A/N: Yay! I'm back in business! Sorry about the whole mom situation. Life just sucks sometimes. Anyway…
Disclaimer: If I owned this, I wouldn't have written 'Disclaimer'.
Shigure was getting antsy as the silence at the dinner table continued to drone on. Normally he could count on Tohru to find some way to start a conversation but her first words when Shigure and Yuki had gotten home were, "Is Kyo alright?"
Yuki's face turned red and for the first time ever, Yuki yelled at Tohru.
"Who the hell cares about that damn cat? He goes and gets himself sick and suddenly you can't stop talking abut him? It's his own damn fault. He did this to himself, you know. The stupid cat doesn't deserve your sympathy. Save it for someone who matters." Near the end, Yuki had calmed down a little bit and was speaking in a softer, yet still tense, voice. He glared at Tohru who was frantically apologizing but Shigure cut Tohru off.
"Don't mind him, Tohru," Shigure comforted her. "Yuki just had a stressful day and when there is no one else to take it out on…" He let the sentence trail off, not wanting to bring up Kyo too much. Shigure was actually dying to make a comment about how Yuki was just having troubles because he cared so much about Kyo but teasing wasn't a good idea at the time being.
So now they all sat around the dinner table in an awkward silence. No one seemed to have an appetite and Shigure was surprised that Yuki still hadn't apologized for his earlier outburst. 'He must actually care about Kyo!' Shigure thought. So his suspicions were indeed confirmed! Or maybe it was like what he said earlier, Yuki didn't have a Kyo punching bag to relieve all the days tension. In fact, Yuki hadn't fought since that very first day they found out Kyo was sick. Still, Shigure liked to think that it was because Yuki was in love. It made a much better story.
Yuki knew the silence at the table was his fault. He also knew that he definitely needed to apologize to Tohru but he couldn't bring himself to say the words. Actually, he couldn't choke out any words around the lump that had formed in his throat. It was just a mistake. That's what he had told the nurse when she found Yuki and Kyo kissing and now those words echoed around his head. Because even though to Yuki it hadn't been a mistake, it probably was one for Kyo. The stupid medications made him loopy and so the whole kiss was just a mistake. The thought made Yuki want to cry. The kiss had been nice even though Yuki hadn't kissed back that time. In fact, the kiss was the nicest he had ever had and Yuki couldn't figure out why. It wasn't the first time he had kissed Kyo. In fact, the other time had definitely been sweeter and involved a less wacky Kyo. Why was this one so special then?
Then he finally figured it out. Kyo had been the one to initiate it. Kyo had chosen to kiss Yuki even though Kyo obviously hadn't been in his right mind. Still, Kyo had chosen to kiss Yuki instead of the rat taking advantage of Kyo when he was asleep. It was nice to be able to think that Kyo had feelings for him other than hatred. It was such a pleasant thought that a smile hinted on his lips at the gloomy table. Immediately, Yuki resorted to a scowl instead.
'Even when I'm in the foulest of moods, the thought of Kyo makes me smile. What in the world has he done to me?'
Yuki excused himself from the table before he could catch himself smiling again and went to his room. He felt so conflicted. Kyo hated Yuki yet the cat kissed him. Kyo just had to get himself so sick that he needed to be taken to the hospital. But then there had been the days when Kyo was home like the day that Yuki kissed a sleeping Kyo. Before that had happened though, Yuki had been sweet to Kyo and the cat had definitely responded positively to the attention. And when Yuki and dragged him into the forest, Kyo hadn't gotten mad at Yuki then either. Perhaps Kyo was just avoiding a fight because he knew he wasn't in the condition for one. Yet, Yuki had this nagging feeling it was more. Probably because he wanted it to mean more.
A hesitant knock at the door announced Tohru's presence. Yuki gestured for her to come in so she sat beside Yuki on the bed.
"Are you okay?" Tohru's eyes watered with the beginning of tears.
"Yeah, I guess," Yuki shrugged, not really in the mood to talk. He forced himself to continue anyway because he owed it to her. "I just-I'm confused and it's frustrating. I didn't mean to explode earlier, you didn't do anything wrong. I've just been on edge lately."
"Is this similar to the other night, then?" Tohru timidly made a reference to their kiss. Yuki remembered that moment to clearly.
"Tohru," Yuki whispered. Tohru froze by the door. Yuki hadn't called her Miss Honda. Yuki gracefully stood and glided over and placed his hand under her chin.
