SO fast little update here my laptop's hard drive died today so it is off for repairs for the next week so I will be borrowing one this week and as such I might not be as fast updating but I will do my very best. Coincidentally it's also why the last one was again a little rushed my laptop was getting progressively worse so I was busy backing up things and trying to finish up.
Next! Thank you guys so much I am completely flattered that anyone has read these and the reviews have been very helpful and quite sweet so thank you very much. The feedback is greatly appreciated.
…
She left Sugar terrified on the floor shaking and for once in her life completely silent staring at the doorway through which Santana disappeared. Santana ran through the streets, she didn't take to the buildings leaping and manoeuvring with any measure of grace it was just her and her feet on the pavement. She couldn't remember how to do any of it, she just needed to know she was alright her mind could imagine nothing but that thought. The need to know because she felt it somewhere deep inside her chest that something was not right.
Her lungs screamed inside of her chest to the point where she could taste blood in her sharp inhales and exhales. The muscles in her legs had a shrieking chorus of their own and they shook with the exertion of not only going full speed across town once but back again having already spent her energy patrolling. Her eyes burned from a lack of sleep and every muscle wanted her to stop, to slow down but she wouldn't she charged forward pressing towards the house.
A block away she begins to feel dizzy and then like someone has settled a fog in over her thoughts she can't hear herself think. She can see the door to the house and the windows, everything is dark and the neighbourhood feels too silent even for the late hour. As she gets closer all she can see is the door her eyes won't pull away from it even if she tries.
She's going too fast to stop her hand reaches out to grab the door knob and twist it to barrel through but she's forced to collapse into it as the door jams against the lock and won't budge. She panics and begins beating the side of her fist against the door and she's shouting but she can't even hear what she's saying.
Her actions become desperate and she repeatedly slams her shoulder into the heavy unmoving door her body numb to the pain as it spreads down her arm. The lock begins to give the door frame begins to crack and splinter as she relentlessly tries to force the door open.
With a loud crack the door finally swings violently inward, sending Santana in after it stumbling and ultimately landing hard on her knees in the main hall. Her hands come down to catch herself before she falls forward one of her arms gives violently out but she can't think about the pain now, because it isn't important.
She pulls the hurt arm against her chest and gets to her feet faster than she should because her head is swimming now and every inch of her suddenly wants her to leave. The fear grips tightly inside of her chest as she catches something out of the corner of her eye. She turns towards the living room and stops moving. All of the emotion leaves her face for a second her breathing become shallow little gasps before her features twist in slow agony. Her mouth opens to scream but there's nothing, nothing comes out at all.
…
"Tell me a secret" Brittany asks her as she cradles the bottle against her chest, her cheeks are rosy red and her eyes glassy and full of naïve wonder.
Santana leans back against the headboard her mouth pursed as she considers the request, she has this wonderful feeling of freedom inside of her as though she could do absolutely anything in the world. She finally shrugs her shoulders falling into unexplained giggling and takes the bottle from Brittany giving her a playful wink as Brittany begins to pout.
The blonde is relentless and slips up onto her knees edging across the bed and pokes at Santana's flat stomach as she tries to drink, "come on tell me" she whines unable to contain the bright smile burgeoning across her face.
"Fine! Alright!" Santana laughs shaking her head and wiping the alcohol that has dribbled down her chin with the pad of her thumb because of Brittany's impromptu assault, "You are….my best friend in the whole world and I love you" she beams clearly impressed.
Brittany gives a look of disapproval and falls down on the bed next to Santana wrapping her arms around her waist and shakes her a few times, "that's not a secret everyone knows that, even Lord Tubbington knows that and we aren't talking right now because I found him with a pack of cigarettes…smoking is gross" she announces the last bit and stares pointedly at Santana.
Santana knows this is a silent warning from Brittany and she grins scrunching her nose at the girl, "I solemnly swear not to follow in Lord Tubbington's foot…er paw prints, cross my heart. Fine a secret. OK I have a secret" she grows a bit quiet now her smile becoming genuine and soft. "I want to kiss you" she says finally her gaze growing cautious as she stares down at the blonde who is now partially hugging her around her midsection.
