Warning: This story deals with domestic violence and the struggles to recover. If you have problems with this issue please don't read this.

Disclaimer: Ms Meyers owns Twilight and all its characters.

Big thanks to my Beta's Taloolah, dizzygirl28 and Beate73. You girls are awesome, I appreciate all the work you do for me, helping me make my stuff presentable. Love you guys.

Thanks to my prereader's VanPireNZ and tjbaby101 for your input, you rock.

Okay on with the story.

Bedtime bonding and sleepy mishaps

EPOV

I was struck frozen when Jacob burst into the room, his eyes on the tattoo. The look on his face was what brought me to my knees. He was frowning slightly, shaking his head, before his eyes raised to meet mine and in that one second, I couldn't take it. I dropped to the floor like I had been stunned, loud sobs ripping themselves from my chest. He would know now how truly disgusting I was; how truly unlovable.

Words left my mouth in a flurry as my body rocked with the force of my cries, "Please, oh God, please. Now he knows how damaged I am. How could someone like that love me? I'm worthless..." My voice cut off in broken sobs. The next thing I knew I was in Jake's arms, cradled to his body with such loving care that I couldn't help but throw my arms around his neck and bury my face in his chest. I inhaled his scent deeply, hoping it would calm me as he spoke to me. Very few of his words registered with me until he said those three little words - three little words that changed my world. My breathing slowed and my grip tightened on him before I slowly pulled away, a battle raging in my head.

"How could you love me Jake?" My voice was a broken whisper, but the hope that welled up inside me was almost crushing. Could he really love me?

"I didn't have a choice, Edward; you found your way into my heart and moved in." He chuckled slightly before he continued, "I know it's fast, I just...Edward, I can't explain the how's or why's very well, all I can tell you is what I feel. When I look at you I see the one person in this world that was meant for me, the one person I would lay down and die for. Nothing that has happened to you in the past is your fault, Edward, but you have to understand one thing - you are worth it , especially to me." His speech broke something in me, like opening a locked door with a battering ram. He loved me. Before I could even think, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, gently at first and then with much more force. My hands cupped his face and I tilted my head before pushing my tongue into his mouth. He sighed softly, deepening the kiss, and my heart melted for the first time in a very long time. I knew in that moment that I loved him, and I was terrified of it. I wasn't ready to tell him yet, but I knew without a doubt that I would be with him for as long as he would have me.

I needed to hear it again; I needed to hear it often.

My dick twitched - shocking me slightly after everything I had been through today - causing me to pull away from the kiss. When I asked him to say it again, he did so without hesitation and with promises of us together, always.

A loud crash from the other room startled me and I started to shake; tremors rocking through me as my mind began conjuring up images of Sam breaking into the house and killing us both. Alice's voice and giggle broke through my haze, and I smiled almost in relief and muttered "Alice," while shaking my head.

Jake said we should go out to the others and helped me to my feet. I pulled a t-shirt on before we made our way from the room into the kitchen to see Alice and Jasper deep in conversation, their foreheads touching. The usual pang of loneliness I felt from watching these too interact so loving was strangely absent and I knew the reason for it was next to me, our hands clamped tightly together.

I cleared my throat, gaining both of their attention, and asked Alice what she had done. After she finally finished explaining all the things she'd picked up for us, Jasper spoke up in an agitated voice about how he forgot to get Jake's things.

Alice smiled her I just did something I wasn't supposed to do smile and explained that she had managed to get into Jake's and grabbed his gear; having kept the code for his alarm system and copying his key the last time she house-sat for him. I laughed out loud when Jake called Alice 'woman child', telling him he was in trouble now and was dragging me down with him. As Alice began stalking toward us, her eyes on me the whole time, I squealed and tried to hide myself behind Jake, begging him, "Oh God, Jake, don't let her get me."

