"I'll have you know I stubbed my toe last week when watering my spice garden, and I only cried for 20 minutes!"

Baby Doll's childish laugh rang through the living room as she watched her favorite show of all time.

"Tell me again why that show is funny?" I questioned her as I poured myself some orange juice.

"Because, mommy. It just is," she replied between bites of pancakes.

"What's so funny about a talking sponge who wears pants in the Alantic-"

"Pacific," she corrected me.

"Sorry. Pacific ocean?"

She shrugged. "I dont know. It just is."

I laughed at that and strolled into the living room to sit down next to her. I sipped the orange juice and set the glass on the table. Baby Doll seemed entranced by what was happening on the TV screen and all I could do was ask questions. She shh'd me every time.

"I'm pretty sure you've seen this episode before," I whispered in her ear. She eyed me for a quick second then went back to her show.

"It's your first day out of school and you wanna spend it watching cartoons?"

She nodded.

Seeing that she was good to go for the morning, I took her plate, rinsed it and put it in the dishwasher. I stayed to watch a few more minutes of the show before getting annoyed.

Up the stairs I went into my room-a mess. Clothes all over the floor, old documents I didn't need anymore, head shots that I had submitted to work. Anything and everything covered my floor. I encouraged Baby Doll to clean her room but I didn't take my own advice.

I plopped on my bed.

Most mornings were spent like this. After I would drop Baby Doll off at school, I'd come home and just do this. If I wasn't called to work last minute then I'd just lay here and think.

Think about all the people I've left behind. How much I missed them. What were they doing? How were they doing?

Then I thought about the possible scenarios that would go down if I did go back.

They'd feel as if a burden had been put back on their shoulders. They'd hate me for coming back when least wanted.

How would they react to Baby Doll?

I could practically hear Paul's mocking comment. "Leah got knocked up..."

I rolled my eyes and it was sad to admit but yes, I was missing Paul very much. I was missing his cocky smirk, self-praising personality and the "swag" that he claimed to have.

I was missing my baby brother as well. I missed his innocence and selfless ways. The way he thought about others and wasn't opposed to the fact that Jacob was in love with a vampire.

Sighly sadly, I turned over.

Jacob: I love that boy more than anyone, except Baby Doll of course.

He was there when Sam got engaged to Emily. He talked sense into me when I was ready to jump over that cliff. He took care of Seth as his own little brother. My mom loved him as her own son and he was the best lover a girl could ever have. I will admit to screwing Paul out of anger one night but that was before I had a good, hard fuck with Jacob.

He called me beautiful when I felt ugly.

He nicknamed me "Poca" cus of my appearance and love for adventure.

It took us a while to admit our feelings for each other because of so many years of just picking on each other and hatred. The pack saw it. The Cullens saw it. We were both too stubborn and thick headed to realize it. I remember it perfectly. We were on patrols.

The moon was out and bright. Full, too.

Stars surfaced the sky like diamonds and they brought a romantic light to the forest. We were just sitting on there, close to Canada, talking through our brains.

Why do you hate me so much? I had asked him out of pure curiosity. I'm not that bad.

You hated me first. He responded, an amount of hurt in his voice.

I don't...hate you. Hate is a strong word. You just annoy the living fuck out of me sometimes.

He then turned to look at me, one ear raised and the other drooping. You don't?

No. I actually think you're kinda cute. And stupid.

You... He flashed me a wolfy grin. You think I'm cute?

It was in that moment did I realize I had flirted for the first time since Sam. I forgot how good and feminine it made me feel.

I have since we were kids.

We were silent for a few minutes until he nudged my shoulder with his snout. I think you're kinda cute, too. Beautiful, actually.

Really?

Beautiful:what a word to use to describe Leah Clearwater.

Yeah. Despite how I treat you, I really do think you're. . .beautiful. You're not as big a bitch as the pack thinks you are, to be honest.

My tail wagged rapidly against the ground as he came closer and nuzzled his face onto mine. I hesitated for a minute then nuzzled right back, growling sweetly under my breath.

That was back when things were less complicated.

Back when I thought I was a genetic dead end and we could have sex without any worries of children. Silly, silly us.

Looking back on memories like this made me wonder what Baby Doll's future would be. Would I tell her I was a shapeshifter? Would she become one herself?

I was worried for her. She would be scared and confused. How would I explain any of that to her?

Baby Doll was all I had right about now. If I lose her to this stupid wolf curse, I'd be finished. Done with no reason to live.

The nostalgia was hitting me hard as I looked back on all the memories me and Jacob had. Me and Baby Doll have had good memories too but I wanted to have memories of all of us. Together. A big old family of wolves running through the forest, not a care in the world.

Then again, he could be married with kids and a house. This was something I thought about all the time. Had he moved on? Did he end up having his own kids?

I always kept a photo of me and him on my nightstand just to torture myself. It wasn't till a tear rolled down my cheek did I realize what I had to do.

"Aww, fuck it," I whispered and rose from the bed. I jogged down the stairs and Baby Doll was still in the same spot, watching another episode of Spongebob.

"Hey, Baby Doll?" I called to her.

"Yeah," her eyes didnt tear away from the TV screen.

"Pack some clothes and toys, ok?"

"Why? Where'r we going?"

I smiled. "Home."

Kids were wonderful little specimen.

I hope sarcasm was detected in that statement.

The pups that rolled around La Push were cute, though. I remember when Seth was just a pup who was confused out of his wits and looked to me for guidance.

Now he was a full grown dog who got into bar fights.

It was a shame to see him like this. The kid who I had become to know and love wasn't the kid who was on my porch with a balck eye last night.

