Darcy felt completely out of place, walking along brass halls over golden floors. She felt tiny and clumsy, like an ugly weed among flowers. She knew where she was, of course. Thor had told her plenty about Asgard, but to actually be there was almost too glorious to bear. In her T-shirt and boxers, God, she was under-dressed. She should have been wearing a gown or something, right?
The golden floors felt cool under her bare, pale feet, and she wandered down gigantic hallway after gigantic hallway, wondering if any of it ever ended. She had to find Thor, or else she'd be lost forever. But how could she find him? She tried calling out his name, but her voice didn't seem to be working.
Turning a corner, she found herself stepping into a gigantic library, the size of a cathedral. Amber light spilled down from a dome at the center of the vaulted ceiling, surrounded by intricate brass pieces that looked almost like clockwork. Organic yet somehow functional, a gigantic ornate astrolabe, the sun shining in the center. Below it, flaring out like the petals of a rose, bookshelves lined with leather-bound books stretched out, filling her eyes until she was almost dizzy with the enormity of the library.
Loki stood in the center, in between tables lit with lamps.
He was not dressed as she remembered him, his bronze armor conspicuous in its absence. Instead he wore a simple green tunic with golden embroidery. He was smiling, and it made her stomach clench.
"I really hoped I'd seen the last of you," she said, her voice trembling as much as her lower lip.
"Yes, that's exactly how we greet people in Asgard," he replied with a smirk. He walked over to her, and her first instinct was to back away but her legs would not respond. "How nice, that you conjured up Asgard to fill your dreams. A welcome respite from watching you bumble about in your drab mortal world."
"Get away from me, you creep! Why would you be watching me?"
"An actor has to study that which he will play. And don't worry, Ms. Lewis. It's quite possible that you have seen the last of me," he said, his smile changing as a flower would bloom. Features growing softer, hair flowing out, hard lines turning into sweeping curves.
Darcy wanted to scream, but her voice was trapped. Or perhaps it had been stolen, for her horrified eyes stared into her own eyes, her own face. Loki looked at her with a smirk on Darcy's lips, stolen lips. A perfect imitation, except for the color of her eyes.
This was a nightmare. She could wake up if she willed it hard enough, she knew. Eyes shut, she threw herself back, finding herself falling miles and miles until her mind landed back in her body and she jerked awake. The white ceiling of Erik's guest room stretched out over her, comfortably close. She could smell the detergent she used on her sheets. Everything was alright.
But of course it wasn't.
She watched in horror from her own eyes as she sat up, her hand running through her hair of its own volition. No. Not on its own. It was Loki.
"I have always admired your hair, Ms. Lewis," said Loki with her voice.
STOP IT! GET OUT! STOP STOP STOP! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BODY! She screamed from within her mind, making Loki smirk again with her lips. Loki could feel her throwing a tantrum, pulling at his control. But it was nothing compared to a god's will. She didn't stand a chance.
"Oh, calm down," said Loki, "this is just a bit of fun."
Fun? Who exactly is having fun? She asked, her despair suddenly weighing down on Loki. It was a shared body, and a shared head-space. Her feelings were reflected in the hormones that swam through her brain, passed onto Loki's own mind. It was an odd thing.
"I-I am, of course," said Loki, getting up to stand in front of the mirror. Testing out her body, flexing and stretching. Shaking her hair.
I am so sick of you. Her words were callous yet sincere.
"A common sentiment," said Loki bitterly. "As common and ordinary as you are, Ms. Lewis."
Her silence pleased Loki. The words must have seemed especially biting when issued using her own voice. And yet the almost overwhelming sinking feeling that threatened to cut off Loki's air supply made the insult that much less satisfying. Finding a way to ward off her emotions from invading would be a priority.
Loki repeated her morning ritual, sans the bad singing and the mouthwash and then dressing in black jeans and a green shirt, headed to the kitchen to have breakfast. With Darcy's nose, the french vanilla coffee smelled positively delicious. And it tasted even better.
Perhaps the things Loki had enjoyed in his own body would taste horrible with Darcy's.
"Mornin' dudes," said Darcy's voice.
