Warning: This story deals with domestic violence and the struggles to recover from the abuse. If you have problems with this issue please don't read this.

Disclaimer: Ms Meyers owns Twilight and all its characters.

Big thanks to my Beta's Taloolah, dizzygirl28 and Beate73. You girls are awesome, I appreciate all the work you do for me, helping me make my stuff presentable. Love you guys.

Thanks to my prereader tjbaby101 for your input, you rock.

This fic will be updated weekly, unless something goes wrong lol... this first chapter is small, but following chapters will be larger.

A litte treat this week, Chapter 3 is a day early. Enjoy.

Okay on with the story.

Metting Jacob

EPOV

My nerves were getting the better of me as I lay waiting for Jacob to arrive. Jasper was on one side of the bed with his hand on my shoulder, and Alice was on the other side stroking my arm lovingly with one hand while her other held firmly onto mine. I took a deep breath through my nose, releasing it slowly out my mouth, and closed my eyes. Memories flooded back to me about the first time I'd met Sam.

My parents had passed away in a car accident when I was eighteen, more specifically, three days after my eighteenth birthday, leaving me with no family. The devastation I felt at losing my parents shattered my self-worth completely, leaving me easy prey for someone like him, like Sam.

The day I met him I was sitting in the park reading one of my mother's favorite books. They had been gone almost a year and my nineteenth birthday was approaching fast, causing me to sink into a slight depression; birthdays would never be the same for me. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. I came to the park every week at the same time, to the same place my father brought me when I was growing up, and sat at our favorite bench, reading. We may not have had a lot of money, but we made up for it in love.

Turning the page, I was interrupted by someone clearing their throat, causing me to glance up in their direction. Standing before me was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. His skin was a russet colour, and his eyes were almost as black as his silky hair. He was tall, maybe six foot five, and muscular. A slight sheen of sweat coated his bare arms and chest, and his shirt was tucked into the back pocket of his running shorts.

"Mind if I take a seat? I need a bit of a breather." His smile was perfection, his white teeth on full display. I was in awe.

"No, not at all. Please, sit. My name's Edward, by the way." I looked up at him shyly through my lashes, wondering if this God of a man was in fact gay.

"Hey, Ed, nice to meet ya, I'm Sam." He extended his hand to me and I took it, shaking it slightly and holding on just a little bit too long before I let it go.

From that day forth, Sam and I were together. I moved into his place six months later, and life was perfect. He was sweet, kind, funny and very romantic, always bringing me flowers or leaving me notes on the pillow if he had to leave for work before I woke. For the first year of our relationship, I truly felt like I had found the man I was suppose to spend the rest of my life with, and I loved him completely. My life was nothing without him.

Three weeks after our first anniversary, things changed. Sam came home drunk; he was so damn angry, and I tried to talk to him about what was going on. That was my first mistake because he beat me black and blue for the first time. Of course he apologized profusely for it and swore it would never happen again, but as I found out, that wasn't the case. Things returned to normal for about a month before it happened again. This time I did leave him, only to be sucked back in by promises of forever and Alcoholics Anonymous.

Jasper pulled me out of my thoughts, shaking my shoulders and whispering in my ear, "Shh, Edward, it's okay." I hadn't even realized I had been sobbing. I was so caught up in my memories that I could still feel the sting of Sam's belt across my back and the sound of his fist as it connected with my jaw. A shudder rocked through me as I took a much needed deep breath.

"I'm fine, Jasper, really, just bad memories. You would think I could deal with them by now; it's been five years already. How much more of my life do I have to sacrifice to this man?" I was angry, the venom spilling freely through my words. It was enough, five years was too much time, but no matter what I tried, I couldn't quite get the closure I needed. I was a functioning part of society. I laughed, I cried, I helped others move forward, but I couldn't quite reach the last hurdle myself.

Trust wasn't supposed to be something you had to work for, it was something that came automatically with friendship, family and love, and I understood that on a basic level, I just could never put it into practice. Trust was currency for me, you worked to earn it and you worked hard, it was never given freely and it was never given easily. Alice and Jasper were the only people I trusted completely, and I trusted them with my life. The Cullen's I loved very much. They were like family to me, but I could never get to that place where I was completely at ease. It was not something I was proud of, and I tried to hide it as best I could, but it was apparently clear for anyone who had ever witnessed me having a panic attack - only two people could touch me during that time, and only one could calm me completely.

As I stepped out of the taxi, wobbling slightly, the driver asked if I needed any help getting into the hospital. "No, I will be fine, thank you." Knowing full well I would be lucky to make it three steps, but there was no way in hell I would let someone help me. Just the thought of someone's hands on me had been enough to make my breathing quicken, causing me to wonder what happened to all the strength I had possessed twenty minutes before when I found the courage to walk out and never look back.

