AN: So Big Love is all over but I hope some of you still check out this story. I got a little carried away with this part, sorry it's so long. I hope I've kept the characters in character for you and if you're reading I'd love to hear your thoughts on the story.
Margie watched Ben leave her room; she waited five minutes and then asked to speak to the doctor. While she waited she went over in her head what she was going to say, how she was going to convince him she was ready to leave the hospital. When he walked in she had everything all worked but he didn't want to hear any of it. He was pleased that she was feeling good but regardless it was still too soon for her to leave. She begged him to change his mind, tried to explain to him how important it was for her to leave. Eventually he gave her an option, she could sign a form saying she was leaving against medical advice, an AMA he called it. She jumped at the option, getting out of the hospital was more important to her than anything else at that moment. The doctor did not look happy when she signed the form, he tried to change her mind again, and when it became clear she wasn't going to do that he gave her a big long list of symptoms which if she got she need to come right back.
-8-8-8-
Ben walked through the hospital carrying the bag of clothes his mom had picked out for Margene. He honestly didn't expect her to use any of them; there was no way in his mind the doctors were going to let her leave. He expected to walk into the room and find her upset, maybe crying, he was preparing himself to have to comfort her but when he walked in he found her sitting in his chair patiently waiting for her clothes.
"Benny thank you," she told him when he stepped into the room, he handed her the bag, she rummaged through it then stood up. "Give me a few minutes to change and then we're out of here," she told him and she walked to the small bathroom in her room.
-8-8-8-
Ben had done a good job with the clothes Margie thought as she took a closer look at the items he'd brought, he'd even remembered all the things she thought he might forget, underwear, shoes but they were all there. She unclipped the hospital gown and let it fall to the ground, in the mirror she caught a glimpse of her naked body, she had bandages running down the centre of her chest and branching off to the sides and around her back. She reached down and touched them; they hurt a little but not too much. Carefully she slipped on the clothes he'd brought, she was conscious of her movements, it hurt if she twisted or moved the wrong way. When she was ready she stepped out.
"Let's go," she said to him and began to make her way slowly out the hospital.
-8-8-8-
Ben walked after her; it only took a few steps for him to catch up. "Margie are you sure it's okay for you to leave?" He asked, something didn't seem right, it was too soon and he could tell she wasn't right, she was moving well but she kept wincing.
"Yes." She told him and she kept moving forward.
At the front of the hospital Ben told her to wait while he brought the car around. When he came back she slipped inside and let out a long slow breath. "Turn right," she directed him at the main road.
He looked over at her confused. "Marge, home is left."
"I know we're not going home, we're going to VSN."
-8-8-8-
Margene held her head up as she walked into the VSN building, she hadn't been there since the announcement, she hadn't spoken to anyone from there. She'd been avoiding them; waiting for everything to blow over a bit before she'd go back and convince them she was worth keeping. This wasn't how she'd planned her return but VSN seemed to be the only place she could think of. She needed to find Nell, she needed everyone looking for her, she needed to get on the television.
She scanned the offices and corridors looking for Beverly. Finally she spotted her; she was speaking to someone at the end of the corridor. She waited for the other person to walk away and then she called out.
"Beverly," she waited for her to turn around, to look at her before she continued. "I need to speak to you."
"Margene?" The look on Beverly's face was nothing short of surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"My Nell's been taken," she began. "I need to find her; I need to get on the television."
"Margene, I don't think VSN is the right television for you to be on." Beverly talked to her kindly but there was sternness in her voice. "We're home shopping, not news."
"I know," she knew VSN wasn't ideal but she also thought it was right. "But these people, my fans they know me, they'll want to help, they'll find her. Please."
"Want to help you?" Beverly looked at her and shook her head. "You lied to your fans, your brand is trashed. They're not going to want to help you more than any other person."
"Yes they will, I know I lied but I had, I'll make them see." She needed this more than she'd ever needed anything. "Please, please, please." She was begging but there was nothing more she could do.