"Hey Darcy! I'd never seen you wear that green shirt," said Jane, smiling and putting an arm around her. "It looks good on you."
Loki remembered with a small twinge of annoyance that Darcy didn't wear green anymore. Should have noticed. But the mortals probably wouldn't notice. Thor surely wouldn't.
Speaking of which.
Loki's gigantic brother lumbered into the kitchen, wearing his usual silly smile. He was wearing a flannel shirt, as was now his custom. Unbecoming of an Asgardian god. "Good morning, Jane! And Darcy! It seems Erik has tangled himself in his sheets, it is unusual for him not to be up yet."
Loki forced a laugh, reaching up to ruffle Thor's hair. It seemed a natural gesture for Darcy, as unnerving as it might be to suddenly feel her attraction for him. Tiny butterflies in her stomach and a heat in her face that bothered Loki more than anything ever had.
I hate you. That's like dangling candy in front of a baby. Her words were lighthearted, but the sentiment behind them wasn't. Loki jerked her hand back, feeling her face heat up. How irritating. Finding how to cut off Darcy's feelings was of utmost importance now.
It was only through controlled breathing that Loki managed to make sure Darcy's tears would not break through, would not reveal her hidden despair. Throughout the rest of the day, Loki would do this more times than expected. It was really almost remarkable how much the girl wanted to cry. One would wonder how she could get through the day.
"Darcy! Come watch Star Wars with me!" called Thor, just as Loki was about to head to Darcy's room. Loki stopped mid-step, stifling a sigh and turning towards Thor with a fake smile.
After a long day of dodging him, trying hard to help Jane es much as possible with her research and bearing Erik's idiotic rants, Loki only wanted to hide away and read.
"But we've already seen this one a hundred times, bro," said Darcy, dragging her feet.
"But I enjoy it. Their weapons are amazing. Besides, I want to play cards with you," replied Thor, fanning a pack of Bicycle cards that seemed tiny in his hands. Loki noticed a worry in his eyes, and the concentration of his attempt to be shrewd. It was almost funny.
"You think you stand a chance this time, big guy?"
"Never hurts to try."
Loki couldn't particularly whether Darcy was any good at playing War, but figured she was probably better than Thor. The deck divided and the movie playing, they started dishing out their cards.
Two wars later and by the time Luke's adoptive parents had been killed, Thor cleared his throat and gave Darcy a warm, almost parental look. Loki tried not to laugh.
"Something is wrong, Darcy," he said, worry written on his face.
"Maybe the fact that I'm kicking your ass at this?" Loki tried not to show any emotion other than Darcy's smugness. It was easier with Darcy's own relief emanating from her mind.
Thor laughed heartily, putting a giant hand on her shoulder. He was surprisingly gentle, and his twinkling blue eyes, so full of the deepest sincerity, sent her heart racing with adolescent idiocy. She was too old for this, thought Loki.
"You haven't been yourself," he said wisely. "You've avoided me all day."
Smarter than he looks, said Darcy. Loki felt a pang of panic, but it subsided immediately.
"I-I've just, um. . . Thor, I've. . . I can't forget about what happened in the desert, okay? It was hella scary, and I've been dealing with it so far but it's hard. I had a nightmare. I lived all of it over again, and I know your face shouldn't remind me of it but it – it really does. I see you and, yes, you rescued me but all I remember was the lightning and the ice. It was terrifying and I just," Loki paused for effect, tears welling up in Darcy's eyes. "I can't. I love you, Thor. I'm trying to forget."
"Darcy, my friend. You've been so brave," said Thor, enveloping her in a big, warm embrace, making her cheeks redden, "You must remember that it is not weak to feel fear. It is not weak to feel pain. If that is how you have decided to handle your feelings, then I will not stand in the way of your well-being. I can only hope that this will pass soon, for your friendship means so much to me. I could not bear to lose you to my brother's wickedness."
If only you knew, she said, tears breaking through Loki's control. And though she wanted, more than anything, to hug Thor in return and let him comfort her and let him know that she needed his help now more than ever, Loki would not permit it. Her arms stayed at her side. Her voice remained silent, as much as she wanted to scream.