Disclaimer - I don't own CSI, yet… watch this space!

N/A: this chapter is back in Sara's POV but don't worry, there will be another chapter in Nicky's POV and even one in Ava's. Happy Birthday Bee! Enjoy!

You Don't Have To Pretend

I rolled over on to my back and spread out like a starfish in the middle of my bed. It had been a long time since I had done that but for some reason it felt almost normal. It had been little over a day since I kicked Nick out but it felt longer. Maybe that meant I had been suspecting something was going on for longer than I had thought.

My shift started in just over an hour. I had to get up, get showered, get dressed and pretend that everything was ok to my kids and co-workers. Great. But by far the worse of all, I had to go to work and see my estranged husband. Should I have acted like everything was fine in front of him? Or make it very clear how hurt I was? How do you decided something like that?

"You getting up?" Ava asked as she appeared at the doorway.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"You don't have to pretend you're ok," she said.

"I'm not pretending," I said as I sat up.

"Off course you're not," Ava whispered under her breath as she walked away.

I stood up, walked out the room and went for a nice warm shower. After I got dried and dressed I sat and drank some well needed coffee. I mentally argued with myself as I drank it. I wasn't going to be bitter about our little marriage slip up but I wasn't going to just forget it or ever let Nick forget it. For 10 years, we had managed to stay professional at work and we were going to stay that way. The lab was no place for an argument, word would have spread fast and it could've cost us our careers. But at the same time I was hurt, bad. I did love Nick and I probably always would, and that could've been used against me.

After a good 10 minutes of pros and cons whizzing round my head I came to a decision - stay calm and stay clear. It was going to work and our friends were going to help.

"Come on Maddie," I shouted. "I want you in here before Hodges arrives."

"I'm coming," argued Maddie as she shuffled through to the living room.

"Good," I said as I kissed the top of her head.

"Bye," she said as she skipped over to the sofa to change the channel before Ava could.

*Knock, knock*

"Hiya Hodges," I smiled as I opened the door.

"Sara," he smiled and nodded back.

"They're watching TV. Good luck, and have fun," I smiled as he walked in and I walked out. "See you all soon."

I sighed as I made my way to the car. I could tell Hodges knew about my argument with Nick. Gossip really did travel fast. Where was Nick staying? Could he have been staying with Greg? If so, that could have explained how the entire lab probably knew about it. Truth be told, I didn't think there was all that much to know.

When I pulled into the car park to the lab, my heart started pounding out my chest. I was so nervous. Everyone was going to judge me, and Nick for that matter. Our personal lives had nothing to do with our work but somehow someone would always make a connection and use it against you, not always on purpose but never the less it happened. I didn't want to be judged like a suspect in custody or a victim lying on a table in the morgue. I knew none of my friends or colleagues would ever understand.

"Hey," I smiled to Catherine.

"Sara? What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Working, the world doesn't stop for anything," I said.

"Are you sure it's a good idea though? Nick's working," she said.

"I know but I'm going to stay professional," I said as I sat next to her on the break room sofa.

"Ok," she sighed.

We sat in silence for a minute.

"Here comes Warrick. He doesn't know what he's missed," Catherine muttered under her breath.

"Ladies," he smiled.

"Warrick," I smiled back.

"Hey," Catherine said. She knew the conversation she was gonna have with him later.

"Where's Nick?" he asked.

Catherine and I both gulped.

"We had a bit of an argument," I said.

"Oh," he said. "Nothing to serious I hope."

Catherine mouthed 'I'll tell you later' to him and he soon shut up but then Nick came bounding in.

"Hello," he said far to cheery for me. "How is everyone?"

"Just peachy," I snapped. Why did I say that?

"Right," Nick sighed.

"Hey man, you ok?" Warrick asked.

"Yeah, good to have you back," Nick said as he patted Warrick on the shoulder.

"Good to be back," Warrick smiled then whispered, "You don't have to explain."