"Come on Margie lets go." She felt Ben put his hand on her shoulder but she pushed it away.
"Please Beverly," she was starting to tear up, she felt hopeless. She kept her eyes on Beverly watching her, waiting to see some sign she'd change her mind and then she almost smiled.
"Mr Margene Heffman," she said looking straight at Ben. "I guess you're not really her husband, you're her step son?"
"Yes, so?" Ben didn't know what she was getting at; their relationship was irrelevant to the situation.
"Nothing," She shook her head, and something clicked over in her mind, she had a change of heart. "Okay, you can have five minutes. We're shooting in ninety."
Beverly turned and walked away, Margie stood there looking stunned, she'd done it and now she didn't know what to do. "Margie?" she heard Ben's voice beside her and felt his hand rest on her shoulder. "What do we do now?"
"Wait," the word came out her mouth almost breathless and she began walking, Ben walked with her but he didn't say anymore, he followed her through the building and into the studio. There were only a few people there, technicians setting everything up, she looked for an empty chair and found one in front of the makeup stand. She glanced at herself briefly in the mirror; she looked every bit as terrible as she felt. The sorrow was eating at her and she was physically exhausted. "I'm just going to shut my eyes for a bit." She told him before resting her head on the table.
-8-8-8-
Ben watched Margie lay her head on the table, it took less than a minute for her to fall asleep and not for the first time that day he began to worry about her. He could understand how she would think what she was doing would help, he wasn't the type of man to tell her it wouldn't, but he didn't have much faith in it. The story was on the news everywhere, everyone knew what had happened. But the people responsible had gone underground, that was the only reason he could think of for why they hadn't been found, either that or they were long gone. He didn't want to think about them being gone.
With Margie sleeping he pulled out his phone and called home. He spoke to his mom, told her where they were, what they were doing, and when they'd be home. She was as surprised as him to find out the doctor had let Margene leave.
Ten minutes before they were to start filming he shook her awake, as she woke up she looked dazed and confused like she wasn't sure where she was and then he saw the realisation hit.
"Is it time?" She asked him.
"Soon," he told her. "They need to talk to you about how it's going to happen."
"Okay." She looked at herself in the mirror, she looked worse, automatically she ran her hands through her hair trying to smooth it out, it worked a little but there was nothing she could do about her eyes, there was a deep sadness she couldn't hide. She shrugged, sad was okay, she stood up, for a moment she felt dizzy, it passed quickly and she walked over to Beverly.
Beverly was direct with her as she explained what they were going to do. They'd slip her in at the very start, after the intro before the first product. She could say whatever she needed to say but when the time was up that was it. She nodded, agreed, she was starting to feel nervous but not in the good excited way she'd felt when she'd gone live before. No this time she was starting to feel sick, she wanted to vomit and felt like she was going to cry. She was trying to run through what she was going to say but she couldn't think straight.
When it was time for her to go on, Beverly introduced her and she stepped onto the stage, the light shone in her eyes, she blinked, she tried to focus, for a moment she froze and then she started speaking.
"Hi," her voice was shaky, nothing like the confidence she usually showed. "I just want to start off by saying how sorry I am that I lied to you all. It wasn't my intention to deceive you, I just... I had to hide who I really was. I couldn't tell anyone and I hated doing it, I hated not being able to share my true story. Please forgive me." She paused a moment, tried to collect herself, she was already starting break and she hadn't even reached the important stuff. "Please forgive me, I need your help." She lifted up the photo she'd been holding of her and Nell, the image had been taken their last afternoon together, it was the perfect Kodak. "This is my Nell. Three nights ago she was taken from me. A man, he was huge pulled her from my arms, told me I didn't deserve her, that I didn't deserve any of my children. But I do, I love my children." By now the tears were freely flowing down her face. "I need your help to find her. She's just a little girl, she needs her mom. Please, please if you see her, if you know where she is please." She chocked up, she couldn't get the last words out, the important ones the phone number Ben had told her she needed to say. "Please, please..."
