Warning: This story deals with domestic violence and the struggles to recover. If you have problems with this issue please don't read this.

Disclaimer: Ms Meyers owns Twilight and all its characters.

Big thanks to my Beta's Taloolah, dizzygirl28 and Beate73. You girls are awesome; I appreciate all the work you do for me, helping me make my stuff presentable. Love you guys.

Okay on with the story.

Wolf

Jake's POV

Edward had fallen asleep in my arms after his breakdown. I held him close to me, needing the comfort of his body next to mine. My nose rested in his hair as I pondered what was next for us. We had been through so much in such a short time; surely things had to get better. The law of averages had to be on our side by now. We had been through year's worth of problems in a matter of a little over a month.

It wasn't the fact that we had hurdles - I knew the moment I laid eyes on Edward, he was the only man I would ever want. Even after I found out all he had been through, I knew what I was getting into. But I knew, deep down, that what Esme had done had somehow broken him. Every emotion, every memory was running through him like a freight train.

Something I learned about Edward early on was that when he was upset, he verbalized out loud and without conscious thought. I was completely sure he thought he was thinking all the things in his mind, but he was loud and vocal, and Jasper and Alice were there to witness it all. I was quiet glad he hadn't mentioned anything specific about what Esme had indeed done.

His musings about how much he loved me and how he hated to hurt me, how I would be better off without him and how he would never be good enough for me, all rammed through my chest. All I could think was that one day I would make him see that without him, I had nothing.

When Alice and Jasper asked what was wrong with him, I realized he was whispering so soft that only I could hear him. They wouldn't leave, but they did give us some privacy after a pleading look from me when Edward started to calm and talk to me.

I was brought out of my musings by Jasper pulling Edward from my arms, and my grip tightened automatically.

"Jake, he should be in bed after that; he needs his rest." I knew that was true but it hurt to be separated from him when he was in such pain. "Besides, we need to talk." My grip loosened with Jasper's words. What could he possibly want to talk about?

Jasper was back before I knew it and sat down beside me, his hand resting on my shoulder. "Jake? What's going on?" Jasper asked with concern.

"I think he's having a reaction to Sam's death. It's finally hitting him. I just don't know what to do. Esme gave me some tips to deal with it and I will try and get him to talk to her about it, but whatever it takes Jazz, I will get him through this." My voice was strong, determined. I would walk through hell and face the devil himself to help Edward.

"Well I figured that out on my own genius." Jazz said and slapped me gently on the back, "what I mean is what else is going on? So tell me Jake, what the hell is really going on."

"It's blame, pure and simple, Jazz. Shoot, Edward blames himself for Sam hurting Alice and for bringing chaos into the family. He pretty much blames himself for everything Sam has ever done to him and everyone he loves. And the worst part, Jazz, is I have no fucking clue how to help him. I feel so fucking useless." I scrub my hands over my face roughly and then through my hair, tugging it wildly. "He flinched, Jazz, he flinched at me when I touched him. Do you know how long its been since he has done that?" My hands fell into my lap and I felt the wetness hit my skin. Tears were a common thing for me lately, but I couldn't begrudge them. They were all for him; always for him.

We sat in silence for a long time, me lost in my thoughts while Alice and Jasper huddled together talking quietly amongst themselves, allowing me to gather myself. It was only the sound of Edward screaming my name that broke through to me, and I was up and running before I had even made the decision to move. Panic swept through me, and even though I knew it was impossible, I thought that somehow Sam had gotten into the house past us and to Edward.

All rational thought left me when it came to Edward and his safety.

After some playful moments and getting rid of Alice and Jasper with promises of going to their place for dinner, Edward and I talked. I mean really talked.

I was so happy he wanted us to live together officially and that we got a lot of things out in the open, but after a while, I was done talking and just wanted to spend some quality time making out with my man.

When he told me he was ready for sex I thought I was going to explode right there. The thought of me inside him filled my head; it didn't help that he had his hand on my cock while he was talking. I didn't mind at all, and if it helped him concentrate then it was even better, and I told him as much.

What I wasn't expecting, but I should have been, was him asking me to bottom for him. It threw me completely. I had thought about it, considering all he had been through and was going to bring up the subject myself, but for him to bring it up instead was shocking and exhilarating.

It was shocking because he was so shy about sex, and it was exhilarating because he felt comfortable enough with me and trusted me enough to ask.

I still had no clue if I could do it, if I wanted to do it, but I knew that I would try, for him. Only for him.

Edward cleared his throat and I realized we had been staring at each other for a long time, and I had failed to answer his question, being so caught up in my own thoughts.

"It's okay; you don't have to, Jake, it was just a thought. Hell, I have no idea what I'm doing anyway..." He trailed off, looking down.

