Hey guys! Sorry it has taken CDM and I so long to post, she had finals in school last week and I just procrastinate a lot. :S So I'm really sorry. Anyhoo, the next chapter should be up soon, and we hope that you enjoy this chapter! :)

Chapter Twelve

JPOV (CDM)

I was sitting on the porch with a cigarette in hand, trying to relax. It's been two weeks since Tom showed up and things were getting better. After Esme and I had a long talk, a lot of stuff got easier. I apologized for everything I said, and explained why I was so angry even though I knew she already understood. Esme, in return, apologized even though I told she didn't need to. The house felt lighter after that, especially since Ali and Rose made up.

I sat back in one of the nice wicker chairs and took a long drag. Damn it felt good, Rose has been monitoring me. She keeps trying to get me to quit, and I probably should; not that I would tell her that. I heard the back door open and I sighed, so much for finishing a smoke. Thinking it was Rose, I sat up and braced myself for another rant but to my surprise it was Alice. She looked stressed and when I went to put my cigarette out she shook her head and took it from me.

"Don't tell Rose," she mumbled before taking a long drag.

I just stared at her momentarily until she sat on the coffee table in front of me. She exhaled and handed it back. "Okay, that's better."

I nodded, "Is everything okay?" My tone was hesitant, since I have never seen her act like this before.

She stared down at her feet for a while before she looked up at me. "Jasper, I can't do this. It's eating me alive. I don't know how you can handle this."

I looked at her for a moment and took another long drag. "Shit, Alice. You can't. I'm sorry I told you. I was drunk. I don't know what I was thinking."

She stood up quickly, she no longer appeared stress. She was mad, frustrated with me.

"Damn it Jasper! You need to tell her," she hissed. "I can't keep lying, or keeping secrets. I look at her and I look at you and I can't do it. She needs to know. She deserves the truth. You're her friend, why are you so scared?"

"You think I like keeping all these secrets? I hate it but this is something that shouldn't be shared. She deserves to be happy not haunted. Don't you see what it does to Rosalie when she's with Emmett? It ruins her. I don't want to do that to Bella. And I am not scared," I told her.

"Everyone is different. Bella isn't Rose. If you're not scared then man up. You're being an asshole keeping it to yourself. It's not just hurting you."

This time I stood up and towered over her. I was mad, I didn't need nor want this right now. She was glaring at me but when she stared up at my face, I saw her glare falter. I flicked my smoke to the ground and put it out with my Doc.

"Fuck this. Alice, you want some truth? I like her, and I don't mean like a friend. I'm fucking falling in love with her. Excuse me for being selfish for once in my fucking terrible life. Excuse me for actually enjoying someone's presence who isn't family to me. I'd like to say I wish I could take that night back, but you know what? If I hadn't been there, Bella wouldn't be here right now. She might not have even been alive. He wasn't like Royce. He wasn't a drunk party boy. He was a disgusting monster who did that out of sick pleasure. Saying no. Turned. Him. On."

By this point, I watched Alice's eyes begin to water.

"Imagine, just for a second, that you're her. That every night you cry yourself to sleep because of the monster in the dark. Imagine that anyone that barely bumps into is going to take you away from this place. Imagine seeing the one person who knows what happen to you in detail every day, and that you never explained to this person what happened. That they just found you like that. That person is a permanent reminder of what happened. You try to forget and wish it were a nightmare but now it's always in your face. The bruises are gone but your skin is permanently dirty by a creep."

"Stop it," she whispered, her voice shaking.

"I'm a terrible selfish human being," I said. "I'm not scared. I'm mad. I'm mad that I hadn't met her some other way, that for the rest of my life I won't just be Rose's cousin anymore if I tell her. I'll be the guy that saved her from her rape. I will always have a dark connotation about it, if I didn't already."

Alice opened her mouth a few times, but nothing came out. Her tears spilled out of her eyes and down her cheeks. I couldn't handle it anymore.

"You're right about one thing. I am an asshole. I'm sorry for making you cry."

Then I walked back into the house and went straight to my room.

Sitting at my piano, I brought my hands to my head and grabbed fists full of my hair. I can't believe I did that. Maybe I'm the one being a monster.

