Warning: This story deals with domestic violence and the struggles to recover. If you have problems with this issue please don't read this.

Disclaimer: Ms Meyers owns Twilight and all its characters.

Big thanks to my Beta's Taloolah, dizzygirl28 and Beate73. You girls are awesome, I appreciate all the work you do for me, helping me make my stuff presentable. Love you guys.

Thanks to my prereader tjbaby101 for your input, you rock.

This is a few days late, and until the holidays are over it might be late again :D Sorry about that, any enjoy Jacob's point of view

Okay on with the story.

Realisations

Jacobs POV

Looking at the single tear that rolled down his cheek broke my heart. He asked me what I was doing to him, but what he should have been asking was what he was doing to me. The way I felt about him cut me deep to the bone. I knew I could so easily fall in love with him, if I hadn't already. He was so broken, and it was my family that did that to him. I wanted to break Sam in half and leave him for the wolves. Asshole. I would have too, if Edward hadn't begged me not to the first time I officially met him.

I was nervous as hell as I made my way to his hospital room, my palms were sweating. The phone call from Jasper had reached me as I was about to knock on Sam's door and break his fucking neck. All the things he had done to Edward. Jasper had talked about Edward for years; it first started after I had seen Edward walking out of Esme's office.

We were there after taking a victim in to see Esme to get her some much needed help; her ex had beaten her repeatedly and she had put up with it for years, but she just recently found out she was pregnant. Her motherly instincts kicked into high gear and she was out of there. It always bothered me that she thought so little of her own life, but I had been glad none the less that she would do anything to protect her child even before it was born.

I looked up as the receptionist, Tanya I think her name was, greeted the most beautiful man I had ever seen as he made his way out of Esme's office. He had the most amazing hair; it was a beautiful bronze colour, very unusual. His body was slim, though I couldn't tell what his physique was like as he was hidden under baggy clothes, and his skin was pale, almost translucent. He had bruises coating his face, and he was walking with a slight limp that wouldn't be noticeable to anyone who wasn't paying close attention. He was breathtaking.

He looked up when his name was called, and I was struck with the greenest eyes I had ever seen, they were stunning. As soon as his eyes hit my face his whole body shuddered and he dropped his eyes, running out of that place with Jasper chasing after him, calling his name.

I was momentarily stunned by the look on his face. He'd looked at me like he was terrified and I had no idea why. I could only guess that he had been through something very bad.

Over the years, Jasper had told me about Edward's abusive ex boyfriend and the way they had found him outside the hospital, how Edward had begged Jasper not to hurt him as he lay beaten and broken on the ground, surrounded by blood. The way Jasper described it was similar to how you would think of someone who had gone through a war and barely survived the fight.

The more Jasper told me about Edward, the more I wanted to meet him, to walk by his side and protect him. I found out through Jasper that Edward was kind, gentle, loving and very loyal. He couldn't say enough nice things about Edward and over time I found myself wanting more than just hearing about him second hand.

The day Alice called me and said Edward had agreed to go out with me I was beyond ecstatic, and I asked Jasper for advice on where to take him and what his favorite foods were. I had decided to take him somewhere public instead of cooking for him at my place, to make him more comfortable.

When the phone call from Jasper came telling me the date was cancelled I was gutted, but knew that something was wrong by the sound of Jasper's voice down the phone line. I could read him like a book; his voice pattern was off, sounding strained and tight. When he called me back and told me that Edward had no idea the date was with me and finding out apparently had caused him to have a major panic attack which put him in the hospital, I was irate to say the least. Sam, that little fucker was the one that had damaged Edward to such an extent that he hadn't been able to form a romantic relationship and was terrified to be anywhere near me.

I knocked tentatively on the hospital room door and waited. I could hear soft voices being spoken, but couldn't make out the words until I heard a, "Jasper don't leave please," and my heart ached just a little more. He was so broken and seeing me would only cause him more pain, but I couldn't help myself, I had to be near him, try to help him anyway I could.

Jasper pulled the door open and blocked the entrance with his body, stopping me from entering. He leaned down and told me to watch my temper, not to raise my voice and remain calm no matter what I heard. I nodded my acquisition, and Jasper led me into the room.

