Warning: This story deals with domestic violence and the struggles to recover. If you have problems with this issue please don't read this.

Disclaimer: Ms Meyers owns Twilight and all its characters.

Big thanks to my Beta's Taloolah, dizzygirl28 and Beate73. You girls are awesome, I appreciate all the work you do for me, helping me make my stuff presentable. Love you guys.

Thanks to my prereader's VanPireNZ and tjbaby101 for your input, you rock.

Okay on with the story.

Forgiveness and moving forward

Jacobs POV

Half way through my telling Edward about other relationships I've had, he fell asleep. He was sprawled out on top of me and snored softly into my chest. The weight was welcomed and I certainly wasn't going to move him. I was still in awe of the fact he had told me he loved me. Things were working out better than I had ever hoped for, and I couldn't be happier.

Edward started moaning in his sleep as his hips started to grind into me, causing my dick to jump to attention. Oh, dear Lord, no - tell me this isn't happening. But obviously it was, and it was getting a lot harder to control myself the more into the dream Edward got. His grinding picked up as my name, as well as pleas, fell from his lips. I put my hand on his hips, trying to cease his constant thrusting, but dropped my hands quickly at the "Please Jake I need you," that fell from his lips.

Trying ever so hard to keep my hips from bucking up to meet his thrust, was the most difficult thing I had ever done. My self control was slipping, and I needed to wake him up. Just as I was about to shake him, I heard the words, "want you inside me" and had to bite my hand to keep from screaming out. His bucking picked up and my hand flew into my hair, tugging hard, trying to take my mind off the delicious friction he was causing. My dick was hard as a rock, and as much as I hated to, I needed to wake him the fuck up.

I started to shake his shoulders gently, at the exact time I felt the slight wetness seep through my pants. Edward was panting hard, trying to catch his breath, trying to simultaneously wake up and recover from his orgasm.

Panic spread through me for a second; how was Edward going to react to this? Concern for him filled me, slightly overrunning the lust I was feeling as he looked up at me, his face a picture of a man that was truly satisfied. His expression changed to one of confusion, and then to utter embarrassment as his face turned the brightest color red I had ever seen.

"Oh no, tell me I'm still asleep and this isn't happening," he muttered while shaking his head and then he bolted from the room. I heard the click of the lock after he closed the bathroom door and then silence. I jumped up from the bed and followed him, listening closely outside the bathroom door,; the sounds of Edward's sobs hit me hard. I knocked gently and called out.

"Edward? Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Such stupid things to say but I was at a loss on how to deal with this. What the hell do you say to your new boyfriend to make him feel better about having a wet dream on top of you? In any normal relationship it would have been great fodder for torment, and something both of you would have had a huge laugh about later. But Edward was different and he had faced way too much for me to even contemplate joking with him about this, ever!

"C-c-can," sob, "y-you g-get" sob, "J-j-asper f-for me p-please," His voice was full of stress behind the sobs and it broke my heart to hear him like that after all we had been through. I prayed like hell this wouldn't put us back to square one, but I knew deep down it was a very likely fucking possibility. Fuck!

"Sure, Edward," I said and left the room to get Jasper. I knocked on the spare room door rather loudly and impatiently. "Jasper? Jasper? Wake the fuck up dude, Edward's locked himself in the bathroom and is asking for ya." I heard a loud "Fuck" come from him and he was at the door in seconds.

"What the fuck did you do, Jake?" His eyes met mine and he quickly changed his tone. "Sorry, bud, what happened?" I had no idea what to tell him. I knew Edward would tell him everything, but I wasn't sure he would want me to say anything.

"I'm gonna let him fill ya in, just in case he doesn't want me to say anything." I tried to smile but failed miserably, my shoulders slumping in defeat. Alice's hand was on my back rubbing gentle, comforting circles, and I jumped in surprise. I hadn't even noticed her joining us.

"Why don't we go get a cuppa, Jake, while Jasper talks to Edward?"

"Sure," I replied in a whisper and followed Alice to the kitchen while Jasper retreated into Edward's room. Alice turned the kettle on and pulled down two cups from the cupboard. It was then that I looked down at myself and realized I had a small wet patch on my pants from Edward, but there was no way in hell I was going to enter that room to get a change of clothes, so I would just have to deal with it. Not that I minded having a part of Edward on me.

"Instant is okay, right? I'm a tad too tired to put on the coffee maker," she laughed softly and turned back to add the coffee and sugar to the cups at my nod. I sighed softly as we waited in silence for the kettle to pop. Once it did, Alice added the water and milk to the cups and stirred before picking them both up and leading the way into the lounge room. We both settled into our seats before Alice cleared her throat, "So, what happened?" I knew this was coming; Alice never was one for being kept in the dark, but as much as I wanted to keep Edward's confidence, I needed to talk to someone. As if she could sense my dilemma, she added, "It will be kept between you and me, Jake, I promise you that."

