Authors' Notes: An absolutely supermassive thankyou to everybody reading this! You guys are great! And thanks to you who reviewed as well, they have been brilliantly lovely!
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters. Even though we wish we did.
Inopportune Moments
Chapter 5: The Clothing Dilemma (I'm Making A Habit Of This)
The Doctor was skipping through the TARDIS happily, fingers threaded through his suspenders.
Today's a lovely day! he thought. I'm going to change my bow tie, and then I think we'll go see that brilliant planet with the endless forest...what's it called? Never mind. Bowties are the issue of the hour. Hmmm...bowties...blue or red? Polka-dots?
Without knocking he opened the door to his (and now River's) bedroom.
River had gotten up only a few minutes earlier.
What in the Time Vortex should I wear? she thought. I suddenly have so many clothes! Silly TARDIS.
The TARDIS had increased dramatically the size of her wardrobe in an attempt to show how excited she was to have Time Lords (especially a pair of lovely, brilliant Time Lords, thought the TARDIS to herself as she watched River look puzzled. It's almost like being back in time!) living in her again.
She was just about to get dressed when the door opened behind her.
There was a loud 'ZAP!' and the Doctor ducked, curling himself up in a self-defensive ball on the floor.
When he was sure that River wasn't going to try to shoot him again, he stood up and looked at the doorway. There was a neat laser-burned circle exactly just over where his head was.
"River! You could have shot me!" he said, turning to face her, and instantly covering his eyes with his hands.
For River was standing across the room, back to him. She'd evidently fired without looking. Which is impressive,thought the Doctor, but I'd prefer if she tried to shoot me with some form of clothing on. Although, knowing River, she didn't mean to hit me, or she'd have hit me.
Because River was standing there, completely naked.
Why does she have to do that? he thought. Can she not just...put a sign on the door? Or never take her clothes off. Seriously, first the bathroom thing on Monday, and now this. She might begin to think I'm doing it on purpose.
Not that he really minded the whole naked River thing.
River put the gun down on the bed and turned around.
"Shoot you? No, I've been there, done that, and let's face it, sweetie, it really wasn't all that great an experience, now was it?" she said, smiling at the Doctor, who was peeking between his fingers.
"Oh, River. I'm sorry...I didn't, I mean...you know I.." he said, still not taking his hands away from his eyes. "But, yes. I mean, let's give the space-time continum a rest, eh?"
He smiled behind his fingers at the thought of River standing on top of that ancient pyramid, hair blowing in the fierce wind, being insufferably, intolerably stubborn in a typical Pond-ish way, eyes bright with tears and an emotion part way between despair and love. It was a completely perfect look. Although, River tended to look perfect quite a significant amount of the time.
"Darling, are you just going to stand there like that all day?" said River. He could practically hear the raised eyebrows.
He cautiously took his hands off his eyes.
Sure enough, River was standing there (still not in any clothes, he noted appreciatively), with raised eyebrows, hands on hips.
"I'll just...I mean, there's some custard in the kitchen...I'll just...go...and, uh, eat it. Sorry." he said, blushing.
River was still looking disapprovingly at him.
"Well, if you're here. You may as well help me decide what to wear. The TARDIS has just given me several lifetimes worth of clothes."
As an afterthought she added, "Thanks, dear."
Before she turned to the wardrobe she stopped and looked at the Doctor, who was focusing very hard on her face, trying not to look her up and down. "You know, dear, you really have to get better at knowing when not to come into a room. One might think that you're doing it on purpose!" she said, winking slyly at him, before turning to the wardrobe and rifling through the endless racks of clothing.
Oh, no!thought the Doctor. Clothes! I knew our relationship would come to this, but oh, by the Gallifreyan suns, not this soon! I wanted to spend a little more time enjoying this regeneration before it was incinerated in the angry stare of a furious woman!
He sighed.
I have a very, very bad feeling about this!
"Well?" said River, holding a dress up and swishing the skirt back and forth.
The Doctor was at a loss. Aliens he could deal with, lost moons were no problem, the Daleks? A piece of cake! But clothes?
Give me a bowtie, some suspenders, and a fez and I'm set. he thought. Perhaps if I just nod and look like I know what I'm doing...
Two dresses later he was already bored. And his neck hurt from the head nodding.
"You know, River dear?" he said, unsure if he should say what he wanted to say. Considering you're halfway through the sentence, you're going to have to say it. For a 1103-year-old Time Lord, you certainly need to develop the ability to think before you open your ridiculously handsome mouth.
"Yes, sweetie?" said River, surprised that he was saying anything at all.
"I really think...I mean, I think you...you look just fine not wearing anything."
He paused, gaging the response from River.
Considering that she's not edging towards the gun, in fact if anything she's coming over here I'd say that it's going pretty well...oh, my bow tie. Please, don't let anything happen to my beautiful bow tie! he thought as River removed his suspenders.
(added Authors' Note: to every one who read this before it got fixed up...SORRY! when the italics were uploaded the spaces were all like "No, we're too cool for this story.")