Edward thanked me for coming and, in an almost begging voice, asked me to leave Sam alone. I wanted to scream and punch something when just saying his name caused Edward to wince. I growled a little too loud, causing Edward to back away from me and try to hide behind his blankets. I wanted to kick myself for being so stupid. Jasper told me to control myself and I apologized for my slip.

Edward seemed to steel himself before he continued and explained that he was afraid that Sam would find him if anybody did anything to him. He was terrified of my cousin getting his hands on him again and I wondered, in that moment, just how bad it was. I mean, I knew it was bad, almost as bad as it could get, but there was something I was missing, something about the look in his eyes when he raised them up to hold my gaze, but just couldn't.

My voice was coated with concern, and I put as much truth into my words as I could muster, willing him to believe me as I told him I would never do anything he didn't want me to. He raised his head to look me in the eyes and I could see the amount of determination swirling in them, mixed with the intense fear as he held my gaze and thanked me.

Suddenly, his facial expression changed and something akin to shock covered his features as he mumbled out his need to speak to Jasper. I was led from the room and exhaled sharply as I leaned against the door. That was a lot harder than I thought it would be. It took every bit of my self control not to wrap him up in my arms and carry him away to safety, especially when he apologized to me.

Voices began to rise from the room. Edward's, specifically, was getting louder and louder. He was getting angry by the sound of it, and what I heard next caused my heart to stop. That fucker not only beat him senseless over and over again, he had fucking raped him. Edward's voice saying the words 'forced sex' echoed through my mind, and without conscious thought, I pushed the door open and walked back into the room.

I heard Jasper softly whisper, "I guess he didn't know everything," in a resigned voice as I spoke up.

"He did what?" I tried to control myself, keeping my voice soft and gentle, but my hands where curling and unfurling repeatedly to keep myself from ripping someone's head off. I could feel the tremors rock through me, I was furious. How could he do that to someone so sweet, so innocent?

He started whipping his head back and forth, his voice strained as he told me I couldn't be there and he slammed those beautiful green eyes shut. Instinctively, I moved closer to him, craving his presence and wanting to comfort him. My hand reached out of its own accord, wanting contact, but Jasper's hiss brought me back to the reality of the situation. I dropped my hand to my side just as Edward opened his eyes with a small smile on his lips.

As soon as his eyes locked with mine, he scooted himself so far up the bed I was afraid he was going to fall out of it, panic clear on his face. The words, "Too close," slipped from his rosy lips as his eyes closed again.

I apologized and took a step back, but I'm not even sure he heard me, as he pleaded with Jasper to get me out of the room. Jasper told me Edward had had enough for one day and led me to the door. My shoulders slumped as I let him herd me out. A single tear slipped down my cheek before I could stop it, but as I made my way across the threshold of the room, Edward's voice echoed in my ears, "Maybe next time will be easier." My heart swelled hearing those words, giving me hope that maybe, just maybe, he would let me into his life. I felt a small smile tug at my lips as I exited.

Jasper told me not to get my hopes up, but he was encouraged that maybe we could be friends. Would that be enough for me? I didn't know, but I would sure as hell try.

Edward made his way back from the bathroom just as we settled down in the living room with the game all set up and ready to go. I was pretty good at Scrabble, so I was excited about playing it. Oh, who was I kidding? I was just excited to be in Edward's presence.

"Should we play teams, or everyone for themselves?" Alice asked as she reentered the room with beer and chips.

"I don't mind, I plan on winning either way." I said with a cocky grin on my face.

"Oh Jake, you have never played Edward before, the guy is a genius. Don't count on beating him." Jasper chuckled.

I turned to look at Edward who was looking at Jasper with the biggest smile I had ever seen on his face. "Is that so? I guess we shall have to play an 'everyone for themselves' game to see just who the Scrabble champ around here really is, then."

Edward turned to face me, his smile turning from a full out grin to more of a coy looking twitch on his lips. "Okay Jake," he whispered out, sending a shock wave straight to my dick. Fuck he was beautiful, and he didn't have any idea what he was doing to me, looking up at me like that through his thick lashes.

A vision of him writhing underneath me as I plunged gently into him filled my mind, and I had to shake my head to clear that thought. I'm sure my eyes glazed over, and I realized I was staring at him with my mouth hanging open. I snapped it shut as Jasper laughed at me. Bastard.

Clearing my throat, I concentrated on picking up my pieces and not looking at Edward. Jasper nudged me under the coffee table we were all sitting around and I glanced up at him to see a shit eating grin on his face. Again. Bastard.

