A/N Voting is now up in my profile for names for our friendly neighborhood inner voice. Let's give him a moniker, shall we?

Taste of Innocence Chapter 18

I waited until I was out of earshot of the house, shifting gears in the Volvo and driving toward the highway before I made the call that I'd been waiting to make for two whole days. I hadn't been able to tear myself away from Bella when we'd returned home; making frantic love to her the instant we closed the front door. Then once we'd christened the hallway, I'd felt obliged to fuck her in every room in the house. It was only right that we break in the place in style. I smirked a little as I thought about fucking her in the barn, bent over a haystack. Thank God we smelled the smoke before we burned the whole fucking place down. I knew we were fucking hot together but that was a little ridiculous.

The phone rang and I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel until he picked up. "Garrett."

"It's me. What did you find?"

He chuckled and I tightened my hands on the steering wheel. I had yet to resort to showing Garrett my darker side. He didn't require the intimidation that Jenks did. The almighty dollar motivated him much more than any threats ever would. Still, I didn't like his laughter at the situation; it wasn't fucking funny what those microscopic, limp-dicked little motherfuckers had done to my girl.

"What do you think I found, man? They're twenty-two year old kids. Of course they had porn on their computers. Lots of it."

I bit back a growl. Hadn't Jenks fucking told him exactly what I was looking for? "I'm talking about more of the homemade variety. Camera phone, girl blowing a guy."

"Yeah, yeah, man, there were a few pictures like that. I fried every single one of their hard drives so they won't be seeing them ever again, just like you asked."

"Who had the pictures?" I demanded, this time unable to keep the anger out of my voice.

"Newton and Crowley." He laughed again. "Yorkie has…other interests." Other interests? What the fuck did that mean?

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Let's just say that he's not interested in a girl blowing him. Queer as a three dollar bill." Well, that was fucking interesting now wasn't it? I wondered if his friends knew this.

"Is he in the closet or out?" I could totally fucking work with this.

"In, very deeply in from what I can tell. Crowley dragged him to some club and they were hitting on chicks last night." That was fucking perfection.

"Beautiful. And has Mike found out that he has no money yet?"

"Yes, he was supposed to go to the club last night but hit the ATM and found out. I've been listening to him argue with the bank all morning." I smiled; satisfied that something was finally going fucking right.

"Did you get a hold of their phones and check them?"

"Crowley and Yorkie, yes, I broke into their place the day Jenks called. I haven't checked Newton's yet. No pictures on theirs except for some lame party pics and shit. Nothing pornographic. Gotta tell you man, this is one of the weirder assignments you've ever given me." I waited for him to say something else but he didn't. That's why I fucking liked Garrett. He might comment on shit but he never questioned why I asked him to do it, unlike a short, fat, balding, stupid fucking lawyer I could name.

"Keep on them; hire extra men if you need to. I want to know the instant that fucker finds out he's failing all his classes. Check his phone too. If you can get compromising pictures of any of the three of them, especially the gay one, do that too." My mind was whirling with the possibilities of what I could do to make them pay further. Money, school…that wasn't enough. It would never be enough to pay for that look on Bella's face, the pain in her voice when she talked about what they did.

"Will do. For how long?"

"Indefinitely. Bill Jenks for anything you need."

"It's a pleasure working for you, Mr. Cullen."

"Keep up the good work, Garrett. I'll check in soon." I flipped my phone shut and gunned the engine harder, wishing those three were in front of me so I could run them down. Technically, I might not kill them; therefore I wouldn't be breaking my word to Bella. Accidents happen and all that shit.

Do you think she honestly wants you to ruin those boy's lives for something they did several years ago? Oh you have to be shitting me, you're fucking back? You have been blessedly quiet while Bella and I fucked the house down and yet the instant you get me alone, here you are fucking bothering me again. Why won't you go the fuck away?

Because you continue to be such a fuck up that you can't possibly exist without me. I'm existing just fine, numb nuts, or haven't you been paying attention the last five days?