Beverly finally realised what was happening, she quickly moved to Margene's side and pulled her to her. "I've got this." She whispered so only Margene could hear and then she looked back at the camera. She finished Margene's plea, added her own few words and then took the show to a commercial break.
As soon as the camera stopped rolling Ben ran onto the stage he pull Margene towards him and she all but fell into his arms. She buried her face into his chest and began sobbing violently. Her whole body shook as her chest heaved, he carefully walked them both off the stage and he sat down on a chair, Margie sat on his lap and she continued to cry. He tried to sooth her, he rubbed her back, and told her it would be okay but it only made her cry harder. She cried until exhaustion hit, until she couldn't cry anymore and started drifting off to sleep.
"Come on Margie lets go home." Ben said when he felt her begin to get heavy against him. She couldn't fall asleep here; the family were waiting for them at home. He began to make the move to stand, she groaned a little as he forced her up, as soon as he was standing she was holding tight to him. They walked back to the car in silence, he helped her get in; made sure her seat belt was on before he went around to his side. By the time they left the parking lot she was already almost asleep.
-8-8-8-
In Barb's house everyone was waiting anxiously for Margene to come home. Her boys were sitting by the windows watching the cars drive by watching for their mom. They hadn't seen her since she'd been taken away in the ambulance; it had been decided as a family it wasn't a good idea to take them to the hospital. They didn't understand what had happened but they were excited about their mom being home. They'd spent most of the day drawing and painting, creating things for her as presents. The older children had been helping, busying themselves with activities, distractions.
Barb had been cooking, she'd pulled out the most complicated time consuming recipes she could find and had been trying them all day. The dinner she'd prepared was bordering on feast like. Nikki had been cleaning, scrubbing Margene's walls and carpet for hours; she'd still be in there if Barb hadn't found her and told her she could stop.
The carpet and the walls still weren't clean but there was nothing Nikki could do to change that, the stains were never going to come out and the sight of them really made the reality of their situation hit home. Nikki was crying when Barb had found her, a raw emotion she rarely showed, it got to Barb and she started crying too. For fifteen minutes they'd sat together on the stairs in Margene's house and cried, tried to make sense of the situation.
"It's never going to be the same." Nikki had finally said. "Even if everything is okay, it won't be the same."
"I know," Barb had said holding out her hand, Nikki had taken it, squeezed it. They'd sat together for a little longer, silently contemplating the future and everything that could be different. Neither one of them had voiced what they were worried about the most, what kept going through their minds. What if they never found Nell? They'd both been thinking it but saying the words out loud made them realer than they were ready for. "Come help me finish dinner." Barb had finally said instead. "Ben and Margie will be home soon." They'd left Margene's house and now they were both in Barb's kitchen waiting.
-8-8-8-
"They're here!"
"Mom's home!"
Aaron and Lester both yelled as the car pulled into the driveway. Nikki and Barb both walked over to the window and looked out between the curtains. Ben was opening the passenger door and helping Margene out.
"Barb she doesn't look right." Nikki whispered. Margie could barely stand on her own, Ben was holding tightly onto her and walking her forward, her head was slumped to the side, it was too dark to make out her features.
"I know," Barb whispered back. "Let's just keep an eye on her."
-8-8-8-
She was finally home, after days in the hospital she was finally home. She let Ben walk her forward, she was so exhausted, she needed sleep but she wanted to see her family first. The front door was open for them, just inside the doorway stood her two boys. They had big smiles on their faces and as soon as she was inside they had their arms wrapped around her.
"Mommy," they were both saying. "We missed you."
She ran her hands across their backs and tears began to run down her face, she'd missed them too, she'd missed everyone.
