Here we are. Rolling right along. I think two or three more chapters? I don't want to rush it and it'll be longer than I had anticipated anyway. I have so many good ideas coming up for other universes. Woohoo! Thanks for stopping by and reading!

Chapter Fourteen

***Hershey, Pennsylvania***

"What the hell is it with you Glee kids breaking the windows of my car? I mean, I'm pretty sure I've never been anything but nice and accommodating, I don't complain at the marathon costume making taking up space in my kitchen…seriously, how many times does a man have to hear Single Ladies from my basement before you can count on a little respect? And count on not getting your window smashed in."

"Burt-" Finn managed to cut in, only to stutter an unintelligible string of syllables after the livid look his mother's boyfriend threw at him.

"Mr. Hummel," Puck supplied. "There's a logical explanation to this…"

Quinn and Rachel watched from the sidelines curiously as Finn tried desperately to keep his stammering to a minimum. Quinn squeezed Rachel's hand and said, "He's trying to not talk so he doesn't have to lie. He's terrible at it."

"Noah is trying to keep him from talking too," Rachel nodded. She smiled at the boys as Finn held up his hands in a mea culpa gesture and managed to stammer out one solitary No Sir before Puck took the lead again and begin spinning an intricate web of lies that had Finn confused, aka normal in no time. "Noah always talks with his hands when he's trying to talk his way out of something particularly terrible. One summer, we shaved the hair off of all the neighborhood dogs…it was my fault. I was eleven and thought it was animal cruelty for them to be so hot with heavy fur coats on. Noah just went along with it for the mayhem, I would assume. He waved his hands around so much in explaining it to our parents that he knocked his Great Grandpa Murray's ashes into the aquarium."

Quinn giggled as quietly as she could, definitely not wanting to garner any attention from the still fuming, although slowly calming Burt Hummel. The blonde nearly jumped out of her skin when Mercedes Jones literally appeared in front of them out of thin air. Quinn dropped Rachel's hand immediately, but it was already too late and Mercedes was staring at the both of them were steak gossip and she was seriously starving.

"What in the hell, Q? Since when are you all up in Rachel's snack pack?" Mercedes demanded, unable to keep the jealousy out of her words. She crossed her arms protectively in front of her and raised a curious brow. "Spill it, girl."

"We've just been through a particularly traumatizing few days, Mercedes. I assure you that Quinn and I are no closer to being friends than we were at the beginning of our sophomore year," Rachel said smoothly. "You would understand if we had the time or the energy to explain it to you, but suffice it to say, that when you're thrown into a world of danger, kidnappings, desperation, additional kidnappings, panicked escapes, unintentional druggings and simulated car-jackings…well, it simply stands to reason that friendship doesn't matter. Having another person standing next to you is simply a comfort. Not a life-long sisterhood."

"Uhm," Mercedes furrowed her brow in confusion, not quite following the seventy-bajillion words that fell from Rachel's mouth in less than fifteen seconds.

Quinn couldn't help but stare at Rachel with definite curiosity and one small shade of understanding. She now knew exactly how Rachel and Puck managed to keep a life-long friendship hidden away from prying eyes. Rachel was one serious whack-a-doodle. The blond bit her lip and was about to speak, when Rachel's never-ending word vomit interrupted again.

"Mercedes, please believe me when I tell you that this is not the time for your silly hidden romance charade you insist on perpetuating with Matthew Rutherford. We need to know if you've heard from them…or if you are in any way able to get in touch with them," Rachel asked directly.

"Matthew…what?" Mercedes scoffed in disbelief. Her acting skills were subpar at best, and she found that both Rachel and Quinn looked at her in bored exasperation. "Seriously why would I have Rutherford's digits? That's crazy talk."

"Oh please," Quinn rolled her eyes. "Then I never overheard you giggling and cooing on your phone at night with your Mocha-bear…"

"And my overactive imagination must have been in serious overdrive when I walked in on two entangled bodies in the choir room," Rachel sarcastically muttered.

"What are we talking 'bout?" Finn wondered, lumbering over to the girls with Puck and Kurt in tow. He grinned as he wrapped an arm around Quinn's shoulders and said, "Puck made everything okay. Burt and Carol are going to get us tickets to go and ride the coasters."

"We're talking about how Cadi-I'm sorry, Mercedes is most certainly not in a relationship with Matthew," Rachel explained.

"Psshhhh, yeah, then I never heard him high as shit last winter talking about how nothing compared to grabbing a handful of your booty," Puck smirked. "And also, if you guys aren't secretly dating, then I should have never gotten a Melvin wedgie for dating you for three and half days."