I waited for the taxi to pull away before I reached for my suitcase that was sitting on the pavement next to me. Bad idea. As soon as my body bent slightly, the pain coursed through me in protestation of the sudden movement, and my screams echoed through the air as I hit the pavement with a rather loud thud. I tried to crawl as best as I could to the hospital doors, leaving a trail of blood behind me and probably looking like something out of a horror movie when I heard a little voice squeak next to me.

"Oh my God, Jasper, come here. Quick." Before I knew what was happening, a tiny little person was kneeling in front of me, gently placing a small hand on top of mine. My first thought was that she was a child and she really shouldn't be seeing me like that.

"Are you okay? Oh shit, stupid question. Let me help you," the little voice said as she tried in vain to lift my weight. "Damn it, Jasper, I need your help over here; hurry up," she huffed out, impatience was clear in her voice.

"Holy fuck. What happened, Alice?" The male - who I assumed was Jasper - spoke, his voice heavy with authority.

"I don't know. I just found him here. It looks like someone hit him with a Mac truck over and over again. Jasper, we have to get him inside. Can you lift him? He is too heavy for me. I'm going to call my dad."

I saw large hands make their way for me, and my body naturally recoiled in fear. "Plleeaasee, don't...hurt...me." My throat felt like it was on fire; the words burned on the way out, and the terror was clear in my voice. This man was so tall, but as soon as his hand touched my shoulder gently, my whole body started to slowly relax. I started to feel drowsy then; everything hurt and I couldn't keep my eyes open. I felt the blackness take me again, and the last thought that drifted through my mind was, 'What is he doing to me?'

When I awoke I was tucked into a bed with monitors beeping around me in the room and a needle in my arm attached to a tube with liquids dripping from a bag above it. I was in a hospital, but I wasn't sure how I'd gotten there. Then I remembered- the little woman child, the safe man. Sam. Shit. I tried to crawl up the bed as my eyes opened wide, searching for any signs of him. If he found me, I knew I would be dead for sure. He made it quite clear that if I ever left him, he would, and I quote, "End you." I was property to him; no one was ever allowed to touch me or be anywhere near me without him present. Internally I begged, please don't let him find me, for the love of God, don't let him find me. I could feel the whole bed shaking with the force of my tremors, and then that peaceful, calm feeling washed over me again as I felt a hand press into my shoulder, squeezing gently.

"My name is Jasper, my girlfriend Alice and I were the ones that found you two days ago outside the hospital." I blinked at him, confusion probably clear on my face.

"Two days?"

"Yes, you have been unconscious for two days. Turns out you have four broken ribs, a black eye, broken nose, fractured wrist and many cuts and contusions all over your body. Plus you have scars and remnants of older injuries, clearly from suffering years of abuse. You can't be any older than twenty; do you want to tell me what's been going on?" I shook my head no, and tried to curl up under the covers to hide myself.

"How about a name at least, so we can contact someone for you." It was more a demand than anything else, but for some reason I wasn't afraid of him, just of who he might contact.

"My, um, I'm Edward, I'm twenty two, I have no one. My parents died a long time ago. Please, I don't have anyone." Sobs escaped my lips, and tears fell down relentlessly.

"Don't worry, Edward, I won't do anything you don't want me to do."

Over the next few weeks of my recovery Alice and Jasper visited me often, trying to convince me to talk about it. One day I finally cracked and told them all about Sam and how he beat me constantly. How the night they found me was the night I finally found the courage to walk out the door.

That's when I was introduced to Esme and started the long road to recovery. Alice insisted I move in with her until I found my feet and they slowly tried to put me back together.

It took me two years to move into my own place; Alice and Jasper spent more time at my place than they did their own. Each had a key to come and go as they pleased, but really it was more so they could keep an eye on me and be able to get to me fast if I had an attack.

There was a tentative knock at the door that brought me out of my reverie. My heart started to pound in my chest, and I squeezed Alice's hand tighter causing her to flinch. This was why I usually took Jasper's hand; he was stronger and could handle the added pressure of my anxiety.

"Are you ready, Edward?" He rubbed my shoulder in a comforting manner as he asked, worry etching his features.

"I think so." Jasper got up from his chair and started to move away from the bed, causing me to panic slightly. I reached out for his arm, pulling him back.

"Jasper, don't leave, please."

"I'm not leaving, Edward, I'm just going to let Jake in. Okay?" I sighed and released his arm, nodding my acquisition.

Jasper headed to the door and pulled it open slightly. I could just make out Jacob's face through the crack in the door. Jasper was talking to him in low whispers. I couldn't make out the words, but Jake nodded his head and sighed before a small smile appeared on his face and Jasper let him into the room.

