There was a stillness in the air, as if it had crystallized while he – while she – while they slept. The grayish-blue light that spilled in from the window looked washed out, tired and frayed. Even the sounds of the sheets being thrown aside were faraway and muffled, the sensation of cold against warm was numbed. It was immensely relaxing.
Oh my God, dude, just get up. I can feel my stomach growling, said Darcy's voice in their head.
"I'm sure your body can wait for food," replied Loki, getting up in front of the mirror and staring pointedly at Darcy's slightly pudgy hips and curved thighs.
Stop staring at my body, you pervert, she said, knowing it was better to ignore his snark. She wasn't sure if he could feel her embarrassment, or her immediate desire to jump onto a treadmill and kill her self-image issues.
"Believe me, Miss Lewis, if I felt any attraction for you, I would be much more courteous about it," he answered, though he looked away and could feel Darcy's cheeks blushing. He smirked, turning away from the mirror and getting dressed.
Darcy watched in silence, trying not to lose her patience. Trying not to remember the events of the past night. Or rather, the complicated thoughts and feelings that had erupted in her. She'd seen his hesitation, the tiny flickers of emotion. It had filled her with the sense of potential, stranger and bigger than anything she had ever known. Scary and brilliant and confusing as hell.
Pancakes with sliced bananas and fudge syrup for breakfast, which Darcy happily noticed that Loki enjoyed more than he would have liked to admit. Erik had made them, and looked at Darcy's big satisfied smile with pride. Wait –
Big satisfied smile? Either Loki's acting skills had improved tenfold in that one night, or something else was going on. And sure enough, as the wonderful taste faded from her tongue, the smile became less and less genuine. It went unnoticed by all but Darcy herself.
"These pancakes are marvelous, Erik!" exclaimed Thor, patting Erik's shoulder. Erik was moved several inches by the contact, the chair under him screeching on the tiled floor.
"Marvelous indeed," nodded Darcy, words muffled by the mouthful of delicious banana-chocolate goodness. Okay, so maybe Loki's acting had improved.
That he had made her talk with her mouth full did not amuse her. Not inaccurate, no. But still unamusing. She wondered if it was embarrassment or simply indignation at the notion that Loki thought that way of her. But then again, it wasn't as if she could hide anything from him anymore. Not when he had her entire brain to poke through and read like a book. It was . . . uncomfortable, to say the least, but in the strangest way, it was liberating.
"Hey, Darcy, I'm headed to the lab early. You coming with, or will you catch up later?" asked Jane as she downed her mug of coffee and grabbed her keys. Thor looked at her with his big puppy dog eyes, letting just a bit of sadness trickle through. He wasn't allowed in the lab, not after he'd accidentally wiped three entire hard drives when they weren't looking.
"Oh, yeah, sure!" Darcy replied, with just the right amount of enthusiasm, stuffing the last of the pancake into her mouth and leaving the plate in the sink.
Good one. I know you wanted to lick the plate, but that would have been out of character, said Darcy in their head.
Really? I figured it would have been fine. I was just in a hurry, snarked Loki right back. Besides, I wouldn't want to ruin your body any further while I'm here. That would just be rude.
She had no answer. But she'd come up with something. It suddenly struck her how quickly she'd gotten over the sheer terror of having her body hijacked, and gone straight into antagonizing her body-napper as if they were just frienemies. Truth be told, she'd never seen herself as the kind of person to take anything seriously, but it tickled her how well she was handling her situation.
Oh! Car door. Of course.
"Ow! Motherf – ughh!" exclaimed Loki through Darcy, having just shut the car door on her fingers accidentally. Well, not so accidentally. Darcy had nudged the impulse to move the hand away out of her subconscious, and though it hurt like nobody's business, it was definitely worth it.
"Oh gosh, are you okay?" asked Jane, hurrying over to Darcy and taking her hand, looking it over worriedly. The smile that crossed Darcy's face was Loki's, but it was reflected within by Darcy's own feelings. She was suddenly sure that it wouldn't be too hard to get Loki to go native, not with Jane on his side. Even if Jane had no idea it was Loki, even if Loki knew this – it would work. She was sure of it, she thought as they got in the car. The ride was quiet, and she couldn't help but consider these things. That they could help him. That he could be helped at all. That maybe, underneath his anger and jealousy there was something worth saving.
