Memory 17/18 -Needing You

Pairing(s): au!high school!NatsumexRuka & au!future!NatsumexRuka

Warning(s): this one had mentions of hot steamy make outs and smexy boysex that lasts for more than one round ;D (i'm pretty sure you'll see it haha) IF YOU ARE HOMOPHOBIC: ? ALSO! ooc!supah nervous Ruka 0.0 but this is my AU! if you don't like it... well, leave your complaints in the form of reviews and i will try to get back to you on that during normal business hours! :D

Rating: borderline PG-15/M? idk orz

Summary: Ruka needs Natsume.

A/N: Soooo, haha funny story behind this one :D i was thinking (while my sister was attacking my sleeping mom) about how cute it was in fanfictions how couples wake up and see each other and blah blah blah SAP! and then i was like 'shit man, i need to write some natsuruka! orz' and then i was like *lightbulb over head* 'le gasps!' and inspiration fucking hit me like a crazy bitch! Sooooo, to please the so-called crazy bitch, i sat down and wrote :D and deleted... and wrote... and deleted... and wrote... this all in one sitting! approx three hours doing nothing but typing (and deleting) hahaha! anyways! enough of my rambling, ;D i hope you enjoy haha & i'm sorry for the lateness lol. i'm stuck in writer's block hell =_= and it is NOT fun.

Ruka would never admit it, but being with Natsume kept him sane. Most of their friends thought that it was the other way around, and even if that was true to some extent, Ruka knew that it was more of his benefit than the raven haired man's.

Before Ruka met Natsume, he was a ball of nervous energy. Ruka was almost always self-conscious about everything that he was doing, and the stress had started to rip him apart little by little. It was always thoughts of people hating him because he did something, or hating him because he didn't do enough, and with those thoughts in his mind, Ruka coursed through sixteen years of his life treading on eggshells.

Then Natsume stepped in and everything just seemed to change.

The raven was a punk at their school; a boy who refused to do anything that he didn't want to do himself and he made sure that everyone knew that he would fight tooth and nail if forced. Natsume never cared about what others may have thought of him, and Ruka was amazed at that. They didn't necesarily fall in love at first sight, but the attraction was there and the blonde soon found himself with the raven, doing everything and anything together.

Natsume was blatant with his actions and his words, and Ruka was glad for that trait of his. It didn't take long for Ruka to forget his fears and stress, either, because he knew that if he offended Natsume, the raven would straight out tell him. He wasn't two faced and made sure that everyone knew when he was upset, so Ruka's stress and constant need to make sure that no one hated him melted away when Natsume would grip his hand a little tighter or send him the smallest of smiles when no one was looking.

Natsume was the same about his feelings for Ruka, too. When he made up his mind that he was in love with the blonde, he straight out just pulled Ruka in front of the whole school and made out with him right then and there. Afterward, he held a dazed Ruka close as his crimson eyes dared anyone in the school to challenge him and their not so normal relationship.

None did, of course. Everyone knew that the raven had a short temper, and everyone who ever went up against him had the bruises and missing teeth to prove it. They all just chose to turn a blind eye when the feral raven cornered his blonde rabbit in the hallways to passionately shower him with kisses that were both affectionate and heated.

They were seventeen with their whole lives ahead of them, and ten years later, with jobs, a shared apartment, and a wedding ring to prove their love as everlasting, their relationship hadn't changed one bit. The blonde and the raven were still stuck together like glue every day, but there were several instances when they had to part; events that caused Ruka's fears crash onto him with excruciating force.

Events like now.

Ruka, who was a fairly successful writer, stayed at home most of the day. Natsume, who had taken up his father's multi-billion company, was usually with him typing away and going over paperwork that his secretary always brought him daily. They did leave the house, of course, but they both enjoyed their time and seclusion at home so they were fairly glad for their positions.

With their lives like this, they hardly ever parted. Natsume, though, would get called away overseas on business trips that he had always tried to cancel, and Ruka, after finding the urgent e-mail from the director in the states asking for help, swallowed the small trickle of fear starting to overcome him and practically packed and pushed Natsume on the plane.

He had a panic attack when he got home as he imagined the people and their judging, hateful stares, but Ruka somehow managed to dodge Natsume's questions over the phone as they talked, texted, and web-cammed each other over the next two weeks that the raven was gone. When Natsume hung up though, Ruka would cry from his panic and move to curl himself up in the cocoon he made on Natsume's side of the bed.