I stuck my tongue out at him like a petulant child and focused again on my letters. Edward and Alice both chuckled at my display of infancy and I vowed to be a baby as much as possible if it got Edward to make that glorious sound more often.

I lifted my head and smiled at Edward. "Okay, let's get this show on the road," I said, rubbing my hands together.

We spent the next few hours playing Scrabble and arguing amongst each other over words, checking dictionaries and being right fools. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had so much fun.

Edward relaxed more and more as the night went on, laughing and being playful with Alice and Jasper. It was a beautiful sight. Although he was still reserved around me, every now and then it would seem he would forget about everything and turn to me with a big smile on his face and his eyes dancing with joy before realization would dawn on him, and he would lower his eyes again, a small frown playing on his lips.

God, those lips, so plump and rosy, just begging to be kissed.

He did eventually end up beating me by two points. Two wonderful points that I wouldn't change for the world because those two points were the reason he touched me.

"Well, looks like Edward got the best of you after all," Jasper remarked with a cocky grin on his lips and an 'I told you so' expression on his face. I couldn't argue, Edward was brilliant.

"Looks like he did indeed," I answered with a pout on my lips. Edward chuckled at my expression and placed his hand on my shoulder causing a jolt to run up my arm and through my body.

"Better luck next time, you gave me a run for my money," he said before he realized he was touching me and dropped his hand quickly before excusing himself. "Bathroom," he whispered out as he hurried from the room.

Even though it saddened me that he dropped his hand and escaped rather quickly, I was encouraged that he had reached out and touched me without thought. Not only that, but he had been slowly communicating more and more with me as the night went on.

I took the opportunity to ask Jasper how he thought the night was going and if I was doing anything wrong.

"You're doing great. I didn't think tonight would go so well, but even after a few mishaps along the way, he seems to be getting more comfortable in your presence. Just remember, Jake, he needs time to adjust, so don't expect miracles," Jasper sighed out of contentment before he continued, "It really is looking good, Jake. I have never seen him laugh so much around anyone but me and Alice. Sure he laughs and has fun, but he just seems to light up around you, I can't explain it. He doesn't even realize he is doing it himself." He shook his head as if he was contemplating something.

"Jasper is right, Jake, it really is unexpected. What happened earlier, well we expected that and kind of thought the night might end there, but he pushed through. We gave you a few minutes alone earlier to see how he would cope, but Jasper saw him start to get agitated so we came back in," Alice added.

"You really know how to read him well, don't you, Jasper?" I really wished I could read him that well, but who knew what would happen in the future, maybe I would get that chance.

"After five years, Jake, I can read him as well as he can read me. We have no secrets from each other, it's impossible. He reads me better than Alice most of the time," he chuckled as Alice punched him playfully in the arm before snorting.

"It's true, I can't argue. I would be jealous as hell if Edward was attracted to Jasper," she laughed at Jasper's look of shock.

"How can he not be attracted to this?" Jasper said waving his arms over his body. Edward chose that moment to walk back into the room.

"You are just so scrawny looking, Jazz, you need to be more like Jacob to get my attention." He slapped his hand over his mouth and dropped his eyes to the floor. My heart swelled at the thought that he found me attractive.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to..." He was fidgeting with his hands, looking everywhere but at me as he continued, "I think I drank too much, Jasper." His admission caused Alice to giggle.

"Well, you know what they say, Edward, the truth comes out when we drink. Besides, he is a good looking man; if I didn't have Jazz I would make a run at him myself." That caused me to laugh and Jasper to shake his head.

"Just great, everyone wants a piece of Jake," he chuckled out.

"Well you have nothing to worry about from this end J," I laughed out.

Alice made a humph noise. "Why not, what's wrong with this package?" It was her turn at act hurt.

"Well baby girl, that fact that you are indeed a girl is what hinders you. J would have more chance with me than you," I laughed and Jasper and Alice joined in. Edward eventually laughed along with us.

"Well good luck for me that I have Jasper, then." She clutched onto his arm and planted a soft kiss on his cheek, causing him to smile down at her, the admiration clear in his eyes. It caused a pang in my heart that they could be so open with each other. I wanted to be sitting there with Edward as he said that to me with a kiss to my cheek.

