Leia awakened when the light from the window penetrated her eyelids. She was on her back and still wearing her regular clothes when she looked down and saw Han's head resting against her chest and his arm wrapped around her, still sound asleep. She wondered if this morning he'd tell her what he remembered, but before she could ask him, the door opened and three young children peered in.
"Well, good morning," she said quietly, but apparently not quietly enough to keep from waking Han up.
His head lifted and he wiped his eyes, taking a few seconds to become fully conscious and then his gaze fell on his children in the doorway. "Hey, guys, come on up here."
The three, young pajama-clad Solos came into the room and climbed up on their parents' bed. Han anxiously pulled each of them close and kissed their foreheads one at a time. "We're hungry, Dad," Jacen said.
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah, and when can we go to the beach?" Jaina asked.
"Why don't you guys go get dressed and we'll get some breakfast and then get ready to spend the day in the water, does that sound good?" Han said.
"Yeah!" they exclaimed before running off toward their own bedroom.
Leia wasn't quite sure what to say, if anything. Han got up off the bed and headed for the 'fresher, and she found herself speaking up. "Han?"
He turned to look at her as though absolutely nothing had happened the night before. "Yeah?"
She shook her head. "Just don't take too long so I can shower before we leave, all right?"
"No problem," he said before going into the 'fresher.
Han still held the necklace in his hand. He remembered seeing it dangling from his mother's neck when she tucked him in at night. He remembered looking up at her when she held his hand as they walked down the street. He could even remember the sweet, fruity smell of her hair when she would hug him.
He had spent years convincing himself that he had never had any real parents to speak of, not wanting to think that they had abandoned him and might still be out there somewhere. He had always told himself that they were dead and that he never had a moment of a normal childhood. Nor did he have any hope of anyone saving him from Shrike.
This suddenly reminded him that that wasn't true. It hadn't been long, but for the very early years of his existence, he had a mother and father who loved him and took care of him. He could see a few, brief glimpses of his father, but the memories were more vague and he got the sense that he worked or was away a lot. For all of the vivid images of his mother now flooding back to him, he couldn't even recall his father talking to him. He only remembered a dark-haired man with a beard and moustache who he could see from his childish vantage point hugging his mother.
She was beautiful and he knew he was hers when he recalled her eyes, the shape and color exactly like his own. His memories told him that she'd loved him dearly and he felt a pang of sadness that he hadn't had her with him growing up or even now. Did she know what he had become? Did she know he was happy and had given her grandchildren?
More than anything he felt immense guilt that he hadn't been able to save her. He pictured himself trying to pull her out the door with him. Her wounds didn't look fatal. If he'd been a little bit stronger and pulled a little bit harder maybe she would still be there with him now.
I'm so sorry…
Leaning down over the sink, he splashed some water on his face. There was no time to grieve right now. Knowing he had to pull himself together and enjoy this vacation with his family, he tried to put the images out of his mind as he stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower to get ready for the day.
Breakfast was a normal affair with the welcome distraction of the kids acting like they usually tended to. Their biggest problem at the moment was what they were going to choose to eat. Han still hadn't said anything and while he was acting somewhat normal, Leia could tell he was troubled.
His eyes remained intently on the kids, possibly to avoid making eye contact with his wife and inviting further inquiries. She hoped that maybe after a day of family fun he might be more ready to talk later.
Once the table was cleared and the bill had been paid the Solos went back to their suite to gather up their things and head to the beach.
The beach was on a vast ocean and had warm, soft sand that was almost pure white. This was one of the quieter locations on the water and there were a few other families and couples strewn about in the sand but each group had more than enough space to themselves. Han took Leia's hand as they walked toward the water with their children running ahead to find the perfect place to set up camp for the day.
"Is this okay, Dad?" Jacen asked as he picked an area of sand about thirty meters from the water that looked pretty much like every other patch of sand on the beach.
"Sure, Pal. Looks good to me."
The children threw down there toys and stripped off their overshirts excitedly before dashing toward the water.
"Wait! Sunscreen first! No swimming without one of us!" Leia shouted but the kids kept running either because they didn't hear or they had chosen to pretend they didn't. She heaved an exasperated sigh before she dropped her beach bag and chair in the sand, Han doing the same next to her.
"I'll go get 'em, sweetheart. Let's just let them get one short swim in before we slather them up in sunblock."
"All right, but don't take too long."
Han smiled, removed his shirt and threw it in the pile with the rest of their things before marching off to where his children were knee deep in the water. Leia watched Han as he approached them in his navy blue trunks, beginning by splashing them each playfully which they returned, then he'd pick one up and bring them out deeper into the water while the others would scream delightedly.
She cherished seeing these moments with her family. It sometimes reminded her of these sorts of moments when she was a child on one of the rare occasions she got a family vacation. Han so loved spending this carefree time with Jacen, Jaina and Anakin. Partly because she knew he had been robbed of experiencing any of this through their eyes.
Or had he? He hadn't said anything else about the necklace and she was immensely curious as to what he now remembered. At this point he was acting as though he didn't even remember anything that had happened the night before.
She decided it would be best if they all simply enjoyed the day and she moved to spread out chairs and towels and beach toys that would mark their territory for the better part of the day.
