Author's note: Thank you for all the reviews…I really appreciate them =)
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.
Thoughts, Feelings and Emotions
Grissom's POV
"It's fine. Do what you need to do." said Sara
Sara went out of the library. Even though she tried to hide it, I still saw her tears falling.
I rubbed my eyes. I have made matters worse than they were. I knew I should have stopped things before they got out of hand. I knew I shouldn't have kissed her back.
I kept reading mainly to keep myself busy before I had to go and leave this midnight but as I read, a million thoughts raced in my mind.
It's fine. Do what you need to do.
What did she mean by that? Surely she doesn't know about the battle. I made sure that only Dorothy knew. I know I should have told Sara since she's going to take care of Hank…but I couldn't bring myself to tell her. I know that she will be hurt.
Will she be happy if I left? Will she be sad?
I honestly don't know. I know that she loves me enough that she'll be sad when I leave…but I also know that I've hurt her enough to make her happy when I leave.
I stopped reading when I realized that I've been reading the same page for about half an hour. I stood up, returned the book, and started going to my room.
As I walked up the stairs, I saw the new stable boy hugging Sara. Sara was…crying. I can't help but think that I should be the one comforting her, and not this stable boy. I should be the one hugging her and not him. But alas, I deny myself the pleasure of being her confidant.
I silently went to my room. I intend to make things right before I go to battle.
Why did I agree to go and fight? Why did I agree to go and participate in the battle in between our kingdom and Ulyx? Why?
I do not know why…But a small part of me is telling me that I did it to get away from Sara. Probably, a small part of me was also hoping that I would die in this battle so that I wouldn't have to see her sad eyes again. Maybe I accepted to go because I thought that maybe, just maybe, I'll never see her sad again. That maybe, she'll go and move on.
My heart breaks at the very thought of her moving on. But…it's for the best isn't it? If she moves on, she'll finally be happy with someone who is able to give her what she wants. She'll finally be with a man who can be with her without having problems about what the people would say about them. She'll be with a man who deserves her.
Sara. It's a name I'm sure I will never forget. A name which, when heard, is like music to my ears.
These past few days, I've been writing nonstop about Sara. This is very unusual of me since my friends are here. The bridges weren't repaired yet so they couldn't go home to their respective kingdoms. Normally, when my friends are here, I write about my day with them. I don't write about a girl. But here I am…and I can't bring myself to stop writing about Sara.
This has been a huge mistake. But alas, I can't back out now. I promised father that I would make our soldiers win. I promised him.
…But, if I die in this battle…what would happen to Sara? What would become of us?
Maybe I should explain why I joined in this battle. It's not fair to Sara.
…But a voice in my mind keeps telling me that I shouldn't tell her.
I am very confused.
I sighed. I closed my diary and put it on my bookshelf. I ran my hands through my hair.
What do I do?
After minutes of pacing back and forth, I decided to go and tell Sara. I decided to explain to her why I am going. I silently closed my door and approached her door. Exhaling the breath I didn't know I was holding, I knocked.
"Just a minute!" came a voice from the bedroom
I sighed. I quickly memorized her voice in my head for I fear that I might not hear that sweet sound ever again since I might die in this battle.
The door opened to reveal a surprised Sara.
"Your majesty! Why are you here?" asked Sara
"I'm here because we need to talk. I need to explain why I'm going. I need to tell you why I joined this battle." I said
"All right Prince Gil. Come in." said Sara
I nodded and went inside her room.
A.N: So sorry for the long wait. You know how real life can get in the way of writing fanfics… =)