Chapter 21 – Withering and Damaged Souls
The cold night echoed with a deafening silence. Tonks was desperate for something to happen, something, anything at all. Sirius and Alexis were called down by Moody and hadn't returned, leaving Remus and Tonks alone together in the D.A.D.A. classroom. Remus sat behind his desk, quietly grading papers. She would catch him looking at her several times, watching her with wan but gentle eyes. He'd recovered quickly from the brutal moon several days ago. Tonks swore she saw a trace of genuine happiness in his eyes. She didn't allow herself to think he was purposely stealing glances at her however. What interest could the kind and gentle bookworm professor take in the colorful and reckless auror?
Little did she know that they were so much alike as the kind and gentle bookworm professor would catch her subtle glances at him and wonder the same thing. And while laboring under the delusion that they are not worthy, the though never crossed their minds that maybe, just maybe the professor and the auror were a match.
As the minutes continued to tick by, the silence was becoming a thunderous roar to both of them. Tonks had been helping Remus putting his many books back on the wooden bookshelves. Completing the task, she felt she just had to say something to break the silence.
"How was your day?" They both ended up asking together in perfect harmony, the professor and the auror. The sounds of their voices melded together fittingly, perfectly.
"I…I've had a very good day," Tonks replied with slight awkwardness as she snapped her eyes back to the bookshelf, her heart pounding in her chest, racing like a marathon as she willed her bubblegum pink hair to not change color and felt uncomfortable under her own clothes, a yellow Weird Sisters tee and heavily patched jeans.
"I'm…glad then. I've had a very good day too," Remus replied just as shyly, just as awkwardly as he lowered his head closer to a report he had to grade, Tonks' report. His heart was drumming up a storm, beating way too fast to be healthy and he was nervous under his own shabby tan jumper and trousers. He had to will his reaction away when he went to look through her report and saw that she'd doodled hearts around the edges and border. "So…what are your plans now, Dora?"
She paused momentarily, holding a book in her hand as she mentally repeated the way he said Dora in her mind. She liked it. "I don't really know," Tonks replied airily. "We still have Sirius' trial to go. And after that, I suppose we help Sirius recover those twelve lost years."
He nodded even though he was sure she couldn't see him. Remus then stole another glance at her, looking at her back while seeing her lovely pale, heart-shaped face in his mind, framed by soft and vibrant pink hair. "You're a wonderful woman Dora," said Remus, a thought he only meant to think about.
When she smiled, Remus too lit up with delight. For a moment, Remus allowed himself to actually think he was worthy of her, that him being who he was had been good enough for her. After all, even though he was a man with a withering and damaged soul, he was still capable of caring for her. Even though he wasn't young and whole, he once had been. And no one remains young and whole forever, it's just a way of life. Though his soul was damaged and withering after a lifetime cursed by the moon, it had once, many long years ago, been as innocent and full of life as anybody. Remus Lupin deserved happiness too. And for only one brief, fleeting moment, the thought of happiness was allowed.
"Remus, are you in there?" Tonks asked him.
He quickly snapped out of his thoughts and smiled at her, a wolfish grin that she found so beautiful. "Sorry Nymphadora," he spoke. "I've been getting lost in my thoughts way too often."
"Call me Dora," she corrected him, but in a way much different from before. Her voice was softer and there was a smile. The yelling and changing of hair had gone too.
"Dora," he smiled. He liked the way it rolled off his tongue. She liked the way it sounded to her ears.
"Remus, Lexi and I are planning on having Sirius stay with us once everything is over. You should come over often then. Sirius would be happy seeing you around. And I don't want to lose touch with a wonderful friend."
"Thank you Dora," he smiled again. "Here, let me help you with those." He got up quickly, his limbs aching as he walked over to her side to help her lift and put away a pile of books he knew perfectly well she was able to handle by herself.
"What are your plans after this is over?" she asked him, placing a book back in the shelf.
Tonks could see his gentle blue eyes flickering to her from the side though he never turned his head to face her. Tonks wondered if she was making him feel uncomfortable. She had noticed that Remus had been acting slightly different around her. In the eyes of others, they wouldn't notice. But Tonks did.