She knew, though, that it was a foolish idea. Even Jane had been with her share of messed up guys who just refused to change, to grow up and get over their issues. Darcy knew it was, you know, a thing. Girl meets bad boy, girl falls for bad boy despite his serious problems, girl tries desperately to change the guy into a better person, girl fails miserably. Rinse and repeat. And she knew that it was foolish to even consider the possibility.
Except. . . . except she wasn't in love with him. She was pretty sure that a large part of her still hated his guts, actually. She didn't want to change him just to be with him, it had nothing to do with romance or physical attraction. She'd seen a glimmer of humanity in him, and wanted to help.
Right? That was totally it, she told herself. The dance had meant nothing. It was just a distraction. She hadn't fallen for him, and she wouldn't. She couldn't, not if she didn't want to be blinded. Not if she wanted to help him.
~o~
They arrived quietly at the lab, the dusty New Mexico air as still and hot as a sunbeam. Loki quickly busied Darcy with organizing data sheets, as Jane fell into her own pattern of work. The silence, the calm, was so palpable that Loki found it hard to break it. Hesitation froze Darcy's throat as he crafted his words, urging them on. She watched from within curiously.
Like dust floating in a sliver of light, they worked their way around the lab, Loki searching for the right moment to speak. It was only when their tasks fell into place next to each other, as they both approached the same table, that the silence burst.
"You've been avoiding Thor," said Jane calmly, not even looking up from her data sheet.
"I – I already, um, talked to him about it," replied Darcy's voice, fumbling with the wires she was arranging. "It's just a thing, you know? I don't mean to do it, but when I see him I just . . ."
"No, I understand," said Jane, finally looking up at her. "But you know you can talk about it with me, right? You can tell me anything. You should know that I wouldn't want anything to get between us."
Loki paused. It was not a measured pause. Whether it was disdainful pride or surprise at a sudden swell of comfort, Darcy couldn't tell.
"But he – you're with him. I mean, you're together, and that's – that's great, actually. And I wouldn't get in the way of that," Loki made her say, hesitation and discomfort perfectly staged.
"Just tell me, talk to me. Let it out," said Jane, pushing aside the data sheets and propping herself up on the table in front of Darcy. There was a sincerity in her eyes that Loki had rarely ever seen in anyone, that he wanted to exploit. To own.
"I don't know. I just think he's dangerous. Or, at least, you know – dangerous to have around. And I know he's a thunder god," added Loki through Darcy, rolling her eyes, "it would be pretty hard for anyone to beat him but . . . his brother got close. Who knows if there's anything out there stronger? I – I really don't want us to get caught in that kind of crossfire."
"Oh, Darcy," said Jane sadly, putting her arms around her. It was a different hug from Thor's. Warmer, more sympathetic than protective. "You know we won't let Loki get to you, ever again. Even if Thor was . . . defeated, we'd still protect you."
"But who will protect you? It's not me I'm worried about," said Loki through Darcy, feeling a genuine sincerity in Darcy's voice that wasn't his own doing. Darcy had meant to say the same thing that he did – and suddenly he felt it: rushing out of her chest, an intense but painless love. So completely unlike the dull ache of love that he was used to, he wondered how he could ever have thought the two things the same. He held Jane tighter, allowing himself to enjoy the moment. Was this what they felt all the time? Was this what had been denied of him for all his immortal life?
In Darcy's own mind, a goal was coalescing, far ahead. Her path was becoming clear. In Jane's embrace she no longer felt that small resentment that they couldn't protect her as they promised. She realized that it wasn't meant to be: they didn't save her from Loki because it was up to her to save them. She'd help him, even if it meant letting him do as he wanted, to show him that he didn't have to be the way he was.
Both of them were surprised to find tears on Darcy's cheeks, to find themselves sobbing in earnest into Jane's shoulder as Jane softly ran her hand through Darcy's hair. It was soothing, and the tears abated soon enough.
