"He will be fine Major Carter." Lya came and sat beside her and put her hand over Sam's. The other Nox all looked like they were concentrating on something but Lya seemed ready to talk to her.
"Are you sure Lya? He's been through so much."
"It has been difficult for him but with your help, and that of your friends, he is already well on the way to finding peace."
"Why are you doing this?" Sam faced the little Nox woman. "Is it because Thor asked you or is there some other reason?" She had been wondering this for a while – as soon as she realized how hard they were all working to help the Colonel.
The woman beside her smiled gently. "The Nox and Asgard have been allies and friends for many years. We would never think to ignore a request from them. But no, that is not the only reason we have been helping Jack O'Neill." Lya moved away slightly and folded her hands together. "This is not something we would normally have told you, but you have a right to know."
Sam listened intently, knowing that something was about to be shared with her that might be terribly important for her people.
"Many years ago a prophet appeared – he came to us from where we know not. He foretold that one day, in the distant future, a man – a Tauri – would appear who would hold the world's future in his hands. Through his actions peace would again come to our galaxy. He would lead us into a new age – away from the domination of the Goa'uld and other races seeking power. Instead, through him, we would return to a golden age of learning and building."
"And you think this man is Colonel O'Neill?" Sam didn't want to sound skeptical – hell, she thought more of the Colonel than just about anyone, but somehow she just didn't see him as the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.
"We do not know for sure." Lya smiled and stood up. "Thor was the first to believe that O'Neill is the one in the prophecy and as we have watched him, over the years, we have all come to believe it could be him. For this reason we guard him and help him. If he does not regain his health then the future may be in danger."
"If it is him, what is he supposed to do?" Sam asked. "How is he to save the world?"
"That I cannot tell you Samantha. For that you will have to wait and see. All I know is that – even he is not the one of whom the prophet spoke - he has an important destiny – as do you."
"Wha -" Before she had a chance to continue she saw Daniel and Anteaus come into the clearing.
"Daniel?" she stood up and walked to her friend. Like Teal'c, he looked exhausted.
"Is everything okay? Is the Colonel all right?"
"He's fine Sam. As for me – well, that's the last cliff I want to climb for a while!"
"Cliff?" she asked, confused.
"Forget it", he laughed softly. "It was just quite a ride – and now it's your turn."
"I'm frightened Daniel", she answered. "What if I mess up? How can I possibly help him?"
Daniel walked over and gave her a big hug. "It'll be alright Sam. As for helping him – just be yourself - and don't take any of his crap!"
She laughed nervously and returned his hug.
"You really will be fine Sam, I promise, and so will Jack. Just go to him."
With a nod she gave him a final hug. "You go rest Daniel and – thank you."
As she sat beside the Colonel's small cot she prayed that Daniel was right. She wanted to help him so much but was afraid she wouldn't be able to. Her relationship with O'Neill was so strange – so covered with layers of friendship and caring and duty and respect – all with a hidden core of feelings which neither could admit to nor reveal.
She reached out slowly but her hand stopped before touching him. She looked back to Lya, who nodded and smiled. "You must touch him Samantha."
She almost expected to feel something – something other than his flesh – when she laid her hand on his arm, but there was nothing more than the warmth of his skin. She then sat quietly and looked at the man who was so much a part of her life. He looked calm and relaxed in sleep and so much younger than he had the last time she had seen him. She so hoped he would soon be well.
The next moment she was somewhere else, but where was it? It was familiar, she'd been here, but it was also wrong. A second ago she was sitting with the Colonel and now, she looked around, now she was sitting, her back against the bulkhead of the Prometheus. What the hell was happening?
"Hey Carter, you better get that brain in gear and get yourself outta here."
She turned her head to see the Colonel sitting beside her. He was dressed in casual clothes – the same ones he'd been wearing during her previous hallucination on the Prometheus.
"Sir!"
"Yeah Carter, it's me. Now, are you going to just sit around or are you going to save yourself?"
Blinking, she kept looking at the man beside her, not sure what to make of the whole thing. She watched as the Colonel tilted his head and raised his eyebrow at her. A small grin appeared on his face. "Uh Carter, whatcha doin'?"
"Sir – I don't think this is about saving me", she finally managed to get out. "I – uh kind of think this is about you."
"About me? I'm not the one trapped on a ship in space."
"Well, technically you are Sir, at least you are if you're here."
"But I'm not here Carter."
"No, I know. You were on the Prometheus the first time, but just as a hallucination - but this is different. This time I don't think I'm here either – I mean I'm real, but I don't think I'm actually on the Prometheus."
