Chapter 12: Daddy, Won't You Please Come Home?

Shepard POV

"Father!"

Shepard turned around just in time to see Tali run over to the dead quarian and fall to her knees, desperately turning it over.

"No…no…you always had a plan. Masked life signs, or an onboard stasis system, maybe! You…"

She broke off, her words becoming incoherent as she shook her father, trying to wrest any signs of life out of him. But there was none, and they all knew it.

"They're wrong," she sobbed. "You wouldn't just die like this. You wouldn't just leave me to clean up your mess!"

Shepard was rooted to the spot, staring down at Rael'Zorah's dead body. She didn't know what she was feeling right then, but it wasn't sadness. It was all the same, she thought. A loving daughter in a loveless family, trying desperately to prove herself to someone who wasn't watching…and now, the Admiral had died, leaving his only daughter to the charges pushed upon her by the Admiralty Board. She was right. Daddy issues ran rampant on the Normandy.

"He was trying to help you, Tali…in the only way he knew how. He didn't want to leave you."

But even as she said the words, she knew they were hollow, especially when the quarian shook her head.

"Of course he did. Every time he went off to battle…every time he sent me away…it was always about what he wanted."

A lump rose in Shepard's throat and she forced it down as Tali continued.

"All I wanted was a father who would take the sick leave and let me see his face without the mask. Instead…" Her voice hardened. "I got orders. And a panel of admirals who think I am a traitor. These are my father's gifts to me!"

Shepard could offer no words of comfort. She could only watch as Tali played back Rael'Zorah's last words to her—orders, orders, and more orders.

She soon came to the conclusion that nobody was fit to father a child, not in a thousand lifetimes.

The galaxy just couldn't get enough of the goddamn geth, she thought bitterly. Not only had the Alarei been swarming with the things—they had been assembled and activated on the orders of Rael'Zorah himself. By some miracle, she, Tali, and Garrus had emerged from the overrun ship no worse for wear. Much of her person was unscathed…except for her patience. Speaking with the Admirals had confirmed what she'd suspected all along—that the entire trial was simply a ploy to decide on the quarians' future with the geth. She had no patience for politics as it was, but the nonchalant way in which they'd expressed their views—with Tali in earshot—made Shepard want to take off her mask and puke. And then blow herself up.

Now they found themselves jogging back to the trial, barely making out the muted voices that wanted to declare Tali dead. They arrived just as Shala'Raan was about to deliver the final judgment.

"Sorry we're late," sneered Tali.

Emily was fuming at this point. She stormed up to the podium, murder in her heart.

"You didn't waste any time declaring us dead," she snapped. "Go get your ship."

It was fun watching the Admirals stumble over that. Koris was speechless, probably out of rage. Xen had no reaction. Shala shifted uncomfortably. Han'Gerrel was the only one who spoke.

"We…apologize, Shepard. Your success in taking back the Alarei was…well, very unexpected."

"But also very welcome," Shala chipped in. Just in time, too, Shepard thought. Goddamn, but politicians pissed her off.

"Did you find anything on the Alarei that could clarify what happened there?" That was Han'Gerrel, his voice laced with uncertainty and anticipation.

There was silence. Shepard turned and her eyes met Tali's. Even behind the mask, she could see the pleading. Don't.

She thought back to the Alarei, when they stood at the main hub listening to the recording.

"Leave Tali out of this," Rael'Zorah snapped to his crewmates. "We're too close. Reassemble new geth with what we have. I don't want Tali to suffer any political blowback if this goes wrong."

True, the Admiral had wanted to keep Tali safe from the wrath of the Admiralty board. True, Rael'Zorah probably loved his daughter as much as Shala'Raan said he had. True, he had been willing to sacrifice family to be able to give his daughter a house on the homeworld…

But somehow, not bringing Rael'Zorah's crimes to light didn't seem right to Shepard. It would be akin to letting her own father back into her room, embracing him, and telling him everything was going to be okay, just like her sister had always done. For her, keeping Tali's father's doings in the dark felt…alien.

The other side of her disagreed. You would disgrace her father's name and destroy Tali's reputation as a trustworthy Migrant Fleet quarian simply for a slap in the face to bad fathers everywhere. He wanted the good for his people…including Tali.

God dammit.

Even in light of this kind of evidence…Shepard thought of how Tali had begged her to wipe the data off her omni-tool, said that she'd rather be exiled than…this.

And so she did what she always did best.

"Tali's achievements are the only evidence you should need," she snapped, pointing an accusatory finger at the admirals. "You're wasting our time. Come on, Tali. We're leaving."

"What?" Shala's voice pierced the outcry of protest coming from the watching quarians.

"This is a formal proceeding!" protested Zaal'Koris. "You can't just—"

Shepard whipped around, her eyes alight with all the fury of a woman scorned and more. "Wrong, Admiral! This is a sham! You're trying to build sympathy for the geth to stave off the war effort! And you—" she pointed an accusatory finger at Han'Gerrel— "you're trying to get all the messy experiments covered up so you can throw the fleet at the geth!"

She paused, watching the two admirals stumble over themselves in an effort to deny these claims with enormous satisfaction. Then she met Shala'Raan's eyes. The elder quarian was looking around desperately, lost for words, but Shepard had no sympathy for her.

"Do whatever you want with your toy ships. But keep my crew out of your political bullshit. We have no new evidence," Shepard finished with deadly finality. "You can accept our word, or exile the woman who saved the Citadel from the geth.