The blonde honestly didn't know when he had become this dependant on his husband, but the self-loathing was back stronger than ever and all he could do during those days was cry and count down the hours till his raven was back with him. It was with a crippling fear when Ruka found himself in the airport, and he tried to hold back the tears– he really did! But when Natsume stepped off looking like he was about to snap at anyone who came close to him, Ruka's self-control snapped as he ran past people to jump into his bigger lover's arms, clutching onto his jacket as he cried in relief when strong arms hugged back just as tightly, chasing away all his irrational fears.

"Idiot," Natsume growled into his hair, but Ruka could only give him a laugh as he melted in the embrace. "I'm never leaving you again," he mumbled and Ruka froze for a moment, thinking that he was holding Natsume back with his childish fears, but then Natsume finished with a, "without you there, I was seriously ready to rip someone's head off."

"W-why?" Ruka breathed out, looking up at his taller husband with wide, saddened eyes.

The raven only rolled his eyes but his words were soft and affectionate. "I went crazy without you there, Ruka," he whispered, "I need you with me to keep me sane, and you're the only one who can do that so I was running on some desperate ground."

The blonde's heart lightened at the words, warming at the love shining in bright crimson eyes. "Why?" he breathed out with a small smile.

Natsume chuckled, "Just trust me when I say that some people are ridiculously stupid," then he growled as his memories brought forth too many examples to mention, "I am seriously thinking about firing the whole damn branch in America." He snorted as Ruka giggled, "Incompetent fools, the lot of them are, I swear."

Then he looked into Ruka's eyes the same way that reminded Ruka of when the raven proposed to him so long ago. "I'm thinking about coming back next month," he whispered, arms tightening around Ruka's smaller body as the blonde froze.

Dread filled his heart and he felt like crying again as he looked down, but if this was what Natsume needed to do, then Ruka wasn't going to hold him back. He looked up again, willing his eyes not to tear up as he smiled in what he hoped would be an encouraging way.

Natsume frowned though, and Ruka knew with a sinking heart that it had failed as a calloused hand pressed to his cheek. The tears fell and Ruka moved to bury his face in his hands, but Natsume wouldn't let him as he pulled the blonde into another tight hug. "Don't react before I even speak, stupid," he chided softly, "I'm thinking about coming back next month and you're coming with me."

"Wh-what?" Ruka whispered into Natsume's chest.

The raven's smile could be seen even if Ruka wasn't looking at him. "I need you," Natsume said softly, "I need you there so I won't end up murdering someone, and..." he trailed off. The blonde thought that he was going to bring up something about Ruka's pathetic weakness, but Natsume just chuckled softly. "And I hear California is really nice in the summer," he pulled a shocked Ruka away with a small smile, "our anniversary is coming up soon, so let's spend it there."

Wide, teary sapphire eyes blinked at the raven with a mixture of emotions that went whizzing by too fast for the taller man to read. "I-I..." Ruka looked down, blushing.

"I need you, Ruka," Natsume said again, his voice firm and his eyes softly glowing, "I. Need. You." He pressed his lips to Ruka's in a kiss that caused the people walking by to blush furiously, "So say yes."

"Y-Yes." Ruka could only breathe out.

The smile was back, crimson eyes amused and dark with a want that only stole Ruka's breath away again, but it all disappeared in Natsume's normal strict mask as he threaded his hand through Ruka's own. "Good," the taller raven said firmly, "now let's go home. Two weeks is too long of a damn time without sex."

His last words were said aloud and Ruka could only blush furiously at the raven's voice and made a mental note to scold him later when they were somewhere more private. That later never did end up coming and the mental note was erased when they arrive home, clothes dropping like flies on the ground as the raven practically threw his blonde on their large bed. His eyebrow had quirked at the fort made on one side, but Natsume didn't say anything as he licked and nipped and worked his husband until they were connected together in the most intimate of ways; their movements erratic and messy as they tried to make up for lost time.

The blonde woke up the next night extremely sore and starving, but filled with so much love that it was practically overfilling his heart and spilling into the aura that surrounded him. His stomach growled for him to move, but Ruka just laid there instead, entangled with Natsume still in him as the raven slept, gone from the world.

He had always known that he needed Natsume more than Natsume needed him, but Ruka couldn't help but be happy at the words that Natsume had given him. The raven said that he had needed Ruka; desperately, honestly, lovingly needed him. The blonde knew that it would never compare to Ruka's desperation for his raven, but his heart was overjoyed at the feeling that he wasn't in this alone. Natsume loved and needed Ruka, just as Ruka himself loved and needed Natsume.

They would never be on the same level, Ruka was sure, but it was all that Ruka needed to hear; and knowing that Natsume always meant every word he said only served to melt Ruka's heart even more.

Natsume needed him, and that, for Ruka, was all he needed to know.