So you're getting laid a lot, do you think that's all that matters in life? No, it's not all that matters, but it's a big one and I'm perfectly content with the way things are so don't come in here and try to piss all over it by bringing up…

Love? Marriage? Forever? I never said I had a problem with forever. No, but you do have a problem saying "I love you." How many times over the past week have you thought about saying it? I wasn't about to answer him. If he was such a fucking part of me, then he should know the fucking answer. Three hundred and twenty seven times. Fuck you. Am I wrong? That's not even counting the eight times you thought of her as Bella Cullen in your mind. You're like a teenage girl doodling the name of her crush on her math book.

I am going to drive this fucking car into the tunnel wall in an effort to kill you. Laughter rang in my head and I nearly veered into the wall just to prove a point but what point would it really prove? He was a fucking part of me and I couldn't die which meant he couldn't either; until I found a way to make him into a solid form. If it was possible, I would fucking do it.

Are you quite through contemplating pointless ways to get rid of me? Never, thinking about getting rid of you is one of my very greatest pleasures in life, behind anything to do with Bella, sex and feeding. At least you put her first. Always, irritant, I always do. But that leads back to my question; do you honestly think she wants you to take revenge on those boys?

Of course not, Bella is too good hearted to do what's right. She let those boys walk all over her and she'd continue to do so even though she could crush them to dust now because she refuses to open her eyes to the ways of the world. It's my job to take care of what she couldn't, because I love her. So you're going to go against her wishes because you love her? That makes no fucking sense. It makes perfect fucking sense if you have a brain which we've already established you don't.

She won't stand up for herself, so I will. She doesn't need you to anymore. That part of her life, hell, her life itself, is over. Let it go. Listen, motherfucker, you claim to be me which means you should fucking know what I can and can't let go. Do you really think that I can let them go unpunished and live with myself? That it won't eat at me forever if I don't do something? They get to live, that is my fucking gift to them. Stop questioning my methods. Bella just asked me not to kill the fucker who had her mouth on his dick, which I am going along with, despite my better judgment. Technically I never agreed not to kill the others, but I'm not doing that because she wouldn't like it. That is my fucking compromise on this issue. Isn't that what relationships are about, douchetard? Compromise? Well look at me, Mr. Relationship, making a compromise for his woman, all while taking care of her. I am a good fucking husband. Fuck! Boyfriend, I mean. I'm a good boyfriend.

You're pathetic, but you're right about one thing. I know you and how fucking stubborn you are. Have fun dicking around with some pathetic jerks that didn't know better. They'll know better soon enough. Whatever you say. Going to add ring shopping into your list of shit you have to do in the city today? He started laughing then. I should have known that motherfucker wasn't going to let my mental slip go by. His question wasn't even worth dignifying with a response so I ignored him as I pulled up in front of the post office.

I was having all my mail held for the time being, not wanting an unsuspecting mailman to approach the house in Jersey and tempt Bella inadvertently. I had several things to pick up so I went in and gave the disinterested mail clerk my address. He came out with one of those white mail tubs and several packages. "Man, this is heavy, you got bricks in there?"

I raised an eyebrow. Like it was any of his fucking business. Was everybody in the world as ridiculously annoying as Jenks? What was with all the fucking questions lately? I didn't bother to answer him, signing the orange slip with a flourish and handing it back to him, taking the heavy carton easily and smirking at him.

What a dick! Mr. I'm Too Good To Answer A Question. He probably spends more on those fucking clothes than I make in a year. God save me from rich jerks that think they're better than everyone else. He probably has a tiny dick. I couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled up at that last bit of ridiculousness. Edward Junior was protesting loudly and demanding that I let him out so he could show the mailman that he was more man than he could even begin to imagine.

"Thanks," I flicked my eyes to his nametag, "Don. The clothes only cost about ten grand. I sincerely hope that you make more than that, though it would explain why so many of you, what's the term, go postal? How very apt." He gaped at me as I laughed and made my way out the door. God, people were fun to fuck with. I managed to forget that when I was all wrapped up in Bella. I couldn't wait until she had her bloodlust under control and we could come into the city and share it together again. It would be epic.

I put the mail bin in my trunk, nodding with satisfaction when I saw that Jenks had managed to fucking come through with at least one of my requests and procure the damn phone I'd asked for. The fact that he could be competent now and then was the only reason I put up with his overly curious ass. I slammed the trunk and got back into the driver's seat and drove to the brownstone.

