A/N: Okay new chapter. Thank you SO much for the reviews, they help me so much! Also thank you for the story alerts they all make my day! Ilove getting feedback so thank you a lot. I don't own anything it all belong sot Kurt Sutter and FX.
After the silence, after the last words.
Caught in the silence. Caught in between.
After the madness. After the slow shock.
Before the wave hits, the flood comes rushing in.
This is the bad before the worse.
This is the storm before the storm
I haven't even hit the bottom of this ocean floor.
This is the bend before the break.
This is the mercy not the grace.
This is the proof and not the faith i try to find.
There shouldn't be a good in goodbye.
There shouldn't be a good in goodbye- Jason Walker
"I think you should leave." I said pulling the thin towel closer to my body. I gave the room a once over before sighing.
"We need to talk." I nodded rolling my eyes. Who is this man? I thought to myself, I analyzed him and noticed the cut. He's not a Son that's for sure; he's part of the Devils Confederacy, I doubt he would make the cut to be a Son.
"Let me change and I might talk." I snapped grabbing my entire bag before going to the bathroom. I changed into the faded blue jeans, black tank top with a white owl on the front and a light blue zip up jacket. I grabbed the Beretta 92FS and stuck it in the back of my jeans before pulling my shirt over it along with the jacket. I brushed my long blonde hair out and put a bit of eyeliner on before grabbing my phone and dialing Kozik's number. I have to tell him what's going on; I wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea or anything. It rang a few times before a voice came over.
"Hello?" A high pitched woman's voice said. I froze, is that her? Is that the girl he would much rather be with?
"Who is this?" I asked holding back tears. I shouldn't be crying after all I am the one who left him, but for god sakes that was last night. I heard Kozik's voice asking where his pants were and I broke out in tears letting the fall where they may. I should have known.
"I'm sorry who are you?" The girl asked with attitude. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath.
"Tell Kozik Whitney will be by…" I took another deep breath in order to control my tears but I failed miserably. "Tell him Whitney will be by tomorrow night to pick up her things." I hung up turning the water on in order to drown out my light sobs, I won't do the whole crying jag right now, I'll do that later while Ashley and I pig out on Ice cream.
Looking in the mirror I lifted my shirt up and put a hand on my flat tan stomach. How can I raise a child, the entire twelve weeks I hid this pregnancy I was worried that he would hate me and run out on me. But the truth of the situation is that we were never really together at that time. He found love that I couldn't give him with that whore. Lorca was right, about everything. I pulled my shirt down smoothing everything before drying my eyes and smiling into the mirror. I have never been so scared in my life of anything, but the thought of being alone making this life worth something for this baby…it scares me to death.
Turning off the water I opened the door glaring at the man. I breezed past him and everyone in my dad's small living room and went out to my car I sat inside starting it up and just sat there for a few minutes. What do I do? How do I say good bye to him without crying, I can't let him see me cry or that skank he is sleeping with. I looked up as I heard the screen door shut and watched as the man came out walking over to my car. I pulled out fast my tires squeaking before speeding down the road. I've never been one to speed but I can't talk to that man, not now when my life is falling apart.
I worked hard blinking the tears back but I couldn't keep them all back. I hit the steering wheel as I pulled onto our street and saw his bike along with Ashley's car. I pulled onto the curb and got out. Walking up to the house I remembered how hard it was to leave knowing it was hurting him. I turned the cold door handle and walked into the warm house. I could hear Kozik yelling and Ashley yelling right back. I didn't say a word I just went upstairs and took out my pink with black and white polka dot suitcases out setting them on the perfectly made bed. I unzipped the slowly rethinking my decision before shaking the idea from my mind. I took out my clothes folding them up and gently placing them in the bags. Before long I heard boots go up the stairs and stop. I didn't look over, I just kept packing.
"Whitney I'm sorry." I felt is hand go to my waist before I reached up smacking him across the face, tears streaming down mine. I never planned to do that but he deserves it.
"You think sorry is going to take this all back? It won't, nothing can. Believe me if there were a way I would welcome it." I cried closing my eyes before sitting on a small empty space on the bed.
"I didn't think about anything I just did it. But let's try and get through this." He said calmly putting a hand on my knee.
"Kozik, we haven't really been a couple for a while. I am the one who should be sorry. I mean I didn't really make you happy, how could I? I'm not anything special, I don't look like those girls and I'm not as good as those girls." I said sadly putting my hand on top of his. I rubbed his hand with my thumb, missing the touch of his hand on my waist and his lips on mine.
"So you go find a great Old Lady, one that will put you first, that will have your little baby's, that can cook, that isn't always fighting with you, one that can please you but most of all one that you love." I raised my head the tears pouring form my eyes. He shook his head, his eyes misting over. I shook my head standing up and putting both hands on his cheeks.
"Don't cry, that's my job you are gonna make one girl so happy. Just like you made me, these last few years I have been the happiest I will ever be. I love you." I kissed his cheek as I fell apart. This is it, I'm alone and I can't take it back. But he deserves better.
"I don't want to make another girl happy, I only want you, damn it why don't you see that?" He yelled pulling away and going over to the dresser slamming both fist down causing papers to fall. I covered my mouth with a hand and cried harder as I saw him in pain, my heart breaking more every second.
"Because I know you, I remember when we first met you said you aren't monogamous and I was stupid to try to change that. I'm a stupid girl Kozik and I know that now, don't make this harder please for me…for this baby." I added grabbing the rest of my clothes and zipping them up. I ran getting my shoes and throwing them in before zipping it up.
"Whitney, I cheated twice, once a few months ago and once last night. Don't do this, please." I shook my head grabbing the first two suitcases before heading down stairs. I set them by the front door before going back up and getting the other two, I did the same and came back up and saw him sitting on the almost empty bed. Hangers are everywhere and the only clothes left are his. I walked over lifting his head up, my green eyes met his blue ones and I kissed him one last time. When our lips met it was urgent, and full of passion, I felt that little spark that has always been there. His hands got tangled in my hair, I pulled back biting my lip.
This is my choice, this is my decision. I guess I'll have to cry, and go through numerous breakdowns so he can get what he deserves. I honestly want him to be happy and to stay clean. I remember staying up with him when he had those weak moments and just staying up to have our late night conversations.
"Goodbye." I said grabbing my small bag and walking out the bedroom door. I loaded up my car and left that house for the last time.