my desire.

He'd been so sweet. Every time we discussed something important or personal, we just became… Closer. More in tune with each other. Is that even possible? I sighed thinking about how fantastic our life together was and would continue to be.

He'd already headed off earlier in the morning to get some work done at his office, which was just down the hall. I giggled. Very convenient for our lunches together. Sometimes we even managed to actually eat some food.

I laughed a little louder and Mrs. Bailes looked up at me, shook her head and sighed. I was in the kitchen by this point and I was pretty sure she thought I was crazy. Still giggling, I smiled and waved to her, heading off to the library with my cup of tea to read for a bit before Edward came down for lunch. Today we would actually be eating some food together. I couldn't stop an additional giggle from escaping.

Around 11:00 a.m. I decided to give Alice a call to go over some particulars about the wedding and reminded her about Edward and I visiting my dad and friends in another week. She let me know that she, Jasper and the kids wouldn't be going to Connecticut for Christmas after all, since they'd all be there at the end of January for the wedding. My wedding. I sighed happily.

We ended up talking for almost an hour. I really connected with Alice, and I was very happy that we were like sisters already.

We'd decided that Alice would do as much as she could from London and then she'd fly to Lizzie's mid-January to work with her Gran to take care of the finishing touches. Edward, myself, and the rest of his, Alice's and my family would arrive during the third week of January and the wedding would be held the following week.

I'd told Edward that even though he'd promised me that he would never take his wedding ring off, he'd have to put it back on the chain around his neck for our trip. It was just too much to explain, especially to Alice and also my dad. He wasn't happy about it but he understood. I reminded him that he really wasn't breaking his promise to me, since he'd be wearing it around his neck and therefore hadn't really taken it off. He was dubious but reluctantly agreed.

Edward came into the library around 1:00 p.m. to get me for lunch and, of course, we ended up getting a little over excited in each other's company. As we parted from our rather exuberant kissing, we rested our foreheads together and started laughing uncontrollably.

"You know, this is getting a little silly. What in the world is going to happen on the honeymoon?" I stood back from him still holding his hands and looking up at him suggestively through my eyelashes.

The green of his eyes suddenly got slightly darker and he sinuously moved towards me, letting go of my hands and placing his on my shoulders. He very slowly bent down to place his lips at my ear.

My breathing actually sped up.

"My sweet, beautiful and not-so-bashful wife, we'll just have to wait and see what our imaginations can come up with, won't we?" His voice was so seductive. I gave a little whimper and he chuckled very deeply before standing up straight and taking my hand warmly in his. "Let's go have lunch, love." He winked at me as he began dragging me towards the door.

I grumbled something about him being a tease and he just laughed at me. "You didn't have a problem with me teasing you last night." He stated rather cockily.

"Edward!" I playfully hit his arm with my free hand. He just laughed louder.

After lunch he took me out to see some of the back acreage and I asked him excitedly if we could visit the sheep again. I had been introduced a few days before, and I just couldn't get enough of petting their wonderful wool coats. My hands would end up nice and soft from the lanolin of their wool and they were so cute.

After a leisurely drive through some of the estate, we finally reached the sheep pens. I immediately headed in.

As several bumped themselves into my thighs looking for some treats, I caught Edward staring at me in wonder. I came out of the sheep pen I'd been standing in, carefully closing the short gate behind me and looked up at him with my nose scrunched and one eye closed.

"What?" I asked him, surprised at the look in his eyes.

He just shook his head at me. "I can't believe you're with me. You picked me. You are the most amazing woman, Bella. You've told me several times that you think I'm the world's best husband, but I'm telling you now that it's only because you've made me that."

We were both pretty dirty from the workings of the estate by now since we'd been out and about for several hours by then. I went to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, not worrying about getting him any dirtier. Without any hesitation he wrapped his arms around my torso placing his cheek on top of my head.

"I love you, Edward." I told him simply.

"I love you too, sweetheart."

We stood like that, quietly for… Well, I don't know exactly how long. Probably at least ten minutes. It was quiet except for the baying of the sheep around us. It was sort-of surreal and not very romantic but it was… Us. Just us, being together. I felt so content at that moment, that I was surprised at the errant thought that suddenly came unbidden into my mind.