It was strange, I'd thought of the brownstone as home for several years now. I owned places all over the world but this was the only one that I ever called home. The rest were just property, investments and temporary lodging. But standing in front of it, looking at it now, it wasn't home anymore. That was where my Bella was. And now I was turning into a movie on the fucking Hallmark Channel. Maybe I should go on Oprah and discuss how I'd found my true self when I met Bella. Jesus, I was fucking gone.

I shook my head and went up the stairs and opened the front door. I glanced into the music room but for once it didn't call to me like it usually did. Weird. Everything felt off here but I couldn't pinpoint if it was because Bella wasn't with me or if it was something else entirely. Shrugging off the feeling, I grabbed my favorite Les Paul off the wall and set it down by the front door. CDs…I had a fuck load of those but would take what I could now and just take carloads whenever I came back to town. I grabbed a bag from the front closet and placed as many cases as I could inside and set that next to the guitar.

I went upstairs to grab another bag. I had enough clothes with me already…well, unless Bella kept ripping them off me. Fuck, I hoped she'd keep ripping them off me; there was nothing better than Bella attacking me. Nothing.

I walked into the closet to get the suitcase and paused when I saw the chest sitting there. Everywhere I lived, I took that fucking chest with me. I hadn't even thought of it when we took off to Jersey. I wasn't sure what to think about it now. I picked it up and carried it to the bed, holding it away from my body. I loathed that fucking thing but I kept it to remember. It, and the things inside of it, was the only thing left from my human days.

Running my hands over the simple dark green chest with the ornate gold lettering took me back. This trunk had belonged to my mother. She'd kept supposedly sentimental shit, like her wedding dress and my christening gown and crap in it. Sounded fucking sweet, of course, except that she used them to hide her real treasures; vodka and whiskey and whatever the hell else she could drink. I think she cared about me, when I was too fucking young to remember it. I didn't know if I'd done something to kill her love for me or if it had been him. Always fucking him.

Realizing that I was still caressing the chest like it was some long lost lover; I curled my lip in disgust and flipped the latch, opening it. Part of me wanted to laugh at the meager contents. Twenty three years of human living and this is all I had to hold on to. Fuck, my life was so damn pathetic back then. I reached inside and took out the baseball inside. When I was 18, Carlisle and I had gone to the World Series to see the White Sox, our favorite team, play. How fucking ironic was that? The one thing we share together and it turns out to be a fucking fraud because they threw the damn series. It was all too fitting a commentary on my relationship with my father.

There was a gold watch from Brenda; my mother's friend who thought it was okay to teach a fourteen year old kid how to fuck. It stopped working ages ago but I'd held onto it for some unknown reason. Maybe because she had actually loved me, in her own fucked up way. I put that back down and picked up the yellow toy truck that one of my nannies, Jillian, had given me. She'd actually cried when she had to leave me, but it was hard to feel too sorry for her since she'd been fucking my father. Maybe she'd cried because of him, not me. Who the fuck knew?

I tossed that back down and reached for the final item. Four little things, five if you counted the box; that added up to my entire human existence. I didn't know what was sadder, the fact that I had so little or the fact that I fucking had it at all. I drew the final item out of the trunk and held it in my hands. It looked like nothing, just a white, curved fucking stick, but it was the most important thing I owned. Or took, I guess.

Grandfather's cane. How many fucking times had I been on the wrong end of this thing? I could probably count, if I wanted to. It was sad that that bullshit was burned into my brain and I could call it up at will just as easily as I could picture Bella's smile. Weren't human memories supposed to fade with time? Or had I held on to it because I needed to remember? I honestly didn't fucking know what to blame the memories on, but I was fucking tired of them.

I didn't need them anymore. I had made my own family and it was miles better than the one I'd been born into. Bella was everything I needed, everything I would ever need, and I was damn well going to see to it that I gave her everything she deserved. She would never have to wonder if she'd ever been loved by me. I was going to tell her the minute I got home. It's about fucking time. Shut up, I really don't need you now.

Without another thought, I snapped my grandfather's cane in two and threw it in the box. No matter how much I once longed to go back in time and use it on him; and I'd fantasized about that shit more times than I cared to count, he didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was that beautiful girl waiting for me back at home. I didn't need to waste another thought on him, on them. I closed the trunk and tossed it back in the closet.