APOV(SCC)

I sat down on the porch steps, pulling my knees to my chest. The tears were flowing freely down my cheeks, and I didn't dare try to stop them. I buried my face in my hands and cried until there was nothing left. The tears stopped, but my body still shook with anger and sadness. Everything is so fucked up. I am so angry at Jasper, words can't even say how much. How the fuck did he go all this time knowing the truth, but never saying anything?

I can't let that go, because for the last few weeks it has torn me apart inside, seeing Bella's face everyday and looking her in the eyes, pretending like I knew nothing. I have no clue how he did that. And the one time he does actually say something to someone, he's drunk. He wasn't even in his right mindset, which means normally he still wouldn't have said anything to me by now if Tom hadn't shown up. All this time that he hasn't said anything it has hurt both him and Bella.

I know she would be so different if she knew the truth, I just know it. Jasper was wrong, and I wasn't afraid to tell him so. I know Bella is different than Rose, and I believe she would react differently to knowing her savior. I see the reality of it, I see how Rose is when she breaks down. I just have this feeling Bella would be different. More than I was mad at Jasper, I was angry at myself. I was beginning to regret everything I had said, as much as it tore me apart inside. I was glad that I said what had been eating me alive for weeks now, but his words he said to me only minutes previous to now had pierced through me like a knife.

Even though I was mad at him for everything he has done, or hasn't done, I am more pissed at myself for not seeing his side of this. Maybe that's why his words hurt so much. His words, spilling out with hurt and anger, were like jabbing needles in my skin. I was aware he had a bad past, Rose's words explaining what she could to me still were fresh in my mind from the weeks previous. I knew Jasper liked Bella, but I never knew that he was in love with her, for god's sake.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how hard it must be for him, loving someone who wasn't part of his family, part of his horrible past, and not being able to change the fucked up situation we were in now.

I wish I could go back in time.

I wish I could change what I said.

I wish I could change everything. But I can't. I can't undo anything from the past, life's not a Microsoft Word document.

I finally got up after what seemed like a lifetime of sitting and thinking, and decided to pick myself up. It wasn't late in the day, not even noon if I were to guess by the sun.

I opened the door from the patio going into the house, and wiped my face and ran my fingers through my short black hair to make sure I didn't look disheveled.

"Good morning, Alice. Where ya been?" Esme asked in the kitchen as I passed through.

I stopped and forced out a convincing enough smile, "Just been out on the porch getting some fresh air."

"Okay sweetie. You're alright, right? Everything okay with you and Rose?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine. We're good." I reassured her, trying to reassure myself at the same time. I walked up the stairs, seeing Rose with Charlotte and Peter in the living room, mindlessly watching TV. I almost literally ran into the person I needed to see the most. Jasper had just came down his attic stairs from his room, and I immediately connected my eyes with his.

"Jasper.." I started off, before my voice became thin and inaudible. He pulled me to the guest bedroom, where no one else could hear us.

"Alice, I'm really sorry, for everything. Especially for making you cry. I was wrong to do that, and I feel awful. You have no idea how much. I've given a lot of thought to what you've said, and I'm going to tell her now."

"What? No! Jasper! Shit!" I rambled on, trying to digest his words, "You can't do that. I don't know what I was thinking this morning, telling you that. And I-"

Jasper cut me off, "No, you were right, she deserves to know. That's the least I can give her, if I haven't already fucked everything up further by not telling her before." He swiftly walked out of the room at a fast pace, I had to take three steps for every one of his strides to keep up and try to stop him as he walked down the hallway, about to make a big mistake.

"Jasper!" I whispered, before he stopped at the girls' and I's bedroom, knocking at the door. He ignored me, and when Bella shouted a "Yeah?" from inside, he still pretended I wasn't there.

"I need to talk to you, Bella." He said through the door. I backed away from the door, there was nothing else for me to do. She opened it quickly, a towel wrapped around her hair from taking a shower.

"Okay... come on in." She stood at the doorway, and I reached up to pull on my hair, sinking myself down against the wall until I was sitting on the carpet. The click of the latch on the door startled me, and I knew there was no going back now. This is all my fucking fault, if I only would have shut my fucking mouth for once.

Thanks again for taking the time to read, and please review, it means so much to us! Have a great day! :)