"I don't quite know," Remus sighed softly. "Live life as it is?" he replied. "If I lose this job as a professor, I'll have to go find another one. I've gotten used to it. I've saved up enough money now to rent my own flat for several months. And I have friends now." That time he turned to her and smiled genuinely, softly, kindly, affectionately. "Sirius is back, Alexis is very kind…and Dora…you're just amazing," he spoke, growing softer towards the end. Again Remus had voiced something he only meant to keep as a thought.
"You don't seem too confident in keeping this job. Don't you like it?"
"No, of course I like it," he smiled. "I love it actually."
"So why do you always think you'll lose it?"
"Because of what I am," he replied sadly. "You've seen how troublesome I am."
"Remus, I know what you are…"
"An incapable werewolf?" he spoke, his tone sadder and softer.
"No," Tonks replied as she took his hand and held it comfortingly in hers. "You're wonderful, kind, funny, calm and collective, brilliant, loyal, and you're the most amazing bloke there is," she smiled. It sounded like flattery, but Tonks always thought that it's not flattery if it is true, and everything she said was true. She had more to list, but now wasn't the time to list.
"Dora…"
"Don't even try to argue Remus," she smiled, tightening her hold on his hand.
It took her slightly by surprise when Tonks felt Remus' hand tighten around hers and at first she thought it had simply been an illusion. The moment of close contact was fleeting however, as Remus had pulled back before Tonks' heart and mind could fully register the feeling of having him hold her hand. Tonks wanted to yell at herself. She'd kissed him before, on the cheek, never the lips, but she'd come closer to him than hand to hand contact. So why was her heart pounding and dancing like a foolish jester inside her chest?
Remus had muster up all the courage he had to pull back from her. For one fleeting second he'd let it all go and tightened his hand around hers. Looking into her bemused dark green eyes, he wondered if he did the right thing. He had been weak for a second and allowed a small window for his feelings for her to surface. Remus knew he couldn't love Tonks. He could never have her and he wasn't going to fall deeper into a romance he knew could only reach halfway. So with all his strength, he pulled back from her.
"Thank you Tonks," Remus spoke, careful to use her much preferred title. "You're always there to encourage me. I don't know what I'd do after you leave once this is over."
Usually she preferred Tonks, but somehow, at that moment she wished he'd called her Dora instead and even Nymphadora would have been bearable. It wasn't a lie to say it was a beautiful name, Tonks just felt it wasn't her and that's why she didn't like it. "I'll still see you, you know," she told him. "And besides Remus, in case you've forgotten, I promised you I'd be right there helping you every morning after a full moon. You won't get rid of me that easily."
He showed her a soft laugh, a bitter and scarred laugh. "You don't have to promise, Tonks. It's hard to keep a promise, and I'm not worthy," he told her.
"You're being silly. I'm going to prove to you. I'll be right there helping you every morning after the full moon, I promise," she told him in a more determined voice. Looking at him, she saw that trace of the broken man, scarred and worn by the wolf inside. Looking at him, she saw the withering and damaged soul, and Tonks wanted to do anything to heal it back up.
"Thank you, Dora," he smiled wanly. Remus didn't have much hope on that promise, but there was a small part of him, a part he didn't acknowledge, that believed Tonks would somehow keep that promise, because she was Nymphadora Tonks.
Like every time they were alone together they would fall into a gentle spell. They were laughing and smiling at endless conversations to no end. Remus had never felt more comfortable before than with Tonks. And Tonks' grin was plastered on her face for so long that the action of smiling began to cause her cheeks to ache. They talked about pointless stuff, the cold weather, the many reports, and the pranks they pulled in school. They talked about sensitive things, Remus' occasional need for some reassurance, Tonks' occasional need for some stability, and both their need for some understanding and care. They seem to share a common ground somehow, reaching the midway point in the middle of the Earth when at a glimpse they seem to be complete opposites.
"You still never answered my question on why you doodled tons of little hearts around the border of your report," Remus smiled, holding up a report of hers in his hand.
Tonks had a little smirk on her face that made Remus smile brighter as she shrugged. "I never said I'd answer you," she replied. "Besides, I was just feeling happy."
"So why didn't you draw smiley faces?" he continued to probe, curious as to why the colorful auror decided to go with black and white hearts.
"Maybe because I like hearts more," she replied back, sticking her tongue out at him.
Remus laughed, a hearty and full laugh. Though there was still always a trace of sadness in the deep depths of his eyes and soul, Tonks was glad at least the happiness was reaching further in and seemed more real. Whenever he had his wolfish lopsided grin on, she knew he was genuinely happy, and there it was right there.