After the first round of swimming and the parents working together to ensure that every inch of their children's exposed skin was slathered in sunscreen, Han was lying on his back in the sun next to his wife. Jacen, Jaina and Anakin were within earshot closer to the water, working to build extravagant sandcastles. Leia was sitting in her beach chair next to Han under the shade of a large umbrella to protect her ivory skin from the harsh rays of the sun.
She wore a red two-piece bathing suit that showed off a body that looked as though it couldn't have possibly been responsible for bringing three children into the universe, let alone two at once. Han lay on his back, smoothing the material of his swimsuit that extended halfway down his thighs, luxuriating in the rejuvenating sun as a thin sheen of sweat covered his skin in the heat.
It was all a welcome distraction, being relaxed on the beach. If not just from the organized chaos that was their normal day-to-day lives, then from the memories that had suddenly begun coming back to him. A mother he'd forgotten existed suddenly became crystal clear in his mind. She hadn't abandoned him, she'd loved and cared for him and he'd been unable to save her in the end.
Leia had held him close, and he couldn't bring himself to tell her of the horrible images that were the last moments of his mother's life. She already had enough past heartache with her own terrible memories of her father's demise; he didn't need to burden her with this. While he couldn't tell her, he also couldn't do anything but bask in her comforting embrace until they'd both fallen asleep. All he wanted to do now was enjoy his time with his family. His children's smiles were immensely healing and he only wanted to make up for so much of what he never had.
At some point he had drifted off to sleep in the warm sand, but felt as though he could see the sun through his eyelids, so he opened his eyes. The sun was still warm overhead and he looked around to see if he could find out what kind of progress the kids had made on their sandcastles.
Instead, he looked down to find himself on his hands and knees, a pile of sand of his own in front of him. The hands that held up his upper body were small with short, stubby fingers and he felt a tremendous amount of sand chafing his skin inside his shorts.
"Han?"
He turned and looked up to see his mother, alive and well and smiling down at him. She wore a black one-piece bathing suit and a colorful covering flowing loosely off her lower body like a skirt. "Somebody is a big mess, huh?"
Han looked up and could feel himself smiling, somewhat proud of the fact that he had managed to cover himself in sand.
"Come on, sweetie, let's get you cleaned off."
Her hands grasped him under his arms and carried him off to the water, wading in until she was deep enough to dip him in and rinse the sand from his body. He could see the beach behind them as they went, similar to where he had brought Leia and the kids, but not quite the same. He giggled as his mother swayed his body in the water from side to side, making playful noises and smiling at him.
Once she decided he was clean enough she pulled him close once again and kissed his forehead. "I love you."
He looked at her. "I love you, too, Mommy."
His eyes snapped open and he looked to his left to see Leia next to him, staring absently at the datapad in front of her and occasionally looking ahead to where the children were. He glanced down in front of him toward the water where he saw the kids surrounded by practically a city of sandcastles while he had to fight to keep from reacting emotionally to the memory.
It was the kind of memory he supposed other people would look back on fondly. It only made him feel cheated for living the life he had rather than growing up like a normal kid. And again he felt the pain of not being able to keep that wonderful woman from harm.
He sat up on his elbows and reached up to silently take Leia's hand. She looked down at him and smiled and he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. "What's that for?" she asked, peeking out over the top of her round-rimmed sunglasses.
"Nothin'," he replied. "I'm just glad we're all here like this."
Smiling again, she replied, "Me, too."
He would never know what it was like to have a normal childhood, and while part of him wished he could go back and make it different, the other part of him realized that any other circumstances of his growing up likely would not have resulted in his being in that cantina to shuttle those passengers to that Death Star and rescue the princess who would eventually become his wife. The gods made up for things in strange ways. Still, he had to wonder why he couldn't have just had both.
Leia removed her sunglasses and moved to stand. "I'm going to go for a little swim. Interested?"
"I'll be down in a minute."
"What are you waiting for?"
"I just want to watch you walk away in that swimsuit," he replied with a wink.
"Well, don't be long," she said as she sauntered off toward the water, moving a bit slower and more deliberately than he suspected she otherwise would've had he not been paying attention.
The rest of the day was spent intermittently swimming and playing with the kids, getting them to sit still just long enough to eat a bit of lunch, building sandcastles and ensuring that the twins didn't bury their younger brother in the sand.
As Han piloted the speeder back to the resort, all four of his passengers fell asleep. Once they were back in their suite, the young Solos were quickly ushered to their 'fresher to avoid getting sand everywhere. After getting them cleaned up, Leia mentioned to Han that she was pretty sure that between the three of them, half of the beach sand had come home in the kids' swimsuits.
Sensing that the kids were probably too tired and restless to handle a sit-down meal, they decided to have dinner delivered to their suite. Jacen, Jaina and Anakin had had so much fun with their parents that day that they didn't want to go to sleep just yet, so they requested a holomovie. Han and Leia were more exhausted than the kids and told them they could watch a movie only if they got into their pajamas now and promised to go to bed right when it was over.
They decided to watch the holomovie in the master bedroom, Leia on one end of the bed with Jaina, Jacen, then Anakin and Han on the other. As he reclined comfortably in bed with the four most important people in his life, Han tried to remind himself that whatever had happened in his past, at the moment he considered himself to be the luckiest man in the galaxy.