Warning: This story deals with domestic violence and the struggles to recover. If you have problems with this issue please don't read this.

Disclaimer: Ms Meyers owns Twilight and all its characters.

Big thanks to my Beta's Taloolah Pyejammies. You girls are awesome; I appreciate all the work you do for me, helping me make my stuff presentable.

Extra A/N at the end of chapter.

Edward's Plan

EPOV

I knew I was pouting through most of the meal as we sat to eat dinner, Jake's last words echoing in my head. Surely he was just kidding, there was no way he would actually cut me off.

That thought surprised me too, the fact that sex was important to me with Jake. I would have given anything for Sam to have cut me off from his unwanted touches, but the thought of Jake doing that was extremely depressing. He brought out something long ago buried in me, when we were physical. I longed for every touch, every kiss, every kind word. Jake always made me feel special, treasured, but more so when we made love.

Since we first shared ourselves, we had a very fulfilling sex life, giving ourselves to each other at least once a day, usually more. And the thought of not having that connection with him for a week was a little tough to take. It made me realize just how smart Jake was, because if anything that was the best threat he could have made. I had to stifle a chuckle when that thought crossed my mind.

It was a massive relief though, to know for sure that Jake wasn't treating me like a child, there was no coddling on his part, he was just being himself. Kind, compassionate and generous of spirit, the complete opposite of his cousin. Funny thing is, I knew all this to begin with,deep down, but my paranoia just got out of control.

Though it was easier everyday to leave behind my past, it still lingered and would come back to me at the most inappropriate times, infecting the people around me and causing scenes at dinner parties. I still had that little niggle in the back of my mind, wondering how the hell I got so lucky with Jake. It's a struggle to not let the dark thoughts that I'm too damaged, not good enough, from seeping through.

I'm starting to wonder if I do all these things to push him away, even though I know that I would be shattered and broken again if he ever left me. My mind was still a scary, dark place but with the help of Alice, Jasper and Jake, I'm finally starting to realize what it is that makes me act the way I do.

Pushing Jake to react, trying to make him something he is not, was one of my most horrid mistakes, and I must say I deserve punishment for it. So if no sex for a week is what Jake decides, even though it will kill me, I will abide.

Jake's hand slides up my leg, under the table, breaking me from my darkening thoughts. I've come to believe that he has the ability to read my mind, knowing exactly what I need at any given time. Looking up from my plate I realize that everyone is staring at me and I was so lost in thought I have missed the whole conversation.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, my cheeks reddening at my own self-absorption. I could feel Jake's eyes on me, his concern was almost palpable.

"Seth was just asking about your tattoo is all, wondering if you are happy with it." Alice's voice is full of concern, I can hear it in her tone, and Jasper, when I catch his eye, has a look of worry on his features too. I really have to learn to stop letting things fester in my mind.

"Oh, yes, thank you Seth, it's really beautiful." Jake's hand tightened on my thigh and I realized that I had flinched at the question. Though why I'm not sure, I had no images of Sam. Shaking my head, I rise from the table slowly. "Sorry guys, I'm just...um...finish up wont you, I just think I need to lay down for a while." I gave Jake a quick squeeze on his shoulder and tried to smile at everyone before I made my way to the bedroom. Leaving the door open I flopped down onto the bed and tried to keep my mind blank.

I focused on the conversation that is filtering through from the dining room, the voices sound worried and I sigh softly. It's not until I scrub my hands over my face that I realize I'm crying and I really have no idea why. My emotions are so messed up right now.

Unsure of how much time had passed, I jumped a little when I felt the bed dip next to me and Jake's arms wrapped around me. "Are you okay, baby?" He kisses my neck and I hear myself sigh softly.

"I..." Swallowing hard, I roll over to face Jake. After the conversation we had, about telling him how I feel, I decided to be honest. "Jake, I don't know what's wrong. I...it's...fuck. I just feel..." My problem was I didn't know how I felt. Why I was melancholy, what exactly had brought it on. I couldn't blame Sam, because even though he had been crossing my mind tonight, it's not as if I was remembering anything horrific.

Jake yelling at me had left me with a mixture of elation and fear, but it was not the cause of what I was feeling now. I just couldn't put my finger on why, every little thing was just too much and I just didn't want to face anything at all.

"Edward?" Jake's thumbs brushed under my eyes and I realized I was crying again, "It's okay to be sad just because you are sad, you know. There doesn't have to be any catalyst for the emotion. I'm no shrink, but I'm guessing, for someone like you, having to master your emotions for your own safety and then never letting anyone close enough on a romantic level to understand how to let them out and not feel threatened...well it's gotta take its toll." Jake took a deep breath and then pulled me closer to him, letting me cry into his chest while he stroked my hair.

It was cathartic, to just let go in the safety of his arms. I had cried with Jake so many times, but there was always a reason, a push that caused me to break down. Crying, just for the sake of crying, for release was cleansing in a way, and as Jake's words echoed in my mind, they made a lot of sense. I truly had been very rigid in how I expressed myself, even after Sam. It was an ingrained thing, a knowing that if I reacted the wrong way, I would be punished so it was safer to not react at all, until it all built up, I said something I shouldn't and was punished.

