Warning: This story deals with domestic violence and the struggles to recover. If you have problems with this issue please don't read this.

Disclaimer: Ms Meyers owns Twilight and all its characters.

Big thanks to my Beta's Taloolah, dizzygirl28 and Beate73. You girls are awesome, I appreciate all the work you do for me, helping me make my stuff presentable. Love you guys.

Thanks to my prereader VanPireNZ for your input, you rock.

Okay on with the story.

EPOV

I looked at my watch; Jake had been gone for two hours. My expression must have shown my worry because Jasper said he would go check on him if it would make me feel better. My mind had conjured up all sorts of bad images, Jake lying dead on the floor of the bathroom being the most prominent at the moment. We all knew Sam was awake and that thought terrified me so much that every time I tried to leave Alice's room, I started to shake. But at this point my concern for Jake was overpowering everything else.

"No, Jasper, I'm gonna go find him myself. I can do this." I sighed heavily and made my way to the door just as it opened. "Jake, thank God, I was so worried." I said as I threw myself at him, holding him as close to me as possible and running my hands all over him. He knew what I was doing and chuckled softly, pulling me back to look at me.

"I'm sorry I took so long. I truly didn't mean to worry you baby. I just have some news. Sam died." It took me a while to register what he had just said. Sam was dead. I didn't have to worry about him anymore. Everyone I loved would be safe.

"How?" Yes, that was a good question, right? My mind was working frantically to come up with the appropriate way to act to this news and I was coming up short, too conflicted with each and every thought. I was glad he was dead because everyone was safe - I was safe for the first time in a long time. But I had loved him so much at one point in time and a small part of me still did and wanted to grieve the loss. Then again, this was also Jake's cousin, his family, so this would be hard on him, too.

"They are not sure yet but are guessing it was from internal injuries. Carlisle thinks it may have been a blood clot that broke loose." One thing occurred to me at that point; Jake was doing something he had never done before - he was lying to me. I could see it on his face, he was covering something up. All the signs where there: he couldn't look me in the eye, he was keeping a firm distance between us and his hands where shaking slightly. Not enough for anyone to notice unless they were paying attention, but I was always paying attention to Jake. Is this what took him so long? Did he go and confront Sam and things got messy? Did he kill his cousin for me? I started to shake uncontrollably, thinking that Jake had done this and if he got caught he would be taken away from me.

I couldn't lose Jake, I needed him. I loved him more than my own life. This couldn't be happening. Sam had stolen a big chunk of my life and now that I had finally found peace and happiness, he was going to take that from me, too. Even in death Sam was still controlling my life. I didn't realize I had begun to cry until I felt Jake wrap me up in his arms and hold me tight, gently shushing me and rubbing his hand up and down my back in the soothing motion I was so accustom to.

"You can't leave me, Jake. You can't let them take you away from me. I wont make it without you." I whispered to him, and when he pulled back to look me in the eyes, I could see the expression of shock on his face. He pulled me from the room, telling Jasper and Alice that he needed to speak to me privately. Once we were outside he found an unoccupied room and led us in there, closing the door quietly behind us.

"Edward? You think I killed Sam?"

"Yes. I know you're hiding something, Jake. You just lied to me in there; you are keeping something from me. If not that, then what? It doesn't matter to me, Jake, I just can't lose you." I pulled myself to him, burying my head in his chest as I sobbed at the thought of losing my light.

"I didn't kill him Edward." Jake said softly and pulled me back to look me in the eye as he repeated it. "I did not kill Sam." He was telling the truth, there was not an ounce of deceit on his beautiful face. I blew out the breath I had been holding and actually laughed out loud in my relief.

"Oh thank God." Jake smiled at my behaviour but there was still something off. "What is it Jake? You know something." He shook his head and told me to stay right where i was and he would be back in a second.

I started to pace the room, wondering what the hell was going on, and actually relieved that Jake hadn't done anything to get him taken from me. Ten minutes later the door opened and Jake came back in with Esme. I was so confused at that point. Why the hell was Esme here? What did any of this have to do with... Then it all clicked into place.

"You?" I'm sure my eyes widened to a comical size and I slapped my hand over my mouth not willing to say the rest.

"I never planned on keeping it a secret from you Edward, I just wanted her to be here when I told." Jake said, his eyes filled with sorrow. "I could never keep anything from you baby, without trust and honesty we have nothing." He was right, and he had never lied to me or kept anything from me before, he was always honest even when he knew it would upset me. It was one of the things that made me fall so hard for him.

"I would say I'm sorry, Edward, but I'm not. I have no regrets for what I did. I just never planned on getting caught, but once I knew Jake saw me, I had to give in easily. I would never put him in any jeopardy..."

"NO. Jake, you can't take her, I wont...shes my moth...all I have left..." My world was growing fuzzy, it was all too much - Sam's dead, Esme killed him and Jake caught her. I stumbled slightly and was in Jake's arms before I knew it. Esme was speaking to me slowly.

"Breathe, sweetheart, nice and slow."

