Chapter 10: Raise Your Voice and Make a Choice

Pulling errands for the crew dominated her time for another few days.

Chasing an Ardat-Yakshi with Samara, a prodigal son with Thane, a Cerberus facility with Jack, a graybox with Kasumi, and an estranged salarian with Mordin hadn't given her much time to think about what had happened in the mess hall and the tech lab, which may have been a mercy—but one quickly outweighed by the unpleasant experiences of being shot at by a wide assortment of shady characters.

Finally, she'd returned from helping Miranda move her sister and was getting ready to go upstairs for some shut-eye when she heard Joker's voice on the comm.

"Hey, Commander, Jack and Miranda are in the middle of a…disagreement...? Can you go head it off before they tear out a bulkhead?"

She groaned internally. "I'm on it, Joker."

"Take pictures," he quipped. The comm went silent and Shepard changed course, walking briskly towards Miranda's office.

The door slid open with a quiet hiss just as a chair went sailing across her vision and hit the opposite wall.

"Touch me and I will SMEAR the walls with you, bitch!"

Jack was absolutely livid, her fists clenched and pulsing with biotics. Miranda was remarkably calm given the situation, standing off to the side, but there was no denying the tension in her eyes.

"Enough!" Emily snapped. "Both of you, stand down!"

Jack relented, shooting the commander a disdainful glance. "The cheerleader won't admit that what Cerberus did to me was wrong," she snarled.

Miranda could have said sorry, she could have admitted that her precious three-headed dog was just a cocksure bitch, but oh no—she just had to push it. Shepard flinched when she struggled to defend her pet organization.

"It wasn't Cerberus. Not really. But clearly you were a mistake."

The cold venom behind the officer's voice could have dropped the temperature of the room twenty degrees, but Jack remained unfazed. She got in Miranda's face then, pointing an accusatory finger between her eyes, as if marking the bull's-eye for her next bullet.

"Screw you! You got no idea what they put me through! Maybe it's time I showed you!"

That's when Shepard got really angry, shoving Jack's arm back down to her side and staring both women down. "My opinion is the one that matters," she said sharply. "Both of you will keep a deck apart at all times. And no more arguments—stow your shit for Collector time."

She lingered just long enough to watch Jack issue a half-assed threat before stalking out. She caught Miranda's eye, and she looked like she was about to say something, but Shepard didn't want to hear it—she just left.

Any notion for sleep was gone, replaced by the desperate need to talk to somebody who wasn't crazy, pouting, or grieving. Naturally, she ended up in the main battery.

"Rough day?" Garrus asked sympathetically.

"You could say that," Shepard grumbled. "I'd say rough week."

"I could hear Miranda and Jack from over here," he said. "Glad you broke it off before someone chucked someone else out the window."

She laughed gently, propping an elbow up on the railing lining the controls. She looked into his eyes and that warm feeling came back, the one that sent butterflies to her stomach and a blush to her face. She couldn't help but smile.

"What?" he asked curiously.

She shrugged. "Nothin'," she said. "Just…relieved, I guess. Glad that's all over."

"It's never over," Garrus said. "Just watch—pretty soon everybody else and their mother is going to be asking you for help."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Hah. Saving the galaxy is never enough, I suppose."

Garrus shrugged his broad shoulders. "You know, this is pretty different from how a turian ship prepares for high-risk missions."

"You're not used to it?" she asked, mystified. "Come on—remember Saren and Ilos and Sovereign and all that jazz?"

Garrus frowned—evidently that hadn't translated well, but he got the idea nonetheless. "Yeah, sure, but that was pretty quick—we flew in, blew up some geth, and saved the galaxy. Now we've got Cerberus and that AI and the Illusive Man telling us what's ahead. I think I prefer blind optimism."

"How do turians prepare for high-risk missions, then?"

His eyes clouded over with memories in his past, memories from a different life. "With violence, usually. Our officers run us tight, but they know us well, and they know we need to blow off steam. Combat sims, weight lifting, even full-contact sparring. Almost anything to keep us focused, really."

"Full-contact sparring?" Shepard asked, alarmed.

They both knew she didn't give a damn about full-contact sparring. She was trying her utmost to avoid the subject she knew Garrus desperately wanted to bring up. She was a little ashamed, but there it was. She had enough on her plate without having to worry about…some love affair or whatever her conflicted hormones were trying to tell her.