"Thank you," Nick whispered back.

"Howdy," Greg exclaimed as he walked into the room.

"Hello Greg," Warrick said.

"Good, you're all here," Grissom said as he followed Greg in.

"Shit," Nick thought. He had forgotten to tell Grissom about our 'little' argument.

"It's all hands on deck. Shooting at a high school, 4 dead, multiple injuries. It's gonna be a long night," he said as he looked at me.

"Ok," I said. "Come one Cath."

The tension in the room grew thick. Warrick soon worked out it was more than 'a bit of an argument'. It was serious and the night was only going to make it worse.

We arrived at the high school and were swarmed by the press. Once we finally made it inside we split up. Catherine and I started processing one of the bodies, Grissom processed one of the other bodies with Warrick and Nick and Greg swept the scene and walked around the perimeter.

"I've got another one," I said.

"That's what, our fifth bullet? We haven't even got near the body yet," Catherine stated.

"What the hell happened here?" Warrick asked.

"I'm not sure I want to know," Catherine smiled.

"David, can we check for ID on the body?" I asked the coroners assistant.

"Sure thing, he's all yours," he said before moving on to the third victim.

"Matthew Right," I said.

"Nice name. Nice school. Nice neighbourhood. And probably nice kid," Warrick said.

We all nodded in agreement.

Meanwhile Nick and Greg were finding their own fair share of bullets.

"I think that's number 13," Nick said as Greg documented another bullet.

"Unlucky for some."

"Another 9 millimetre?" Nick asked.

"Yep, I'm thinking some kind of shot gun or machine gun," he replied.

"It's a miracle only 4 people died," Nick said.

"Unlucky for some," Greg smiled.

They were nearly done with the perimeter so Nick headed inside to start on one of the other bodies.

"Hey Super Dave," Nick smiled.

"Hey. I found ID, Rebecca Maxwell, 15," David said.

"Same age as the other vics?" he asked

"Yeah, well except this one," Warrick pointed to the body in front of him. "He's nearly 17."

"How many bullets have you guys found?" asked Greg as he joined Nick and the others.

"20 something, why?" Catherine asked.

"All 9 millimetres?"

"No, we found a few 25s," Grissom said.

"There was 2 shooters?" Nick speculated.

"Makes sense, planning to shoot people in a high school could need 2 minds," Greg said.

"I'll start dusting for prints," Nick said.

"Why are you gonna dust for prints? It's a high school, there's gonna be prints everywhere," I asked.

The room fell silent. I don't think anyone expected me to even acknowledge that Nick was in the room.

"Um, we still might get lucky," Nick said.

"Fine, do what you want, you do anyway," I said.

"What's that suppose to mean?" he asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" I smirked.

"You just can't let go, can you?" he asked. "You've probably already turned the kids against me."

"So what if I have, you don't care. Isla sat by the phone all day, waiting for you to phone," I said.

"She did?"

"Yeah, guess she's to young to understand daddy's always let you down," I said softly.

"Just 'cause your dad let you down doesn't mean I'm gonna let my kids down," Nick snapped.

I chuckled softly. "I thought I could do this, but I can't."

I took off my gloves and throw them on the floor. I turned round to walk away but Nick reached for my arm and stopped me.

"Wait, Sara. You stay, I'll go back to the lab. I've got loads of paperwork to catch up on," he said.

He looked over to Grissom who just sighed and nodded for him to leave. He let go of my arm and brushed past me as he went outside to his car and drove away.

The rest of us stood in silence for a while. I could feel tears forming in my eyes and everyone else could clearly tell. Grissom nodded for Catherine to take me out side for some fresh air. She wrapped an arm round my shoulder and walked with me as the tears fell down my cheeks. She opened the passenger side door of her car and I slid in, only to break down more.

"Why am I doing this to myself?" I sobbed

Thank you for reading. Hope everyone liked it. Review please.