I realized as I said them that I had used those words before, when Jake protected me from Sam, and the memory those words provoked caused my world to crash down around me. The memories continued to flood through my head as I buried my face into Jake's chest. I was starting to think maybe I should just move into Jake's chest, with many times my head was buried there. I took a few deep breaths and steadied myself. No, Sam was not going to ruin this for me. He had taken enough from me already and Jake was the first person that I could see myself being happy with. Maybe even spend forever with. And Alice and Jasper, he wouldn't ruin them either, the only family I had.

I looked over and apologised for my outburst, saddened by the look on Alice's face, tears shining in her eyes and flowing down her cheeks. I hated seeing her like that because of me.

We got food and played games until it was bed time, and I tried to keep my nerves under control while I told Alice and Jasper to take the spare room, and informed Jake that I only had two bedrooms so he was welcome to share mine if he wanted to.

He stared at me, his mouth hanging open, which caused my nerves to settle slightly as I reached over and shut it for him, telling him he didn't have to if he didn't want to. Jake just asked me to lead the way, causing my stomach to flip and my dick to twitch as he pulled me up.

On the way through to my room, we stopped in the kitchen so Jake could grab his bag. When we entered the bedroom and the door closed behind us, my nerves really flared up and pooled in my stomach. Could I really do this? Could I share my bed with Jake? I knew without a doubt he would never try anything, and that thought made me happy and sad all at once. My body craved Jake, but my mind was slow in catching up. I knew I wanted him, I knew I needed him; but I was just not ready to do more than knowing it. I had very little experience when it came to this kind of thing, and the one partner I'd had was not the best role model to build a lasting, loving relationship on.

He took a pillow and blanket and laid them down on the floor before taking some clothes out of his bag and heading to the bathroom. "I will sleep on the floor, Edward. Let me get changed and I will be out in a second," he said over his shoulder.

I looked down at my hands and realised they were shaking uncontrollably; Jake must have noticed and was leaving the room to give me space. He always seemed to know exactly what I needed, even before I knew. I would have to ask him how he did that.

While he was getting changed, I pulled the blanket and pillow off the floor and put them back on the bed, climbing in under the covers and waiting for Jake to return. When he did, he walked over to the bare floor and looked at me like I was insane. "Edward," he breathed out, his voice thick with worry, "I should really sleep on the floor..." I cut him off quickly.

"Jake, the floor is too hard; you need a good night's sleep after today. It's fine, really." I looked down at my hands, which had now stopped shaking, and whispered, "I need you next to me, Jake." It was true. I needed him near by me; he made me feel safe and protected and loved, and maybe it was selfish of me, but right now I needed that, I needed him.

"Are you sure? I can always sleep on the couch, Edward - that's nice and soft." I sighed softly and a small smile pulled at my lips as I pulled the covers back and patted the other side of the bed. I had no idea what had gotten into me, how I could be so comfortable in Jake's presence, how he managed to worm his way into my heart, or even how I could want him in my bed. All I knew was that I did, and I was tired of fighting with myself, tired of being afraid and tired of living like I was. I wanted to be happy and Jake made me feel so much all at once.

He climbed into bed, making sure not to touch me in any way. It was almost comical the way he was hovering over the edge of the bed, almost falling out. Jake was a big guy, so I was pretty sure he was gonna need to take up most of the bed, yet he tried his hardest to minimize the impact of his presence.

"Jake, please, just relax and get into bed properly before you fall out and land on your head," I chuckled. Jake turned to me, his face furrowed with concentration as he tried to keep his balance. He huffed and moved into the bed comfortably before turning to me and poking his tongue out.

"Happy now?" He asked before wiggling around while smirking at me.

"You said get comfortable," he said when I gave him a look of annoyance at all his movement. I laughed at him and rolled over onto my side to look at him.

"Jake?"

"Yeah?" he asked as he turned to face me.

"Thank you for today, for everything you have done for me so far. I'm still not sure how you managed it, but I feel safe in your presence now." He rolled his eyes at me and grinned a little. "Fine, I still get a little worked up sometimes, but Jake, you do realise I kissed you today, right?"

"I think I can recall something along those lines." His eyebrows were furrowed as if he was trying to recall a memory; he was teasing me. I slapped his arm and laughed again before turning serious.