I took a few more shirts and jeans and tossed them in a bag and carried that downstairs. I went into the living room and smiled fondly at the hole in the wall. This was the one piece of Bella that remained in the house and I really fucking loved it. Would she always be so volatile, or would it fade in time? I kind of wanted her to stay as she was. She was the most fucking fascinating creature I'd ever met and I knew she always would be.

Do you hear yourself? Do you see what she's doing for you, finally? What it means? I am not a moron, despite what you think of me. Leave me alone. I have shit to do and then I can get back to my girl. Faint laughter echoed in my head but at least he didn't feel the need to talk about it anymore. There was nothing to say.

I gathered a few more books for Bella. I didn't have a lot here but the ones I'd ordered should suffice for a little while. I'd set her up a phenomenal fucking library if she wanted it. The image of Bella, laying on the couch, her head in my lap while she read aloud and a fire crackled in the hearth, entered my head and I smiled at the thought. It was beautiful; she was beautiful and together we were something beyond beautiful. Holy fuck, I sounded like a god damn greeting card. What are you doing to me, motherfucker?

Sorry, buddy, this is all you. You're turning into a giant fucking sap. I'm almost embarrassed to be you right now. Please, you're the douche that's all about saying I love her. You're worse than I am any day. That's a matter of opinion. I'm not writing fucking sonnets about holding her on the damn couch. I thought all you wanted to do was fuck her on that thing. I have fucked her there and I will again. Doesn't mean we can't use it for other things now and then.

I glanced around one final time and tried to pinpoint what exactly was nagging me. I hadn't forgotten anything and I could always come back for more. What the fuck was different about this place? Just the fact that Bella wasn't here? Well, who the fuck knew? I'd figure it out next time I came back, I guess. I hefted the three bags and the guitar and carried them down the car, setting them in the trunk next to the mail. I got in the driver's seat and started the car, not bothering to look behind me. The brownstone, like the rest of it, was my past.

Night had fallen while I'd been packing and it was time to take care of my last, most important errand. I was pretty fucking starving, not having had anything since I shared that foul deer with Bella a few days ago. I'd planned to go hunting that night but Bella had been too freaked out about having a human nearby so I'd distracted her with sex for a day, then of course we'd finally talked about those pricks from her past and I couldn't leave her then. She was doing okay now, maybe a little quiet but she was still very much my Bella. I'd done my best to keep her smiling, making love to her for hours, telling her stories from my past and even watching some more of her stupid vampire shows. I'd been an epically good fucking boyfriend but now it was time to take care of my needs for once.

I drove past O'Rourke's bar and smiled. That was the place I'd first set eyes on my Bella. Thank God I'd been on a different type of hunt that night, because I never would have met her had I gone to my usual haunts. Her former friend, Rose, might have been a fucking bitch but she was the reason I'd met Bella, so I would always be grateful to her for that. I was glad I hadn't killed her when she'd insulted my girl, even if she didn't recognize the true gift that she'd been given in knowing her.

I wasn't going there tonight though. While the college kids there were once good for a potential fuck, I was no longer in the market for that and I wasn't likely to find the true evil I sought to satiate my hunger. I also smiled as I drove past the alley where I'd disposed of Jacob's right leg. I wondered if they'd found any of the pieces of him yet. It didn't seem likely, as I'd heard nothing and I still paid attention to the news to make sure that Bella's disappearance was no longer newsworthy. It made me both angry and happy that she hadn't been mentioned any further. A girl as wonderful Bella going missing should have been leading news, but in this jaded city she'd already been forgotten. Not by all, though. Her father would never give up. She'd have to call him soon. This city sucked, not in the good way, for forgetting a girl like Bella. I was glad to be leaving it behind.

I kept driving, further to the south, toward the area where I'd met and disposed of Tanya the whore. This was where I would find my prey tonight, in the dark recesses of the city, the place where nobody who was up to any good would dare venture. I pulled over and parked under a streetlight, in the hopes that nobody would attempt to fuck with my car if it was illuminated. Of course, if they did, they would just make shopping for dinner that much fucking easier, wouldn't they?