I knew I had to get out what I needed to say before my panic took over; being so close to Jake was uncomfortable to say the least. He was so much bigger up close. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath and keeping them shut as I spoke, hoping it would help me focus.

"Jake, I appreciate you coming. I just wanted to say, please don't do anything to Sam." I winced as I said his name, which caused a low growl to emanate through the room. I had no idea who made the noise, but it was enough to make my eyes snap open. Instinctively my body backed its way up the bed, pushing itself further into the mattress as I pulled the blankets tightly to my body.

"Damn it, Jake! Control yourself! What did I just say to you?" Jasper whispered, but his aggravation made his voice carry to my ears.

"Sorry, it was involuntary, it won't happen again," Jake whispered back. I wanted to let them know I could hear them, but I needed time to collect myself. I had to finish what I started to say.

"I don't want him to know where I am, if he finds me..." I cut off that line of thought, it would only induce more stress and my mind wasn't capable of dealing with anything else right now. "Just leave it be, please." I let out a haggard breath and lifted my eyes to look at Jacob. My breath caught and my eyes dropped back down to the bedding. He was so alike, yet so unlike Sam. His eyes were a softer, rich brown, and his face looked kind, but worried, compassion shining through. In a word, he was breathtaking. A private war went off in my head as I contemplated what that meant. Why was I noticing these things? I pushed those thoughts away; I couldn't deal with them right now.

I felt an unfamiliar, but warming presence close to me; half of me was completely unnerved by it, but the other half welcomed it. "I won't do anything you don't want me to do, Edward." His voice was smooth, calming; I could hear the truth behind his words. Truth was something I could pick up on easily these days. I had worked hard to be able to decipher tones and facial expressions; it was another one of my defenses.

Steeling myself, I lifted my head to look him in the eyes, my inner voice constantly reminding me that I was safe, he wouldn't harm me, he wasn't his cousin. My eyes met his again and this time I held my gaze, knowing full well I couldn't hide the fear in my eyes, but proving to myself I was stronger than this. I had worked too hard to let this set me back, I could do this.

"Thank you." I smiled slightly as I whispered my response, causing his face to break out into a beautiful smile of his own. It was nothing like his cousin's; it transformed his face into something almost angelic like. He was magnificent and that's when my body started to react. I was actually getting hard. The shock must have registered on my face, causing both Jasper and Jake to look at me with a similar expression, each quirking an eyebrow at me. Panic tore through me; I had not had a reaction like that to anyone in five years. Sure I found men attractive, but no one had ever caused that to happen. What the hell was going on? I needed to talk to Jasper alone and quickly.

"I...ah...could...um..." God damn it, I couldn't speak properly, this can't be happening, not to me, not now, not with him. "Jasper," I whispered, looking at him in the eyes trying to convey my need to speak to him alone. He got the hint and moved in front of Jake and leaned over me so I could whisper in his ear.

"Jasper, I need Jake to leave now please. I have to talk to you alone." My whole body was shaking excessively, but it wasn't fear, it was excitement. Confusion coursed through me as my body and mind tried to come to some sort of understanding. This couldn't happen.

Jasper stood, nodded his head and pulled Jacob towards the door. "I'm sorry," I squeaked out before I could stop myself. Why was I apologizing to him, I couldn't understand what was going on, I was in uncharted territory, my own body betraying me. It hadn't done that since... No, that memory is not coming anywhere near me today, I can't deal with that too.

Jasper was back at my side, and he motioned to Alice, silently asking if I wanted her to leave too. I shook my head no. I needed both of them, they were my sanity, my safety, and with the way I was feeling, I would need both of them to help me through this one.

I cleared my throat and sat up, pushing the covers away from me, looking down at my lap. I needed to see what I was feeling. Don't ask me why, but the visual proof was important to me. Alice and Jasper both followed my line of sight, much to my embarrassment, and I felt my face heat up as I heard them both take sharp intakes of air. Alice, who was silent throughout the whole Jacob visit, spoke up first.

"Edward, we have talked about this before, you haven't been able to..." She cut herself off looking unsure, then continued. "I...um, you said...oh boy, Jacob?" She was just as confused and flustered as I was which caused me to chuckle and lighten the mood considerably. Alice and Jasper joined in as I shook my head in disbelief.

"Just my luck, right? The first man to turn me on and it's his cousin." A dark chuckle left me as I ran my hands through my hair and tugged desperately. "Why is this happening? My God Jasper, Alice; I don't understand it, my mind is all sorts of terrified of that man, but my body, well you could see for yourself what it thinks. I am going to need so much therapy to get over this one." I laughed again, mainly at myself, my own stupidity. "Only I could finally find a man that makes my body react, and it's a man I could never be with."