"Thank you," his breath stirred the stray strands of hair that hung in Tohru's face. Then before he could change his mind, he leaned in and let his lips touch hers. He let their lips linger for a few more seconds before pulling away.
'Hmm, no sparks,' Yuki thought. So the kiss with Kyo had been more than the average kiss. Yuki reached up to touch his lips, curious with the notion that he liked Kyo more than Tohru. Speaking of Tohru, there she was babbling in front of him looking all panicky.
"I'm so sorry. But the thing is-I can't return-I mean I just don't feel-" Tohru was saying. "Ahh! I'm sorry! I never meant to give you the wrong idea but-" Yuki silenced her by putting a finger on her lips.
"No I'm sorry, Ms. Honda. You see, I don't really think I feel that way about you either," Yuki guiltily explained.
"Huh? But you-I mean-umm…then why did you…?"
"I've been trying to sort something out in my mind and I was testing something," Yuki clarified. "I'm sorry for using you like that."
"Oh-uh-that's okay!" Tohru chirped, still nervous and unsure of how to proceed. "You can use me any time you want!"
"No. I can't. I shouldn't have to begin with," Yuki laughed slightly.
"So, what were you confused about? Oh, that was rude of me to ask. You probably would have told me if you wanted me to know. I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me!"
"How do you know when you're in love?" Yuki blurted out unexpectedly, even to himself.
"Huh?" Tohru froze for a moment. "Umm, I guess it's when that person's happiness means more to you than your own and you stop living for yourself and start living for them. When someone else is what it seems is your purpose on this earth, I guess that's when you know that you truly care for them." Tohru remained solemn for a moment.
"I should probably go inside and make sure everything's alright. I hope that helps. Anytime you want to talk, I'm here for you, okay?" Yuki merely nodded to show that he heard and watched her trail off inside.
Now, in present day, Yuki knew that it was time to tell Tohru the troubles that were racing through his mind. But there was so much and he wasn't sure he was ready to confess. Maybe if he just told her bits and pieces, she wouldn't figure the whole thing out. He just had to be careful with the words he used.
"He kissed me," Yuki suddenly burst. He felt like an idiot after all the time he had sat in silence to avoid telling Tohru his main internal conflict. Yuki saw a confused look grace Tohru's face and waited for her to ask who he was talking about. Instead, Tohru remained quiet, allowing Yuki to explain at his own time.
"Kyo," Yuki admitted shamefully, "was on a lot of pain killers and…." Yuki's speech was broken up but Tohru dutifully waited patiently to hear the whole story. "… and was a bit out of it." Yuki smirked as he recollected Kyo's obscure behavior. "And at the end of the visit…he kissed me…and I didn't know what to do so…I just let him…and he's probably going to hate me…for it. I'm just so…confused because for the first time…I realize that…I think I might not actually hate him."
Tohru was definitely surprised by this discovery and Yuki waited to hear a sound of repulsion at the fact that he might like another boy. A gently hand rested on Yuki's shoulder and he realized he was being stupid for Tohru would never judge someone so harshly.
"But if he kissed you, even if he was a little insane at the moment, it means that he probably doesn't hate you either. I mean, deep down he must have other feelings besides hatred if it led him to kiss you, right?"
"Maybe," Yuki sighed doubtfully. "Either way, I just don't see how, after all these years, my feelings for him could have changed. I don't even know what I feel anymore."
"It must be hard," Tohru agreed. "If you've been acting one way to someone for so long, it must be hard to accept that things are suddenly different. But somewhere during that period of time, you must have stopped hating Kyo but you still acted like it because it was easier than allowing change. It will probably take some time to sort out your feelings and it might me difficult but I'm here whenever you need someone to talk to."
Yuki smiled at Tohru and announced that he was tired and would be going to bed for the night. He agreed to talk to her if he ever needed someone so Tohru made her way to the door.
Shigure heard the footsteps that announced that Tohru was exiting and he quickly pulled back and ran off to his room. He had only heard the last half of their conversation but now he knew how the rat felt about Kyo! He just needed to discover Kyo's true feelings and get them to admit it to each other. Shigure smirked. His role as matchmaker had finally gotten fun again.
A/N: I feel so happy now that I'm finally back to writing this. Please review if I have any readers faithful enough despite the long wait. I should be updating more frequently now…hopefully…nothing else can go wrong, right?…well, I make no promises.