What was I going to do with the rest of my life?

Besides the obvious, that I would be a wife, a mother, and a helpmate to Edward with the estate… Did I really want to go back to editing manuscripts? I realized that I didn't. I wanted to write. Fiction. Badly.

I leaned back from him, reached up and took his face into my hands, looking deeply into his green pools of veneration. "Edward, I don't want to work for Libellus Publishing anymore. Unless…" His eyes changed, to show concern. He'd picked up on the change in my voice. "Unless they want to publish my works." I sounded… Decided. Sure. Confident.

He stared at me for a few more seconds before a huge grin spread across his face. "Excellent. I was wondering when you were going to figure that one out."

It was my turn to look a little confused. He let out a little huff. "Um, love, I read some of your notes… On your laptop. From your 'ideas for novels' section." He looked ashamed and a little nervous. "I'm... Really sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

I laughed. Hard. "Oh my God, Edward, you little sneak." I was still giggling. "What made you do that?" I was curious.

He looked awfully embarrassed. "Well, after you roundhouse kicked Rosalie, intellectually speaking, of course… I got really curious." He swallowed, loudly. "By the way, I forgot to tell you how delicious that was to watch, as you handed Rosalie her hat about the music versus poetic license stuff." He was smiling broadly at me now, hoping I was going to be placated with his obvious attempt at dodging the subject of him reading through things on my laptop.

I narrowed my eyes at him but was still laughing. "My dearest husband, it's o.k. that you peaked through stuff on my laptop. But it's only fair that you let me peak through your stuff now." As I stuck my index finger into his chest, I raised my eyebrows at him to let him know he didn't really have any choice.

He wrapped his arms more tightly around my middle and began to sway me slightly back and forth. "You know what," He became suddenly thoughtful. "I think that's an excellent idea. I need to show you where all the important paperwork on the estate and my other holdings are and I need to get you together with my father about some other family-related items. We should do it soon, before the end of the month." Apparently without conscious thought, he'd taken my index finger into his hand and turned my hand so he was now caressing it.

"Oh… O.k." I was a little surprised. That hadn't really been where my mind had been going at all. I was thinking about other things that I might find on his computer; possibly photos of old girlfriends, a secret diary, that kind of stuff. Then… I had another errant thought. This one not so easy to voice.

"Um, Edward…" No point in belaboring the point, I thought. Best to just spit it out. "Do you want me to sign a prenuptial agreement or anything? Because I will if that's wha…" He never let me finish the question. In fact, he even raised his voice a little.

"I certainly do NOT. Don't ever ask me anything like that again, Isabella." He was actually quite mad, to the point that he'd squeezed my middle rather tightly.

"Oomph. A little too tight, Edward."

He relaxed his grip a bit and stared down at me. "I mean it."

"I believe you! Dang! I'm sorry." I felt it start, the blush and then… Traitor tears. I tried to hide them by placing my head against his chest but he didn't miss it. He didn't miss anything.

He was instantly contrite. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I'm just so absolutely shocked that you'd ask me that." He lifted my face up gently by my chin.

"Honestly, I trust you completely, more than any other person on the planet. I'd assumed you'd know that by now." He bent down slowly, to place a chaste kiss on my lips and his next words came out in a whisper. "Completely. Always. Please don't ever forget that, o.k.? It hurts me that you think I wouldn't trust you, that I would ever even entertain the thought of you needing to do something like that, alright?"

I nodded and placed my head back on his chest as he lovingly stroked my hair from the back of my head down to my waist. "I love you more than anything and anyone else, Bella. I would give everything I have away just to be able to be with you."

I sighed contentedly against his chest, breathing in his unique and lovely scent. "O.k. I wasn't trying to offend you Edward. I just wanted you to know that I'd do anything for you, too."

I felt him nodding his head at me and I lifted mine to see his face. "Yes, I understand." He gave me his crooked smile. "But I'm very serious about what I just told you. Nothing I have is important to me… Except for you."

He gently kissed my forehead. "Let's head back to the house now, o.k.?" He took my hand to lead me back to the Land Rover, to take me back… Home.

~~:::~~