I got out and headed down the street toward Hugo's Tavern. I'd been here before, and in fact, this was where I'd met and later disposed of the biker's that I'd teased Bella with. They'd found gang rape to be a pleasurable bonding experience and I'd found that more than a little distasteful so I'd introduced them to some true pain. I smiled at the memory as I pushed open the door and entered the smoky dive.

It was crowded, the usual gang of people unwinding after a long work week. Thoughts immediately assaulted me and I fought the urge to smile. What the hell is a pretty boy like that doing here? He must be lost. I'd be happy to point him the right direction, after relieving him of his wallet and maybe that jacket. Okay, maybe I fucking smirked at that but come on. The guy who thought he was such a badass was barely six feet tall and fat as fuck, with tattoos up and down his arms. Did that make him fucking bad? Please. I hoped he'd try. It'd be fun breaking every bone in his arm.

I made my way over toward the bar. Mmmm I'd like me a piece of that. That would have been flattering had it not been coming from another fat guy who was imagining me bent over his bike. Not fucking likely, buddy. But dare to dream big. The barkeep sneered at me but asked what I'd like, all the while imagining me ordering some pink fruity drink. I ordered a beer and threw a ten down on the table.

That seemed to mollify him somewhat and I perched on the edge of the bar and surveyed the crowd. All eyes were on me, but that was nothing new. A couple of very unattractive girls were watching me, leaning forward, trying to show off their manmade breasts. They had nothing on my Bella. She was all real, soft and lovely. They could never aspire to be a tenth as appealing as she was.

Fuck, I needed to eat and get the hell back to her. I missed her already and it had only been a few hours since I'd seen her last. I felt itchy and weird not having her at my side. I pushed off the bar and went to a table in the corner, where I could see everyone. There were a few potential candidates here, I could feel it. Some thoughts had a darker edge, although they'd yet to think anything that called for death. It was only a matter of time.

I was so busy scanning minds that I didn't even notice her until she sat down in the chair next to me. Blond, blue eyed, tight white shirt that was unbuttoned down to the top of her breasts, some sort of tattoo that swirled over the right tit, leather jacket…I raised my eyes and looked at her expectantly, raising an eyebrow. What the fuck did she think she was doing sitting with me? I hadn't invited her over.

"Hi, handsome," she purred, reaching toward my left hand that was lying on the table. I yanked my arm away before she can touch me and she frowned but didn't leave. Damn it, what the fuck was wrong with people? I decided to just ignore her.

"What brings you here tonight? Looking for some action?"

I flicked my eyes to her. If she only knew. "Maybe."

She licked her lips and I barely resisted rolling my eyes. "I'm sure I could show you a good time." That was so very fucking doubtful.

I made a noncommittal noise and continued to scan the bar. There was a guy over in the corner that caught my interest and another guy at the bar. His eyes were shifty and he definitely had a weapon on him. I just wasn't sure what his deal was yet but I didn't need this slut distracting me with her ill-fated attempts to hit on me. It was not fucking happening.

"What's your name?" Seriously, bitch, would you get the fuck away from me? Maybe if I didn't answer her she'd get the fucking hint. I heard her next to me, furiously trying to think of ways to get my attention, from grabbing my fucking cock to making the button mysteriously pop off her shirt. As if I would ever let her hands near Edward Junior. He belonged to Bella, just like I did. He agreed with me completely, not showing any remote interest in being touched by the woman who was encroaching on my space.

"Want to get out of here?" Jesus fucking Christ woman, go away.

"No." I finally turned to look at her again. The mascara was caked on her lashes and her eyeliner made her look like a raccoon. She might have been pretty, once, but she would never have been my type, even before Bella came along. "I'm married." Fuck, where had that come from? Well, it served a purpose; it didn't mean I wanted to be married. That was just ridiculous, no matter what fucktard said.

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her," she purred again, licking her lips and leaning toward me. White hot rage shot through me at the thought of her being so willing to disrespect Bella, whether she was my wife or not.

"I don't cheat," I growled, glaring at her. My eyes were gray today and maybe she saw something in them, or finally heard the disinterest in my voice, because she blinked and scooted her chair back quickly.

"Sorry." Lucky girl. Well she finally had something right. She got up and walked back over to the other side of the bar, rejoining her equally slutty friends, telling them that I was married and apparently not willing to play. Good, maybe they'd all leave me the fuck alone.