"Why not? Why can't you give him a chance?" I looked at Alice, dumbfounded that she could ask such a question. I turned my head to look at Jasper, and he had the same questioning look on his face as Alice.

"Why? You are seriously asking me why I could never be with the man that is his cousin? Why I could never be with someone that would be a constant reminder of what I went through; of the hell I suffered, the beatings, the forced sex, the total disregard for my well being?" My voice rose with every word, I was becoming hysterical and I knew it. The door burst open and Jacob walked back in. I inhaled sharply, looking into his eyes which held a look of mortification.

"I guess he didn't know everything," Jasper sighed, and it clicked with me that he had heard my outburst. He must have been standing right outside the door. I was equally angry and embarrassed at the fact that he now knew his cousin had forced me into sexual acts. I had only spoken to Alice, Jasper and Esme about that part of the abuse; it was a part I kept locked up tightly.

"He did what?" Jacob's tone was quiet, gentle, though his face and body betrayed his anger as his hands clenched tightly at his sides and his large frame shook slightly. Even though I knew it wasn't directed at me, it was still terrifying.

"No, you can't be here, you can't, not now, not after... No." I shook my head back and forth wildly, my breathing became raspy, but I wouldn't give in, not now, I was stronger than this. My eyes slammed shut as I concentrated on breathing, I felt a presence close to me and a jolt ran through my system, causing my body to relax and my breathing to even out. That was new, Jasper could always calm me, but he had never sent a current through my system before. Whatever he did I was grateful for, and a small, satisfied smile came to my lips. I breathed out a sigh of relief and opened my eyes, turning to face Jasper.

Who I saw standing next to me caused panic to flood through me, overriding all the good feelings from moments before, and I swiftly scooted as far away from him as possible, fear evident in my eyes.

"Too close, too close. No. Please, too close," I muttered, closing my eyes and wishing I was anywhere else but here.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you, please forgive me." His voice was laced with sorrow as he took a few steps back.

"Jasper, please, just make him go, I can't, not now." My voice was shaking, too many emotions running through me, fear, anger, pain and the most unusual one of all, lust. I needed to work this out, I needed... Fuck, I didn't know what I needed at this point, but I couldn't form a coherent thought with his close proximity.

"Come on Jake, I think he has had enough for one day." Jasper's voice was soft, but firm as he clapped Jake on the back and led him out of the room. I breathed a sigh of relief when the door opened, only to be taken aback when he turned to face me again.

"I'm sorry, Edward," was all he said before he left the room and I could have sworn I saw a tear roll down his cheek. That tugged at my heart strings, and again I couldn't understand any of these feelings. Before I could prevent it, words fled from my lips.

"Maybe next time will be easier?" I was just as surprised as he was that I had mentioned a next time, these emotions where getting out of hand and I really needed him gone so I could think clearly. He smiled a small smile and nodded before he closed the door behind him.

I needed to see Esme and I needed to see her soon.

I heard Jasper's soft whispers out in the hall as Alice grabbed my hand and started to trace soothing circles in my palm. I felt myself relax under her touch and I sighed deeply, repositioning myself on the bed and laying my head down on the pillow. My eyes closed as all these mixed emotions swirled around in my head. 'Too much,' was the only thought that was a constant. My mind just wanted to shut down as the current of his closeness still permeated through my body.

"Edward, are you okay buddy." I felt Jasper's hand lay on my shoulder, as his familiar brand of calmness ran through me.

"I'm not sure, Jasper, I just...I don't know. I'm going to make an appointment with Esme for tomorrow; I need her to help me sort through this." Jasper nodded his head in agreement.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I snorted.

"What are you apologizing for, Jasper? You did everything I asked you to do. If it wasn't for you and Alice… God." I shook my head, still upset with myself that I needed them near me to feel safe around someone like Jacob, who obviously didn't have a mean bone in his body. Hell, I could face most things alone. I was strong, a survivor, I even had Reba McEntire's song 'I'm a Survivor' as my theme. Yes, I knew I was not a single mom that worked too hard, but the undercurrent of the song had meaning for me, I had survived a lot. I couldn't think anymore, I needed to stop it all. Too Much.

I turned to Alice. "So what games did you bring to occupy my brain today?" Alice's face lit up as she reached for the bag she had with her and pulled out a deck of cards and a few board games. We settled on Scrabble, I was the king of Scrabble, and if anything was going to shut my damn brain up, it was that.

"Thanks, Alice, Jasper," I whispered as Alice set up the game.

"Anytime," they said in unison and both squeezed a hand each.

We settled in for a long and loud game of Scrabble as I let the conversation and the game distracted me from what I needed to face.