"Jake, that was my first kiss in five years." I looked down at the quilt and pulled invisible lint off the cover. Jake was completely silent and it was killing me, so I managed to pull my eyes up and look at him. He had unshed tears shimmering in his eyes and a huge ass smile on his face.

"Edward; I could promise I would never raise a hand to you, I could promise that I would always be here for you. I could promise a lot of things, but I don't really think that would do any good. So instead of making promises, I'm just going to show you. Show you how I feel about you, show you that I will keep you safe. I want to be with you Edward. I want to touch you and kiss you and love you but I will do all of these things on your terms." I swallowed hard at his words. Again, he just knew exactly what to say, how to word things so he could break through to me.

"Jake, how do you do that? How do you always know the right thing to say?" He smiled his big goofy smile as he reached out and ran his fingers down my cheek softly. I gasped. "Jake, I didn't...did you see that?...I didn't...I can't believe..." He finished what I couldn't quite vocalise.

"You didn't flinch, Edward." I was shocked. I had always flinched for Jake, I thought I always would. The only time I hadn't flinched was when he was protecting me from Sam. A huge smile took over my face as Jake cupped my cheek and I leaned into his touch. It was warm and sent that familiar tingle through me.

"Jake, do you feel that when we touch? That tingly feeling?"

"Yes, Edward, every time." His smile was soft, and his eyes were gentle as he watched me, waiting and listening as I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. I had to admit my mind was all over the place, as were my emotions. I felt happier than I had in a very long time. I was scared, nervous and a little insecure, but most of all I felt safe. Maybe even complete? These were all foreign emotions for me, almost like a memory from some distant dream.

Jake rolled over onto his back, his arm stretched towards me in offering. I hesitated for a split second before I curled into him, resting my head on his chest and sighing in contentment. Home.

Thoughts swirled through my head as it rose and fell gently with Jacob's breathing. "Jake, does this mean you're my...um...does this me we are like...um...you know...?" I couldn't get the words out.

"Your boyfriend? A couple?" He finished for me again. I felt the blush creep up my face as I nodded my affirmation into his chest. "Yes, Edward, if that's what you want. It would make me very happy to call you my boyfriend." He placed a kiss on my head and pulled me tighter to him. It still amazed me that I could be so comfortable in his arms, allowing him to be so close to me. I felt like a teenager in every way around him, Jake made me see life in a totally different way. I was almost giddy in his presence most of the time, except for when I was in panic.

I rolled over so I was laying on my stomach, draped halfway over Jake's body, my head resting on my folded arms across his chest as I looked up at him. "Jake?"

"Mmm?" He was watching me closely, like he was studying my every action and reaction to his presence. That thought tugged painfully at my heart. Jake had already done so much for me, and he continued to put my needs first, worrying about how I was coping, and it wasn't until that moment that I realized my issues were affecting him too.

I tried to look at it from his point of view. How would I feel if it was Jake in my place and I was the one watching him suffer? Tears formed in my eyes and I shook my head quickly to dissolve the images. Every part of me would want to kill the person that had hurt him and I wondered how he controlled himself from doing just that to Sam.

"I was just thinking. How did you stop yourself from going after Sam?" He looked at me and frowned slightly, a small growl rumbling through his chest, causing its vibrations to run through me. My dick twitched for the third time that night, and I couldn't hold back the moan. Jake smiled at me and caressed my face with his hand while I blushed furiously at my lack of control. But Jake, being Jake, ignored it and answered my question.

"It was extremely difficult. But, Edward, you… You're the reason I didn't go after Sam. You needed me to be strong for you, to hold you and keep you safe. It's that simple. You come first." He shrugged his shoulders as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and I fell a little more in love with him in that moment.

Tracing a pattern onto his chest, I thought about what he said as I watched my fingers form shapes, and without permission the words tumbled from my mouth with a sigh, "I love you, Jake." I slapped my hand over my mouth and looked up at Jake, who was looking back at me with the biggest smile on his face I had ever seen. He gently removed my hand from my mouth and leaned up, kissing me gently on the lips before pulling back.

