Authors' Note: Hello, Christmas chapter time! (or Smithmas chapter time!) Aagh, cheesy carol pun title.
Thanks for reading, hope you all have a great Christmas/New Year! (There might be a 'Part 2!' to this story.)
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, sob sob.
Inopportune Moments
I Saw the Doctor Kissing Melody Claus
"Doctor?" said River, one morning when the two of them were eating toast.
"Yes?" he said, not looking up. He'd found a cookie cutter that the TARDIS had put in one of the kitchen drawers, and had proceeded to cut his toast into little people.
"It's Christmas soon, you know."
The Doctor made a 'hmm' noise and continued to enact a battle between two toast figures.
"Doctor, I'm serious. Let's celebrate!" River said, smiling at the thought of tinsel…and all of the imaginative ways she could use it.
He stopped playing with his toast and bit one of the legs off. "Okay. Although, River, I don't…I mean, I'm not sure how to…you know?"
River didn't know.
He sighed. "I don't celebrate pagan human festivals."
She glared at him across the table. "Well, it may be a pagan human festival to you, but there's presents. And cake. And tinsel."
The Doctor dropped his toast.
"Tinsel?" he said, eyes brightening. "I love tinsel."
Later that afternoon, the Doctor having gone to get presents, River was decorating the TARDIS. She'd strung fairy lights everywhere, and there was as much tinsel as the TARDIS could handle (it was itchy, after all.). She'd even put a wreath on the front door.
She was just tying the last bauble to their Christmas tree when the door burst open and the Doctor ran inside, snow-covered and nose bright pink.
"Don't look!" he said, running past River to secretly hide his presents. She smiled. He was so very, loveably, childish.
A few minutes later he returned, brushing snow off his bowtie. "Is that a Christmas tree?" he said, pinging the baubles playfully.
"Yes, sweetie." said River, taking one of his frozen hands in hers and rubbing it.
"There's no star. Aren't they supposed to have stars or angels or something on top?" he said. "On second thoughts, let's not have an Angel. But a star! That would be fantastic."
River looked daggers at him. "I was about to put one on, sweetie, when you came in with your freezing hands."
The Doctor smiled weakly under River's stare. "They are cold, aren't they? Oh, I'm getting feeling in my fingertips again! Yes!" he said, rubbing his hands together and breathing on them.
River turned around and picked up the gold star she was about to put on the top of the tree.
"Oh, River! When I said 'star', I meant it literally. None of these distractingly shiny plastic things. A proper star!" he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small, glowing ball. "A proper star, for a proper tree." he said, stretching up and putting it on the top of the tree, where it shone brightly.
As River admired the little sparkling star, the Doctor curled himself up, shivering and mumbling about how astonishingly cold he was. She looked at him, this brave 900 year old Time Lord, whimpering about a little snow.
"Oh, Doctor, next time you go outside when it's cold," she said, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close, "make sure you wear lots of layers."
"Why?" he said, voice muffled, as he'd buried his head in her collarbone. "So that I won't freeze like I currently am?"
"Well, yes. But, also," she said, lifting his head up and looking in his eyes, "just think of all the fun we could have taking it off, sweetie."
Two days later, when River had decided it was Christmas Day, the Doctor hid his presents under their tree and put on a special bowtie, which had reindeer and candy canes on it. River was still asleep, curled up under the blankets.
The Doctor had never celebrated 'Christmas' properly before, and he was excited.
How can she still be asleep? he thought. I can't sleep! Well, I don't sleep anyway, but still. How can she be asleep?
He sat on the edge of their bed, swinging his feet and staring at his little sleeping Time Lord.
Maybe if I use telepathy? Wake up, wake up!
Not surprisingly, it didn't work. The Doctor continued to stare, hoping that River's subconscious would be creeped out and wake,
River stirred.
The Doctor grinned, swinging his legs faster.
"Stop that." she said, sitting up sleepily and grabbing his legs. "I'm sleeping."
He tried to keep swinging his legs in order to get her out of bed, but she was surprisingly strong for someone who wasn't even properly awake.
"River, get up! Up!" he said, clapping his hands.