Turning my head to look at Edward, I saw a look of longing in his eyes as he watched Jasper and Alice interact. He must be so lonely; Jasper said he hadn't been with anyone since Sam.

"Okay, who's up for another game?" Alice asked as she released Jasper from her grip.

"I'm getting tired and obviously had way too much to drink, so I'm gonna head out. Especially if you want me to make that movie tomorrow night," Edward said as he made his way to get up.

"I guess I should be going too," I said, following Edward's move to rise.

"Oh Jake, would you like to come to the movies with us tomorrow night? That's okay with you, right Edward?" Alice said as she walked us to the door.

Edward looked nervous, not just about the question, but about me walking next to him towards the exit. His hands shook slightly, like he was fighting really hard to stop himself from reacting. I really couldn't believe how strong he really was, I just wish he could see it himself.

"Um, sure. That would be okay, I guess," he said keeping his eyes low to avoided meeting mine.

"Sure, I'll go, but if you change your mind about me being there, Edward, just tell Jasper to give me a call. Don't worry, I will understand if you do decide to change your mind." I smiled at him reassuringly as my hand reached for the door.

He nodded his head slightly and pulled his eyes up to reach mine. The green shimmered in the dim light, pulling me in, and I had to consciously stop myself from wrapping my arms around him and pulling him to me.

"You can wait till I'm gone before you leave, Edward, if that would make you more comfortable?" He seemed to debate with himself for a minute before answering.

"No, it's okay, Jacob, I really don't mind." His voice radiated strength, but his eyes openly displayed the fear hidden behind the words. I nodded my affirmation and said my goodbyes to Jasper and Alice, telling them I would see them the next day, unless plans changed. Edward hugged Jasper and kissed Alice goodbye and followed me out the door to the elevator.

"Are you heading up or down?" I asked Edward as I reached out to press the button for the lift to come.

"Down, just one floor," he replied in a whisper, eyes studying the ground intently.

Edward was a strong man, his strength radiated off of him, but around me, he was lost. Fear was his main emotion and I couldn't help but feel the anger that coursed through me every time I thought about why he feared me. Sam. If it wasn't for my promise to Edward, I would have beaten that asshole half to death by now.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. I shook my head and held my arm out in an invitation for Edward to go first, but he shook his head. Confusion clouded me before I caught on; of course he wouldn't want me behind him, that would make him uncomfortable.

"Sorry, wasn't thinking. Seems to be a habit I have around you." I smiled slightly and walked into the elevator, making sure I stood as close to the corner of the walls as possible. Edward followed after me, taking his place on the other side before looking up at me with a smile of his own, his eye's showing me he appreciated my efforts.

I reached out to push the button for the next floor down and waited for the doors to close.

"Would you like me to walk you to your door?" I asked, sure he would say no, but wanting to be polite.

"That won't be nec..." Was all he got out before the elevator made a whirling noise and started to fall, fast. My hands reached out automatically for Edward, and my arms snaked around his waist pulling him close to me, trying to protect him. The sudden stop of the lift made me drop to the ground, bringing Edward with me. His eyes were darting around the enclosed space, his heart pounding so hard I could hear its rapid rhythm from his position in my lap.

Before I could even comprehend what had happened, Edward was out of my arms and on the other side of the small area, back against the wall, knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around them. His eyes were clamped shut and he was breathing out in heavy pants.

"Edward, are you okay?" His eyes darted to mine, fear clear in them, and it was in that moment that I realized that the elevator breaking down had nothing to do with his terror. It was me, being alone with me in a small space, stuck.

I could feel his determination course through the small space, it was that palpable. He was trying so hard to collect himself and swallow the fear that was trying to consume him.

"Give...me...a...minute...please," he panted out before going back to concentrating on his breathing techniques. I didn't think he was aware that he was speaking out loud, but as the words reached my ears, my heart broke even more for this beautiful man.

"Breathe, Edward, just breathe. You're safe, Jake won't hurt you, it's not Sam. Sam is not here, he can't touch you, he can't find you. Breathe, Edward, just breathe." As the mumbled whispers left his mouth, his breathing started to even out and a small, almost satisfied looking smile took its place on his lips.

His beautiful green eyes opened and focused on me. The fear that had clearly been there before was slightly dulled and he looked very pleased with himself. He stood and dusted off his pants before his hand reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He checked for a signal and smiled again, scrolling though names before hitting the call button.