"Come on boys let mom sit down." Barb said as she walked over to her and placed her own arms around her. "I'm glad you're home Margie." She whispered.
Margie didn't say anything back; she was feeling overwhelmed and empty all at the same time. She loved her family but they weren't whole. She blinked her eyes tight and let more tears ran down her face; they led her over to the sofa and helped her sit down.
Her boys cuddled up on either side of her and showed all the pictures they'd done for her. She tried to smile but her heart just wasn't in it, she couldn't stop the tears.
"Mommy, why are you crying?" Aaron asked her. "Don't you like the pictures?"
"No sweetie," she pulled her boys tighter to her, "I love the pictures, I'm just ..." She trailed off she didn't know how to explain to her boys what she was feeling. She leant forward and kissed each of them on the forehead. "I love you so much." She whispered and more tears ran down her face.
"Mommy," Lester looked up at her. "Where's Nell? I thought she was with you."
"No," She shook her head but she couldn't say anymore.
"Mommy?"
-8-8-8-
Barb could see Margie was breaking all over. "Boys how about you go help set the table for dinner," she suggested. She knew she needed to get the boys away; they were too much for her to handle in that moment. The boys reluctantly got up and ran off to the kitchen.
Barb took their place on the sofa and wrapped her arm around Margie, pulled her in and held her. Neither one of them said a word, they just sat there until Aaron returned and said dinner was ready.
-8-8-8-
Aaron took his mom's hand and led her to the dining table. He didn't understand why she was so sad he thought it had something to do with his sister but he wasn't sure and didn't know how to ask. He just wanted her to be happy.
"You can sit between me and Lester." He told her, he pulled out her chair like he'd seen his dad do and waited for her to sit down.
"Thanks buddy," she said to him but she didn't smile. He wanted to make her smile so he tried to be more helpful. He poured her a glass of water and put all his own food on his plate. He made sure he got his vegetables and even took some of the funny looking things Barb had made. He started to eat and then he realised she didn't have any food on her plate. He stopped eating and dished a little bit of everything onto her plate.
"Try it mommy it's yummy." He told her.
"Thanks Aaron," she told him but she still didn't smile. Barb smiled at him but that wasn't what he wanted.
-8-8-8-
Aaron was trying so hard, Margie could tell what he wanted but she just couldn't bring herself to give it to him. She wanted to go lay down, she felt like she was going to pass out, she wasn't hungry but she picked up her fork and ate a little bit of carrot. She needed to be present for a little while, the whole family was at the dinner table for her, Lester, Aaron, Raymond, Wayne, Teeny, Cara-Lyn, Ben, Sarah, Scott, Nikki, Barb. Bill wasn't there, and neither was Nell.
"Where's Bill?" she asked making her first real contribution for the evening.
"Out," the response came from Sarah and there was just a hint of hostility to it. Scott gave her a warning look but she didn't seem to care. "He's with the police or something. He's never home."
"Oh, okay," She hadn't expected Bill to be gone; he never visited her in the hospital she thought he must have been home.
"He knows you're home tonight." Nikki told her. "He said he'd be here when he can."
"Okay," she didn't have the energy for anymore conversation. "I think I might just go to bed." She wiped her mouth with her napkin and went to rest it on the table.
"Mommy you haven't finished eating." Aaron told her. He was using her words, she always told him that if he tried to run off and play too soon. She looked at the pile of food on her plate; she didn't want to eat any of it.
"Mommy's not feeling well," she told him. "You don't have to eat all your dinner when you don't feel well." She leant forward and kissed his head then she slowly stood up.
She felt dizzy when she stood and held onto the table and then the chair for balance. The room was spinning a bit and it reminded her of when she'd been drunk as a teenager. She didn't want to show how sick she felt but by the looks everyone was giving her she wasn't doing it very well.
"Barb set up her spare room for you," Nikki told her. "You can sleep there if you want."