"Go away." said River, apparently unable to formulate complex sentences of more than 2 words.
"Come on! It's Christmas and there are presents! With a capital P!"
River groaned, sitting up properly and rubbing her eyes sleepily. "Fine, fine. You win. Let's go, Doctor." she said, swinging her legs out of bed and pulling on a jumper over her pyjamas.
The Doctor raced straight towards the tree, but River caught him by the suspenders and steered him in the direction of the kitchen.
"No, breakfast." she mumbled. "Need tea."
The Doctor sighed. The prospect of presents loomed ever further away.
Later, after he'd cooked River pancakes and tea, he grabbed her by the hand and tugged her to the Christmas tree.
"Presents!" he said, delightedly.
River smiled at him, and sat down. He gave her a box wrapped in paper covered with snowmen and a bright red ribbon. The small tag read "To River, my second-favourite Time Lord."
She started to pull the ribbon, grinning as he leaned closer, eager to see her reaction.
It was a rectangular box with her name carved in Circular Gallifreyan on the top. She traced the swirling pattern with her finger.
"I love it," she said, turning to him. "It's a beautiful box."
He blinked twice, then said, "But don't you want to see what's inside?"
She opened the lid carefully to find a new gun inside, wrapped in tinsel.
River squealed. "Oh, I thought the box was brilliant, but this! This, this is…amazing!" She leant over and kissed him.
The Doctor blushed.
If she kisses me like that every time I buy her a gun, she's going to end up with a huge armoury.
"It's nothing." he said, smiling gently.
She twirled it around on her finger before pointing it at their darts board and pulling the trigger.
There was a loud 'pop!' and glitter confetti exploded everywhere. A long streamer loudly proclaiming 'Merry Christmas!' in gaudy letters shot across the room.
"I was expecting you to test it." shrugged the Doctor, as River turned to him and burst out laughing.
After River had stopped laughing enough that she could breathe normally, she kissed him again and shook glitter out of her hair. Not surprisingly, most of it stayed lodged there.
"Now for your present." she said, giving him a strangely shaped thing wrapped in paper, which was decorated with pictures of rabbits dancing in Santa hats.
He smiled at the paper before ripping it to shreds excitedly.
"My first Christmas present! Yay!" he said delightedly.
As he threw aside the paper fabric fell into his lap. He held up what looked like an elf outfit.
"River? I'm not sure I…what is this?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
River smiled coyly.
Oh, dear. he thought. Somehow I feel I may have to wear this. How? It's so…small…
"Sweetie, it's an elf outfit. You know?" she said, handing him the shoes and hat that had rolled away, unnoticed. "Put it on. I'll be right back."
She got up and disappeared down a corridor, leaving a very bewildered Doctor with his supposed 'outfit'. Somehow the word 'clothes' seemed to describe more fabric than was actually there.
He awkwardly held the costume up to himself, and frowning slightly unhappily he began to go about squeezing himself into it.
I cannot work this out! Um, that looks like a leg? No, arm. Oh, here's the leg. These shorts are certainly very tight and…short…indeed. These are…shoes? I suppose so. Oh, only two. Ah, well. That's a hat! I know that.
A few minutes later River re-appeared. She was wearing a very small Santa outfit. The Doctor, who had managed to slip into his elf outfit, was standing self-consciously covering as much of himself as he could with his arms.
River smiled.
That smile, he thought. I know what that smile means…but I just spent 10 minutes putting this darn outfit on!
River walked over and flicked the bell on his green hat.
"You know, sweetie, I quite like this on you." she said, taking his shoulders and spinning him around.
The Doctor, slightly unsure of what was happening, said nothing. He was finding it hard to breathe in the tiny top.
"Well?" she said, putting her hands on her hips and spinning around.
That really is a very, very small outfit indeed. Did she apply a shrink ray to these or what?
Finding himself unable to speak, he pulled her close and kissed her.
She smiled again, and whispered in his ear, "You really are very keen to get that off, aren't you?"
The Doctor nodded. "I can't breathe properly, dear." he rasped back.
"Well," said River, stepping back, "We'll just have to fix that, won't we?"