"Edward, stay with me, baby." Jake's voice brought me back, the worry laced with the hurt was all it took. I looked up at him and took a few deep breaths as he continued. "I would never..." He turned to face Esme while I clung to him desperately. "I already told you, Esme, I wont arrest you. It looks like natural causes took him, you made sure of that. There would be no reason for anyone to look into it. To look closer. His mother wont demand an autopsy anyways, she will probably be relieved he's gone too after all the pain he has caused. I spoke to her an hour ago and told her Sam was gone. She knew you know?" He whispered the last bit so quietly I wasnt sure I heard correctly.

"She knew what, Jake?" Esme asked. I still couldn't form words.

"She knew what he was doing to Edward." At that my head snapped up.

"How could she? I never met her, she didn't even know I existed." I wasn't sure what was going on, but a part of me was sure I wasn't going to like the answers.

"She said she had seen you a few times, but you were sleeping or unconscious, she wasn't sure which. She said you were black and blue every time, and one time you were bloodied up so badly, she thought you were dead. I asked her why she never told me, called me for help. Why she didn't do anything. She was scared, Edward. Apparently Sam's dad had a habit of beating her and Sam was just carrying on what he had learnt. The first time she had seen you, you were unconcious and she was cleaning up wounds when Sam walked in and found her. He beat her and told her if she said anything he would kill her, so she tried to keep an eye out for you as best she could without you ever seeing her and without Sam finding out. She saw you the night you left. She was hiding in the room and said she whispered for you to get out, that she couldn't help herself and the words left her without her consent. She wasn't sure you heard her until you got up and starting packing. It was the happiest day of her life."

To say I was gobsmacked was an understatement. I had always thought those words were in my head. I remember clearly hearing the words 'get out' and that they had spurred me into action. "Was she in the room the whole time?" It was a stupid question to ask but it popped out anyway.

"No, she said she awoke in the early hours of the morning with a bad feeling. She just had to come check on you and when she did, she found you just starting to stir, laying all bloody and beaten over Sam's chest where he was holding you to him and snoring." A single tear ran down Jake's cheek, and his voice croaked, "The way she describe you, Edward, the things she told me..." A sob escaped him as he held me tight.

"I'm okay now, Jake." I whispered, knowing how hard this must be on him. It wasn't the first time I realized how much my past affected Jake. His love for me made him feel it all as if it was happening to him, or rather he wished it had happened to him instead of me.

"I'm glad he's dead, Edward. I know that makes me a bad person, but I can't help it. The things he did to you, and I know I don't know all of it, but I know a lot more than I ever wanted to. My Aunt saw so much and she described every detail. I just can't help how I feel. I hate him, and I'm grateful for Esme and what she did. I wish I had had the courage to do it myself." He sniffed and tried to compose himself. "I can live with this, easier than I can live with what he did to you."

I didn't know if I could live with it, but I knew I couldn't live with Esme going to prision because of me.

"I'm not going to put your career in jeapody, Jacob, you will arrest me." Esme's voice was firm.

"No." Jake and I both said at the same time.

"Esme, what are the odds of them doing an autopsy?" Jake asked.

"I'm not sure, but the drug I used will not show in his blood work unless they are specifically looking for it. With the injuries he suffered, I dont think there is a possibility they will be. What does that matter, though, I was caught red handed." Esme sighed softly.

"The point, mom, is I have lost enough. Sam took so much from me, I wont lose you too. I love you." I said before grabbing her and holding her tightly to me, "Please?"

"What am I suppose to do? I knew what I was doing and I was more than prepared to live with what I had done, but to make you two live with it, to keep my secret… I just can't let you two be drowned by the guilt that will come from that. I did this to protect you, not make things worse for you." Esme was clearly getting upset; the weight of everything she had done was fiinally showing, causing her face to age in front of us.

"I already told you what we are going to do, Esme. Telling Edward was the first part. I told you I would keep no secrets from him. Now Edward knows and we are going to keep this between the three of us. You are not going to jail Esme, agreed?"
"Agreed." I added and gave Esme a pointed look. She hung her head low and whispered out a thank you before hugging us both and sobbing gently.

"I love you boys, truly I do, and I'm so sorry for dragging you into my mess."

"It's not your mess, mom. That's the point, none of this would have happened if it wasn't for me. Alice wouldn't be in the hospital and you wouldn't had done something so out of character just to protect me. None of this would have happened." I whispered the last part as the weight of the words finally sunk in. My fault, it was all my fault. I had brought this upon them; I had brought evil into their lives and put them all at risk. Now Alice was recovering from surgery and Esme had committed murder. Sam was right all along - it had always been my fault...

"Stop that right now, you hear me?" Jake's voice was harsher than usual. I had never heard that tone before directed at me and it caused me to shiver, "This is not your fault Edward. I know exactly what your thinking, and you're wrong. If it's your fault, then its mine, too. Sam was my cousin, my blood did this." He shook his head and swallowed loudly. I couldn't agree with him. I could never blame Jake for any of this, he was my saviour, the only person I could believe in.

"I love you, Jake." I couldn't express everything I was feeling in that moment in time, the love he gave me, the comfort. I still blamed myself for everything that had happened, and I'm not sure that would ever change, but what I was sure about, the only tangible thing in my life I could completely depend on, was my Jake.

