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Definitely

"I don't know, Sar," she said as she pulled me into a hug.

I sobbed some more. Catherine kept her arms round me, just tight enough to keep me near. I hadn't cried like that in a very long time. The last time being when I returned to work from my 3rd maternity leave. Grissom had given me a case involving child abuse. I cried myself to sleep every night for a week after that case but the difference was Nick was there and he helped me through it. Somehow Catherine's hugs just couldn't even compare to his.

"Shh," she whispered into my ear.

I took deep breaths to try and calm down.

"We're gonna help you through this," she said.

"But you shouldn't have to," I sniffled.

"Maybe not, but we are," she said as she pulled out of our hug.

"Thank you," I sighed as I wiped my eyes. "I'm so sorry for getting this upset."

"Don't be," she said as she pushed a stray piece of hair over my ear.

"This is so messed up," I said.

"But it can only get better, right?" she asked softly.

"I honestly don't know. I can't stop loving him Cath, I physically can't. Maybe I could have a few years ago, but now I have no hope in hell," I said through a small sad smile.

"Why are you putting yourself through this then?" she asked. "Just tell him and sort all this out."

"But I don't want to. I hate feeling like this but I can't just take him back after what he's done," I said.

"Did you even let him explain?"

"No, he didn't need to, the expression on his face said it all," I sniffled.

Catherine sighed.

"What do I do?" I asked.

"Don't ask me, I'm hardly good at this sort of thing," she smiled.

"I want to do what's right by the kids so part of me wants to take him back but I know for a fact if we didn't have kids then Nick would be gone in a flash," I said.

"What about what's right by you?" Catherine asked softly.

"I don't know," I smiled. "I want everything to be the way it was, 10 years ago."

"You don't mean that," she protested.

"I know but maybe that's the best thing."

"How would that be the best thing?" she asked. "You wouldn't have your 4 gorgeous babies."

"Well I would have had one, if I had just kept walking," I said.

"What?" Catherine asked.

"After Nick found out I was pregnant the first time, when he told me to raise our baby by myself and when I walked away, you came to find me and take me home," I said.

"Uh-huh," she said, encouraging me to go on.

"If I had just kept walking. If I hadn't excepted his apology, this would have turned out differently, heck, we wouldn't even be having this conversation," I said.

"So you're begrudging Maddie and the twins life?"

"No of course I'm not. But sometimes I just wonder what my life would be like now, if I had kept walking," I sighed.

"Well, you would be a single parent, which, trust me, isn't fun. You might not be doing the job that you love. And probably worse of all, you would have no one," Catherine said firmly.

"What do I do Cath?" I asked again as I rubbed my hands up and down my face.

"I still don't know but we can work it out, together," she smiled as she squeezed my hand.

"Thank you," I smiled back.

"Do you want to go back to the lab now?" she asked.

"Yes please, if Grissom is ok with it," I said.

"We'll find out," she grinned as she closed the passenger side door, walked round the front of her car and into the drivers seat.

"Why are you being so nice to me? I'm being a bitch to one of your best friends and yet you're still here with me?" I asked.

"Everyone needs friends. And if something like this ever happened to me, I'd hope you would do the same for me," she said as she started the car engine and started reversing out the space.

"Definitely."

The car ride was quiet. Catherine probably didn't say anything to allow me to stay calm and work out what I wanted to do. She could have given me years but I knew for a fact that I would still be indecisive. What does a women do when a man she loves breaks her heart? I thought back to an ex of mine, Hank. I met him on a case with Nick about 2 years after I moved to Vegas. He cheated on me. We broke up. I did feel sad but nothing like I felt with Nick. It was the kids that made me feel that way, I knew that. With Hank, it was just us, no kids, no marriage, no commitment, no complications. And it was the same with Grissom. Grissom and I had had a small, meaningless relationship a few years later. At the time I thought it was what I wanted but looking back I knew I had what I wanted. I wanted Nick.

"Are you gonna get out the car?" Catherine asked as she opened the car door. I had been so caught up in my thoughts I hadn't noticed we had arrived back at the lab.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Intensive thinking?" she asked.

"That obvious huh?" I smiled.

She raised an eyebrow at me.

"That'll be a yes then," I smiled.

"Come on, you can tell me all about it in my office," she said as we walked into the lab. We walked past the locker room where Nick was sat feeling sorry for himself. He didn't notice me so Cath and I kept walking.

"Take a seat," she smiled.

"Thanks," I said.

"Coffee?"

"Please," I sighed.

Catherine poured out two cups of freshly brewed coffee, added milk and sugar and handed me one. She sat behind her desk and drank for a moment. She stared in my direction as I took sips of my coffee.

"Do I have something on my face?" I asked.

"Um, no sorry I um, didn't mean to stare," she stuttered.

"You want to know what I'm thinking, don't you?" I asked.

"Maybe, but it's none of my business really, it's your life you can do…"

"I wanted another baby," I interrupted.

"Excuse me?" she choked.

"I want another baby."

"Sara," she sighed sympathetically.

"I know, stupid right? But I did, well I do. It's never gonna happen now though," I said.

"I don't understand you Sara. One minute you hate Nick, the next you to have another baby with him," she chuckled and shook her head in despair.

"I told you, it's messed up," I said.

"What where you thinking about in the car?" she asked.

"Past relationships."

"Grissom?" she asked.

"And others," I smiled. "I thought Grissom was the one you know."

"Really?" she asked.

"You don't need to sound so surprised," I said.

"Sorry, it's just that Nick is so different to Grissom," she smiled.

"No he's not. They're both smart, kind, caring, hard working. The only difference is Nick's younger," I said.

"And he has muscles," Catherine smiled.

"Well there is that," I smiled back. "What do I do?"

"Um, well, since you keep asking I've had a bit of time to think about it. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Listen to your heart instead of your head for a change," she answered softly.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. It was quite a comfortable silence. Catherine spoke so much sense. As we continued drinking our, coffees I thought about what to say next. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"I know what I want to do," I said suddenly.

"Ok," Catherine said.

"I'm gonna file for divorce," I said.

"What?" she nearly choked on a mouth full of coffee.

"I'm gonna file for divorce," I said again.

"Are you sure? I mean, it's not even been 48 hours since you two fell out," she said.

"Yes, and that's why I'm doing it," I said. "I took your advice. I've thought about it to much already. I need to do this. I need to do something for myself for a change. I need to be realistic, our whole relationship was forced and went way to fast. Maybe this way everything will go back to the way it was."

"How can you say that? You've had 4 children with Nick, it's not going to back to the way it was."

Thank you for reading! And thank you to BrokenDaisy aka Bee who dedicated her latest chapter to me. I love you too! And I also love CSIforever98! Love all you other Snickers fans. Please review x