Brittany eases up so she is kneeling on the bed and takes the bottle away from Santana and slides it onto the night stand. "Okay do it," she says and smiles confidently at Santana feeling none of the nervous energy that is quietly building inside of Santana.
Santana bites her lip indecisively for a moment and then shrugs her shoulders brings her hand up to gently cradle her best friend's face and she moves in slow her eyes finding Brittany's as she leans in. At the last second Brittany's eyes close and she moves suddenly forward pressing her lips against Santana's. It's soft and wonderful and Santana's eyes shut and her entire body seems to relax suddenly. They kiss with slow passion a few times neither one seeming to want to pull away.
It's Brittany who finally does; she stays close her eyes trained on Santana's lips seemingly entranced by them. She beams suddenly confidently as she begins to speak, "can I tell you a secret?" she pauses waiting for Santana to nod slowly to her, "I really like kissing you" she admits and seems incredibly proud when Santana is grinning wildly back at her.
….
She can't move, her body has become immobile with fear as her mouth hangs open and the tears stream silently down her face. She stares through the tears at the body in the middle of the living room, blonde hair played out in a pool of crimson that coats the floor. She finds her voice suddenly and quietly it comes out hushed and broken, "Brittany…." It doesn't feel real. All she can hear are her own tiny gasping breaths as she tries to will herself to move, to do anything.
Time seems to slow and she blinks away the tears that build and make it hard to see though she doesn't want to see it. She doesn't want to know that her chest isn't moving and her skin is the kind of pale it isn't supposed to be.
She swallows hard and takes a step forward and then the silence goes away and it's replaced with voices that she's heard before. They're loud like on a speaker turned all the way up and they feel more real than the memories she thinks they are.
"You're supposed to be a hero, that city you're supposed to protect? People are dying every day and you're too selfish to even care. Honestly is there anyone in this world you do care about?"
"Miss Lopez? Please sit down, it's about your parents there's been an accident…"
"You can't admit to everybody that you're in love with Brittany and she might not love you back"
"Please say you love me back"
"This is your fault; your filthy sin brought this upon our family"
"It's Brittany she's in the hospital she was just attacked on the street; we told her that city was too dangerous"
"I can't lose Brittany too…she's all I have left and I won't stay and let this happen to her…I can't protect her, I can't protect anyone and I won't be the reason she is hurt"
"I came back and I swear I will never, ever let anything bad happen to you ever again. I'm so sorry"
The voices are loud and they repeat over and over again as she walks forward her hands come to touch her ears but it doesn't silence them they become overwhelming and she is about to scream when suddenly they stop and she's standing over Brittany.
She gets down on her knees but she's afraid to touch her, there's so much blood and she's so pale she doesn't need to, to know she is gone. "Brittany please no, please? Wake up, wake up because I can't do this alone, you can't just leave you have to wake up" she pleads her hands hovering inches above Brittany's chest but she can't touch, her hands shake but they wont move. Her arms retract and wrap around her stomach as she begins to sob the words flowing from her mouth but they stop making sense as she pleads for her to come back. The last is choked and broken, "I love you, please" but there's nothing just silence to greet her pleas.
A voice finally breaks the silence it's stern and unfeeling and familiar, "She isn't coming back, she isn't going to magically heal herself, death is one of those finite things once you're there…you're there" Mark says appearing in the doorway from the kitchen. He eyes Brittany for a moment and then shrugs his shoulders turning his attention back to the girl crying on the floor.
"I didn't want to kill her you know, it's unfortunate she really was a nice girl, it was you I wanted dead. Not an uncommon thought you're kind of an unfeeling bitch. You see I get into people's heads it's my gift, it's pretty for torture but I couldn't quite get into your mind. You spend so much god damn time lying to yourself and building up impossible walls it's a fucking maze in there and honestly I doubt you even know the truth about who you are anymore" He explains passively adjusting the sleeves of his suit, fiddling with his cufflinks and shrugging his broad shoulders.
"But Brittany well her mind is, or was, a bit of a glass house and after you completely shattered her heart by abandoning her well it was easy to swoop in and pick up the pieces. No she'd never tell me your secrets outright but she thinks about you all the time, she worries and wonders and after a while I got to thinking. If you're all she thinks about, I wonder if it works both ways, turns out it does." He continues speaking while moving around the room tidying up a bit and then grabbing the long, sharp, bloodied knife off of the coffee table.