"Well Carter, if neither of us is here then that kind of makes this whole thing pointless, doesn't it."
"Sir!"
"Carter!"
"Sir, do you know what this is about?"
"Well, if it's anything like before, I think you're in my head", he answered calmly.
"In your head?"
"Yes Carter, in my head or at least in my mind or something. I don't really know. Look, you're the brainy one, you should be able to figure it out."
"I don't know. I guess we could be, although you weren't on the Prometheus with me so I don't know why you're thinking of this?"
"But you just said I was there."
"As a hallucination. You weren't real."
"You mean you hallucinated me when you were there?" He sounded extremely pleased by that and she had to grin. Only Jack O'Neill would be thrilled to be part of someone's injury induced delusion."
"Yes", she answered shortly. She really didn't want to get into that. She just wanted to figure out why they were here and what she was supposed to do to help him.
"So, what was it like?"
"What was what like Sir?"
"What was the hallucination like? What did I do?"
"It wasn't just you Sir, Daniel and Teal'c and my father also visited me." She decided not to mention the little girl with the bubbles. She still found that whole thing confusing herself.
"Really?" this time he sounded disappointed, as if he alone wanted to be in her hallucination. "So, what happened then? What did everybody say?"
She knew from the look on his face he wasn't going to let this go so she ran over some of the things that had happened on the Prometheus, and some of the 'visions' she had had. She avoided mentioning her father and the Colonel and she certainly wasn't going to mention that kiss – even though she'd thought about it a lot over the months since then.
"So, what did your Dad say", he pressed. She should have known he wouldn't miss her leaving some things out."
"Uh, nothing much – just, you know, Dad kind of stuff."
"Dad kind of stuff?" he grinned. "And what kind of stuff is that?"
"You know Sir. He worries about me. He just wants me to be happy."
The Colonel's face grew serious. "And he doesn't think you are – happy that is?"
"He's just worried that I was ignoring my personal life – that I was 'settling' rather than taking a chance on happiness." She hadn't been planning on telling him, but decided that since this whole scene was happening that maybe the truth was important - although she still wasn't going to mention the kiss.
"I – see", he answered, leaning back and resting his head against the wall. Everything was quiet for a minute and then he asked, "So, that's the reason for – Pete?" he asked.
This was the first time that Jack had said anything about Pete. He knew she had been dating him; she hadn't hidden it from her team, but he never asked about him or about how things were going. She'd accepted that and, in fact, had been relieved about it although sometimes it had bothered her. It seemed to indicate he didn't really care that she was dating someone.
"Yes, that and -" Oops, she hadn't meant to say that.
"That and – what Carter?"
"Nothing Sir."
"Carter, come on. This is my mind after all so you have to answer my questions."
"Who says Sir?" she asked, a small smile on her face.
"I do – so spill." When she still didn't reply he turned to face her. "What did I say in your hallucination Sam?" he asked gently.
Breathing in deeply, she too turned to face him. "You told me you'd always be there for me Sir."
"And I will Sam, you know that. At least I will as long as I'm alive. Is that all I said?"
"I asked –"
"Yes?"
"I asked about us", she finally admitted. This time she couldn't look him in the eye.
"I – see." This time he was the one who looked uncomfortable. "And what did I say?"
"That you were a sure bet."
He raised his eyes and stared at her blankly. "What the hell does that mean?" he wanted to know.
"Uh – I wasn't sure – but I think you meant that I was using – us – to avoid taking any chances and to avoid meeting other men."
"Oh."
Again there was silence and Jack started fiddling with his shoe laces. After a while she could see a small grimace appear on his face and he raised his head. "So, that's also why – Pete?"
"Yes, I guess."
"You realize of course that I didn't say that? That was you talking, not me."
"I know Sir – but when I woke up in the Infirmary -"
"Yeah?", he said, looking puzzled. "What? I was relieved you were okay."
"I know, but when I woke up I called you Jack and you – you sounded like I was out of line. That kind of confirmed what I'd been thinking, or hallucinating. I figured that if you actually – cared – for me you wouldn't have done that."
O'Neill sighed and pushed himself to his feet. He began to wander around the ship while Sam looked on. She really wished she knew what was going on in his head.
"Carter – ", he stopped and looked at her. "It's good that you found someone. Your father is right – you need a life. There's no point in – look, you're young and you have the possibility of a great life ahead of you. I meant it – or at least I would have meant it – hell, you got it right when you had me say I'll always be there for you, but you're a lot better off with Pete."