"Edward, look at me." I said and waiting for him to meet my eyes before I continued. "I have thought about this a lot, I was just a bit taken aback that you actually asked me. It means a lot to me that you felt comfortable enough to ask me something so personal. That in itself is a huge step for you, and for us. And to answer your question, I know you know I have never bottomed before, I have never wanted to. Quite frankly it scares the hell out of me, but for you, Edward, I would be willing to try."

Edward looked at me skeptically for a moment as my words sunk in and then threw his arms around my neck kissing me passionately. "I can't believe you would do that for me." He said before recapturing my lips.

"You should know by now, Edward, I would do anything for you. You just have to ask." I replied after the kiss ended.

We were both panting heavily and extremely hard, but even though I was willing to try, I just couldn't do it now - I needed time to prepare and get my mind together. I was about to tell him just that when he cut me off.

"I know we can't do it right now, and I am willing to wait for as long as you need just like you have waited for me, but there is something I want to do first before we make love."

"What's that, baby?" I asked rubbing his back gently as he started to shake slightly.

"I was wondering....would you mind...I mean... I really want to...fuck...why is this so hard?" He muttered to himself before taking a deep breath and trying again. "I want to get rid of this tattoo, and I was wondering if you would come with me. I know it's stupid, but those things scare me to death and I need you to hold my hand while I get it covered." He breathed out as a tear slid down his cheek and I pulled him too me, holding him as close as I could.

"That's not stupid at all, and of course I would come with you, baby. You should know that." I whispered gently into his ear before pulling back and adding, "Do you know what you want to cover it with?" I was really hoping he didn't want my name to replace it - that thought made me want to hurl. Sam tainted that part of his body and I couldn't reconcile that in my head with my name covering it. As much as I would love my name on his skin, the thought of it after what Sam did, sickened me. He made something special and sweet, horrible and sadistic. It was tainted now.

I wondered even if another tattoo would be good, since it would always be a reminder of what was buried underneath, maybe we could look into laser removal, though I have heard that is pretty painful and time consuming. I planned on doing some research later to see what would be the best options and the least painful. Maybe he has already done the research himself and just not mentioned it. Curiosity got the best of me so I just decided to ask.

"I looked into them all Jake. Laser removal is suppose to be very painful and leave scaring, there is Intense Pulse Light Therapy which is supposed to be less painful and more effect but it still takes a lot of time. I'm ready for this to be gone now and I have been for a long time. The only thing that stopped me is fear. Besides I would rather had another tattoo, that a scar."

"Okay baby, just tell me when and where and I'm there." I said and then kissed him before glancing at the clock and groaning. It was five – thirty and we had to be at Jasper and Alice's in half an hour. Edward followed my eye line after hearing me groan and chuckled.

"Guess it's time to get ready." He said pulling off of me and making his way to the bathroom. "Just let me get showered and changed, love, since you are already ready." He swung his hips seductively as he walked through the bathroom door and left it slightly ajar, causing me to chuckle and wait till the water was running and I heard to shower door close before I followed him in to brush my teeth and hair.

I couldn't help but lean against the counter and watch him through the glass as he washed his hair and body. He turned his head slightly, catching me watching him and I heard him chuckle softly as he ran his hand over his erection, stroking it light. That was all it took, I was out of my clothes and in the shower in seconds, causing Edward to gasp.

I reached around him from behind, a position Edward was still slightly uncomfortable with, but he allowed it, especially when I leaned down and whispered in his ear, "let me help you with that baby." I gently pushed his hand away taking over where he left off. His body slumped against mine, his head laid back on my shoulder as he moaned loudly.

His soapy hands reach back behind him and grabbed hold of my own straining erection, pumping me softly at first, but then picking up speed as I did. I knew we didn't have much time and Alice would be pounding on the door if we were even five minutes late, so this was going to be a quick release.

As we continued to bring each other to climax, the only sounds in the room were the running water of the shower and the moans and heavy breathing of Edward and myself.

After all the tease we had done early it didn't take long for either of us to let go, first Edward spilling over my hand and me following not long after. I had to lean back against the shower wall to steady us both, as my legs tried to give up underneath me from the force of my release.

We quickly dressed and by the time we were ready to leave we had just enough time to make it. As we were walking towards the elevator, I remembered that Edward had yet to tell me what he was going to replace his tattoo with.

"Edward, what did you decide as a replacement for your tattoo?" I asked tilting my head to the side, to look at him. He blushed slightly and turned to face me just as the elevator doors open. We stepped in together and pressed the button to get to Alice's before he turned to look at me again, blush still in place.

"I...well...I did some research into your heritage. Did you know that the Quileute descended from wolves?" He asked. I laughed slightly and nodded.

"Yes, legend has it that a traveling shape shifter came upon a wolf and transformed him into a human being creating the first Quileute. Why?" I asked, wondering what my heritage had to do with his tattoo.

"Wolves are strong protectors, Jacob, and that's how I see you. So I decided to get a wolf so I could carry your courage and strength with me, wherever I go." He smiled softly at me as my eyes began to tear up. I couldn't believe he was doing something so sweet and meaningful. Something that totally negated Sam's vandalism of his body.