She parted her lips and was about to say something when the classroom door suddenly opened, hushing her up as both her and Remus' grins began to fade into a ghost of a smile. They were turned towards the door, watching as Sirius came in with Silvia right behind them, their expressions looking tired and bored, like whatever they had done before had nearly bored them to death. Tonks tilted her head to the side, wondering where Alexis was. She'd gone out along with Sirius, but now only Sirius returned and Silvia seemed to be her replacement.
"What did Mad-Eye want to discuss about with you Padfoot?" Tonks asked.
"Nothing important really, he pulled Lexi apart and talked to her most of the time but often he'd randomly call me over and so I ended up staying there for so long," Sirius scoffed. "And that paranoid coot of a mentor of yours is troubling Silvia here with looking after me. Do I honestly need to be looked after?"
Silvia stifled a laugh as she turned away and gave Tonks a wide smile on her pretty face. "Mad-Eye's always been like that. If he didn't, Tonks and I would start to wonder if he really was Mad-Eye Moody," she told them.
"The old codger still didn't have to treat me like I'm a bloody three year-old," he pouted.
"Tonks I think it runs in the family. Only people related to you aren't afraid of Mad-Eye at all," Silvia smiled and Tonks couldn't explain why she suddenly let out a laugh, gripping Remus' shoulder as he chuckled as well.
"Think of it this way Padfoot," Remus told his friend. "At least he set you with Silvia and not Rookwood or Bode," he teased and Tonks' laughter grew.
"By the way Padfoot, where's the other Black?" Tonks asked, raising an eyebrow when she noticed Sirius was smirking for some odd reason. "Something wrong?"
"Oh no," Sirius shook his head and glanced at Silvia then chuckled. "And Moody asked Lexi to follow him somewhere. I don't really know, they were being really secretive. Silvia, do you have any idea?"
"Somewhat," Silvia replied, nodding her head side to side. "Mad-Eye told us the Ministry decided to place Sirius' case on top priority so his trial is in one week. Mad-Eye thought that during that one week, we'd need time to get ready and to help stable Sirius' mental state…"
"Stable my mental state? What the bloody hell's the old codger thinking?" Sirius scoffed.
"Padfoot let her finish," Remus sighed with a small smirk on his lips.
"He…well…it's a surprise," Silvia told them. "For Sirius, and you too Tonks."
"For me too?" Tonks asked, quirking an eyebrow. "Does that crazy auror think I need my mentality stabled as well?" she questioned, seriously beginning to wonder that.
"It's not like that," Silvia smiled and was about to explain more when they heard a knock.
"I'm guessing that's the surprise," Remus smiled. "It's open come in."
Sirius and Tonks turned to glance at each other for a moment. Tonks then turned to see Remus smiling softly to her and they all turned to face the door as it opened slowly, as if whoever outside was being extra cautious for a reason Tonks couldn't quite understand. Then they saw the unforgettable smirk of Alexis Black as the raven haired witch ducked her head inside, not opening the door the full way. There was something a bit off about Alexis' smirk however. Tonks was the first one to notice that her cousin seemed to be concealing a message within her smirk, a message she'd seen before.
"What's the surprise Lexi?" Sirius questioned.
Lexi let out a single small laugh as she swallowed, her actions telling them to be-prepared. "Tonks and Sirius step out in the front. Silvia, Remus, I suggest you get out of the line of fire," she warned them.
Then Tonks' eyes widened. The smirk on Alexis' face was identical to that one time when Tonks was hiding out from her mother and then…
"Let me through Alexis," Tonks heard it, the unmistakable voice, and then Alexis was pulled out the door as the wooden door flew open, revealing Andromeda Tonks, a tall and lean woman bearing a softer and kinder face of the patrician beauty of the Noble House of Black. She had dark green eyes, soft brown hair and was shockingly similar to her sister Bellatrix, though friendlier and still sane. Her lips were pressed into a thin firm line, her face expressionless as she looked at the people in the room. Two were her family.
"Merlin," Tonks breathed, preparing herself for she knew her mother way too well.
"Andromeda…" Sirius spoke, unable to find his voice for a moment.