"I love you, too, baby, so very much," Jake replied as he pulled me into his arms and kissed me. It was a soft, gentle kiss that left me wanting more. Esme cleared her throat subtly, and Jake pulled back from me with a heavy sigh.

"So, what do we do now?" It was a basic question, but one I wanted an answer to, so I was glad Esme asked it.

"Nothing," Jake answered, "We go on as normal. We take Alice home, Edward will help her with her rehab, and we just continue forward, leaving this mess in the past. Can you all do that?" Jake's voice was soft, but firm as he looked back and forth between me and Esme.

We both nodded, though my mind was racing. Could I do that? The only thing I was completely sure about was that with Jake and for Esme, I could try.

"What about Carlisle? Should we tell him? I mean I have Jake to lean on and talk to. Esme, you know you can talk to me and Jake anytime, but wouldn't it be easier on you if you had your partner to lean on?" I know I wouldn't be able to get by without Jake, it is all so much to deal with, and I am still trying to come to terms with the fact he is actually dead, let alone anything else. "What do you think, Jake?"

"I think that the more people that know, the harder things are going to be. I think that telling Carlisle makes him an accomplice after the fact. But most of all, I think it's up to Esme because, like you, Edward, I don't think I could do this on my own." Jake tugged me closer to him as he said the last part and I snuggled into him, taking comfort in his arms.

"This is a burden I will not place on my husband. I would never have placed it on either of you if Jake hadn't caught me. I'm still so sorry for that, but I take full responsibility for my actions and will deal with the consequences, without involving Carlisle."

"Esme, all of this is my fault. If it hadn't been for me coming into your lives, none of this would have happened. Alice would never have been injured, and you would have never done something so completely out of character. I did this, no one else..."

"Stop, Edward," Jake said as he squeezed me to him, "None of this is your fault; the blame lies with only one person, Sam. He started all of this the day he met you. You can't blame yourself for anything that happened. I won't allow it." He placed a kiss on my head and held me tight. My head automatically went into his chest, seeking the warmth and comfort only Jake could give me.

"We better get back, they will be wondering where we are." I couldn't think of how to reply to Jake since I couldn't agree with him, but I knew if I disagreed it would just upset him. And by the look he was giving me, I think he knew what I was doing.

"Edward, you and Esme go back to Alice's room, I'm just going to..." I cut him off quickly.

"No, Jake, please, I need you with me." I knew I sounded weak, but I really needed Jake to be by my side right now. It was just so much all at once. Sam finding me, Alice getting injured and now Sam dead. I was actually amazed I was still conscious. In the past, just half of the stuff that had happened to me in the last few weeks would have left me a blubbering mess, and though I still needed Jake for support, I was relieved to realize I was actually getting better at handling things.

"It's okay, Jake, you go with Edward and I will find Carlisle, he would have a better idea of what's going on anyway." Esme hugged and kissed us both and said she would see us later on tonight, and Jake and I made our way back to Alice's room.

As soon as we walked through the door Alice demanded to know where we had been. Apparently we had missed everything. It seems Sam's cause of death had been put down as a cardiac arrest and his doctors think it was a result of his years of alcohol and drug abuse. His mother had given them a background on his addictions and asked that his body be sent to the reservation for a traditional burial.

I felt the relief wash through me at that, and my body sagged into Jake's as I let out the breath I had been unintentionally holding. The day was definitely catching up to me and all I really wanted to do was curl up in my own bed with Jake and have him hold me while I slept.

"Guess what?" Alice said interrupting my day dream of Jake holding me against his naked chest.

"What?" Jake and I said at the same time.

"I get to go home tonight. Dad is coming to do one final check and then he said I can leave if everything checks out." She was literally bouncing on the edge of the bed where she sat, and for the first time since I walked in the room, I realized she was fully dressed and her suitcase was by the door.

An hour and a half later we were walking through Jasper and Alice's front door. I was beyond tired, but I wanted to make sure she got settled in okay, and I really had to use the bathroom.

"I'm just gonna use the bathroom and then we are going to get outta the way so you two can do whatever it is you two do when we are not around." I chuckled and left the room.

After washing my hands, I stared at myself in the mirror as I contemplated everything that had happened. Sam was dead by Esme's hand. I still had a hard time believing that she had done it. But I couldn't deny the relief I felt at not having to be afraid he was going to get me anymore. Though I was still dealing with the after effects of his years of torment, and I still found it difficult to be around large groups of people, especially men, I would never have to worry about him finding me. I would never have to leave Jake, and he wouldn't have to be constantly worried that Sam would take me away from him.

We had a lot to work through, a lot of things to deal with, but I had no doubt in my mind at that moment that Jake and I could get through anything. I walked out of the bathroom with a small smile on my face, which quickly grew into a grin so large my face hurt.

Kneeling down by the couch on one knee, he looked up and said the most beautiful words I had ever heard.

"I love you, so very much. You mean everything to me and I would be lost without you. Will you marry me and make me the happiest man in the world?"