Uhoh. I'm a bad fanfic nerd. I was a little burnt-out from the high paced posting. And I admit that I got sidetracked with reading fan-fiction instead of writing it. My apologies. Blame the awesome Puckleberry authors out there who have supplied me with highly addictive crack everywhere.

Anyway...we last left our heroes Finn, Quin, Puck and Rachel (Aka Fuickleberry) in two places. Present time saw them trying to get the attention of their captors in the Bellagio vault. Past time found them kidnapped by a Crazy Christian Lady Truck Driver who was trying to turn Puck into a good Christian boy by tazing him and shoving him in a repentance box. And...here we are...

-Chapter Six -

***August 2010***

##"I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away!"##

#BANG!#

"What in the hell are you four freaks doing in here?"

"Excuse me, you imbecilic criminal, but you do not EVER interrupt a performer who is obviously in an incredible zone. Would you just waltz onto stage whilst Celine Dion was expertly belting out one of her nine amazing top ten singles? Would you waltz behind the glory shot of Academy Award Winner Julie Roberts? Would you fingerpaint over a Van Gogh masterpiece? You sir, are a rude, terrible, simpleton and a heathen! Because no matter the song I'm singing, it is art and you cannot interrupt the process. HEATHEN! NOAH! From the top!"

…

…

…

…

"Well here we go for the hundredth time?"

"SHUT UP! Who do you think I am girlie? That you're going to holler at me like that? Do you even know what's going on right now?"

"I believe I have an excellent grasp over the situation at hand. We have been taken hostage by you and your moronic troupe of simpering coward criminals. And I suppose that the excellent performance Noah and I were in the middle of made you have a thought. Probably your first thought since you were five and realized that hands were good to smash things with! Now keep your monosyllabic caveman mouth quiet for exactly three and a half minutes so that I can finish! NOAH! AGAIN!"

"uh…well here we go for the hundredth time…hand grenade pins in every line…"

"If you don't shut up, I'll shut you up!"

"I'd like to see you try…no one can shut me up! …Eeep!"

…

…

…

"LET HER GO, DUDE!"

"HEY! Get your hands off her, Steroid Magee! I swear, I'll grind the rest of your tiny balls into dust."

"Less words, boys, kick his ass!"

*SLAM!*

"Quinn! Quinn, you alright? I'm gonna kill you man…"

"BERRY-PANTS! Focus! Suck-it-lots Safety Day!"

…

…

…

"Hiiiii-yah!"

"-what in the hell are you doing girl?"

"EMPOWERMENT!"

WHACK!

"I AM NO ONE'S VICTIM!"

BAM!

"GROIN! NOSE! GROIN! NOSE! GROIN!"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

…

…

…

…

"Quinn, are you quite alright?"

"-uhm…what? Manhands? I think you killed that guy!"

"Don't be silly, Quinn! He's unconscious, Noah, I would let Finn tie the knots. He is the boyscout."

"Holy shit, I think even my balls hurt after that, Berry-pants."

"I'll take that as a compliment, Noah. And a hearty congratulations to you. That was an incredibly brilliant plan. The anger from the song infused me with more anger at having been interrupted. And thankfully our captor went for my throat, which sent my mind into a furious, blank rage. Mrs. Sokoloff-Leonardo's training came in exceptionally handy."

"That was stinking awesome. I mean, Rach. He's out cold…completely. You're like…wonder woman."

"And now…I'm turned on by Rupaul again."

"Awesome. Maybe…kiss her again?"

"Shut up Finn and tie the knots while I look for this douche-bag's keys. Nothing…but a remote control….huh. Weird. No cell phone, no wallet…"

"So…now what, Noah? What is our next step? You seem to be on quite a successful streak, plan-wise."

"Now, we wait until the other dudes realize that the guy with the remote to the bank bomb is totally missing. And then we get them one by one until we get out of here."

***July 2010***

"Berry-pants! Wake up! Berry-pants!"

Rachel bolted upright in her bed, her head whipping around at the insistent whispering of Noah's pet-name for her. She must have been dreaming. Fuzzy images of Noah from last summer flittered into her brain as an after-effect of the happy dream she had just had. Noah had been teaching her how to drive with his pick-up. He had laughed for ages when she had pulled out her How To Parallel Park For Dummies, complete with highlighted verses and post-it flags anchored to the truly vital passages. He had laughed again when she had fallen asleep while he was trying to explain the fine art of parallel parking.

"It's about time! Open the door!"

"Noah?" Rachel whispered, looking to the front windows of the dark cabin. She flew from her bed and went for the door, repeatedly trying to open the very locked door. "Noah!"

"Berry-pants, focus. I taught you how to pick locks four summers ago when Suck-it-lots locked me in the closet every time I made rude comments about the ridiculous flatness of her ass," Noah insisted through the cracked window. "Pull yourself together and get me in there."

Rachel nodded, gathering her wits about her and rushing towards the bedside table she and Quinn were sharing. She rifled through Quinn's things quietly and procured a few bobby pins before rushing back to the door and working at the lock with surprisingly calm and steady hands. It popped open suddenly and Noah swung the door open, gripping her forearms and lifting her from her kneeling position on the ground.