Edward reached up and wiped my tears away as I smiled at him. "That...Edward, that is the most amazing, wonderful, romantic thing. I love you." I said before pulling him to me and kissing him passionately.

The elevator doors opened and we pulled apart, stepping out and making our way to Alice and Jasper's door. Edward used his key to get in and as we walked through the house, Edward calling out their names, I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

"Well you look happier." Jasper said, walking up to me and punching my shoulder gently, causing Edward to cringe into me slightly. I held him tight and rubbed my hand up and down his arm in a soothing motion.

Jasper's eyes widened at Edward's reaction and he looked at me quizzical as Edward hid his face in my shoulder. "What's that about buddy?" Jasper asked in a soft voice as he placed a gently hand on Edward's shoulder.

Edward flinched causing Jasper to gasp and step back quickly, the emotions clear on his features. It was the first time that Edward had flinched around Jasper since the first few weeks they had met.

Alice who was standing at Jasper's side wrapped her arms around him trying her best to comfort Jasper, but the hurt was clear, as a single tear slid down his face. He quickly cleared his throat and excused himself.

Edward - who was trembling slightly and had his head still buried into me - took a deep breath and sighed, whispering out a quick "fuck" before pulling back from me.

"I'm so sorry Alice," he started before Alice pulled him into a hug and tried to sooth him.

"It's okay, Edward. You have been through a lot these past few weeks, and with Sam's death it's bound to have an effect."

"But it's Jasper, Alice." Edward sighed again. I continued to rub my hand up and down his arm trying to calm him. I knew Sam's death was hard for him, but I also realized that all of these conflicting emotions where coming from what Esme had done. And it was in that moment I wasn't sure if Edward could get past it.

Jasper had always been Edward's lifeline; he leaned on Jasper for everything. He went to him with all his fears and concerns. He trusted no one more than he did Jazz, and for him to flinch...it would affect both of them.

"Why don't you go speak with him, Edward?" I said gently. He hugged me and kissed me softly on the lips before nodding and making his way to find Jasper.

Once he had left the room, Alice dragged me over to the sofa and pulled me down next to her. "Okay, Jake, what's really going on? I knew what happened would affect Edward but this is something more. Tell me?" Damn perceptive woman child, I thought to myself and chuckled internally at the name.

"I have no idea, Alice." There was no way in hell I would ever tell her the truth. "All I know for sure is that since this morning, he has been acting weird. One minute he is happy and content and the next he is flinching and afraid. I'm not sure what to do other than let him come to me when he needs to and be there."

"There has to be more than that, Jake. What about my mom? She always helps him through the rough patches." What could I say to her? Sorry, Alice, Edward doesn't want to see Esme because she killed Sam. Yeah, that wouldn't go over well.

"You know Edward better than most, Alice. You know he will go to her when he is ready. We can't force him."

"Well we can ask her about it soon, she will be here with dad in about fifteen minutes. I invited them for dinner, too."

Edward walked into the room with his arm slung around Jasper's shoulder, both of them smiling widely until he heard Alice say Esme and Carlisle were coming. He froze which caused Jasper to look at him with concern.

"What's wrong, bud?" Jasper asked. Edward shook his head as if to clear some thought before looked back at Jazz and smiling slightly.

"Nothing, just had a bit of a flash back is all. I'm fine, Jasper, I promise." Jasper shrugged but the look he gave me told me he knew something wasn't right and he wasn't going to rest until he got to the bottom of it.

I felt a pit form in my stomach. I wasn't good at lying, I really never had been, and this was just starting to become all too much.

Edward made his way over to me, clutching my hand in his. When the doorbell sounded I felt myself tense up just as Edward did.

Esme and Carlisle walked in behind Alice, who had let them in. Edward scooted himself behind me trying to shield himself. Carlisle sighed softly, obviously blaming himself for Edward's reaction.

Edward had never been really comfortable around Carlisle, so everybody else thought the same thing, except for me and Esme. She gave me a sad smile before greeting us both and offering to help Alice in the kitchen.

When we were all seated around the table, conversation flowed freely and easily, and I was surprised considering the tense undertones flooding the room.

Once diner was done, Esme pulled me aside. "Jacob, I'm going to tell everyone what I've done. I can't stand the way this is affecting Edward. Look at him, he is a complete mess. He would be having a hard enough time dealing with how to process Sam's death - the warring emotions must be making him slightly insane - but to add the burden of keeping a secret this big... It's too much."

I couldn't argue with her, even though I wanted too. It was too much for Edward. Revealing this secret was not going to be easy. Esme could go to jail, and I could lose my job and be charged with accessory to murder for not reporting it in the first place. But before I could even complete my thought pattern, Esme called for everyone's attention.

"I have something I need to tell you all." She started. She was just about to open her mouth to continue when Edward screamed and then passed out.