"You were supposed to keep her safe; funny that she's the only person you actually want to protect but you've failed her so many times it's kind of pathetic. It's sad that she has to pay for your sins, and you have sinned. It was sweet she thought you were going to come and save her, big blue eyes so fucking hopeful that her hero would make it in time. But you didn't and the last thing she did was apologize to you, she was sorry for telling me your secrets, it's pathetic. You never deserved her and she still believed in you." He's yelling at her now standing over her holding the knife out at her but she isn't moving.
"My brother, you'll remember him because he killed your parents and then you killed him. They say an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind but I don't want to blind you Santana I just want you dead and you don't have a soul left in the world who actually cares about you so I think I'll be okay" He continues with a wry smirk clinging to his thin lips.
"Just do it" Santana says finally her eyes staring down at Brittany, her voice is even and emotionless as she speaks. When he doesn't say anything at first she lifts her eyes at him they're hollow and she continues "do it or I will."
"What's the matter Santana? No fight left? Where the fuck is snixx huh? You are a fucking coward" He yells and raises his foot kicking her backwards. She falls back against the hard wood floor but gets up and walks towards him and screams "Just do it!"
She can hear something in the background it sounds so distant and far away but she can't focus on anything else. The room has become her entire existence and she can't think of anything else. She shakes the sounds away, the banging and voices she should know but can't seem to remember.
Mark's mood shifts and he forces the handle of the blade into her palm closing her fingers around it and bringing the blade up to her throat, "Go ahead then" he encourages pressing her hand down so the blade bites lightly at her skin.
His hand falls away and hers begins to shake and she brings her other hand up to try and steady it her chest heaving in and out in fast nervous breaths. She's staring down at Brittany's body on the floor and her eyes shut tightly.
Suddenly there are hands on her, grabbing onto her hands and it feels like she's being pulled from a dream and the voice in her ear is one she knows well it's pleading and begging and choked with tears. "Santana stop!" it finally rings through and her eyes open wide and the scene has changed.
There's no body or blood on the floor, the voice in her ear and the hands over her hands are Brittany's. The Silver Arrow is behind her his hands withdrawing from where they had covered her neck to try and protect her. Mark is there in front of her his eyes wide in disbelief the dark energy flowing from his hands slowly stops as he freezes staring at Santana.
She pushes past the people around her and she's out of their reach before they can stop her the knife is turned around the other way now. She lunges into Mark plunging the knife into his abdomen as they fall but she doesn't stop she postures up on him and continues the assault. The Silver arrow rushes over and tries to grab her hands but she shoves him away violently sending him reeling and continues the act.
It's Brittany again who grabs her and pulls her off of him holding her against her chest and pulls the knife from her fingers letting it drop to the ground. Her body is shaking worse than Santana's as she holds her from behind tightly, afraid to let go.
Santana comes undone in great heaving sobs her body turns and curls against Brittany's clinging tightly to her. Brittany's arms are strong as they hold onto her tightly keeping her on her feet and stroking her hair.
She doesn't hear what they're saying, but she can make out the Silver Arrow's voice in the background it's soft and reasonable and scared. His hands are cautious as they touch Santana's shoulders but he isn't speaking to her, it isn't her he's trying make see reason it's Brittany. She has a tight grip on Santana, it's protective.
Brittany pulls back a few inches and tries to find Santana's eyes but her stare is vacant, "we're taking you home now okay?" she asks but there's no response just more tears streaming down Santana's face.
…
Santana is complacent as they bring her back to the studio apartment she doesn't say anything or resist as they load her into the back of a car or bring her upstairs. She stares at the ground for most of it seeming lost among her thoughts.
At the door to the apartment Brittany thanks the Silver Arrow but turns away his help asking only that he explain things to Sugar and suggests she might be able to get more information of Santana's equipment. He stares down at her mask in his hands and walks quietly away.
Brittany brings Santana into the bathroom and leans her back against the counter grabbing a cloth she takes her hands and cleans off the blood slowly. She helps her get changed into pajamas. She hasn't said a word or looked at Brittany since they left the house but her eyes lift slowly finding Brittany's and the words are simple but speak loudly, "I thought I lost you."
