GOOD MAN TURNED BAD?

Chapter 11

It was a week before he returned to Cecile. He had begun to take mild sleeping pills, and admitted to feeling better, if a little thick-headed in the mornings. He'd thought over everything that Cecile, and Calleigh, had said, and reached no real conclusions.

Now he sat in his usual place, facing Cecile, nursing his usual mug of coffee.

She studied him. "You look a bit better…"

"Sleeping pills - I did as you said."

"And what we talked about?"

"I'm not arguing - I think you're probably right. I don't know what to do about it. I was hoping you'd tell me…"

"We'll work on it. No magic wands though, remember?"

He sighed. "How long?"

"Horatio, I can't answer that. We'll work on it. That's all I can promise. What I will say is that if you accept what's wrong, we're halfway there." She smiled at the expression of doubt on his face. "You're a very intelligent man, so we'll do this logically… We'll go back over things and try to drive the unwarranted guilt away. You're going to let some things go… We'll look at the responsibilities you undoubtedly have to have for your job, but we'll make sure they're not excessive."

"That easy, eh?"

"No. Very hard. You're going to have to discipline yourself to react in a way that may feel alien to you. You may have to force yourself to do or not do things a certain way. It will all come back to being automatic… We'll get you out of this emotional wasteland you've made for yourself." She smiled at him. "At the moment, I know, you're very upset - probably even more so than when we started - but it's going to start getting better. It really is. Better, and easier."

"Wish I could believe it."

"You don't have to believe it. You have to be willing to try. We'll look at how you're relating to members of your team…"

"Hardly at all."

"I don't believe that. You may have lost some of the closeness that was important to you, and you need to re-establish it. And it's possible… we'll look at it later… that you need to give yourself a personal life, work slightly less hard. I'm not sure about the last one, because I actually think you thrive on hard work." She paused, then said, "How does that sound?"

"Daunting."

"But necessary?"

"Oh yes."

"And the next time something unpleasant happens, it's not your fault, right?"

He nodded, then laughed.

"What's funny?"

"Timing. I'm going to have to skip our Tuesday session. I've got to go to a funeral in New York."

She raised her eyebrows.

"My one-time partner - the man who eased my passage into the NYPD, real old-school cop… He died in a nursing home a few days ago… I'd like to go…"

"Was it your fault?"

"What? Oh no, not at all. He had cancer."

Cecile smiled. "Well, it's a start, Horatio."

(Note to my patient readers… First, thanks for all your encouraging comments. I've wanted to do this one for a while, but I knew a lot of people didn't see him at all like this. Anyway, I'm going to stop it here, or we'll get very repetitive. He's got work to do, but I'm sure he'll get there. S.)