Sue, as expected, had a fit when she saw his eye. He wouldn't tell her what happened so I did. I had to break it to her as gently as possible. She screamed and yelled and hollered at Seth louder than she's ever done to anybody. She was still in agony over Leah's disappearance and it showed. Seth wasn't making things any easier.

The reason why I say Leah's disappearance is because I don't think she's really dead. Every night when I went to sleep, her presence was so live and well in the room. I honestly thought I was losing my mind until I see her white and wide smile in my dream or heard her voice in between the wind when I did patrols.

I remember wanting to die when they called off the search. There didn't seem to be any reason to live anymore. She was gone. The one girl who had really tied me down was gone forever. My Pocahontas was gone.

No amount of pain could equal the devastation I felt when she was gone. I could've been bitten by vampires on every surface of skin there was on my body and feel nothing. The hot and poisonous venom could run through my bloodstream, burn my flesh like fire and it would all be like nothing compared to how my heart yearned for her to come back to me.

Aw, man. I sounded like a fucking romance novel.

I shook my head to empty my head of those thoughts. I wanted to think about something happier, less depressing.

On a brighter note, it was a really pretty day down at First Beach. The sun was off doing its job warming the sand and water. Sometimes the mixture helped me drift to sleep or daydream. It was empty so I was free to roam where I wanted.

I began to draw with my index finger in the sand but all of my creations got washed away by the tide. I groaned in my self pity and lied down, the grains of sand slightly tickling my bare back.

The sun's rays warmed me as I felt my eyes droop to blackness.

The girl was tiny.

Very young.

About six or seven.

She had long and healthy, jet black hair and pretty hazelish, green eyes. Her skin tone was dark and russet. She had an angelic smile that matched her bright attitude. I couldn't tell what she was dressed in but she was wearing white. She put out her hand for me to grab. I did and the smooth texture of her skin sent chills down my spine. I was fascinated with this child who clearly was too beautiful to be any ordinary human. She reminded me of Leah.

She began to run, my hand in hers and grinning a straight toothed and white smile.

"Where'r we going?" I asked and my voice echoed as we ran. Ran to nowhere.

She simply smiled and skipped along. Her tiny hand pulled me on faster, making me run harder. She ran faster into some sort of bright, yellow light that loomed from the other end of the tunnel.

"Mommy! Mommy! I found him," she begins to cheer and drags me further to light. I resist cus it's so bright but I'm weak. I cant pull away. Confused and wondering who she's referring to as her mother, I run faster ahead of the child.

Anticipation and excitement jolt through my legs like bolts of electricity and as I sprang forward, I shifted. The tiny girl finished the run into the light. Just as I jump through, everything goes black.

My eyes popped open and I'm greeted with the harmful rays of the sun. I groaned and heard laughter behind me. Paul's mocking smirk was the second thing I saw. I rolled my eyes and pushed him out of the way so I could get up.

"Hangover's are a bitch, huh Black?"

"Fuck you," I replied with a smirk of my own. I stumbled a little but he caught my shoulder. "I'm not drunk. What time is it?"

"Like one-ish."

I nodded and began to walk passed him to go home but then turned on my heels.

"Hey. You know what tomorrow is?" I asked him. He didn't turn around. His fists clenched.

"March eleventh."

"You going to the grave?" I wondered.

He nodded. "I go every year."

It's true. Even though him and Leah went at each other the most, he really did care.

"I'll see you later, Paul." I said and continued on home. He seemed upset so I didn't turn back.

So what made me hop on a plane back home?

Fear.

Fear of dying alone and never finding another like Jacob.

I missed my family. I missed being able to just roam around and know exactly where I was going. I missed that homey feeling you get when you can walk down the street and every knows you. I may not be wanted back but I was going anyway.

I'd get to see my mother again. She'd meet Baby Doll; her grandchild. Seth would meet his niece. They were alike on a childish and innocent level.

The rest of the pack would be shocked and it would be a big slap in the face to them. As if to say, "Haha! Genetic dead end, my ass!"

And then there was the one who mattered the most. Her father. The all too real and wonderful Jacob Black.

Would he love her like I did? Would he accept it? It wouldn't be fair to him to just show up and say, "It's been six years. She's your responsibility now." My biggest fear is of Jacob rejecting her or making her cry. Jacob wasn't a kid person and this would be the shock of his life.

Oh, God. Seeing Jacob Black again.

I'd have to face him and tell him the truth. Give him the news that he has a six year old daughter who adores him even though she's never met him. There were so many positive and negative possibilities. I was stuck up on the negative cus thats all that there was room for.

This was sudden. You think I woke up this morning with the dead set intention of returning to La Push?

Eventually I would have to come back to San Fran to bring my life there back to La Push. Baby Doll would have to switch schools but it was worth it. The kids at her school tormented her about how her dad never picked her up or how she had a pig's nose and just the dumbest shit you could ever here come out of someone's mouth. Baby Doll stayed true to her name. I wouldn't have given it to her if it weren't accurate.

I wish she were stronger. She was very sensitive when it came to the mention of her father. It was my own fault she was teased about it but I wish she could just blow those kids off. Those kids had no room to talk about her nose when half of them were as ugly as the day was long.

I looked over at her in her seat and she was drifting off to sleep. I kissed her head.

"We're almost home, ok?"

She lightly nodded. "Does home have Spongebob?"

I chuckled. "Yes. Home has Spongebob."

She shut her eyes completely. "Am I gonna like home?"

That's a good question. Even I didn't know the answer. "I don't know. But I'm certain home is gonna like you."

Her snore was more like a purr as she drifted off into sleep. I pulled up the arm rest so she could lay her head on my lap and rest. My fingers weaved through her thick curls cus I was lost in thought and praying I was making the right choice.