She brings her hands up slowly to cup the sides of Santana's face and leans in kissing her forehead gently holding her lips there for a long moment before pulling her into a tight embrace, "I'm right here" she reminds her and squeezes tightly.
After a while Brittany pulls slowly away and opens the medicine cabinet taking out a few bottles and gives Santana a worried look, "you need to sleep, I could only heal so much but you need the rest" she explains trying to make Santana understand. It shouldn't be hard the woman can barely hold herself up and struggles to keep her eyes open.
Santana opens her hand willingly and takes the sleeping pills from Brittany and pops them into her mouth swallowing quickly. "You'll be here when I get up?" she asks quietly looking up at Brittany. Her mind is having trouble believing she is really there. Everything in that world Mark had her in seemed real, it felt like she had lost everything and even if it was untrue it was difficult to shake the emotions.
Brittany nods slowly and takes Santana by the hand tangling their fingers together as she leads her back into the apartment and to the bed pulling back the sheets. Santana gets into the bed slowly her body feeling the weight of exhaustion settle in she looks almost asleep even before Brittany can get into the bed.
There bodies becoming quickly intertwined both of them holding tightly onto one another the fear not yet having slipped away. Santana is nearly asleep when she brings her lips up to Brittany's ear and places a soft kiss there before settling back down her head grateful to be against the pillow.
"I love you Santana" she says slowly turning around in Santana's arms, she brushes the hair out of her face watching as her eyes force themselves open heavy lids begging to be closed reluctantly life revealing those pretty deep brown eyes. "I love you too Brittany, I always have" her voice is a soft whisper and it's only moments before her eyes close and sleep easily takes her.
…
Brittany leans against the counter staring intensely at the bed where Santana is sleeping, her eyes are red and puffy from crying but the look on her face is more scared than sad. Sugar is wearing a worried expression as she walks back into the apartment giving a cautious look towards the bed.
They stand for a while not saying anything just watching the girl sleep, her breathing is shallow and the only reason she's asleep at all is from the medication they gave her. Her body is curled up in a tight ball and she looks too fragile to be the woman they know.
"Is your head okay? Silver said he found you tied up unconscious in the garage and that your head was bleeding pretty bad…" Sugar speaks cautiously as she stares up at Brittany trying to read a reaction from her.
Brittany's eyes don't move from Santana though she watches with vigilance counting every small uneven breath the woman takes. "It's fine. I heal pretty fast. I can't fix her though" she admits finally her face becomes tight as she struggles to no avail as the tears well in her eyes again.
She pulls her hands into the sleeves of her sweater and wipes her eyes, "I don't know how to make it better or help her I barely know what he did to her" thinking of him causes an instant reaction the mix of disgust and rage flashes across her face. "It's my fault he was able to do this to her…" Brittany whispers her hands curling tightly into fists; "I should have known" she continues and shakes her head bitterly.
Sugar grabs her hand quickly squeezing it tightly in both of hers, "Brittany that guy was a psycho, you heard what the arrow said he was strong too, you had no way of knowing" she argues desperately but she knows Brittany isn't listening. She can see the guilt etched on the older woman's face.
"I made a list of things.." Brittany trails off watching Santana begin to move in the bed she's still asleep but the dreams have come again.
Sugar nods knowingly and walks to the counter taking the pad of paper, "I'll get them" she says quietly and turns to leave but Brittany catches her wrist before she can slip away. The blonde tugs her into a sudden hug and says, "thank you for calling him and everything else."
Sugar freezes nervously against Brittany and as she shuffles away sniffles lightly and clears her throat nodding as she escapes into the hallway before the tears start. She doesn't need the thanks, Brittany and Santana are her family but she doesn't mind hearing it. She wishes she could do more, she feels helpless most of the time when Santana is out patrolling. For now however she has a grocery list and errands to run.
Brittany walks slowly towards the bed and sits down on the edge her fingers moving to gently touch Santana's forehead. They comb through her hair and she waits patiently for Santana's body to calm down. The truth is she can't make the bad dreams go away or magically send all the pain out of the woman's heart. She can heal a lot of things but not those and it makes her feel incredibly small.
She waits until Santana stops moving and her breathing evens out before she crawls into the bed next to her and pulls her tightly against her chest nuzzling down into the mess of black hair.