Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter! As always, it's such a pleasure to read through them, even those that weren't so thrilled with Sam :). Poor guy. Anyway, thank you for reading and taking the time to respond! I hope you enjoy this update!
Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.
The ride was expectedly quiet. Andy could feel the tension and stress radiating off of Sam and she was desperate to know what he and his niece had fought about. She tried to tell herself that it was none of her business but curiosity and the desire to break the silence eventually got the best of her.
"So," she asked cautiously, peeking over at him, "Can I ask what the fight was about?"
Sam groaned. "Shit, Andy," he breathed out. "I was going to tell you I just…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "Forgot."
It wasn't exactly the response she was expecting. "Tell me what?"
"Lindsey came to the station yesterday, after school."
She nodded, "Okay."
He took a deep breath, choosing his words, and then finally told her, "Apparently she saw Callaghan kissing Rosati in the break room."
Andy's eyebrows shot up and she blinked, taking the information in. "Oh," she said, slouching back into her seat.
He glanced over at her dubiously, "Oh?" he repeated.
"Well, I mean, sure, it's a little soon but…" She shrugged and admitted, "I can't really say that I'm surprised."
His expression changed from skepticism to outrage. "Not surprised? Andy, your boyfriend was kissing someone else."
"Luke is not my boyfriend anymore," She informed him, enjoying the look of shock that crossed his features. "He can kiss whomever he wants to kiss."
He took his eyes off the road and looked over at her, "He's not?"
She shook her head. "No, he's not." He stared at her for a prolonged period of time, far longer than she was comfortable with. "Would you watch the road, please?" She huffed, throwing her hand out, "You're going to get us into an accident."
"No I'm not," he scoffed, but turned his attention back to the road in front of him. It was quiet for a moment and then he asked, "When?"
"The day of the disastrous pumpkin carving," she said, nervously fidgeting with the seatbelt across her lap. "About twenty minutes after I got home."
He stared at her again, dumbfounded.
She sighed, "Look Sam, if you're not going to pay attention to the road then let me drive."
"No way," he muttered.
"Well then stop looking at me like I have five heads," she replied, resting her elbow against the windowsill and leaning against her hand.
"I'm just trying to figure out why you didn't tell me that little piece of information."
Andy let out a short burst of indignant laughter. "Well, I was going to tell you but then you decided that I was a terrible human being who shouldn't be around your niece."
Sam was already shaking his head, disagreeing with her, "That's not even…"
"What?" She challenged.
His voice was quiet but intense when he answered, "You know that's not why."
"No, I'm pretty sure I don't," Andy snapped, feeling herself starting to get angry.
"Well then you obviously didn't listen to a word I said."
"You're right," she agreed sarcastically, "I probably blanked out after the suggestion that it would be psychologically damaging to be around me."
"Okay, now you're just making shit up," Sam claimed.
"Oh am I?" she questioned.
"I told you," he said, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel, "It had nothing to do with you as a person. I did what I thought was the right thing to do."
"Yeah and look how well that turned out for you."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked sharply.
"It means that maybe if you hadn't decided to cut me out of your life, none of this would have happened!"
"You know what Andy? Why don't you just make a list of all the ways I've screwed up and then you can read it back to me," he suggested sullenly. "Do you think two hours will be enough time or should I go the long way?"
"Oh cut the pity party crap," she retorted, "It's incredibly unbecoming."
Sam snorted. "Well since my one goal in life is to impress you…"
She glared at him. "Why are you acting like this?"
"Like what?" he shot back.
"Like an asshole," she responded rapidly, not backing down.
"Well, I am an asshole, McNally," he admitted self-deprecatingly. "Thought you'd know that about me by now."
She sighed and looked down at her hands. "No you're not," she replied softly.
"What was that?" He cupped his hand around his ear. "What'd you say?"