"No," she was longing for the comfort and familiarity of her own bed. "I want to sleep in my bed. I can sleep in my bed right?" It hadn't occurred to her before than she might not be able to, that her home might still be off limits.
"Of course," Barb smiled at her. "We weren't sure if you'd want to."
"I want to," as nervous as going back to her house made her feel she wanted her bed. She stood there for a moment trying to work out if there was anything else she needed to say, she couldn't think of anything. "Goodnight." She slowly began to turn to walk away, the movement intensified the illness she was feeling, she gripped tightly onto the chair for support and waited for the feeling to pass.
Nikki saw Margie sway; she could tell something was not right. "Margie, I'll come with you," she told her. She didn't want her walking into that house by herself and looking at her she wasn't even sure if she could. Nikki stood up and walked around the table; she placed her hand on Margene's back and gently moved her forward.
They walked slowly across the backyard. "I'm sorry your house isn't clean." Nikki said as they walked. "I didn't know you'd be home today. I was going to paint the walls and change the carpet but I didn't have time. I tried to scrub it but it wouldn't all come out."
"It's okay," Margie hadn't thought about her house and the state it would be in, she hadn't thought about how it would be different. Nikki slid the back door open and they stepped into the house together. It was dark, the only light was from moon, but they could still see a bit. They didn't turn on the light instead they moved slowly forward.
Margie looked around her house, tried to spot what was different but in the dim light it all looked the same. Nothing was different, but at the same time everything was different, nothing would ever be the same as before. They reached the stairs and Nikki finally flicked a light switch. As they moved up the stairs Margie didn't look back, she kept her eyes forward and concentrated on getting to her room.
She flopped down on her bed as soon as she was close enough. It felt so good to lie down, to not have to concentrate on staying upright.
"Margie you can't sleep in that dress." She heard Nikki tell her. She didn't respond she was so tired she could sleep in anything. She heard Nikki going through her draws and a minute later felt her taking off her shoes. "Come on Margie sit up." Nikki said while gently pulling her. She groaned she didn't want to move but she reluctantly sat up. She let Nikki pull at the dress she was wearing and lifted her arms above her head.
Nikki looked away as she pulled Margie's dress over her head. She didn't want to look at her sister wife's body, but she couldn't help noticing the bandages, there were more bandages than she was expecting, more trauma than she had realised. She quickly picked up the satin night gown she'd grabbed before and slipped it over Margie's head. As soon as the gown was on Margie pulled the bed sheets loose and crawled under them, she closed her eyes and it was almost like she was instantly asleep.
"Goodnight Margie," Nikki whispered before walking out, she took two steps before she heard Margie speak.
"Nikki can you stay for a bit?"
"Sure," she walked back into the room, sat down and waited for Margie to fall into a deep sleep.
-8-8-8-
Bill sat alone in his church, he'd come to the building to pray, to talk to Heavenly Father, to ask him why this was happening to his family, what he'd done to cause it, what he could do to make it better, to right the path they were on.
He didn't understand why this was happening to his family, he was a righteous man, he believed whole heartedly in his religion, he lived by it, he lived it for his family. These things weren't supposed to happen. Going public was meant to be good for the family, they were supposed to come into the light and everyone was supposed to see the good in them. His family wasn't meant to get hurt, not like this.
He'd failed his family, he'd brought this upon them and he didn't know how to right it. Finding his daughter was the only thing he could think of to do. He had to bring Nell home but he didn't know how he was supposed to do that. The police and the FBI were working on it, he'd tried to help them, but he'd given them all the information he could and now they wanted him to step back, to be with his family and let them do their job.
He couldn't face his family though; there was such a deep sadness and tension in the air. Everyone was doing their best to hold together, no one was acting normal. His oldest children were hostile to him; he could feel them blaming him for what had happened. His youngest children clung to him like they were afraid he'd leave them too. His middle children were indifferent; they barely acknowledged his presence and his wives were all over the place.