"Everything was going perfect, Alice," I started, as my eyes filled with tears, "We were talking and laughing, and he even let me hold him in my arms. He told me about some of the things Sam had done to him, and we talked about my dating history. He even asked me if I was his boyfriend and told me he loved me. God, Alice, it was perfect. He managed to climb on top of me during our conversation, so his body was flush with mine and his head was resting on his arms, folded across my chest. It was wonderful and he was happy. Then he fell asleep." I blushed as I got to this part but plowed through it, "he seemed to be having a very, umm, let's say, happy dream. I still have teeth marks in my hand from biting it so hard to restrain myself from the things coming out of his mouth as he gr... um well..." I looked down at my feet unsure how to say this part.

"He was grinding into you, is that what you are saying, Jake?" I blushed causing Alice to chuckle. "Believe me, Jasper has awoken me many a time doing that."

"Oh God, Alice, I so did not need to know that," I chuckled and smiled at her. Alice always knew how to break the tension and I loved her for it. "And yes, he was doing that, and well he, had a happy ending to his happy dream. I wasn't quick enough in waking him up, and when he realized what happened, he bolted and asked for Jasper." I finished before taking a gulp of my coffee to push down the lump rising in my throat. "Do...do you think he will ever be comfortable enough to turn to me instead of Jasper?" A tear escaped as I looked back up at Alice.

"I hope so, Jake, I really do. He has come so far lately and that is down to you. You brought him back to life, Jake. I think you will find it's more embarrassment than anything else. Jasper will talk him down." She moved over to sit next to me and rubbed my back in a comforting manner.

"After the day he had, Alice, I'm not so sure. With what Sam put him through and the way he clung to me… I'm worried he pushed himself too far too fast and it's all going to blow up in my face." I placed my mug down onto the coffee table and scrubbed my hands over my face roughly. The thought of Edward realizing that this was all a big mistake terrified me. Now that I think about it rationally, it was probably too soon for our declarations of love. He was my boyfriend now, at least I hoped he still was, and I ached to be there for him, but the more time he spent in the bathroom the longer we were still a couple. I didn't want him coming out of there and ask me to leave - I didn't think I could handle that.

Exhaustion washed over me, and I stretched out on the couch, laying my head on a cushion at the end. Alice moved back to the chair, sighing softly, "Get some rest, Jake." I grunted a response, my eyes already closed, and sleep took me.

I was running, but I had no idea why. Was something chasing me? Was I trying to catch someone? I stopped dead in my tracks, shaking my head in confusion. What the hell is going on and where the hell am I?

I blinked rapidly a few times and looked around. I was standing in the parking lot of the police station, a knife in my hand, and the other end was embedded deep inside of Sam's chest. Blood spilled from the wound, covering my hands and body. Edward was cowering in the corner, whimpers escaping him as he sobbed openly.

"Just because you killed me doesn't mean I'm gone, Jake. I will always own him; he will always be mine and there is nothing you can do about it. I live in his mind, Jake, I live deep inside of him, and I will always be a part of him, always," Sam sneered before he fell to the ground. Edward appeared next to me, his face a mask of horror.

"Jake, what did you do? I could never love a killer, Jake." And with that he was gone and I was left alone. I fell to my knees sobbing, my heart aching at the loss of Edward.

"Noooooo," I screamed towards the heavens, "You can't take him from me."

I woke up with a jolt, panting at the realness of it all, and I was utterly freaked out by it. I admit that every part of me wanted to end Sam, and that Edward was the only thing keeping me from doing it. The most startling thing about that dream was what Sam said. It's true, he would always live inside of Edward, torturing him with memories, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

I looked around frantically and saw I was alone, but someone had placed a blanket over my sleeping form. The sun was peeking through the curtains, and I looked for a clock to see what time it was. Eight thirty in the morning. Fuck I must have been tired.

The smell of eggs, pancakes and bacon filled my nose as I stood and stretched out my sore muscles. Edward was right, that couch sucks. The spot on my pants that Edward had marked was slightly crusty and pulled at my skin as I stretched, there seemed to be more there than I realized and it was mighty uncomfortable. I sighed softly and padded my way to the kitchen.

"Morning." Alice was making breakfast and greeted me in her usual cheery fashion.

"Morning," I grunted, feeling less than enthusiastic at that particular moment, "Where's...ummm."

"Jasper spent the night in Edward's room and they haven't surfaced yet." I felt the frown take over my face at that bit of information. Even though I knew I had nothing to worry about with Jasper, I couldn't shake the jealousy that twisted in my stomach over the fact Jasper got to spend the night with Edward, probably holding him close... I cut off that train of thought real fast, it wasn't helping and it just gave me a headache.

"Do they do that kind of thing often?" I couldn't help but ask, hearing the petulance in my voice.