His stubborn refusal to let his façade crack even the slightest bit infuriated her. "I said, 'no you're not'," Andy repeated herself, louder this time. "Maybe you want people to think you are, maybe it's easier that way," she ranted, her boldness growing with every word, "But the Sam Swarek that I thought I knew was kind and genuine and made me soup when he knew I'd had a bad day and walked me home late at night. He wasn't this," she waved her hands around at him, "This empty, hollow shell of sarcasm and self-loathing."
His jaw tightened as he took her words in and let them register in his mind. His first instinct was to fire back a biting, snarky comeback, but he restrained himself. In truth, she'd hit the nail on the head and he knew it. It was far easier to be a jerk to her and pretend like she didn't matter than to admit just how much he actually missed her and how miserable he had been the last week.
Sam was silent and for a brief moment she wondered if she had gone too far. She realized she really didn't care and when he didn't say anything she let out a heavy, disappointed sigh and turned to look out the passenger's side window.
They rode in silence and the heavy air that hung between them made time pass excruciatingly slowly.
"So what happened?" His voice cracked from disuse as his question cut through the stillness.
Andy chewed the inside of her lip and kept her attention on the buildings that were flying by. "He accused me of sleeping with you," she answered bluntly.
Unbidden, the image of Andy naked and willing beneath him popped into his mind and he quickly shoved it aside, reprimanding himself for reacting like a teenaged boy to her words.
"And told me he didn't want me going over to your house anymore." She continued, raising an eyebrow as she recognized the irony, "Guess you guys have that in common."
She heard him let out an audible breath. "I'm sorry."
She chuckled bitterly. "No, you're not."
"Believe it or not, I don't want you to be unhappy," he said, cutting his eyes over to her.
"I wasn't unhappy," she replied evenly. "Not about breaking up with Luke, anyway."
Sam knew what she was saying without her having to say it. He chewed the inside of his cheek, thinking. "Well, I'm sorry that it was because of me and Lindsey."
"It wasn't. It may have been the final straw, but it was a long time coming. He didn't trust me, I was sick of dealing with his work schedule and whatever's going on with Jo…" she sighed and then afforded Sam a small, shaky smile, "And, like someone reminded me, I didn't have to put up with it."
He hazarded a glance over at her and returned her smile. "No," he replied. "You didn't."
She nodded and then shrugged, "So, I broke up with him. I was going to tell you that next afternoon when I got home from work but…" she trailed off, letting him infer the rest.
They lapsed into another stretch of silence that wasn't broken until Sam cleared his throat and admitted out of nowhere, "She told me she hated me."
"Lindsey?" Andy asked, alarmed.
Sam nodded. "She wanted to tell you about Callaghan as soon as we got home yesterday, but I wouldn't let her." He took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling with the effort, "So she accused me of trying to ruin her life and told me that she hated me. She hasn't spoken to me since."
He relayed the events without emotion, but he couldn't mask the raw pain that darkened his eyes.
"Sam," she said, rushing to reassure him despite her irritation with him, "She didn't mean it. I'm sure she was just mad."
Sam wasn't sure what had caused him to share the words his niece had yelled at him but he hadn't realized just how desperately he'd been craving that reassurance from her until he heard it.
"I know," he replied quietly, rubbing his hand over his jawline. Andy could tell that as much as he may have wanted to, he didn't fully believe her.
She slumped back into her seat as she thought over what he had told her. He wasn't the type of person to just initiate conversation and divulge personal information on a whim and she suspected there was more to their fight the he was telling her.
"Is she upset that I haven't been around?"
Sam snorted. "Uh, yeah," he answered dryly, "You could say that. She pretty much thinks I'm Satan incarnate."
"So what are you going to tell her?" Andy asked.
He cut his eyes over to her briefly before returning his attention to the road. "About what?"
"Well," Andy clarified, "She's going to wonder why I'm with you."
"I'm going to tell her you forced me to bring you along," he replied. "And that I had no choice in the matter."
Andy's expression fell and she slouched further back into her seat.
"What?" He asked, knowing that her silence was meaningful.