"Pete's gone Sir."
"What? Why? When?"
"After you were kidnapped. I was – worried – and Pete didn't like it. We had an argument and I broke it off."
"You what? Carter, you shouldn't have done that. I'm not worth losing a good man for."
She laughed, although she felt far from happy. "That's what you always say Jack." What the hell – this wasn't real so she was damn well going to use his name. "You don't ever think you're good enough which is a load of crap. You're one of the best men I know." Okay Sam – it was now or never. "Look Sir, I imagined that whole conversation and I may have gotten the whole thing wrong. But now – now I need to know for sure. I need to know whether or not you care for me as a friend – of if there's more. Do you still feel the same as after the Zatarc testing or have your feelings changed? Did I make a mistake to try and find someone else?"
"Carter!" He looked anguished at her question and clearly didn't want to answer.
"Don't worry about hurting my feelings Sir – I'd rather know for sure than be left in this limbo. I'll understand if you don't, if all you want is friendship - I just – I need to know."
"Carter", he said again, more softly. "Please – it doesn't matter what I feel. I'm not good enough for you. You should get in touch with Pete and make up with him. He's a good man and he can give you the life you deserve."
"Yes, he is a good man", she said calmly. "Unfortunately, he's not the man for me and the life he could give me isn't the one I want. Do you know why I know? After I broke up all I felt was relief. Since that time I haven't even given him a thought. Now, please answer me Sir. I need to know."
"Carter, Sam – I", he continued to pace until he finally came up to one of the consoles and placed his hands against it and leaned forward. "Yes, of course I care for you Sam. I've never stopped. That doesn't mean anything though. You know we can't -"
"Are you saying it's the regulations Sir? Is that the reason why you pushed me away?"
"I didn't push you away Sam – that was your own hallucination. Actually, it was probably your common sense talking."
"Jack – if there were no regulations, would you give us a chance?" she finally asked, laying it all on the table.
"I – I'm not worth it Sam", he said, so quietly she almost couldn't hear him. "I meant what I said, you need someone who can give you the life you deserve. I'd only ruin your life." He took a deep breath and faced her head on. "You see, anything I love I destroy and I would never do that to you."
She suddenly found herself on a gravel road, surrounded by trees. She had no idea where she was, or what had happened to the Prometheus. She did feel the tears on her face, though, and wiped them away roughly. She was upset but also angry as hell. Jack O'Neill was an idiot and she wanted to kick his butt. She remembered Daniel's words about not taking any of his crap. Well, the next time she saw him!
She figured she might as well keep walking forward, along the road, since she didn't know where she was anyway. It was a good 20 minutes later when she came upon a cabin. It was a pretty little spot in front of a blue lake. She glanced around, but didn't see anyone.
Sam walked forward, and it was only as she neared the cabin that she saw the truck parked over to one side. She instantly recognized it and then realized where she must be.
Jack had invited her numerous times to his cabin but she'd never gone. She hadn't had the courage. Well, it looked like she was finally here!
She kept walking until she could clearly see the lake in front of her. It was then that she saw the lone figure sitting by the water. He had a fishing rod in his hand and a bottle of beer beside him on the deck.
Sam moved towards him and sat down on the dock, right next to him. She then looked out towards the lake. He didn't say anything or appear to have noticed her, although she knew that he had been aware of her presence for a long time. It was almost impossible to sneak up on Jack O'Neill.
"Finally decided to come fishing Sam?" he asked after what seemed like a long time.
"Looks like it Jack", she answered.
"I didn't think you'd ever really come."
"No? I often wondered what you would have done if I'd agreed."
"Probably would have wet my pants."
"So, you don't really want me here?"
"I didn't say that – I just – didn't think you'd come."
"So, did you want me to come?"
"Always Sam – although it was better for you that you didn't."
Okay, here he goes again, she thought. This time she wasn't going to let him get away with this.
"Why?" she asked. "Why would it be better?"
"Because - you know – you need someone -"
"Like you Jack. I need someone like you."
He carefully laid down his fishing rod and pushed himself back. "Sam, no – even if we could, I'm not someone you need in your life, not like that."
"Why not?" she pressed.
"Because, people I care for – tend to get hurt."
"Really? I thought you cared for Daniel and Teal'c and me? We're all still here. We're all fine."
"That's not what I meant. And anyway, how many times has Daniel died? Hanging around with me hasn't been particularly good for him. And then there's you – God, I killed you!"
"That's crap Sir, and you know it. Daniel is alive because of you, we all are. Not only that, millions, no billions, of people are also alive so don't start saying you're bad for people."