"No," came a chuckling voice from behind me and I spun around to face Jasper, with a very amused look on his face. Asshole. But what really caught my attention was a very sheepish looking Edward trailing behind him. He looked stunning, standing there, head hung down, hair a mess, his sleep pants riding low on his hips. I licked my lips involuntarily and felt the blush run up my cheeks at Jasper's chuckle.

"Easy boy, I think you two had enough excitement last night without looks like that." Jasper teased and I glared at him before turning to face Alice.

"Jasper," Edward gasped and smacked him lightly on the arm. I turned to look at Edward, clearly amused by his action and very much liking the blush that had claimed his features. I was also a little relieved that Jasper seemed to think it was okay to tease us about what Edward had told him. Maybe Edward was okay with this after all. I squashed down the hope that tried to rise in me before it could take hold. Edward trained his eyes to me and I couldn't even begin to understand the look he was giving me, it was almost like he was pleading with me for something. But I was at a complete loss as to what he wanted. So I did what I always do when I'm nervous, I winked at him, causing a beautiful smile to take place on his lips.

He must have been worried about how I would react to last night. That thought didn't even enter my head, the whole time I was so worried he would be too freaked out to be near me again, and constantly worried about what he was feeling; it never would have occurred to me he would be worried about my reaction.

"I love you," I mouth to him before taking a seat at the breakfast bar and taking the coffee Alice had placed there for me. I don't know what possessed me to say that to him - it just felt right at the time. Add to that the reaction I got the last time I said it, and it just came out. I held my breath as I played with my coffee mug, hoping he would come to me, almost willing him to with my mind.

I felt him before I saw him, take a seat next to me, and I placed my hand down on the counter in offering. I squealed like a teenage girl on the inside when he placed his hand over the top of mine and let his head fall to rest on my shoulder. I turned my head slightly and placed a kiss on the crown of his head, sighing softly before turning back to face Alice and Jasper.

"We are just going to get dressed," Alice said before grabbing Jasper's hand and leading him to the spare room. Jasper grumbled about wanting food, but Alice just pulled him harder to get him out of the room, throwing me a wink over her shoulder. After a few minutes of silence, I turned to Edward.

"Are you okay?" I asked, concern lacing my voice. He let out a soft sigh before lifting his head to face me.

"I'm...Jake..." He scrubbed his hands over his face before looking back at me. "I'm sorry about last night. I still can't believe I did that to you, can you forgive me?" To say I was astounded was an understatement. Could I forgive him? I felt like I had woken up in the Twilight Zone.

"What in the world would I have to forgive you for?" I asked utterly confused. "I'm the one that should be asking for your forgiveness. I should have woken you up sooner, I should have moved you off of me, but I was selfish, and when you called out my name...God, Edward, I'm so sorry, I just...I...God... this is so hard." I took a deep breath and blew it out, trying to gather my thoughts., I had to be honest here; it was the only way we were ever going to work. "I want you so bad, Edward, and when you were calling out my name and begging me not to stop, even though I knew you were sleeping, I couldn't move. It took everything I had not to act on the things you were saying." I placed my face in my hands and shook my head, upset with myself for not being stronger. "I should have..." Edward cut me off.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Jake, it was all me. I'm completely mortified about what happened. Talk about embarrassing, but you handled it so well, I thought maybe you just didn't want me that way; maybe, even after you told me you loved me, you finally realised what a freak I really was and it was too much. The look on your face when I woke up... You looked startled and like you were in pain. I figured I had fucked it up royally and you didn't want me anymore. Fuck, Jake, you didn't even touch me. I've never met anyone like you before." He sighed and then continued, "I guess I have a fucked up view on how the proper way to act in that situation is. I mean, from my experience, I would have woken up with a dick up my ass." He grimaced as did I at the thought of Sam attacking him while he slept.

"I would never, ever do that, Edward; I love you way too much to hurt you like that, ever." I reached over and cupped his face, gently running my thumb over his cheek.

"I know, Jake, but it took Jasper to remind me of that. He explained to me that someone who truly cared would never take advantage of me in that way, and that, in itself, should be proof enough that you love me. I guess I'm still working on things. The worst part is that I can't promise that something like that won't happen again the more intimate we get." He blushed as he said the word intimate and looked down. "I know that what happened to me in the past was wrong, but sometimes I can't get past it. It was the only form of love I remember, Jake." Tears spilt from his eyes as I gathered him to me and held him tight to me.

"Let me teach you the right way, Edward?" I asked and he nodded his head against my chest before pulling back and placing a kiss on it.

A/N Me and a few of my girls are running a contest. Its a NO BELLA ALLOWED CONTEST. Which means no Bella in the fic at all. Submissions are being accepted now, details can be found here: http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2216993/ so enter and show me how good my readers are!!!!!