GOOD MAN TURNED BAD?

Chapter 2

Calleigh's call rang no immediate alarm bells. "Horatio, can I talk to you?"

"Of course. Come up."

She sounded awkward. "I'd rather do it outside the lab…"

"OK…"

She went on quickly, sounding, for her, a little rattled. "Will you meet me in the garage?"

He went downstairs, and out to the garage. Calleigh was in the driving seat of one of the department Hummers. The engine was running.

He got in beside her. "You're being very mysterious…"

She didn't smile. In fact, she didn't reply.

Horatio frowned, but he was a patient man. He would wait for her to speak. She drove for about ten minutes, parking up at the beach, overlooking the water. She switched off the engine, but didn't open the door. Instead, she turned to look at him.

After some seconds, she said, "Justin Leverbrook."

"What about him?"

"You put him in hospital."

"I arrested him. He resisted."

"Horatio… He's got a broken jaw, fractured ribs, and a ruptured spleen…"

He looked out at the waves. "He's a double murderer."

"You don't know that…"

"Of course I do! So do you! You mean it hasn't gone to court yet? Don't be so pedantic, Calleigh…"

She was silent.

He looked at her then. "He's absolute scum. Why do you care?"

"I don't care particularly…Not about him…" She hesitated. "Natalia came to see me."

"Ah…" He knew then what was coming.

"She says you went wild. That Leverbrook was already restrained."

"Not strictly true… He was still moving." He tried a smile.

"Don't joke about it! What's happened to you?"

"Nothing's happened. I took down a bad guy. My job, remember?"

"I remember when your job didn't involve excessive force."

"How do you know there was? You weren't there. You believe Natalia, over me?" He knew he was sounding defensive.

"Of course not. If you tell me it wasn't excessive, I'll believe you. I'll tell her she misunderstood what she saw. Horatio… Come on… How long have we known each other? I'm on your side…"

"I didn't know there were sides. What's really going on here? Is she taking this to IAB? Is Leverbrook making a complaint?"

"No. Neither. Yet…" She put a hand gently on his knee. "Tell me what happened…"

"Nothing happened. There was a bit of a skirmish… I smacked him in the face, but he kicked off again as I was getting the cuffs on… Natalia had her weapon drawn, but she could hardly shoot him without hitting me. That's all."

"Where were the uniforms?"

"Way behind us. Calleigh… you know how things just happen sometimes… Not perfect, but you just do what you have to do."

"I know that."

"So what's Natalia's version? Or should I ask her?"

"That you kicked him after he was handcuffed and on the ground…"

"Maybe… I was angry. You know what he did…"

"H… You kicked him hard enough to do considerable damage… While he was helpless… What do you call that if not excessive force?"

Both were silent, a silence that stretched to minutes.

Horatio broke it, his voice quiet, "Why didn't Natalia come to me?"

"Because… I think she's a little afraid of you. Now."

He nodded. He felt vaguely sick, and suddenly, ridiculously, close to tears. "Then she'd better go to IAB."

"You don't want that."

"Maybe I deserve it." He heaved a sigh. "I don't know what's happened to me…"

"But you know something has?"

"Of course I do!"

"So talk to me."

He wanted to. He had brooded on things for weeks, decided he really couldn't talk to any of his team. Decided he probably did need professional help. Hadn't done anything about it. Tried instead to fight his depression, and curb his temper. And succeeded, to some extent, at least with the latter. Until Leverbrook.

The arrest should have been straightforward, since he had actually had a gun held on the man. All he had to do was to get Natalia to cuff him. But the man's smirking expression had triggered something in him, and he'd lashed out, first with the butt of the gun, then with his elbow.

His voice was hoarse as he murmured. "I should probably resign."

He felt Calleigh take his hand. "No, sweetheart, no…" She was silent for a while. "I do think you need help though. If we're to get you over this."

"Why would you bother?"

"Because we love you. Don't you think we've noticed how it's been for you recently? You've seemed more hurt, more lost… more alone… than I've ever seen you."

"I didn't think it showed."

"Come on, how could it not? All right, maybe Walter hasn't seen it, he hasn't known you that long… Maybe not even Ryan or Natalia… But me? And Eric? Did you really think Eric wouldn't notice?"

"He hasn't said anything."

"Because he doesn't know what to say. And because, frankly, anything you do is OK with him. Horatio… I don't think this one's going to go away. I know Leverbrook deserves everything that happens to him, and I know he's about as stupid as they come, but some lawyer is bound to come sniffing around. Once there's a police brutality claim in motion, there's not going to be much we can do."

"Especially when it's true…"

She shrugged. "You wouldn't be the first to lose your temper with a suspect. With your record, they wouldn't demote you, or anything serious. It's not that… It's what the stress would do to you. Horatio, my only concern is what's happening to you. You are so unhappy, aren't you?" When he didn't reply, she added, "You're OK physically, aren't you? I mean, you were shot…"

"I'm OK physically."

"Truly?"

"Truly. It's nothing to do with the shooting."

"Do you know what it is to do with?"

He sighed again. "Not really. I've tried to analyse it. Can't pin it down. I've just… lost focus… Forgotten why I do this job. Everything feels… so hard… and so pointless…"

"You need help, Horatio. Now. Before this all blows up. Some time off…"

He shook his head. "Time off? What would I do with that?" He lay back against the headrest, gazing at the sea.

They sat in silence for a while. So they knew… Horatio wondered why he had ever supposed it wouldn't be noticed. They had always been a close-knit team… He thought that the fact Calleigh seemed to understand - at least part of it - ought to be making him feel better. Except it didn't. He felt considerably worse, as if something he had thought hidden was now revealed for all to see. He felt tears perilously close to the surface, and fought them back.

At last, he murmured, "What should I do?"

"Talk to someone…"

"You?"

"A professional… Look, we can talk whenever you want, you know that, but I've got no qualifications, not the skills you need… I'm really not sure I'd be able to help you. But I don't think you should go to the department shrink."

"No?"

"Well, for one thing, it won't stay secret, whatever they say. And secondly, he's a man… And…" She hesitated. "I think you talk more easily to women…"

He gave a mirthless chuckle. "You recommending someone?"

"No, unfortunately, I don't know anyone. I can make a few enquiries. I'll be very discreet…"

He sighed. "OK."

"Shall I take you home?"

He turned to look at her, and forced a smile. "No, let's go back. I'm all right."

She reached over and put her hand on his cheek. "I wish that was true…"