She sighed and then honestly told him, "You say the most hurtful things sometimes."
His brow furrowed with confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"I didn't force you to let me come along," she replied icily. "I wanted to come because I actually care about Lindsey and for some reason I actually care about you, even though you're making it incredibly difficult to remember why right now."
"Andy…"
"Forget it," she said, speaking over him and shaking her head, "You're stubborn. You make a decision and you stick to it, damn the consequences or who might get hurt in the process."
Sam sighed heavily and straightened his arms, stretching out the stiff muscles. In his former life, before he had custody of Lindsey and before Andy McNally had moved in next door, there weren't too many people that were brave enough to call him out when he was wrong. Now, there were two females that seemed to jump at the chance whenever the opportunity presented itself.
"Andy," he said, getting her attention, "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have said that."
His words did little to soothe her hurt and she folded her arms over her chest guardedly and waited for him to continue.
"I have no idea what's going to happen with Lindsey when we get there," he admitted. "But despite what you think, I'm not an idiot. I'm not going to get Lindsey's hopes up and then just push you away again."
"You're not?" Andy asked, surprised.
He shook his head. "If anything, this week has proved just how much Lindsey needs someone like you."
"Someone like me," Andy asked, "Or me?"
"You," he answered firmly. He'd had plenty of time to think it over the night before and had decided that trying to prevent something that might happen in the future wasn't worth the pain and trouble it was causing then. If for some reason Andy did leave, they could deal with it then.
"So you're saying you were wrong?" She persisted.
"I saw a problem and I saw what I thought was the solution and I made a decision to bring that solution about," he tried to explain, conceding, "I'm saying that I may have overreacted a little bit."
Andy raised an eyebrow. "A little bit?"
"I didn't consider all of the possible ramifications," he admitted.
"Well, that's because you compartmentalize, you don't look at the big picture."
He shot a hard glance over at her. "Are you going to keep interrupting or are you going to let me finish?"
She pursed her lips but didn't say anything in response.
"Thank you. This past week…" he sighed and then admitted truthfully, "Has been absolutely terrible. For Lindsey and for me."
"You brought that on yourself," she responded without mercy.
"I know," he acknowledged with a grimace.
"It's not just about Lindsey, you know, even though that was bad enough," Andy told him. "You cut me out of your life too."
"It's not like I wanted to Andy," he replied. "But yeah, that kind of went along with it."
"So I was just expendable to you, is that what you're saying?" She recognized that she was being slightly irrational, but the ability to just lay all of it out there, to tell him exactly how he had hurt her, was cathartic.
He looked over at her, shocked by the suggestion. "No, of course not."
"That's what it felt like," she said, "Like we could be friends when it was convenient for you but when it wasn't…" her words gave way to silence and she shook her head.
Sam sighed again, pained. He knew that he had hurt her but he'd been able to justify it in his mind and shove it aside. Hearing the words from her, though, was an entirely different thing and he couldn't ignore it anymore. "Andy," he said genuinely, "I'm sorry I made you feel that way."
"Well, you did."
"And I said I was sorry," he said, feeling a fresh wave of frustration roll through him. Surely she recognized how difficult the conversation was for him.
"That's not always good enough, Sam."
"Look," Sam said, smiling patiently to keep himself from snapping at her, "I'm trying to apologize here."
Andy snorted. "Well you're not doing a very good job of it."
"Well, you're not exactly making it very easy," he countered irritably.
She caught on to the sincerity of his plea and reluctantly allowed the walls that she had built to crumble. "You know," she said, fiddling with her wristwatch, "You could just tell me that you missed me."
Sam's glanced over at her, taking in the way she studiously trained her eyes forward, as if she was too nervous to gauge his reaction. The lights from the street cast shadows across her face but he could see the way her lips curled the slightest bit at the ends. "Is that what you want to hear?"
"Only if you mean it."
There was a long pause and Sam's mouth twisted to the side as he tried to suppress a shy smile. "I missed you," he finally admitted.