Suddenly, there were so many questions unanswered. Tonks wanted to know where her father was. It was odd seeing her mother so far away from home without her father beside her. And Tonks wondered if they'd told Andromeda everything from beginning to end of what exactly had happened. She also wondered how her mother would react upon seeing Sirius again. And the final thing Tonks wondered was which type of greeting Andromeda would give them, a soft and gentle one, or a raging screaming one. Somehow, she had a feeling it was the latter.
"Sirius Orion Black!" Andromeda spoke loudly in her stern voice she always used on Tonks and even Alexis. "You foolish, reckless, noble, idiot!" Her voice began to break as she rushed across the room in one graceful motion Tonks would never be able to mimic, and pulled Sirius into her arms, hugging him tightly in a bear hug as she hid her face in his boney shoulder.
"I missed you too Andy," Sirius sighed, hugging her just as tightly. Andromeda had been raised directly by the Black family and rarely ever showed this side of her, this side she considered her weaker side. Though she didn't sob tears of joy, just being able to see face to face with his favorite cousin again had been enough. It was so enough that even someone like him, a man with a withering and damaged soul from twelve years wrongfully in prison, could smile.
"Don't call me Andy you git," she told him, her broken voice muffled.
Sirius smiled. He'd almost forgotten she hated being called Andy even more than Tonks hated being called Nymphadora. "Sorry." Then came his apologies. In his entire family, he always saw Andromeda Tonks née Black as an older sister. His relationship with her was like Tonks' relationship with Alexis: cousins but closer than siblings. "Andromeda I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was so reckless. I'm sorry I gave up after they caught me. I'm sorry for making you believe that you're the only one left all these years."
"Don't be a fool Sirius. I never blamed you. I was only sad thinking I'd lost you to them, but now you're back, you're here and you're safe," Andromeda told him and slowly pulled away. She had forgotten that they were in a room full of people for a moment, and quickly regained her status. "Alastor Moody owled me earlier and requested my presence here. Ted would've come, but he was on a business trip to Italy. When I came, Alexis and Alastor told me everything." She cracked a teary smile that Tonks only remembered seeing once or twice. "Welcome back."
The room was quiet. Tonks watched as her mother continued looking at Sirius, taking in his every feature and how much he changed. She had a ghost of a smile on her face and soon her eyes finally pried themselves away from Sirius. She smiled politely and acknowledged all the others in the room, her Black family aristocratic hauteur lacking to Alexis' however.
"I'm sorry for running in like that," Andromeda apologized. "It's just…"
"We understand Andromeda," Sirius smiled and turned to Lexi, giving her a quiet 'thank you' concealed within a wink and smirk of his that she would understand.
"Sorry, I'm Andromeda Tonks, Nymphadora's mother."
Tonks then knew she had two options. Since Andromeda was over with the emotional reunion, knowing her mother, now came the punishment and further nagging. She could scream at her mother not to call her by that name, or swallow the desire to do so and hopefully sink back into the background just like Alexis was attempting to do, hoping that Andromeda was distracted by the others in the room and wouldn't yell at them. Tonks went with the latter.
"Remus Lupin, nice to meet you," Remus smiled politely, mustering as much energy as he can to make himself seem less weary like he'd just recovered from a brutal full moon. When Remus shook hands with Andromeda, for a fleeting moment his eyes met with hers and what he saw shouldn't have been a surprise to him. Andromeda's eyes and Tonks' eyes were identical, a deep, dark, lucid and clairvoyant green that spoke so much with no words at all. Nymphadora Tonks has her mother's eyes, Remus noted.
"Pleasure," Andromeda smiled. "I remember you. You're that quiet boy who always hangs around Sirius. Glad he still has one friend left."
After Remus came Silvia. The beautiful brunette woman simply smiled and said hello to Andromeda, having met the woman before being well acquainted with Tonks. "Evening Andromeda," she smiled pleasantly.
"I didn't expect there to be such a crowd. I thought it was only the two girls and Sirius."
Deciding to cease the chance, Tonks nudged Lexi discreetly, having snuck over to her cousin now. They both understood each other easily since they've gotten in trouble during school and with Andromeda so many times, they knew the cue. Tonks and Alexis were attempting to quietly slip out the door, unnoticed while Andromeda was busy talking with Silvia about something. Remus' eyes flickered to Tonks with amusement and she flashed him a very brilliant and childish grin. His eyes lit up, causing her heart to pound as well. And with her pounding heart, that caused her to mess up. Tonks' foot got caught on a chair and she suddenly fell back into a pile of parchment, chair, and Tonks.
