Happy GLEE day everyone! It's a joyous and lovely day for all. And I managed to knock out another chapter.
I have a set outline now. WOOHOO! This should run to fifteen chapters now. That will keep be on track, certainly. And also the weekly doses of new Glee will help. I did sign up for a livejournal, user name cassprincess there too. I'm working my way to finding and figuring things out, and I'll get there eventually, I just want to get this story knocked out because I have two more ideas taking over my brain, outside the Sugar Cookie Universe.
I hope that you enjoy! And I hope you have the best Glee day ever.
-Chapter Eleven-
***August 2010***
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME YOU SHAMPOO-CHALLENGED RUFFIAN!"
Puck flinched as Rachel's very capably shouted insult echoed off the walls of the lowest basement of the Bellagio security vaults. This was not going to be easy.
"I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY FATHER'S HAVE AN INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE LAWYER WHO SPECIALIZES IN HATE CRIMES ON SPEED DIAL AND ONCE SHE'S THROUGH WITH YOU THERE WO-"
Rachel's shrieking was cut off and replaced with a muffled squeak of pain and Finn and Quinn's own muffled shouts of protestation tweaked at Puck's ears. One more squeak of pain from Rachel and Puck's feet were in motion, rapidly walking towards the opened vault door. The three remaining hooligans were all occupied with the struggling Finn, Quinn and Rachel. His girl was giving them the most trouble, Rachel's able and strong legs thrashing about wildly as the ringleader tried to subdue her with brutish force. Her thrashing came to an abrupt stop however as very cold steel was pressed against her temple.
"If you don't make this easy for me, I'm not gonna make it easy for you, sweetie-pie," the criminal intoned gruffly.
"Hey asshole, get your hands off my girl," Puck coarsely ordered, bravado and cockiness easily overflowing from his unlimited reserve.
The teenaged quartet's adversaries seemed to scoff at the one boy in front of them, standing by the door, unarmed and looking about as harmless as a fluffy kitten as all three of the grown men now held guns to each of Puck's friends' temples. The ringleader scoffed and squeezed his arm around Rachel even harder, making her eyes go wide with panic as the handgun pressed more forcefully into her head. She took the briefest of moments to suppress the absolute ridiculous fear that was coursing through her veins, compartmentalizing it for later use in one of her inevitable damsel in distress roles, and gave Noah a laser like beam of confidence in her eyes.
"We're gonna give you a choice kid-"
"No, you're going to drop your weapons," Puck interrupted smoothly. He raised a self-assured eyebrow and commanded, "And you're going to let all of my friends go. And we're going to walk away and let you guys do whatever fool-ass thing you were doing. Got it?"
The criminals laughed in response to Puck's demands and Puck took one step forwards directly from the door, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small black remote control. He looked at it curiously and wondered, "Now, I'm not the smartest man in the world. But I'm a teenage boy, so it kind of stands to reason that my mind is sorta hard-wired for electronics. And this looks like a remote…like it turns something on. And I'm wondering if I trashed this thing…now, how in the fucking fuck would you get that something to turn on?"
"Look kid, hand it over, and we'll make a deal."
"Drop the guns," Puck shrugged. "See my friends know-I'm kind of really fucking excellent at breaking things. I mean, really."
Finn's eyes actually got a reminiscent quality about them and snorted right into the hand of his captor. Half of his mother's income from ages twelve to fourteen involved replacing things that Puck had completed destroyed in his house. Quinn rolled her eyes at Puck's declaration. He was certainly good at breaking her reputation into a million pieces. And the hearts of at least half of the Cheerios in the past four years. Rachel was the only one who looked confused. She had lived with her sewing-challenged and mechanically challenged gay dads all of her life. Noah had been the chief person who put things together and got them working in her house since she was ten. The only thing she remembered him breaking was his ankle once.
"Okay kid, I'm going to let your friends talk, because they're going to convince you to give me that remote."
The henchmen slowly removed their hands from the mouths of the teens and Rachel managed to hiss a five syllable insult immediately.
"Now, come on Scooby-gang, give it your best shot. Your little lone ranger over there gives me the remote, and then he can decide who he gets to watch get snuffed first."
Puck rolled his eyes and shrugged, "Finn, no problem."
Finn let out a slightly annoyed and disappointed moan.
"Sorry dude," Puck smirked slightly at his best friend.
Finn sighed and took a deep breath before admitting resignedly, "I get it man. Ho's before bro's with you."
"OH hell no!" Quinn bitchily spat out, her time spent with Mercedes never more evident than at that moment. She glared at Finn with her best icy look and said in a dangerously soft and velvety tone. "You did not just call me a HO."
"FINN, really!" Rachel scolded expertly. She wrinkled her nose in distaste and continued in an obnoxiously bossy manner, "That is disgusting terminology and I insist that you take it back immediately."
"You let Puck talk that way!" Finn guffawed unattractively.
"Noah's filthy mouth is something that I've gotten used to," Rachel dismissed airily. She threw a condescending smile Puck's way and explained, "He can't help himself. You should know better!"