Andy looked over at him at last. "I missed you, too."
He felt the tension that had risen in his chest crack when she smiled at him.
"But," she continued, "If you're serious about this, there's no going back. You can't just decide tomorrow that you don't want me around anymore. It's not fair."
"I don't want to go back," he promised. "I don't ever, ever want to relive last week."
"Good," Andy smiled. "Me neither."
"And you're not expendable," he reiterated, still disturbed that she had even thought that. "At the risk of sounding cheesy…" he broke off, hesitant to finish his sentence.
"What?" She asked, laughing nervously.
He took a deep breath, gathering his nerve. "You are the best thing that's happened to us in a very long time."
The smile that broke across her face and the way her eyes twinkled made the uncomfortable effort worth it.
She sat back in her seat with a satisfied sigh. "You're not so bad at this apology stuff after all," she said.
Sam chuckled lightly for a moment and then his expression turned serious again, his features hardening. "I still have no idea what I'm going to do about Lindsey."
"You'll figure it out," Andy assured him. "No one expects you to have all the answers."
He nodded contemplatively. "I know. I just wish I had some of the answers."
Andy was quiet, knowing that there wasn't an easy solution she could offer. Instead of speaking, she reached across the console and nudged his hand, slipping her fingers in between his. He didn't acknowledge her, didn't take his eyes off the road, but his hand closed around hers in a tight grip.
The rest of the trip was made in relative, easy peace. They quickly settled back into their familiar banter, bickering about what to listen to on the radio and about how fast Sam was driving.
"I'd like to get back at a reasonable hour," he told her when she'd implored him to slow down.
"I'd like to just get back alive," she retorted.
When they arrived in St. Catherine's and pulled up to the address Sam had been given, he shut the engine off and looked over at her. "You should probably wait out here."
"Sure," she agreed, nodding. "That's fine with me." He looked passed her to the house and she could tell that he was nervous, maybe even ashamed. "Hey," she said, squeezing his hand, "Those people have teenagers. They understand what it's like."
He smiled back at her, grateful for the unsolicited encouragement. "Okay," he said, pushing his door open. "I'll be back."
She watched him as he made his way up the driveway and across the small walkway to the front of the house. He rang the doorbell and then took a step back, waiting for someone to answer.
Andy obviously didn't know the woman who came to the door but Lindsey soon appeared at her side. Sam and the woman spoke for a moment and then Lindsey hugged the woman and stepped out onto the walkway next to Sam. He led her away with a hand on her shoulder, turning back and waving when the woman called something out.
Lindsey was walking with her head down and her arms crossed over her chest, looking appropriately remorseful and chagrinned. Andy imagined that Sam hadn't had to say anything and that just looking at his niece with that stern, disappointed expression was enough for Lindsey to understand just how badly she had messed up. When they got closer to the truck, Andy undid her seatbelt and pushed her door open, climbing out. It took Lindsey a second to recognize her but when she did, she broke away from her uncle and ran towards Andy, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist. "Andy!" She exclaimed, "You're back!"
Andy smiled as she returned the hug. She looked up and found Sam watching them with a funny expression on his face, a mix between relief and concern. "Yeah," She replied. "Your uncle came and got me."
"Are you back, back?" Lindsey asked.
"Yeah, as long as that's okay with you."
Lindsey just tightened her hold and nodded. When she pulled away, Lindsey looked back at Sam, silently thanking him even though she couldn't make herself say the words.
Sam just raised an eyebrow in response. "Come on," he said, opening the door so Lindsey could climb into the backseat of the truck. "Let's go home."
Lindsey was thankful for Andy's renewed presence in her life for several reasons, one of which being that it kept her uncle from yelling at her. In fact, he barely said two words to her until they pulled over to a diner to eat and Andy excused herself to go to the bathroom.
"So," Lindsey said hesitantly, "How much trouble am I in?"
"Oh, I haven't quite decided yet," Sam mused, intently studying his menu. "But you can bet it will be a lot."