The guy at the end of the bar, who had been thinking about robbing someone, had his eyes on the same chick that had just left me. Ah ha…he was the one. He wanted to follow her out and pull his knife on her. Had that been his only thought, I would have let him live, but he thought that using it to carve her up would be fun. She may have been annoying and disrespectful of my Bella, but she didn't know her and she didn't deserve to die.

Well, I could certainly use this to my advantage. I walked over to the girl's table and gave her my best smile. Holy shit, he came back. I knew he couldn't resist me. Sure, sweetheart, whatever you need to believe. "Sorry about before, I had something on my mind. I shouldn't have been so rude. What's your name?"

Her blue eyes widened and she grinned up at me. "Shelly."

"Hi, Shelly, I'm Jason. Can we maybe start over?"

I knew it. No guy that gorgeous can be tied down by one woman. Hmmm, I wonder if he'd let me tie him down tonight. I bit my lip in an effort not to laugh and waited for her response. "Sure."

"How about we get out of here?" She was already standing before I'd even finished getting the words out. "I've gotta use the bathroom. Wait for me outside, okay?"

She nodded and grabbed her purse and walked out the door without a thought to her own safety or a goodbye for her friends. I shook my head at her idiocy and walked past my prey and over to the bartender. "Can I get another beer?"

He looked at me. "Taking it to go?"

"Nah, I was just fucking with her. She's not my type." I sounded like a real dick, but then I didn't really care.

My prey perked up at that and pushed off the barstool. "Night, Tommy."

"See ya, Jimmy." Tommy handed me my beer and I gave him a twenty this time, happy to have finally found my victim so I could get the fuck home. I walked away from the bar and out the front door, following Tommy and grabbing him before he could go around the side of the building where Shelley was waiting to show me a good time. I'd found the good time I wanted.

He barely got a peep out before I yanked him off his feet and carried him down into the parking lot, away from the bar and the lights and the traffic. I ducked between a van and a truck and pushed him up against the side of the white van. "What?" he spluttered, terror on his face as he saw me glaring at him. "What the fuck are you?"

I smiled, relieved that he wasn't going to go through all the questions I usually fucking hated, the attempts to convince himself that I was a mere mortal that couldn't end his life with just a thought. "I'm a vampire," I told him, showing my teeth and letting out a low growl. He cowered against the side of the van, his two hundred pound frame shaking in terror.

"There's no such thing," he whispered, but he didn't believe his own words. I wound his long red braid around my wrist and tilted his head to the side, giving myself perfect access to his neck. I chuckled at the tattoo he had there, a pair of lips with fucking fangs. That was sheer fucking perfection.

"You look like you believe, although the fang thing is a fucking myth." Damn you Hollywood. "Want to know why I picked you?" Yes, I needed to hurry up and get the fuck home to Bella but it had been awhile since I'd fed and I deserved a little enjoyment out of the process. She'd played with her bear for awhile before killing it, hadn't she? Fair was fair.

He tried to shake his head but I was holding his braid tightly so he couldn't move. "Well, I don't like men who think that it's fun to play with knives. Knives hurt, Jimmy. You know that?" He didn't say anything so I pulled on his braid and made him nod. "Do you like blood, Jimmy?" He made some gurgling sound and I took that as a no. "Don't lie, clearly you do. You wanted to watch Shelly bleed, didn't you?"

His terrified eyes darted to and fro but he said nothing. At least he wasn't fucking denying it. "Well, I happen to like blood, a lot. And seeing as you've been so kind as to mark the spot with your little vampire tattoo, I think I'll help myself. Would that be alright, Jimmy?"

"Please, God, no," he whispered.

I glanced around and looked up. "I find it ironic that you pray to a God that would surely send you straight to hell for what you were about to do, Jimmy. He's not going to help you. Sorry, I guess it's just not your night." And without any further ado, I sank my teeth into his neck and started to feed, the hot blood pumping into my mouth as Jimmy cried out in terror. I threw a hand over his mouth and continued to drink, swallowing mouthful after mouthful of blood as Jimmy's voice got softer and finally died off as he slumped against me.