"Nymphadora I haven't forgotten about you," Andromeda spoke sternly.
Tonks rolled her eyes and groaned. Alexis gave up the subtlety and ran for the door, but her run was stopped short by Andromeda's commanding voice. "Alexis Black, get back here!"
"Being away for so long, I forgot how scary Andromeda is." Tonks heard Sirius whisper.
"Mum we only skipped out on Christmas dinner because we were helping Sirius," Tonks began explaining quickly.
"And if we weren't there Peter Pettigrew would have escaped," Alexis added quickly.
"Stand up, will you Nymphadora?" Andromeda spoke, looking down at her daughter.
Tonks got up with both Remus' and Sirius' help, smiling gratefully to the kind man with gentle blue eyes while she scowled at her lanky cousin who had a smug little smirk on his face. It was probably amusing to him to hear Andromeda yell again, especially not at him.
"Mum I'm so sorry," Tonks continued to plea. "We're both really sorry."
"We didn't mean to miss it. We didn't forget, trust us," Alexis added.
Both girls turned to scowl at Sirius and Silvia who couldn't contain their laughter and small bits of hysteria came out in the forms of giggles and chuckles. It must have been a pretty amusing sight to see Nymphadora Tonks so controlled and scared and to see Alexis Black actually worried for once. Even Remus had a lopsided grin on his face and he couldn't even contain a chuckle. Tonks inwardly rolled her eyes and wanted to just fade away.
The next thing Andromeda did took them both by surprise. She suddenly hugged them, both girls, in a hug just as tight as Sirius. Tonks and Alexis turned to look at each other with bemused gazes. Where was the screaming, the yelling they had been bracing themselves for?
"Did you know how worried your father and I were?" Andromeda spoke. "And Alexis! I told you to remind yourself and Nymphadora to write me often! You're the older one. Nymphadora, you get yourself into so much trouble," she spoke quickly, worried for them. "You two disappear for months without showing up and you barely write. With your dangerous jobs, we couldn't help but worry. You two are so reckless."
"Mum…I'm sorry," Tonks spoke weakly, hugging her mother back.
"Sorry Andromeda," Alexis spoke as well though her arms were pinned at her side.
After a few moments, they finally pulled apart, got past the greetings and questions of how life had been, and settled themselves down on the many chairs that lined the classroom, sitting close to each other and talking. Tonks was rocking back and forth in her chair beside Remus with her mother right next to her giving her looks of warning for doing something so childish. Sirius sat across from her right between Alexis and Silvia who were both listening aptly to the seemingly endless conversation going on.
"Why do you think Mad-Eye called my mum here though?" Tonks asked the crowd.
"He needed to follow auror protocol and question me about Sirius since we're related after all and other than you two, I'm the only family he's got left. The others are dead, lost, or in Azkaban," Andromeda replied, placing a firm hand on Tonks' shoulder so she'd stop rocking.
Remus chuckled softly and Tonks shot him a faux death glare as he smiled at her.
"Mad-Eye was real good with this one. I just thought he wanted to be a nice person and have Sirius meet Andromeda to keep him sane," Alexis spoke as-a-matter-of-factly.
"It's Mad-Eye, there's always an ulterior motive to that paranoid old codger," Tonks sighed, knowing her mentor just as well as she knew Alexis and her mother.
"Well I don't care since he's helping me," Sirius voiced.
"Sirius, when is your trial?" Andromeda asked.
"In exactly one week, that's what Silvia told me," Sirius told her.
"We'll win this case. You're innocent." That was a statement, not a question.
At the end of the night, after everyone had left, again Tonks and Remus were left alone, sitting in the now empty D.A.D.A. classroom. Alexis had turned in early, typical of the bumbling Unspeakable. Andromeda and Sirius had retreated back to a room Minerva McGonagall showed them to on the third floor hallway as well where they will be staying for the time being. Silvia had returned to her sleeping area, and that left only Remus and Tonks. They sat together in comfortable silence for a while, Remus reading a very long textbook while Tonks sorted through his reports for him and rocked back and forth on her chair.