But Garrus humored her, and went into detail about the sparring. It was not until he started talking about some other female turian that she started paying attention.

"She suggested we settle it in the ring."

Despite herself, Emily's lips curled up into a little smile. "I suppose you took her down gently?"

He shook his head, smiling a little himself at the memory. "No, we were the two best hand-to-hand specialists on the ship—I had reach, but she had flexibility. It was brutal. Nine rounds later the judge called it a tie…there were a lot of unhappy betters in the ring that day.

"We, ah…we ended up having a tiebreaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility," he said a little awkwardly, shrugging his broad shoulders. "More than one way to work off stress, I suppose."

There was a beat of silence as Shepard took this in. Was she hearing this? He was telling her about a one-night stand he'd had with some hot turian bombshell while prepping for a suicide mission? There might be hope for the team yet, she thought dryly. But aside from that, aside from her amusement was jealousy burning in her gut. Before she could stop it the questions rushed to the forefront of her mind, questions she dared not ask for fear of exposure. Who was she? How long ago was this? Are you still in contact? Was she good?

She shook her head, imagining herself asking those questions and picturing his response. Just goddamn brilliant.

Nobody spoke for a while, avoiding each other's eyes. Both knew the innuendo his words carried, both knew exactly why he'd brought up that particular memory, and they both knew how they felt for each other. Well, one of them did.

Shepard got up. "Thanks for the talk, Garrus. I gotta fly."

She left, resisiting the overpowering urge to break into a mad sprint towards the elevator. As soon as the doors shut, she let out a long sigh.

It really felt like her mouth had a mind of its own, really. In all honesty, she shouldn't have pushed it. she still had Kaidan to think about, not to mention the mission…

Kaidan.

It irritated her to think about him now. He had shown a lack of understanding that Garrus could never display on Horizon, he had walked away when Garrus always had her back, and she still didn't quite know why she insisted on comparing Garrus to Kaidan—

"You should make a decision, you know."

Shepard whipped around to see Kasumi Goto remove her cloak and glance to the side—had she been standing next to her the whole time? Damn.

"What do you mean?"

Kasumi gave the commander a withering look and reached across her to pull the manual override on the elevator. It jolted to a halt and the lights went dark. Shepard crossed her arms and eyeballed her elevator buddy, rather cross.

"Okay, you got my attention. What the hell do you mean?"

"You know damn well what I mean," the thief said sharply. "Make a decision about Garrus. Either take this chance and go after everything you ever wanted, or wait for him to move on. He's not going to take the first step, and he's not going to wait forever."

"This conversation is over," Emily snapped, reaching for the little button on the control panel. Kasumi slapped her hand away.

"No. You're going to hear me out, Shepard." Her hot gaze burned into Shepard's skull and she relented, looking her friend in the face.

"Enough with the games, enough with the denial, and enough with the — whatever it is. Stop denying that he's what you really want. I can see it in everything you do. You love him—so why are you trying to avoid it?"

"I—" She glared furiously at Kasumi, unable to find words. Finally, she burst out:

"I don't want to hurt him, okay?"

"It's not even that," countered Kasumi. "You don't want to go out and get what you want because death's staring you in the face. Well, take it from me—you'd better take the chance you're given, because sooner or later he's going to end up dead and you're going to be standing over his coffin wishing you'd told him when you still could. He's everything you ever wanted, I see it in the way you look at him, in the way you talk to him, and in the way you head up to the main battery every other goddamn day. He loves you, and it's time you decided if you do, too. Just don't take too long."

"Screw you," Emily muttered. She disabled the override and stalked out on her floor, disappearing into the captain's cabin without a second glance.

A/N: Intervention time! Soooo…does Shepard take the Asian thief's advice (which EVERYONE should) or does she continue to deny her feelings for Garrus? Take a wild guess. You've got a 33.33% chance of getting it right. :p

I got my ass kicked at Edison today, so needless to say I'm a little down with a lovely topping of bruised ego. :( Nothing some video games and sleep can't cure, though. Can You Save Me chapters are still in the works, but it's coming strong, and so is this. Viva the three day weekend!