I drank on, doing my best to enjoy it but for some fucking reason I wasn't feeling nearly as good about feeding as I usually did. Bella's face flashed into my mind. Shit…no, it couldn't be. It wouldn't be. I was not letting her ruin my eating habits. She'd changed me too fucking much already and I was good with all of that but I was not giving this up. It had just been awhile and I'd had all that animal blood and it was confusing me. Maybe it had affected my brain, like some kind of poison.

You keep right on telling yourself that, buddy. You, shut the fuck up now. I just had a momentary lapse. It still tastes good to me, way better than that shit she's drinking. Temporary insanity.

I finished with Jimmy and held him still while I grabbed the knife out of his pocket and slashed it across my bite, letting his body fall between the vehicles. Somebody would make a grisly discovery later. Not my fucking problem though. I kept the knife and ran out of the parking lot, heading to my car a couple blocks down. I needed to get home to Bella. The only reason I hadn't enjoyed my kill was because she was alone and needed me. That was it. That's why I'd seen her face while I was feeding.

I tossed the knife in the back of the car and took off, heading back to my girl. She was what I needed now, to bring me back to some normalcy. Everything just felt different in the city now, and that had to be because I didn't belong here anymore. Maybe I should try feeding in New Jersey. Surely there were some people worthy of killing there. I was just out of my element now.

You're out of something, alright, and it's your fucking mind. You know damn well that Bella would hate you killing that guy and that's why you saw her face and that's why you didn't enjoy it. I did so enjoy it; my taste is just fucked up from that stupid deer blood. My tongue is probably rebelling. Your tongue is just as much of an idiot as you are.

My tongue is not an idiot, it is sheer genius. You can ask Bella if you don't believe me. Oh sure, turn everything into a sex joke. When are you going to admit that you can't kill people anymore because you know it bothers her? We both know she owns you, so you should just end this battle and give in. She gave in and had sex with you, now you give in and give her what she wants.

I am going to give her what she wants. I'm telling her I love her when I get home. She's my family and she needs to know that. Isn't that enough fucking admissions for one day? I suppose, but she'll like it a lot better if you tell her you love her and you're also not going to kill people anymore. Oh don't you start adding shit the list you asshole, you told me she'd be blown away by my declaration of love; you can't say I have to say that and other shit. It's not fair. This is hard enough for me and I have no intention to stop killing. What if it's the difference in making her love you back?

What if it was? What if she would only love me if I became some alternate, neutered version of myself? Could I fucking live with that? Did I want to live with that? Having Bella love me would be a priceless gift but if it came at a cost, then it wasn't really priceless was it?

I pondered that the whole way home and I didn't really have a fucking answer. Loving her, for now, was going to have to be enough. If she didn't love me back, because of who I was, then I guess it was her loss. I'd been good to her, really fucking good, and she had to see that. I didn't like everything about her, but I loved her. Surely she could love me despite what she saw as my flaws, not that I truly had any.

I turned onto the dirt road leading to our house and I felt lighter immediately, knowing I was going to see her soon and tell her I loved her. I pulled up the drive, a smile on my face, and got out of the car, leaving all the shit I'd brought with me inside. We'd get to that, after I told her just what she meant to me. I started to walk toward the house when something hit me, some smell that didn't belong. Grass, mulch, dirt, leaves, that fucking cow, wood, Bella…all that was there but there was something else. What the fuck was it?

Cocking my head, I heard Bella inside the house, talking away. What the fuck? Who the hell was she talking to? I had my phone with me...maybe she had the TV on. Surely one of the neighbors wasn't over; I doubted Bella was having a friendly conversation with a human over tea. I walked into the house and the scent was stronger. It was sweet but spicy, like sugar mixed with cloves or some fucking thing.

I followed my nose, and Bella's voice, into the living room and stopped dead. She was sitting on the couch, smiling, talking and gesturing to some man who was sitting in the green armchair across from her. He had black hair, pale skin and red eyes. Vampire. What the fuck?

A/N Dun dun dun! Who ever might that be? Guesses? Thoughts? Has Smugs been loveblocked again?

A quick hello to all the new readers who came over in the past couple of weeks, you guys blow me away and I'm thrilled you're along for the ride. Next update, we'll meet the stranger and see how Smugs reacts to another male vampire in Bella's vicinity. Methinks there might be a tad bit of Possessiveward about to show up, but we all love him, don't we?