"Am I going to be grounded?"
"Only until you're thirty."
Lindsey sighed. "I'm sorry."
Sam closed his menu and folded his hands on top of it, looking at her closely. "Do you have any idea how scared I was?"
Lindsey winced. "I know. I just… had to get away."
"I know that you were angry with me," Sam acknowledged, "And you probably had every right to be, but running away…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "That is not okay, Lindsey. It's not just that you made me worry, but anything could have happened to you."
As a police officer, he was all too aware of the potential danger that runaways could find themselves in. Save for a brief, horrifying moment, he hadn't let himself go down that road but thinking about what could have happened to her was enough to make bile rise in his throat.
Lindsey nodded and her eyes were brimming with tears. "I know, I'm sorry," she repeated, choking out the last word.
Sam reached across the table and placed his hand over hers. "We'll discuss your punishment later, alright? I'm just glad you're okay."
Lindsey nodded again, "Okay."
Sam squeezed her hand and then picked up his menu again, reading over it. "I know something that's going to make you happy."
She wiped at the tears under her eyes and sniffled before asking, "What?"
"I don't know if I should tell you or not…" he teased with a small smile.
"Tell me," She insisted, perking up.
He looked up at her and met her gaze. "Luke and Andy broke up."
Lindsey's eyes widened and a giant grin spread across her face. "Really?" He nodded and then chuckled at the pure delight on her face. "So you can date her now?"
He held up a finger. "Don't get ahead of yourself," he warned.
About that time Andy rejoined them and Lindsey hid her grin behind her menu. "What'd I miss?" Andy asked, sliding into the booth next to Lindsey.
"I'm grounded 'til I'm thirty," Lindsey deadpanned.
"Oh, well, yeah," Andy said, picking up her menu. "I could have told you that one. Geez, I'm starving," she said, her eyes travelling over the options, "I haven't had a decent meal in a week."
Sam arched an eyebrow. "Microwave dinners not doing it for you?"
"Let's just say that I've become accustomed to a little finer dining in recent weeks," Andy answered easily, "But my usual chef was… unavailable."
Sam smirked. "Well, I hear he's available again."
Lindsey grinned as her eyes bounced back and forth between her uncle and Andy.
Though Andy kept her head down in her menu, there was the faintest trace of a smile on her face as she replied, "Good to know."
When Andy went back to focusing on deciding what to eat, Lindsey lowered her menu just slightly to look over at her uncle. He felt her eyes on him and he glanced up with a small grin, winking at her knowingly.
The ride home was quiet and calm and by the time Sam finally pulled onto the street in front of their houses, Lindsey had fallen asleep.
"You want me to wake her up?" Andy whispered, glancing into the back seat. Lindsey was curled against the side door with her legs drawn up to her chest.
Sam shook his head, turning the engine off. "I'll just carry her," he replied. "I don't like waking her up if I don't have to."
"Okay." Andy opened her door as quietly as possible so as not to wake the sleeping girl and stepped out onto the sidewalk. She shivered in the cold night air and rubbed her hands rapidly up and down her arms to generate some warmth.
Sam came around to Andy's side of the truck and carefully opened the back cab door, holding his hand out to steady Lindsey so she wouldn't fall out. He easily lifted the girl into his arms and Andy closed the doors behind him and then walked with him up the stairs that lead to his house. When they reached the front door, Sam turned to her and a small smirk played on his lips.
"Can you grab the keys?" He asked, turning his hip towards her. "They're in my pocket."
Andy quirked an eyebrow and returned his smirk. "That's convenient."
"I promise I wasn't thinking when I put 'em in there."
"Uh huh," she muttered, humoring him. She did what he asked with a glint in her eye, warning him, "Behave."
His smirk became a full-blown grin as he felt her small hand reached inside his front pocket to retrieve the keys. A comment was on the tip of his tongue and he desperately wanted to tease her, wanted to see if he could make her cheeks flush with color, but he restrained himself.
