I do not own Naruto or any of the characters mentioned in this story. I do not receive any monetary profit from these stories, so please don't sue me!
"So who are we teaching today? I don't know."
"Hi Zetsu un!"
"Deidara? Seriously? I think I might just go kill myself."
"So Zetsu, Leader says you're going to teach me Physics un!"
"Physics? Does he seriously expect us to teach this blonde bimbo Physics?"
"Hey, I'm not a bimbo un! Besides, I already know a lot about Physics, un. Law of continuous motion, duh."
"I'm just going to ignore that. So, physics. Yeah, can't help you with that."
"What do you mean, you won't help me un!"
"I didn't say I wouldn't help you, I said I couldn't help you. We don't know physics."
"B-But I thought you knew everything un!"
"Nope. See ya." He turned away from Deidara. A few minutes later he looked back.
"Do not try doing those puppy dog eyes on me." No response.
"Deidara, stop." Deidara shook his head and tears sprang to his eyes.
"Fine! I'll teach you!"
"Yay! Thank you Zetsu un!" Deidara jumped on him and wrapped his arms around his neck.
"Deidara, get off me now. If you don't I'll eat you." Whimpering, Deidara quickly returned to his seat.
"Better. Now, since I don't know chemistry, we'll be learning history. No. We're learning geography. But- Geography. That is final. Fine! So, geography. There's five continents. Europe, Asia, Africa, America and Australia. You following me so far?"
"Un."
"Now, there's these things called seismic plates Wait, aren't they titonic plates? Seismic. Titonic. Seismic! Titonic! Seismic! Titonic! Seismic! Whatever! Either way there's plates under the earth's crust and when they move they make earthquakes!"
Deidara perked up.
"Did you say earthquakes, un?"
"Yes, earthquakes. Earthquakes are a natural disaster. Other natural disasters include hurricanes, tsunamis, floods, tornadoes, and volcanoes. Don't tell him that, idiot! You know how he gets about explosive stuff!"
"Volcanoes, they blow up, right un?"
"Um…not really, they erupt lava. Same thing to him. Shut up."
"So… geography is volcanoes, volcanoes explode, explosions are art, so geography is art, and I already know art so I can go now! See ya, un!" He ran off, and Zetsu heard him screaming: "Leader, Leader, wanna see what I learned?"
"I think now would be a good time to relocate somewhere far, far away."
There was a large explosion followed by screams of pure fury.
"Yeah, now sounds like a good time to leave. Agreed."
And with that, Zetsu ran out the base and wasn't seen again until a month or so later.