"It's your fucking call, Admirals."

The crowd fell silent, watching apprehensively for the admirals' reaction. Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. Nobody even seemed to breathe.

The Admiralty board was quite frozen, staring numbly at the human standing next to Tali. Han'Gerrel looked like he was in shock. Zaal'Koris looked like he was constipated. Shala'Raan looked ill, and only Daro'Xen had a broad smirk across her face, visible through the helmet. She was the first to bring up her omni-tool and submit her judgment. Han'Gerrel followed, and after a few more moments of looking constipated, Koris followed.

Silence prevailed for the next few minutes. Finally, Shala'Raan managed to find her tongue.

"Tali'Zorah, in light of your history of service, we find insufficient evidence to, ah, convict. You are cleared of all charges."

Shepard performed a fistpump of victory, a smug look spreading across her face. She didn't even bother to hide it—her contempt for the admirals was palpable. Tali sighed in relief, giving her captain a grateful look. Garrus sat in the back, chuckling quietly. Typical Shepard, to shout down the politicians and get results anyway.

"Captain Shepard," Raan continued, "Please accept these gifts as appreciation for representing one of our people."

"Thanks, but I represented one of my own crewmates," Shepard replied. "Are we done here? Because I've got a galaxy to save."

This time, nobody made a move to stop her when Shepard, Tali, and Garrus turned and left the courtroom.

Garrus POV

"I would have done it, you know."

Emily's voice broke the silence. Tali and Garrus looked up in surprise as the commander raised her head.

"I would have exposed your father without a second thought. Just so we're clear."

"Shepard!" cried Tali, shocked. "How could you—"

"I have no sympathy for people like your father." She cut the quarian off abruptly as she continued. "You didn't deserve to get the hot seat because of him—he deserved to get his name destroyed."

"No, he didn't," Tali said hotly. "And as for me—life isn't about getting what you deserve."

"You're right," she said. "It's about giving people what they deserve."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

Emily was silent.

A few hours later, Garrus came up to Shepard's quarters to find her throwing darts at something on the wall. Frowning, he stepped inside and saw that it was a picture of someone he didn't recognize.

"Shepard," he said softly. She jumped, brandishing a dart, but relaxed when she saw him.

"Garrus!" she exclaimed. "Don't sneak up on me like that—what do you—I mean, what's up?"

"Are you okay?" he asked. "I've never seen you like this before, and I'm worried."

Her shoulders slumped and she sat down on the bed resignedly. "Fuck."

His eyes flicked to the picture. "Who's that?"

"My dad."

He sat down next to her. "I'm getting the feeling that you've got some sort of vendetta against fathers," he said. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but the only other time you dealt the harsh cards was when you were dealing with Jacob's father. Am I missing something here?"

She turned away. "Yeah. You are."

"Care to explain?"

Emily avoided his eyes, suddenly very interested in a dead fish floating around in the tank. It was a long time before she spoke.

"If you ever met my dad on the street, you would've thought him the most decent man," she began. "So polite, so…charming…so witty and smart. And I guess he was, to my mom…otherwise he wouldn't have married her."

She laughed bitterly. "But at home…oh, boy, he was a different man," she said. "He didn't hit my mother as much as he hit us, my brother and me. Sometimes, especially when a deal went bad or something, he'd come home, rough us up, and then go next door and fuck the neighbor.

"My mom wasn't going to do jack shit about it, and the neighbors didn't care," she continued. "Don't be fooled, Garrus. Colonist humans are as big of assholes as those Earth schmucks. Even more so, because they're all high on the smell of their own piss. 'Taking the frontier for humanity,' they said. Oh, they all thought they were a bunch of pioneers for the collective good of everyone."

She caught his eye. "Don't give me any of that Alliance propaganda," she said sharply. "I didn't grow up in a loving family and I sure as hell didn't love them. Only one I ever loved was Art. I didn't pick up my weapons for any damn colonists that day on Elysium. I sent those batarians to hell because they killed my baby brother and I made them pay. Every…last…one."

Garrus was silent for a long time, taking this in. He'd never known this about her, but if it was true…

"Where does this leave me, then?" he asked. The question was out of his mouth before he realized it.

She turned and met his gaze in full, an in her eyes there was a steely determination. "You're still my closest friend and the only man I love in this world," she said. "Is that good enough for you?"

He hesitated. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but he didn't know how…so he just settled for one word.

"Yes," he said at length, and he meant it. "That's all I need."

She smiled and reached out to him, but even she could not hide the tears in her eyes as she embraced him. "Thank you," she whispered.

A/N: I feel so bad for doing this to you guys. Alas, there's no cure for writer's block except for inspiration, but the plotbunnies hit me harder than my first Big Daddy battle, so I just had to get this up. Well, now that we know about Shepard's daddy issues…(Usually this is where I inject some sort of witty prophetic statement but I'm blanking right about now.) For those of you Mass Vexations readers, yes, Art is a ref to Herr Wozzeck's character in his MV series. Do head over to his profile and read it. If Night of the Living Dead is the classic zombie movie, then Mass Vexations is the classic ME Self-Insert. :p

Super sorry for those who were expecting a Valentine's Day special. It didn't quite go as planned and I ended up having to scrap the project... :( In any case, new chapters are in the works. Let's hear it for some Shakarian.