Andy pulled the keys out without incident and unlocked the door, pushing it open so Sam could step through. She followed behind him as he made his way up the steps and into Lindsey's room, quickly turning the sheets down so that he could set Lindsey on the bed. Sam moved to the girl's feet to pull her shoes off while Andy slipped her coat from her shoulders and they worked in tandem to get Lindsey tucked into bed, somehow managing to do so without waking her up.
Andy pulled the comforter on the bed up to Lindsey's chin and then smoothed her hair out of her face before stepping away. As they quietly padded back down the stairs to the foyer Andy whispered, "I should probably get going."
"I'll walk you home."
"But I just live right next door," she pretended to protest.
"I insist," he replied with a grin, opening his front door for her.
"Well in that case…" Andy laughed as she stepped through the door and waited for him to close it before linking her arm through his.
Being so close to him again reminded her off all the little things she hadn't realized she had forgotten in their short time apart. Little things, like the husky scent of his cologne and the way that his bicep flexed when her fingers curled around it. She'd forgotten the way his hand easily came to rest on the small of her back as he guided her up her stairs and she'd forgotten the way he leaned against the wall beside her door, watching her with an amused smirk as she searched the pockets of her coat for her keys.
She stifled a yawn as she slipped her key into the lock, hoping he wouldn't notice.
"Tired?" He asked, pocketing his hands.
She nodded and turned to him, smiling sleepily. "Long day," she said, forgetting about her opened door as she mirrored his posture, standing in front of him and leaning against the wall.
He raised an eyebrow, either at her words or at how she had positioned herself. "Yeah, it has been," he agreed.
They stared at each other and the air between them crackled with tension. He reached out and fiddled with the top toggle of her coat and she let him, watching him curiously, wondering what he was going to do.
His fingers stilled around the object and he tugged it gently as he drew in a breath that hitched in his throat, as if he was planning to say something. Instead, he splayed his fingers out over her shoulder and ran his hand down her arm, taking her hand in his.
Sam squeezed her hand and his mouth curled into a small half smile. "Thank you for coming with me."
"Of course," she replied simply, stroking her thumb over his knuckles.
"I, uh," he smiled somewhat shyly and then glanced away from her for a moment, "I'll make that soup you like tomorrow night if you want to come over."
A wide, delighted smile spread slowly across her face. "Will you tell me what's in it?"
His smirked and shook his head, chuckling, "No."
Her grin broadened. "Okay," she said. "I'll be there."
"Good," he said with a decisive nod. "Well," he let her hand drop and winked at her. "Goodnight."
She frowned, feeling a sense of disappointment she didn't quite understand. "Goodnight."
With a final smile Sam turned to jog down her steps.
Sighing, Andy pushed her door open, stopping when she heard him call out, "Hey, McNally?"
"Yeah?" When she turned around he was closer than she expected him to be and he moved even closer, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her flush against him. She gasped when their bodies connected and all of a sudden her heart was hammering inside her chest and heat was swirling in her belly.
"So I was thinking," he breathed, his voice low and raspy, "Lindsey needs you in her life…"
"Mmmhmm," she agreed distractedly, her eyes flickering down to watch the way his lips moved and formed his words, biting her own lip in nervous anticipation.
He framed her face in his free hand and tilted her head back slightly, brushing his thumb over the smooth skin of her cheek. His mouth moved closer to hers and her eyes followed his tongue as it peeked out to swipe along his bottom lip, wetting it before continuing, "And I need you in mine."
The admission caught her by surprise and her eyes flew to meet his as she drew in a dizzying breath. "Yeah?" she whispered, rapidly losing her power of speech as she tangled her fingers through his short hair.
He nodded and his nose nuzzled against hers in a move that made her knees weak from its intimacy. "Yeah," he confirmed, pausing only a second to relish in the moment before crashing his lips down on hers.
ETA: Several commenters have asked if this is the last chapter... it's not! I still have a lot more planned for Sam/Andy/Lindsey.