"I have no answer, Darcy," said Jane sadly as the hug ended,"but you know I can't just tell Thor to leave. I can't."
"I know, and I don't want him to. I just . . . don't want anything to happen to us."
Jane nodded, eyes lowered. With a sigh, she returned to her work, and Darcy did the same.
You didn't really have to go through all that effort to get a hug from Jane, you know. She's pretty generous with the hugging thing, said Darcy in her mind.
Loki didn't reply, but she could feel his annoyance.
~o~
Cloaked in thick steam and with eyes closed, they showered. It was the same shower they'd had every day since Loki had taken over: with the hottest water available and Darcy's modesty guarded by the both of them. The water was too hot for human skin, of course. Perhaps that should have been Darcy's first clue when she began to feel that strangeness within her, before discovering what – rather, who – it was. In trying to quell that aching, unnatural cold she felt inside, she had taken to showering with the dial turned all the way to the left, when the water got so hot that the bathroom became a white blur, and her skin sang.
It was Loki, however, that guided her hands over her body, over every swell and curve. It was at once familiar yet strange, sensual and unnatural. At first it had been mostly uncomfortable, a daily event that she would rather have avoided. Now she had to convince herself that the shivers she felt were not her own body turning against her. She told herself it wasn't pleasure, but something else. Anything else.
Loki turned the dial to the 'off' position, ending the stream, feeling a hundred rivulets of hot water race their way down her body. Eyes still closed, Darcy reached for the towel, only opening them once she was wrapped in it. She walked out of the bathroom into her room, steam billowing out behind her in a ghostly trail.
Only, this time Loki didn't dress her in night clothes. He stood her in front of her full-length mirror, and stared. She was about to snark at him about being a pervert, when she saw what he was doing. Like the steam that curled and faded into air behind her, she herself was subtly curling and fading. Her eyes became just a hint narrower, half-lidded and sinister with a sudden flash of green. Nose focusing into a straighter line. Lips thinner and darker. Like a crow unfurling its wings, her wavy hair shifted into straighter, jagged black locks. She grew taller, her legs and waist becoming more slender as she stretched out, and an emerald silk dress wrapped around her, clasping into golden pauldrons and silver hooks.
Loki's signature horned headdress formed around her head, and the transformation was complete: she was no longer just Darcy. She was an amalgam of the both of them, an elegantly fearsome goddess.
"This is what you could be," said Loki in his – no, in her new voice, "this is what you could have. The power of a god. All those things you hate about yourself could be gone. You could be as abundant as you could never even imagine."
What, like – if I sold my soul to you? Her mental voice was sarcastic, as much as she was trying to show him kindness.
"I am not offering you a deal, Darcy. I am merely telling you, this could be yours. This is what I can offer."
In exchange for what? She was curious now. Where was Loki going with this?
"What would you give up?" asked Loki, raising an eyebrow.
Nothing. I don't really want power, she replied truthfully. You could try tempting me with, like, an ipod, maybe.
Loki smirked, unperturbed by Darcy's mocking. She'd planted the seed in Darcy's mind. It was done.
With a wave of her gloved hand, the room went pitch black. Slowly the light returned, like an electric-blue dawn. But as the light returned to the walls, it did not return to the mirror. As Darcy looked through it, she saw a billowing, swarthy expanse. It was like living obsidian, dark and gleaming at the same time.
They stepped through the mirror, into a humid, cold world. Loki smiled to herself, approaching the Castle-Cave of the Dark Elves, the ground crunching under her brass boots, bones and burnt coal floating up in clouds of dust.
Not exactly fearful, but certainly creeped the hell out, Darcy asked, What is this place? Why are we here?
"Svartalfaheimr. Not that you would know where that is. Just visiting old friends," replied Loki with a smile. They walked inside, ducking under a stone arch that was clearly designed for creatures much shorter than her.
The large hall inside looked like it was cut into a gigantic chunk of onyx, holding a throne and several tables in the center, though it was hard to see anything. In the dimness, Darcy saw a shadowy figure shift position, turning towards them, a jagged crown set on its head.
"Loki . . . welcome."