"Remus, sorry we intruded on your rest today. My mum stayed a little longer…"
"It's fine really," Remus cut her off before she could finish. He smiled. "I enjoyed being included in the conversation. I never knew your entire family is so alike."
Tonks smiled and rolled her eyes. "Everyone says that."
"No, I don't mean the Black family, I meant just you," he replied and she suddenly felt happy. He didn't link them to the other insane people of the Black family, and she was glad. Tonks could still remember when they first met and he did that. They'd definitely come a long way since then. "Sirius, Andromeda, you, and Alexis, are all a family of your own. And you're so much alike," he told her.
"Well Lexi and I did grow up with my parents and Sirius as our role model."
"You're mother is a great role model. Though I don't know about Sirius."
Tonks laughed, pushing him playfully for making fun of her cousin. "I never thought I'd say this but you're pretty mean to Sirius."
Remus smiled as well, pushing her playfully back though much, much lighter. "I only said one thing and it wasn't even a direct insult."
"Oh and I wonder how much meaner you could get with direct insults."
"I am not mean," he laughed with her, feeling so much younger, so less burdened.
"Yes Remus, yes you are. You are a mean Marauder," she continued teasing.
"Actually I was the nicest Marauder. All the girls in our year always said I'm the nicest bloke in the whole group," he grinned, setting his book down as he turned his body to face her.
"And all the girls in your year must be completely mental," she replied, sticking her tongue out at him as she continued rocking back and forth on her chair.
"They are not…well not all of them," he laughed. "You're going to fall Nymphadora."
"I'm only clumsy on my feet, not on chairs Remus," she retorted.
Tonks grinned at him and purposely rocked harder. Remus was laughing as well. The chair suddenly tipped and Tonks' eyes widened with surprise as she fell forward, landing on Remus and tipping his chair over as well with both their weight combined. Remus had his arms open to catch her, as if anticipating that something like that would happen to the clumsy and reckless auror. He took the beating of the fall as his back hit the ground flat, knocking the wind out of him for one moment. Tonks landed on top of him, her body pressed against his and they were in the exact same position they were from that night Rookwood nearly caught them in the dungeon. They were so close that Tonks could feel his soft breath graze her lips.
She opened her mouth and was about to apologize for him, apologize for knocking him over and knocking the wind out of him. But when Tonks' lips parted, no words came out. Remus' lips were parted slightly as well. He looked back at her with an unreadable expression in his gentle clairvoyant blue eyes. His arms were still around her waist while her body was pressed against his. They were lying on the ground, meeting eye to eye and their lips were mere inches apart. Tonks could feel her heartbeat soaring.
Remus' mind was screaming at him to get away, scolding him that it wasn't right. He was too old for her, too poor, and too dangerous. Those were his excuses. He wasn't worthy of her, that's what he thought. He couldn't allow another moment of weakness to come to him when he actually thought that the shabby werewolf professor would have a lasting romance with a colorful, full of life auror. He was a man with a withering and damaged soul after years under the curse of lycanthropy. She was a young woman with still so much to live for. Remus couldn't bear to hold her down.
But at that moment in time, his heart out-ruled his mind. His heart was beating fast, dancing like a jester who had fallen hopelessly in love and had to get out his mirth. Remus knew his heart was beating too fast to be healthy. His heart rate could be lethal. He felt his nerves acting up and suddenly it was as if he'd lost control of his body.
"Remus…" It was the only word Tonks could muster up from her mind to leave her lips.
"Dora…" Remus breathed, unable to say anything different.
Suddenly, they both saw nothing. Their hearts were flying with colors, swirling around them like a dancing patronus, and meeting together in between to become one. Their lips touched, grazed by gently at first, but then they both pushed for more intensity. Who started it they didn't know. All they knew was that they were kissing. Their lips met and they kissed with amour. They kissed fervently, passionately, and longingly. It was as if that kiss should have happened a long time ago. Kissing each other felt so right for that moment. They ignored their screaming brains, their scolding conscience, and their voice of reason that had just face-palmed itself. They simply listened to their foolish hearts. Their hearts were telling them to allow themselves to yearn the other person, and they listened. They closed their eyes and kissed with great fervor. Neither had felt anything remotely similar to the burning emotions they had inside.