Both Nikki and Barb said they didn't blame him for what had happened; Barb made a point of telling him this often but he could feel a bit of blame from Nikki, she was colder to him than normal and they both kept telling him he needed to spend more time with Margene.
He'd only visited Margene that one time in the hospital. She'd been asleep so he hadn't had to talk to her. He didn't know what he was supposed to say to her, nothing he could say would change what had happened, could make it better. He didn't want to face her without good news.
He'd spent most of his day at the mall walking around handing out flyers to everyone, Nell's face was out there everywhere but it didn't feel like it was helping. He felt completely inadequate, and useless. He didn't want to go home, but he knew he couldn't stay out all night; eventually he left the church and returned home. He was glad that Margene was already asleep when he arrived. He climbed into the bed beside her, kissed her softly and went to sleep.
-8-8-8-
Margie dreamed about her family, they were all having a picnic together, they had a feast of food and everyone was happy and laughing. There was a playground and a big open space. The children had run off to play and she was sitting under a tree watching them. Bill was with her, she was leaning back against him and he had his arms around her. Barb and Nikki were close by, it was beautiful and perfect. Then she heard Nell start to cry, she sat up and looked around but she couldn't see her. She stood up and started walking towards the boys but Nell wasn't there and the screaming just kept getting louder, and then she woke up.
She sat bolt upright in bed, she could still hear the screaming. She climbed out the bed and stumbled to the door, she walked to Nell's room but the bed was empty.
"Nell?" She said her daughter name and kept looking; she opened every cupboard and every draw. Her daughter wasn't there but she could still hear her crying. She stumbled out the room and down the stairs. She looked around, she couldn't see her but she could still hear her.
"Nell it's okay, mommy's here." She said as she began frantically searching the cupboards and draws. The crying was getting louder but she couldn't work out where it was coming from. She opened the back door and searched the yard. "Nell baby mommy's here." She said as the panic built up inside of her, her daughter was crying, she needed her mom. She stumbled back inside, she went to the front door, opened it, nothing, she spun around and the moonlight caught something on the ground.
She walked back inside the house, towards the shadow on the carpet. "Nell?" she whispered crouching down to examine the shadow, it hadn't been there before, she didn't know what it was until she was right there on top of it. And then it was like someone hit her across the face and she remembered what happened. The shadow was her blood; it was the spot where she lay as the man ripped Nell from her arms. She lay down over the shadow and started violently sobbing, she could still hear her daughters cries but she knew now they were just in her head, her daughter wasn't there.
-8-8-8-
Bill woke up in the middle of the night, the bed beside him was empty, Margie was gone. He waited a moment maybe she'd just gone to the bathroom but then he heard crying coming from downstairs. He pulled himself out of bed and went to investigate, he went down the stairs and there he saw Margie lying on the floor.
"Margie?" He walked over and crouched beside her. "Margie, sweetie?" He reached down and placed his hand on her forehead, she was incredibly warm.
She looked up at him, her eyes were glassy and her face streaked in tears. "She's crying Bill," she told him. "I can hear her crying but I can't find her."
He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say, he bent down and kissed her then told her he'd be right back. He retrieved the thermometer from the first aid kit, he crouched down beside her and carefully placed the device in her ear. A few seconds later it beeped and he stared at the number in front of him, 104.5, shit he thought to himself and then he reached for the phone.
-8-8-8-
The flashing lights and noises downstairs woke Lester up. He knew the lights meant something bad had happened, he shook his brother awake and the two of them stood looking out their window. They saw their mom get loaded into the back of an ambulance and their dad jump into his car and drive away.
"Boys?" Behind them they heard someone speak, they turned around and saw their mother Barb standing in their doorway.
"Where's Mom going?" Lester asked.
"The hospital," Barb told them, as she stepped into their room. "She's sick and the doctors need to make her better. You guys are going to spend the rest of the night at my house. We'll talk more in the morning."