"Seriously, Mercy, just give up the goods. Everyone knows," Kurt insisted in a bored tone, checking his nails nonchalantly. His eyes darted up every so often to check on the newly arrived quartet, taking stock and definite notes on how they seemed to be coupled up.

"I don't know where Matt is," Mercedes grumbled. "Mom and Dad took my cellie away, remember? We've been on the road all summer. Why do you need to talk to him so badly anyway?"

"They were kidnapped," Finn blurted.

"We thought we were chasing them…we were chasing you instead," Quinn explained further.

"OH!" Rachel gasped with sudden excitement, turning to Puck and grabbing his hands as she bounced up and down on the balls of her feet. "OH! NOAH!"

"Uhm, kinky?" Kurt murmured to Mercedes as the girl rolled her eyes.

"My cell phone! We need to retrieve it from Kurt's father's car…I have everyone's number on it!"

Puck grinned in relief, finally they were getting somewhere. He gripped his hands around Rachel's waist and suddenly had her hoisted up so that she sat on his shoulders precariously as he jogged back towards the Hummel's violated car. Rachel yanked her phone from the top of the vehicle and began dialing immediately.

"MICHAEL!" She screeched. "Where on Earth are-"

Puck closed his eyes in annoyance as she ended her no doubt very long diatribe and let out a shriek of frustration. He placed her on the ground and smiled, "Battery dead?"

"Yes," Rachel said shortly, staring down at the completely dead phone in annoyance.

"But he answered!" Quinn exclaimed. "That has to be a good sign. Maybe the escaped…"

"Maybe their kidnappers are super awesome?" Finn suggested.

"Either way, we need a charge on this," Puck took Rachel's cell phone and began to head back to where their illegally obtained car was.

"Cool, can we ride the coasters till its charged?" Finn wondered, his gaze staring at the amusement park wonders behind the gate with obvious longing.

"Actually…I have a better idea," Mercedes said suddenly. She smiled at the foursome's curious looks and shrugged, "It's a really good idea, you guys."

***On The Road***

"Rach? HELLO? Rachel?"

"YOU IDIOT!" Santana screeched, ripping the phone from Mike's hands as Matt tried to keep a steady hand on the wheel as the girl sitting next to him pummeled Mike with balled up fists. "Why did you hang up on her? What in the hell is going on?"

"I didn't do it!" Mike insisted.

"He really didn't," Brittany insisted, trying to fend off Santana's attack on Mike. "It's not his fault that the cell phone towers ran out of pixie dust, San."

"You seriously think that stuff runs off of pixie dust?" Matt questioned.

"Don't get offended, Matt, but sometimes you're kind of an idiot," Brittany giggled. "I know that they don't run off of pixie dust, but do YOU know what they run off of?"

"Uhm…uhm…" Matt stammered, trying to think back to ninth grade Science where the covered physics for exactly two and half weeks.

"Exactly," Brittany smirked triumphantly.

"Bitch slapped, boxer briefs," Santana scowled at Matt. "So okay, damage control, ladies. Berry called MIKE. Not me."

"I'm sorry?" Mike mumbled, clearly not knowing what the scary ass Cheerio wanted to hear at that point. He certainly didn't need to be beaten down again because Rachel considered him a better friend than Santana. Even if he kind of wanted to rub her face in it just a little.

"So she must still think that you're like, kidnapped," Santana pondered, staring at the phone thoughtfully. She was lost in plots, thoughts and schemes so much that she didn't even hear Matt's cellphone start to play "Maneater".

"KURT?" Matt wondered.

"You shouldn't drive and talk at the same time! Oprah said so!" Brittany screeched, causing Matt to flinch and drive a little more erratically.

Santana wrenched the phone from Matt's hands and demanded, "What do you know Hotpants?"

…

…

…

"NO. That's awesome. I'll handle it from here."

Santana handed each boy his respective phone and turned to Mike with a smirk. "Here's what we're going to do."

What do you think Puck did to make Burt take a serious chill pill on his damaged property? Why is Rachel such a martyr-ific whack-a-doodle? Seriously? Mocha-Bear and Cadillac? Craaazaaay. And what do Mercy and Satan-a have up their sleeves? Can I manage to write it without getting another idea for a full-length fic from the dang puckrachel meme? ;)

All of these questions and so much more might be answered in the next chapter. Thanks for stopping by, gentle-readers.