Remus had never kissed someone like her before. He'd never kissed smiling lips, and her lips were parted, smiling when his met hers halfway. Her lips were warm and gentle and they had enough force in them to fight with him in intensity and passion. He could feel her arms creep up behind him, sending pleasant chills up his spine. Her hand got lost in his hair while the other was holding the side of his face. He could taste her aroma, her sweet and comforting aroma he had unknowingly fallen in love with as well. She smelled like lavender chamomile and her lips had a hint of butterbeer. There was also a warm and comforting scent of new parchment and fresh ink on her. All those scents made up her. All those emotions she gave him made him feel the one word he was afraid to feel for her, knowing he would burden her, curse her future, and hurt her. He felt love. It was then that he knew. No longer was it friendship, it was love.
Tonks had never kissed someone quite like him before. Her lips had met many in her long and winding quest for love, but when her lips met his, they suddenly fitted so perfectly. Kissing him, she felt as if all her previous heartbreaks had truly meant nothing. Kissing him, she felt as if the world did have a silver lining and everything would right itself in the end. His lips tasted like chocolate and firewhiskey. He'd been drinking, but when? She could feel his scent rise up her nose, a scent she'd unknowingly fallen in love with. He smelled like sweet chocolate and faint firewhiskey. There was a comforting aroma of old parchment and dried ink on him as well, a comforting, mature and homely feeling. She'd never kissed mature lips before, and his, though were slightly dry, fitted so well. It was then that she was entirely certain of her feelings for him. She'd been laboring under the delusion that it was just a minor crush for so long, but now she knew. No longer was it friendship, it was love.
Like the suddenness of how their kiss began, the end of their kiss came suddenly as well. Remus and Tonks' mind both returned to them and seized control: the logical mind over the foolish heart. They both pulled back, eyes wide but hazy as if drowning in the loving feeling of sweet amour. Their hair was disheveled, lips swollen, and chest drumming with an uneven rhythm. No words could come out and nothing else could be done. They'd kissed, and they were both afraid. Tonks looked at Remus and thought she'd moved too far, too fast with him. She thought she'd made him feel awkward. Never did it occur to her that since he'd kissed her back, he probably felt the same way, never. Remus looked at Tonks and not only did he think he'd misunderstood her feelings and took it too far, he was scolding at himself for being so weak. He knew being with her would burden her and he loved her too much to allow that. Yes, he admitted he loves her. But because he loves her that he couldn't allow her to be burdened by him.
Remus pushed himself off the ground as Tonks scrambled up to her feet. They both blushed intensely, looking at each other. "Um…" Remus began uncertainly. What should he say?
"I…uh…" Tonks began. She wondered what they'd done.
"Tonks…I…um…we…"
"Remus…um…good night," she spoke the last two words quickly and turned on her heels sprinting out of the room, her cheeks flushing with a shade of red she never knew she could morph in to. When she walked away from him, Tonks felt her heart yearning him. She was yearning for the man with the withering and damaged soul. She wanted more than ever to patch it up and make it smile whole again. She didn't know that Remus' heart was yearning for the young and colorful auror as well. He wanted more than ever than to hold her and protect her.
Love was an odd thing for them. It was a misunderstanding for them. Remus thinks that Tonks only wanted friendship. Tonks thinks that Remus only wanted friendship. They were too blind to see that the other felt the same love and emotions for them. And they were too blind to see that they were meant for each other.
Author's Note:
Hello! Thank you so much everyone for all the reviews last chapter. I got an ending planned ;D and also part of the plot for (I guess you can say) a sequel to 'Life Like This'.
Alright, so now I apologize for dragging out Remus and Tonks' love story so long...SPOILER It will be dragged out even longer. I'm sorry there's not enough fluff, we all love some Remus and Tonks fluffiness. But well, my impression is that since they meet and basically instantly fall in love, there has to be some windy development that led to a love that strong for them. To me it would seem more realistic, so that is my excuse for dragging it out so long. I apologize once again. But...at least they finally kissed right? xD
And so comes my wonders. See, I'm afraid I may have gone a little overboard explaining the emotions of the kiss. Um, please tell me if you can how it was, sorry and thank you.
Also, I finally had Andromeda Tonks make an appearance. There's literally very little of her in the actual book, so if she's slightly OOC I apologize.
Now ok, enough of me apologizing and making up lame excuses. Thanks for reading, reviewing, favoriting, alerting! They mean a lot to me! I hope you enjoy the story! ^_^