"I love you too, Edward, so very much," he sighed and then pulled me closer to him.

We spent the next few hours laying there, talking about everything and anything. I told him about Sam, how we met, when things went wrong and some of the less dramatic stuff he had done to me over the years I was with him. We talked about my tattoo, and Jake asked why I still had it. That was a very complicated answer, but I told him the best I could. How I kept it as a reminder, to never let another person control me again, but more so, I was terrified of tattoo guns. Jake promised that when I was up to it, he would go with me to get it covered up, since that was quicker and less painful than having it removed.

Jake told me how proud he was of me for leaving, how much strength it took to allow myself to let him into my life after everything Sam had put me through. He told me about past relationships of his. How he had dated a few but never really found 'the one'. He said he was close with his last boyfriend but something just felt off, and they parted on friendly terms.

Somewhere during our long talk I had managed to crawl on top of Jake and I was surprisingly comfortable in that position. Everything about this was perfect; the sound of his voice calmed me, the touch of his hands, sliding up and down my back, reassured me.

"Jake, can I kiss you?" He smiled brightly at me, causing me to blush.

"You never have to ask to kiss me, Edward. My lips are yours whenever you want them." It was such a simple statement yet it held so much passion. I leaned up and captured his lips in mine, softly at first and then with more pressure. His lips were soft and full, they felt almost silky under mine, and I moaned at the feeling of them. Jacob's hands tightened around me, pulling me closer as he tilted his head and opened his mouth to me, my tongue sliding in, caressing his gently. My hands fisted themselves in his hair, trying to pull him closer as the kiss became more frantic. I needed this, I missed this, only Jake could get me to react this way.

My body felt like it was on fire as I pulled away from his mouth and kissed down his jaw and neck, before moving back to his mouth. I felt myself harden as I pressed myself into Jake, and found myself grinding my hips into his already hard cock. I moaned at the feeling and repeated it. The only thought in my head was I need release, I need release playing over and over. Five years was a long time not to have this contact, and I needed something, anything to relieve it.

Jake placed his hands gently on my hips and pulled back to look at me. "Edward?" he questioned, watching my eyes carefully. I shook my head at him before kissing him again. My hips continued to grind into his at an almost frenzied pace. I was moaning and grunting as I pulled him even further to me.

"Jake, please, I need this, I need you," I grunted out between thrusts. I wasn't sure where this new found confidence was coming from but I was enjoying it. Our lips reconnected as Jake gave in to me, his hips meeting mine thrust for thrust.

"Edward, you feel so good, oh God," he whimpered as he continued to grind into me. I felt so complete and whole in that moment it was almost dizzying. My hands started to roam his body and the speed of our thrusts picked up. Jake's hands on my hips were now guiding instead of restraining.

Jake's hands slid around my hips under my shirt and then inside my pants; his hands cupping my ass, skin on skin. It felt fantastic and I moaned my appreciation into his mouth. His fingers slid up and down the crack of my ass before one started teasing my entrance in slow, gentle circles. I moaned again, pushing my ass back into his hand.

"Please, Jake," I whimpered against his lips. A fire coursed through me and I had the need to feel him inside me, filling me. His finger pushed gently into my entrance as our thrusting continued, and that was all it took to push me over the edge. I screamed out Jake's name as my balls tightened and my stomach clenched as my orgasm shot through me, leaving me feeling dizzy, drained and euphoric.

I felt someone shake me gently, and my eyes opened slowly. I looked around, dazed and confused, but totally sated. What the fuck just happened? Oh. My. God. I fell asleep on top of Jake. It was all a dream. Jake was looking down at me with concern and lust in his eyes; I could feel his hard on pressed into my now very wet pants. The color crawled up my cheeks as I realised I had just had a very hot, wet dream on top of the man I was dreaming about.

A/N Oh and Me and a few of my girls are doing a contest. Its a NO BELLA ALLOWED CONTEST. Which means no Bella in the fic at all. Submissions are being accepted from the 1st Feb, details can be found here: http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2216993/