Rachel finally felt her emotions break as he clutched her body to his, wrapping her up in his arms. Her tears fell silently as her shoulders trembled with the pent up fear that his incarceration had induced within her all day long. She felt his hand rubbing circles on her lower back and his lips pressing against the top of her head.

"It's okay, Rachel. I'm here, we're okay," Noah whispered.

"How did you get out of the repentance box?" Rachel sniffled as they closed the door to the cabin, locking it behind them.

"No box can hold me, Berry-pants, you know that," Noah scoffed. "I scoped the farm out. She had a security fence. At least six feet high with barbed wire. We're alone out here too. There isn't a neighbor or road in sight. Crazy ass went to bed at about nine-thirty. Her house in about 100 yards north."

"Noah…what are we going to do? Please tell me you have a plan to get out of here…and please-pretty please with as many cookies as you could ever want, DO NOT get yourself tazed again. I nearly died," Rachel swore. "You just…fell to the ground and I thought that she had killed you! You have to think before you go spouting off with your undeniable need for dischord and anarchy! Think about me and how I would implode if something bad happened to you-mmpph!"

Her quiet, hissed tirade was cut short as Noah placed his lips against hers. They both knew that his protectiveness towards her was one of her turn-ons, but he had just discovered that hearing her be so damned caring of his well-being suddenly made him want to lay her down on the tiny bed and have his way with her, whether his baby mama and her sort of boyfriend were there or not. She made a tiny squeaking moaning sound, which only added fuel to the fire. He lifted her off the ground and she quickly read his mind, wrapping her legs around his waist as he quickly led them to her bed. He was going to commit at least eighteen different sins with Rachel Berry in the crazy Christian lady's cabin and it was going to be fucking awesome.

"OH. HELL. NO. Stop making creepy Jewish babies," Quinn hissed at them as she sat up in her bed. She threw a pillow Finn's way and didn't managed to completely wake the boy, but just put him into a mumbling sleep state.

"Stupid bunny…my trix…"

"WAKE UP FINN!" Quinn harshly commanded. "Before Rachel and Puck make me witness their mating!"

"SEX, what?" Finn jumped up in his bed, smacking his head against the bed railing. "Oww…woah. Puck. How'd ya get out of the box?"

"It was plywood…no big deal," Noah shrugged as he and Rachel straightened each other out. They would have to be quieter next time in order to avoid Quinn from ruining their fun. Unless they could get her to join in. Then hell, all his fantasies would be in the bag.

"Noah…how are we going to get out of here? You do have a plan, don't you?" Rachel wondered softly. "I have a serious concern that Brandi is going to attempt to baptize the both of us."

"All right…I got an idea. Finn, you're going to have to smile. All day. And Quinn? How much do you remember from Sunday school?"

"Have you met me? Bastard child aside, I'm like a freaking nun," Quinn smirked.

"Fucking awesome. This is how it's going to go down…"

***Elsewhere***

"Hey Santana. It's Tina…oh. Okay. Hold on."

Tina rolled her eyes and handed Artie's phone back to him. She glared at her boyfriend with as much intensity as she could, hopefully conveying the threat flirt just once with that Latina sex bomb and I swear to Goddess, you won't be using your fully functioning penis for the rest of all time…the rest of all time Artie!.

"Hi…uhm…Santana. We have an update. We visited Rachel's house today. Her dad's are out of town, and the housesitter said that Rachel was on a trip."

"I know that Wheelie," Santana growled. "Who do you think is paying the housesitter? Rachel is supposed to be somewhere. She's supposed to be with ME?"

"Are you and Brittany broken up?" Artie asked sadly, the thought of it almost too much for his hormonal teenaged mind to bear. "And if so…although Rachel is attractive, I would have recommended a much better female life-partner replacement. For instance…Tina-"

"Oh, for the love of Pete, I wish you could feel this!" Tina hissed as she pinched Artie's thigh.

"Please, Tina's make-out score according to Brittany is like, five out of ten at best. She doesn't take instruction well," Santana scoffed.

"I was shy back then, Santana! And Brittany just pounced on me in Kurt's basement while we were wearing next to nothing. I was completely unprepared! I kiss like a freaking-kissing expert!" Tina yelled towards the phone.

"She really has become a very adept kisser. I think that Brittany should re-evaluate," Artie insisted strongly, earning another unfelt pinch. "Anyway-we also called Puck's house. His mother-"

"Said that he was with Rachel on a road trip. AGAIN, tell me something I didn't PLAN!" Santana shouted. She rolled her eyes. "You two are useless. If you hear from any of them…let me know. Now go back to teaching your girlfriend how to kiss, and maybe I'll schedule another Brittany evaluation."

###

Again, the song is "Bleed It Out" by Linkin Park

Is Rachel really a secret bad-ass ninja? Is Puck a secret plan mastermind? Can Rachel decimate Schue if he ever interrupts one of her performances? How did Puck get out of the repentance box? Can all four of them fit in a bed and makeout randomly? And did Brittany score all of the Glee kids on make-out ability? Can someone write up something for me about everyone's positives, negatives and development plans? Can I ignore amazing Puckleberry fanfic out there and actually write more of my own?

All of these questions and a few more will be answered in the next chapter! Thanks for reading!