EPILOGUE
It's a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up.
The passage echoed volumes in Spencer's brain for the final few days before Toby left. Much of their remaining time together was a blur of passionate endeavors and romantic dates, creating a whirlwind of memories that would assist in tiding her over. It had all begun to bleed together as one wonderful week from a romance film, complete with loving declarations and grand gestures. He had vowed to make the week as memorable and magical for her as possible, and he succeeded tenfold in his promise. She fell more in love with him that week, which had hardly seemed fathomable.
And throughout it all, the clock ticked down exponentially, as if challenging them to fit everything in before the hourglass ran out. However, with all that they had endured, she knew that time would prove to be inconsequential in comparison to what lay before them for the future.
Nonetheless, she knew she would miss him more than words could ever express.
Hanna and Holmes accompanied them to the Metro Detroit Airport. People were smiling as they passed, taking note of Toby's military uniform. Some stopped to shake his hands and thank him for his service, which only seemed to make him more embarrassed. Through that short walk across the airport, it became glaringly obvious that average citizens were often much friendlier to soldiers than they were to one another. Spencer found it both beautiful and sad at the same time, wishing silently that civilians could appreciate one another as much as they appreciated combat veterans.
After Hanna and Holmes concluded their heart-wrenching goodbyes, they bid Toby farewell and retreated back to the car to allow the couple privacy, granting Spencer to take all the time she needed.
She stood before him, her arms slung behind his neck, holding back the tears she knew would pour when he left. But for now, she had to be strong. He gently kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her lips, holding her close at the waist. And time, ever betraying them, was running out.
"I love you so much," he murmured in her ear, hugging her tightly to his frame. She could feel his body trembling with anxiousness. She was frightened, but she could not begin to fathom the extent of Toby's fears. It pained her to think of what he was about to endure a world away…the terrors he may witness, the dangers he may face. She tried to suppress her worries as she clung to him, afraid to watch him go.
"I'll be here for you when you get back," she whispered. A sob threatened to escape her throat, but she held it back meticulously.
The final boarding call rang through the PA. A shiver involuntarily ran down her spine.
He pulled back to gaze at her lovingly, stroking her face. "Nothing will keep me from coming home to you," he vowed. "I will come back for you."
She smiled sadly, knowing deep down that this was a promise he could not possibly control. The conviction in his voice, however, was comforting all the same.
"Write to me," she pleaded softly.
"Every day." He leaned in to kiss her once more, pouring every bit of his heart and soul into the embrace. She concentrated on it with all of her might, dedicated to committing his touch to memory. The feel of his lips, the warmth of his breath on her skin, the scent of his body. She wanted to remember every piece of it, to be able to refer to the memory when times were darkest.
When he pulled away from her, the sudden cold that swept through her heart had nothing to do with his physical proximity. He clung to her hand as long as he could, staring her down with his piercing baby blue eyes. "I love you," he said one last time.
"I love you too," she replied fervently. As he entered the gates, he turned back to look at her once more. Her heart broke in her chest as she waved good-bye. He smiled sadly and continued until he was out of sight.
And then, she was alone. It didn't matter that people were bustling in all directions on every side of her…in her heart, the world stood still.
When at long last she tore herself from the spot she stood, she began to hurriedly walk back towards the car. Tears were pouring down her cheeks. Tears that she could not let him see before he left. The last thing she had wanted to do was increase any feelings of guilt he may have had for leaving her. She had to be strong for him.
People didn't seem to pay her any mind, despite the moisture that soaked her cheeks. She was silently grateful for this. She hated submitting to such feelings of vulnerability, and was all-the-more embarrassed to be falling victim to it in front of strangers. It was mind-boggling, really, that the pain in her heart was so reminiscent of the aching it had endured when she broke up with him in Rosewood. The only difference was that back then, she had no hope. This time – she did.
The walk back to the parking garage seemed to take an eternity, though it had felt so short with his hand clasped in hers. She began recalling the feel of his touch immediately to calm her anxiety, taking deep breaths. It was only four months. They had been apart for much longer. There was no reason she could not get through this.
And she had her friends…Hanna and Holmes stood casually by the Mazda, talking in undertones. She studied them for a moment, taking note of the way that Hanna nervously played with her hair, and the way that Holmes leaned against his car, staring off absently in the distance. This was hard for him too…Toby was his best friend…
And ultimately, they would be the people who would provide her the greatest support. They would be there for her in an instant, and would share her woes on some parallel level. Toby was leaving. But there, right before here, were two people that would never let her break.
"Well, that's that," she said aloud as she approached them. They both turned to her, looking somber.
"Are you okay?" Hanna asked quietly, scratching her fingernails comfortingly across Spencer's back.
Spencer smiled. It wasn't forced, like she would have expected it to be. She didn't have the fake it, which was something she had been prepared to do. It was a genuine smile that not even she would have predicted was possible. It was a smile of hope. Faith. Relief. Relief that saying good-bye was over, and that she would never have to do it again. All that remained now was the journey forward, and it came with a great deal of promise in its wake.
"Yeah," Spencer replied at last. "I'll be okay."
Hanna and Holmes smiled tentatively at her.
"He's a brave man," Holmes offered. "That'll get him through this. It'll get you through it, too."
"I know," Spencer agreed. He pulled the back door open for her chivalrously, to which she obliged. She curled up in her seat, feeling a sad sort of numbness. But she knew it would be all right. Everything would be all right.
Toby was right when he said they had already beaten the odds. They had found each other after all that time, despite the chances being one in a million. Their love had never changed – in fact, it only flourished.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
In truth, Spencer could not wait to see what it would feel like to love him even more than she already did.
"Have you eaten today?" Holmes inquired, pulling out of the parking spot.
Spencer shook her head vaguely. "No…haven't had an appetite."
"Well it's about time you put some food in your stomach!" Hanna quipped maternally. "We should really stop to get some lunch."
"Sure," Spencer agreed. She knew they were right. In fact, her stomach was rumbling on command at the prospect of food. She would need as much strength as she could get, after all.
"Do you have to do that?" Holmes demanded irritably as he batted Hanna's hand away from the radio tuner.
"I don't like this country crap," Hanna was whining.
"My car, my radio," Holmes stated territorially, turning up the volume to spite her. She groaned and pouted in her seat.
Spencer smiled. These were the little things that would get her through the next four months. Friendship…playful banter…Hanna and Holmes at one another's throats.
No problem. It would pass the time before she knew it.
She thought of his face as he entered the boarding gate. The determination in his eyes was enough to give her the faith she would need. She thought back to something he had said a few days prior, and exhaled a large sigh of relief as she allowed it to echo in her head over and over again.
No matter where I am, my heart is always somewhere with you.
She didn't doubt it for a moment.
In my heart
I'm always
Somewhere with you…
…On the beach last summer
When the rain came down and we took cover
Down in your car out by the pier
Laid me down whispered in my ear
'I hate my life
Hold onto me'
And if you ever decide to leave
Then I'll go somewhere with you
Kenny Chesney
END
Thank you everyone for all your loving kindness and support! A big hug and kiss to all of those who loyally reviewed almost every chapter, giving me inspiration to keep writing.
This chapter was a bit hard to write for me on a personal level. My husband deployed a year and a half ago and this reflected much of what I was feeling. I would not wish the despair on my worst enemy. Luckily he is home safe and sound now, and we are stronger than ever.
Look for the sequel soon! Please share any ideas you may have for it with me, so that I can create it to everyone's liking!
Peace, Love, Spoby.