It was foreign to express an emotion just because, but it was also healing, and that thought caused me to chuckle through my tears. I pulled back and wiped my face, then looked Jake in the eye, opened my mouth to apologize but was cut off by his hand rising into the air between us.

"If you even think about saying sorry, I will cut you off for more than a week," he laughed, though it was very strained but it did cause me to smile.

"Thank you, Jake. For everything." He smiled back at me, his eyes sparkling with his own unshed tears, and pulled me back into his chest.

"You are very welcome baby."

I got lost in the warmth of him, the rise and fall of his chest was so rhythmic that the next thing I knew I was waking up to the sun spilling through the gap in the curtains. Jake was not in bed with me and his side was cold, when I blindly reached out to find him. Grimacing at the slight headache, caused from an excess of tears, I scrubbed my face and turned over to check the time.

"Fuck." I grumbled as I jumped out of bed and headed straight for the shower. It was almost eleven and I was extremely late for my morning appointments. Why the fuck didn't Jake wake me, before he left for work.

Drying and dressing hurriedly, I made my way to the kitchen where I could smell coffee. Jake had left a cup out for me, and there was a note underneath it.

Edward,

I called Esme this morning and had her contact your morning clients to reschedule, the ones that were too important to miss she took herself. You looked exhausted and I thought you could do with a lie in. Left the coffee on for you and there is breakfast in the warmer. Talk when I get home.

All my love

Jake.

Jake had left me a plate of bacon and eggs, which were considerably dried out, but I ate them regardless. His thoughtfulness and consideration was in every part of the breakfast and really bad coffee, because it had been sitting too long, but to me it was the best I had ever had. Once finished I picked up the phone and called Esme, and talked to her about my appointments and also about how I had been feeling last night. She pretty much told me the same stuff Jake did, and it made me wonder if these two were talking more frequently than I had realized. I should have known though, that Jake would go to her for advice on how to help me cope best.

After saying goodbye to Esme with plans for dinner with the family on Thursday night, I hung up and gathered my things, before leaving the house and making my way to work.

Even though it was only half a day, it was still a very trying one. Most of my clients where doing really well, but one, he was having a really hard time trying to form bonds with anyone but me. Brady had been seeing me for three years so far and had tried and tried to find a balance in his life, but couldn't quite get there. He really did remind me a lot of myself, which is why I never pushed him too hard.

Brady came from a broken home and was kicked out when he was fifteen, when he decided to tell his father he was gay. His mother had long since abandoned them and he was left to suffer at the hands of a man who considered alcohol his main priority. By the time he was seventeen he was firmly in the hands of one of the most abusive relationships I had ever heard about. It was almost as shocking as the one I had been through and he also had the scars to prove it.

In the beginning, my session with him would bring on the worse flash backs I had suffered in years, and it took me a long while before I could listen to him without suffering nightmares and panic attacks. He had gotten out when he was nineteen and the only reason he was free was because his abusive boyfriend had been stabbed in a bar fight and died from his injuries.

He called it a mad twist of fate, I called it Karma.

Once I got home, I headed straight for the shower, hoping it would relieve the tension in my muscles, and sooth the ache I always felt after a session with Brady. I felt really bad that I had neglected him for so long. With everything that had been going on in my life, people besides Jake, Alice, Jasper and the Cullens had taken a backseat.

Brady had become a part of our lives, over time, and had especially taken to Jasper, like most abused gay men did. I think they found the same comfort in him that I did.

Unlike me, Brady didn't flinch around other men, he was just quiet and shy. A little reserved, Jasper would say, but very sweet. During our session today I was surprised to find out that Brady had been spending a lot of time with Alice, and I was amazed at where she found the time.

By the time I was dried and dressed the front door was opened and closed and I rushed out to greet Jake and jumped a little when it was Jasper coming in.

"Hey buddy," he said brightly, a bottle of wine in one hand and take away in the other. "Alice is working late, and Jake had to stay back to finish up some paper work, so it's just you and me for a couple of hours." He smiled and then frowned when he caught my expression.

"Hey Jasper." I yawned then, the exhaustion of my day catching up with me. Even though I had slept in and only been at work half the day, I was knackered.

"You okay buddy?"

"Yeah just tired. Had a session with Brady today."

"Oh. How is he? I know Alice has been spending time with him, but she doesn't talk about it much."

"He's doing okay, getting on with things, you know I can't say too much Jasper." Jasper knew the basics about Brady, since Brady himself had told him, but I couldn't divulge what we discussed in our sessions, though up until a few months ago, Jasper was up to date anyway. Brady and the rest of us get together from time to time for drinks or dinner, he even sometimes comes to games nights. But none of that had happened in a while.

"I know, I think it's time we had another get together. I miss the little Bradster."

"You know he hates when you call him that, Jasper." I laughed out loud for the first time all day.

"Oh, you know he loves me, I can get away with calling him anything." Shaking my head as I started to help Jasper plate up the food and pour the wine.

We ate in silence for a while, and it was comforting, being with Jasper like this again, just the two of us. We had spent many nights like this, when Alice was working late, and I realized at this moment how much I missed it.

