If You Only Knew, Chapter 7
Garrus POV
He was pretty surprised when Shepard came to visit him again two days later.
"Shepard! Ah…how's the head?"
"It's fine," she replied airily. No wrath, no resentment, just friendly conversation. Garrus wondered whether or not to be worried.
"You remember what—"
"Yes, I do, Garrus. That's why I'm here."
A feeling of dread settled in the pit of his stomach. "What—"
"I want the truth, Garrus," she said. "I'm going to let this—" she motioned to her temple—"slide. But you owe me an honest answer to one question, at least." Her green eyes drilled two holes in his skull to join the ones Chakwas had given him the other day.
A small price to pay, he thought. "Fine. Ask away."
"Why didn't you escape?"
"What?"
Shepard crossed her arms. "I'm not blind, Garrus, and I know you could've gotten out of that situation in Omega if you'd wanted. Why didn't you escape? Why did you insist on holding your ground?"
His jaw fell open as he gaped, completely lost for words. He hadn't counted on her finding his escape route, nor had he counted on her asking him about it. He'd expected something else. Like why he'd hit her, or something. Anything but this.
"You want the truth?"
She nodded.
"I…" He knew full well why he'd decided to throw his life away that day. Thinking about it later had been hard, and telling Shepard the truth would be even harder. But she was right. He owed her this, at the very least.
It took him a long time to find the words.
"Truth? Couldn't live without you. Tried, but I couldn't." Judging by the even look on her face, she'd expected something like that. "When the last man on my team died, I thought…this is it. This is the end. And I accepted it.
"Didn't want to be alive anymore."
There was silence as she digested this. She dropped her gaze, suddenly very interested in his feet. Maybe it was his imagination, but he thought he saw tears in her eyes. She blinked hard and nodded. She understood.
"That the truth, soldier?"
"Yeah."
She smiled at him, a gentle smile that sent tendrils of warmth creeping across his chest, and touched his face briefly.
"I'm glad you're here, Garrus."
And then she was gone.
Garrus sighed and turned back to the gun controls, feeling oddly liberated. It felt good to get that off his chest.
Shepard POV
As Shepard flipped distractedly through the dossiers the Illusive Man had given her, she thought about what Garrus had said.
"Couldn't live without you. Tried, but I couldn't."
What the hell was that even supposed to mean?
Had he really been that lost without her?
When she thought about the events of two years before, Shepard realized that Garrus had never really been in her attentions. It had always been Kaidan she'd been focusing on—that, and stopping Saren. There would have been no way for her to know if he'd ever harbored feelings for her.
Great, she thought. Now I feel bad.
She thought about his reaction on Horizon. He didn't know it, but Shepard had noticed how he'd stiffened when she'd embraced Kaidan. It couldn't be jealousy…could it?
Could she even be the judge of that anymore?
Don't be full of yourself, Emily, she scolded herself. It's just wishful thinking.
Wishful thinking? Where the hell had that come from?
Sighing, Emily buried her head in her hands.
Before she could help herself, a bitter laugh erupted from her lips, making her head hurt. But she couldn't stop chuckling.
I wonder how Kaidan would react if he found out I had the hots for Garrus.
She went to bed that night, still chortling with pictures of Kaidan Alenko's outraged voice and face fresh in her mind.
A/N: Sorry for the long wait for a short update. I kind of hit a wall. I just wanted to get this up there to satiate you lovely readers. Again, thanks a billion to everyone who reviewed, subscribed, and fave'd this story. It's nice to know someone out there is reading.
Cheers.