"Jasper, Jake and I are stuck in the elevator," he stated, his voice calm.

Pause.

"I don't know what the fuck happened, Jazz, can you just call someone? Do something to get us out of here," he huffed out.

Pause.

"I'm fine, Jazz."

Pause.

"No, Jazz, I will be fine, just..." His eye's cut to me for a second before he focused back on the wall. "Just hurry up please."

Pause.

"No, Jasper, I don't need you to stay on the phone with me. I will call you back if I need you, just get someone to get us out. Please."

Pause.

"Okay, bye, Jazz." He flipped his phone shut and turned to me.

"Jasper is getting someone to come help us." He shifted his feet uncomfortably and then took his seat back on the ground. This time he stretched his legs out in front of him, crossing them at the ankle, his hands placed in his lap.

I sat down across from him, mimicking his position, and cleared my throat. "So, what shall we do to pass the time?" I asked, wanting him to be the one to decide how we got through this.

"I suppose we could, um...talk, I guess?" He replied, eyes never leaving his hands.

"Sure, ask me what ever ya want," I smiled and chuckled slightly at the look on his face. His eyes were wide, shock evident, his mouth slightly ajar. He quickly rearranged his expression.

"Are you sure?" He was clearly hesitant, but his curiosity was clear in his eyes. I nodded, and he took a deep breath before releasing it and starting.

"How old are you?"

"I'm thirty one, Edward," I replied.

"Do you always want to be a co..." He broke off and corrected himself, "police officer."

"Yes, ever since I was a little boy. I always loved to help people. The best way I knew to help them was to be a fire fighter or a cop." I used the word he was afraid to use and chuckled. "Since I'm a bit of a wuss when it comes to fire, I went the police route." He chuckled at that and mumbled something about how he couldn't see me being afraid of anything.

If only he knew the fear I felt for him. I thought, holding in a dark chuckle that wanted to leave me.

We talked about me for the next hour. He was asking me everything from my favorite color to the most difficult case I have worked on to date. It was like he was trying to peek into my very soul as he took in all my answers. He had slowly relaxed as time went by, and it warmed my heart that I could make him feel so comfortable, considering my appearance.

What I didn't expect was his next question, and I was stunned speechless for a few seconds.

"Do you know where Sam is now?" His voice was soft, so soft I almost missed the question all together. His eyes were darting around the elevator, hands shaking quite violently.

I took a deep breath to clear the anger that coursed through me, but then it was overridden as a peaceful feeling replaced it. Edward trusted me enough to ask me this question. He was comfortable enough to find out, from me, when he could so clearly have asked Jasper.

"He has been out of the country for the last five years; he left two days after Jasper found you. He came back three weeks ago, talking about making changes in his life." I didn't add the part about how he was talking about finding Edward and getting him back. I heard from my Aunt that Sam was determined to get the man he loved back. Just the thought made me shudder. There was no way in hell I would ever let that happen, not now, not ever.

A look of relief crossed over Edwards features when I said Sam had left the country, but when I told him that Sam was back, fear replaced his relief and he dragged his knees back up to his chest, wrapping his arms around himself, burying his head in his knees.

"Edward, he won't find you. I won't let him anywhere near you ever again." His head shot up, and his eyes were wet with unshed tears. He shook his head at me.

"If he finds me, I won't survive it, Jake." In that instance, he was so open, vulnerable. He looked like a teenager, trapped in a man's body, and it was in that moment that I realized that was exactly what he was.

He met Sam when he was barely nineteen, after the tragic loss of his parents. He was still trying to find himself, become the man he was meant to become. Instead he spent his time trying to survive and live through another day. Physically he was a twenty-seven year old man, but his mind was still trying to catch up. I got to my feet and walked over to him, reaching my hands down to take hold of his.

He let me take his hands and pull him to his feet, and I embraced him in a gentle hug. His flinching was evident, and the shaking that ripped through his body as my arms wrapped around him caused my body to shake in response. What surprised me the most was when he slowly wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my chest, releasing a deep shaky breath.

At that moment, the elevator came to life, causing us to rock slightly. As the movement stopped, we pulled away from each other. His face was so close to mine, his lips right there, and I leaned in without thought.

Right when my lips were about to touch his, the doors opened.