"Yeah, and the fact that my filthy mouth makes her wet her panties," Puck acknowledged, taking a small moment to appreciate the way Rachel's cheeks turned a dusty rose color in confirmation. He raised another very distinct brow as he directed his comment very steadily at a disgusted Finn. "And then they just drop. Right to the ground."
"You two are filthy Jew whore sluts," Quinn rolled her eyes painfully, a smirk playing at the corner of her mouth as she caught on and knew Rachel had as well. She looked to Finn and said pointedly. "I wish I could go back down to Jesus camp to get away from it all."
"Please, Quinn. Like you and Finn aren't using every opportunity to fall to the floor and roll around on the ground on a regularly scheduled basis," Rachel offered helpfully. All three of them were staring at Finn anxiously as the criminals watched their banter like it was the world's most annoying tennis match. A tiny look of comprehension passed through Finn's eyes and Puck smirked, which only seemed to anger the head honco.
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" he roared.
"Dude?" Puck leveled a glare the criminal's way. A glare that he had used to decimate others on the high school food chain, including teachers, on a regular basis. His hazel eyes darkened to almost brown as violence and discord freely ran through his veins as he held the remote up obnoxiously. "Fuck. Your. Mother."
One button was pressed and the large vault door directly behind the criminal's backs exploded in a spectacular fashion, fire, concrete and warped metal hurtling in every direction.
***July 2010***
"The internet is for porn!"
"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"
"The internet is for porn"
"All three of you are going to rot in hell and I will laugh at you from heaven!"
"Grab your dick and double click for PORN PORN PORN!"
"RACHEL BARBARA BERRY!" Quinn shouted obnoxiously. "I cannot believe you and if I hadn't just spent a year growing as a person, I would seriously use this as very potent ammunition when we get back to school. I cannot believe that you said that."
"It's a song…I thought you were doing the part of Kate Monster, which I think that maybe you could pull off, at least certainly the emotionally charged, softer lyrics. I think that your tone would be completely wrong for the belting numbers," Rachel rambled thoughtfully, trying very hard to keep any sort of condescension out of her constructive criticism.
"Like the puppet stripping song?" Puck wondered. "I love when you sing that song, Berry-pants."
"You love when she sings any song, you girlfriend stealer," Finn mumbled obnoxiously.
"Shut it, Finn," Quinn ordered harshly. "I don't know what kind of depraved show you guys were watching but can we sing a song not about internet porn? Like…I like The Music Man?"
"Your voice is ideal for Marian Paroo!" Rachel squealed. Her mind instantly began calculating and her words fell from her mouth at an uncontrollable rate, "I played the part of both Amaryllis when I was eleven and Zaneeta when I was thirteen…"
"You got to dance the Shipoopi!" Quinn genuinely smiled at Rachel.
"Don't get all excited, it was at our Jew-camp show," Puck rolled his eyes.
"Noah!" Rachel said sharply.
"The Temple Beth Israel-Shaare Zedek End of Summer Extravaganza," Puck said flatly. He threw an amused smirk Finn's way as the girls began skipping ahead of them towards the road, singing with a surprising amount of joy considering their current situations. He saw Finn's total confusion and offered, "I think they'll get along better now…getting high in the woods together seems to have made things clearer."
"No…it's not that, what's a Shipoopi? Is that like-a girl taking a poo?" Finn whispered.
Puck roared with laughter, a feeling filtering through him that he hadn't been able to attain in a very long time. They continued to walk towards civilization and Rachel and Quinn had moved on from The Music Man only to land squarely on Little Shop of Horrors. He had to protest as they reached the road trying to make Rachel understand that he would be the evil Dentist, not the nerd cause no way was he going to pass up the opportunity to suck down some whippits.
"But Noah," Rachel whined. "You have to understand that part of acting is playing against your type. The amount of sensationalism that you playing the adorkably sensitive-"
"Adorkably," Finn repeated. "That's a fun word."
Quinn looked at him curiously and rolled her eyes, "Did you eat one of Rachel's mushrooms, Finn?"
…
…
…
"Dude, that's my stash! Now we're going to have to go back and get more!" Puck glared at his slightly high friend.
"I was super hungry…oh look, there's stuff down there!" Finn applauded enthusiastically, and sure enough, half a mile down the hill sat a gas station and a very backwoods used car dealership. He looked to Puck questioningly and said, "You got a plan, dude?"
Puck smirked. "Always."
Did Puck just blow up Fuickleberry? Will Finn ever figure out what Shipoopi is? Will anyone? And is anyone surprised that Puck totally gathered some of those mushrooms before they set off so that he would have a free stash for the year? And is anyone surprised that Finn ate them for a snack? And how do you think the Glee meeting is going to end up back in Lima? And is Matt still pantsed in front of a crowd full of people? If so, that's awesome.
All of these questions and more will be answered soon in the next installment of Fuickleberry Saves the World: The Dramatic and Badass Rescue of Mike Chang and Matt Rutherford!