"Sam – I – you know what I mean."
"You mean people you love gent hurt – is that right."
"Yeah", he answered softly, staring into the distance.
"Well, then we make a good pair."
"What do you mean?" he turned to her, puzzled.
"Well, you say you hurt those you love – well, anyone who loves me dies. I'd say that's worse", she answered plainly. "Haven't you heard – they call me the 'black widow'."
"Who does?" he asked angrily. "No one that I know would dare to say that."
"Of course not Jack – they're careful around you – but they still say it. Anyway, it's true."
"No it's not. Don't be ridiculous. That has nothing to do with you. It's just coincidence – or the fact that all those people were in dangerous professions."
"Oh, so it's not some curse that I carry around with me?"
"Of course not."
She sat there silently, simply gazing at him. He began to grow uncomfortable. "Look, it's different with me, okay?"
"No Sir, it's not. Sure, you've had some bad things happen, and I'm really sorry. That doesn't mean that you caused those things to happen or that everyone you love gets hurt. Hell, you look after those you love pretty darn well. We all know that."
He still looked obstinate and she knew this was going to be tough. She wasn't looking for any great romantic declaration from him. She simply wanted him to be able to feel free to love, something she could see he was denying himself. It hadn't just been the regulations all these years. She finally understood that Jack felt unworthy. He needed to know that he was worthy of both receiving and giving love.
"And anyway Sir, I figure that maybe the reason you and I haven't had much luck in the relationship department is because we've screwed around with a universal truth."
"The – what the hell does that mean Carter?"
"Well, it seems like that in all the alternate universes we've encountered you and I have been together. Maybe we're just meant to be and by denying that we're screwing with some cosmic plan."
"And if we're together then no one else would be in danger from us? Is that what you mean Carter?"
"It's possible Sir. I guess we'll never know though." She pushed herself to her feet. "You're so determined to do the noble thing that we'll probably always wonder if it would have been good between us. Somehow, I'm betting it would have been great."
She gave a small smile and then walked away, back towards the path. She couldn't stay any longer, although in reality she didn't know where she could go. She was still inside a dream – or maybe it was the Colonel's mind. Whatever it was, wherever she was, she knew she couldn't bear it any longer.
She'd walked until she was almost out of site of the cabin when she heard some footsteps running towards her. She stopped and waited, although she didn't turn around.
"You were the one who refused to go fishing", his voice said softly.
"So, maybe you should ask again", she answered quietly. She could feel her heart thudding as she waited for his reply.
"Sam, want to go fishing?" he finally asked.
She let out a small sob and turned. He was standing with a grin on his face and his arms held wide. She ran to him and threw herself into his arms.
He felt good. Really good. Better than he had in a long, long time. He couldn't figure out why, or where he was, but it didn't really matter. He was rested and at peace. For the first time in a long time he was pretty sure he hadn't had a nightmare. Oh, he kind of thought there'd been a dream or two, but nothing horrible. On top of that he felt warm and relaxed and loved being able to cuddle up next to - !
He stopped breathing. Okay, he was pressed up against a soft, warm body. He was afraid to open his eyes. It better not be Teal'c, he thought to himself. He slowly let his eyelids flutter open and got an eyeful of blond hair.
His eyes snaked downward until he could see the woman curled up in his arms. It was Carter! What the hell was she doing here?
He was about to wake her up when he noticed the expression on her face. She looked – happy, just purely and simply happy. He couldn't bear to wake her. Instead, he laid his head back down and allowed his eyes to close.
He still wasn't sure what had happened, but he figured it must have been something damn good! With a sigh he allowed himself to fall back to sleep – a small smile on his face.
Anteaus and Lya also smiled as they looked at the man who had become their friend. They quietly left the small hut so as not to disturb the occupants. As they stepped into the bright light of day they could see Teal'c and Daniel standing, waiting.
"He is well", Anteaus replied. "The healing worked and your friend has returned."
"May we see him?" Daniel asked.
Lya turned and looked at the hut and then back at Daniel. "Let him rest", she said. "He will soon be with you."
"And Sam?"
"She too is resting", the Nox woman answered. "She is fine. Do not worry – harmony has been restored and you will be able to return to earth."
Daniel and Teal'c stood there for a while after the two Nox had left.
"I believe they will be fine Daniel Jackson", Teal'c said.
"Yeah, I think you're right Teal'c." With that, the two friends turned and walked back to the fire, where they partook of their breakfast.
"Uh – I think I'll pass."