"I've missed it too." Jasper said suddenly breaking the silence.

"Did I say that out loud?" I asked.

"No, but I can see it in your face, Edward. You know I can read you like a book." He chuckled and so did I. Sometimes things change, but somethings never do, and the connection I shared with Jasper was one of those things in life that would always be there, to comfort me.

"I really have missed you Jasper. You know how much you mean to me, and I know you have been feeling left out of late. But you have to remember, you were the first man that I ever trusted, after...well you know...and it will always be that way. I love you Jazz, you know that right?"

"Yeah I know, I just got a little nutty there for a while. Five years of having you all to myself, it's a hard habit to break. I want you to be happy Edward, I really do. You deserve it so much, but everything changed so fast and I just went with it, until finally I felt threatened. I know it's stupid and pathetic, but I missed you, I missed us. You are more than a friend to me, you are family."

"I know." I whispered quietly.

"And I love you too," he chuckled and smiled brightly at me, causing me to roll my eyes and laugh. That was Jasper's way of getting it out and ending the conversation all in one. He wasn't one to share how he was feeling, the gooey stuff as he called it, but when he did, he would blurt it out in one quick go and move on. He preferred to show you how he felt, with constant touching and doing things for you to make you feel special.

If God gave us angels to help us through, then I had three.

"So..." And I knew what was coming. "want to tell me what happened last night?"

"I was a dick, that's what happened. I really should have listened to you in the first place Jazz, what a fucking mess I made. But Jake being Jake, forgave me. Why didn't you tell me he doesn't lose his temper a lot?" I know I was giving him an accusing look, but he just brushed it off and laughed.

"Cause I see him lose his shit almost every fucking day buddy. Plus I've never seen him in a relationship, so I had no clue what he was like in one of those. We never really talked about it, you were always the main topic of conversation, that and Alice. Oh and his dad of course."

"What do you mean you see him lose his shit almost everyday?" I was curious about this turn of events.

"Come on Edward, I've told you before how involved Jake gets in his work. He gets worked up over people hurting other people, we see it everyday and it affects him." Jasper sighed but then chuckled as he added, "He can rant on a topic for a good solid hour, if I'd let him. But the patience and kindness he shows to the victims, it's what makes him one of the best."

"I can see that," I sighed a wistful kind of sound. Jake was truly one of a kind. "He is so great with me, even though I continue to fuck it up..."

"Bullshit Edward, you don't fuck anything up. Jake knows you love him, and from what he told me today, he treats you the same as he would treat anyone else he loved. Guess I should have just asked him that myself and saved you the trouble."

"Well that would have worked if I had thought of it," I laughed, "but really, things worked out okay, except for the fact he cut me off for a week." I pouted at the last bit and Jasper spat his wine across the table.

"He what?" Jasper was full out laughing while simultaneously choking on his wine.

"You heard me, and stop fucking laughing, it's not funny." Though I couldn't help the snort that left me as I tried to conceal my own chuckle.

"Oh Edward, that's fucking priceless. Do you think he will be able to follow through?" He was still laughing.

"Not if I can help it." I pouted again, but chuckled despite myself.

"And, pray tell, what exactly do you have in mind to break the poor mans will?" Jasper had a twinkle in his eyes, and it reminded me of old times.

"Well I haven't really thought that far ahead, but I'm guessing that showing a lot of skin might help." I shrugged nonchalantly. "So maybe you might want to start knocking before you barge in." Jasper lost it and actually thumped the table he was laughing so hard.

"You know what? I think you might have to put the security chain on, because Alice would just barge in no matter what, but I will let her know to be extra cautious for a while."

"Crap, I didn't think of Alice."

"Yes, well, I don't think it's too much of a worry, we both only use the key when we know Jake isn't here or in an emergency, or when invited. Besides Alice knows you don't want her seeing you naked, I'm sure she will comply."

"Yeah, since she made Jake clean me up after my vomit fest at the station a while back, I'm sure she will." I shuddered at the memory.

"So..." Jasper said changing the subject from that particular thought, though his hands clenched slightly and his eyes darkened at the memory. "when does operation seduce Jake begin?"

"Well, I was thinking it might be nice for him to come home and find me naked on the couch..." I blushed and Jasper laughed again. "Well, anyway, probably, tonight." I ended, realizing I was going to say too much. Jasper didn't need to know how I was going to present myself.

"Well, I better get going then, since he should be home soon. Good luck, I'm sure I will know how it went by Jake's actions at work tomorrow."

He helped me clean up the mess and then we hugged goodbye. As soon as the door was shut and locked behind him I stripped down and laid myself out on the sofa, trying to look as seductive as possible and waited for my man to get home.

A/N: Someone or many someone's nominated this fic for the Twislash Awards. I actually never knew there was such a thing until I got the email, informing me that I had been nominated. So thank you to who ever did that, it was a wonderful surprise, since I have never been nominated or rec'ed before other than a title mention by darkira. So voting starts September 14th so please read the other noms if you havent already and dont forget to vote for your favs. http:/community dot livejournal dot com/twislashawards/